My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

It doesn't seem wildly unreasonable to me for a mother to want a tiny token that she's special, not just another person in her child's life. Of course she knows it but she wants this little gesture. It's such an easy thing for you to do. Why not do something that makes your mum happy?

I have to say though that I personally find totally blank inside cards extremely impersonal.

I find this extremely weird! To me, it's more personal - because they weren't confining themselves to ones that had to say Happy Birthday inside, and they chose one that actually might fit my tastes regardless of whether it had a pre-printed Happy Birthday or they had to go to the actual bother of writing it themselves.

As pps have said, sometimes the best card has the wrong sentiment/relationship printed on. How sad that you'd have to choose the next-best or inappropriate one because of this - reducing the recipient to a lower tier!

I have to say though that I personally find totally blank inside cards extremely impersonal.

They are only blank until you write your own actually personal message in them. What's so personal about a printed message that's exactly the same on thousands of identical cards in shops around the country?

@Fatredwitch

It doesn't seem wildly unreasonable to me for a mother to want a tiny token that she's special, not just another person in her child's life. Of course she knows it but she wants this little gesture. It's such an easy thing for you to do. Why not do something that makes your mum happy?

I think if the only token that your mum is special in your life, and not just "another person" is getting a gaudy card made by a large corporation - who have never met your mum and don't give a shit about her - then there's bigger problems in the family dynamics.

What's written inside the card, by the sender, is what matters. Even if it's only "lots of love".

You are so weird sending cards out in November!

I think it's important to give close friends and family cards that show I've given it some thought. I might use box sets and frequently choose charity packs, but I would send one that suits the person. Sometimes I see a brilliant one that I buy singly, but not usually - I save that for birthdays. We always enjoy giving fun, personal cards in our family. (Or not even fun - MIL likes birds and flowers and poems so I choose those for her).

I don't think it's about money. You can get great charity ones for about 20p each, the stamp is far more.

It's about being thoughtful. When I get less personal cards from less close friends and relatives, that's OK. If I got them from my immediate family I'd be surprised, but I certainly wouldn't phone and get huffy, it's not that big a deal. (But November......., , )

*You really need to ask!

Yes of course it’s offensive to send your mum a card from a multipack*

I am amazed that there are people who find that offensive, to be honest.

I can understand that some people may find it inconsiderate or disappointing ('offensive' is an extreme reaction over something like this) for a close relative to send a bought Christmas card AT ALL, rather than a personal letter or a home-made card. But once you accept them sending a card at all, it seems weird to me to fuss over the exact nature and quality of the card.

ArcheryAnnie If a card was the only token of affection, it would indeed be sad, but why should it be the only one? It's just a teeny weeny nice thing to do for your mum.

Doesn't have to be from a big corporation either. This Xmas, I bought my cards online from a very talented artist and I am happy to support her small business. I drew my husband's birthday card because we were shielding (and, for some reason, it hadn't occurred to me to buy one online.) I can't draw and it looked like the work of a five year old, but he was very touched by it.

The point is that a special card is just a little way of showing you have thought of them and made a bit of an effort, even if you have only walked into a shop and bought a card. It's not earth-shattering. It's tiny. It's just a little gesture of affection. But if it makes someone happy, why not do it?

I don't bother sending cards to people I see regularly - seems pointless. Plus, I actually hate anything Christmassy before about mid- Dec, again pointless! That said, it is nice to send sometimes more personal cards from say grandchildren to grandparents as a sentimental gesture. My mum wouldn't be bothered if she got a multi pack one though (but I never send her one from me as I see her all the time).

Gosh, I don't even usually buy cards any more. She's being ridiculous. It's the words inside that count.

Has she also not noticed that it's quite difficult to just pop into Clinton's with all the shops closed?

With all the genuine things there are to worry about at the moment, this is among the most ridiculous I’ve heard. Your Mum is being totally unreasonable. Don’t waste one second pandering to her.

This just popped up on my FB feed. The lazy fucker basically just copied and pasted the OP and others posts.

Usually cards are just a formality. Sometimes it's best to get a special one if the recipient is an important person. My bf gave me an absolutely stunning card with lovely words, and it certainly got him lots of brownie points.

All cards end up in the bin, not even recycled so whatever, she's not very nice about it. How lame is her reaction!
Many multi pack cards support a charity or few as well.
Never mind, move on.
I personally would send her even worse card next year. Maybe keep the cards you receive this year, then next year cut the written half out and write new message on the other side of the from page. If she doesn't like that, tell her you care about the environment more than her shallow opinion...

It's tiny. It's just a little gesture of affection. But if it makes someone happy, why not do it?

Because it's pandering to batshit behaviour, that's why., Fatredwitch.

Sending any card is a "tiny gesture of affection". Making a fuss about the exact kind of card is just ludicrous fuckery, and shouldn't be encouraged or pandered to.

If you had previously always sent a ‘special’ card then I can sort of understand why she might be disappointed but as you’ve said you don’t normally send them, I don’t see the issue at all.

Agree she is being unnecessarily huffy about the card but maybe there's something else going on? Maybe she is feeling a bit lonely or unloved.

My mum does this. Flies off the handle about something minor when she's actually pissed off about something else. I tell her to tell me exactly what the real problem is or stop moaning about the minor pretend issue.

It's your mum's problem, not yours. If she's prone to overreacting over things like this and giving you the silent treatment, let her get on with it. You mentioned she doesn't usually answer her phone but did on this occasion to let you know she was unhappy with your card. We're in the middle of a pandemic and shopping isn't exactly easy atm. I think she's got her priorities wrong.

I send my parents a multi pack card and they send me a multi pack one. I honestly don't know what the problem with that is.

ArcheryAnnie I think that you are being rather harsh. The OP said that her mum sounded disappointed. She didn't have a screaming row about it.

My elder daughter used to send me very nice cards but doesn't send cards to anyone now that she has emigrated. I miss them a bit - they were just nice to have. I've never mentioned it to her, because it's not important. My younger daughter sends me lovely cards, with loving messages from her and her family. If she stopped, it wouldn't be earth-shattering but I would miss them.

On Gransnet, there's a thread about cards and people are saying how much they like them. One person said that cards meant more to her than presents. Perhaps they mean more to us as we get older. Anyway, I don't think that a little kindness goes amiss.

@HelloDulling

What sort of card would she deem appropriate? A special, To a Dear Mother Mother at Christmas one? To get one of those, you would need to go to a shop especially, which is hardly practical at the moment.

She is being very silly.

This. She sounds immature and self-centered.

I can sort of understand your mum being disappointed because those cards tend to be a bit second rate, but I do think it is weird your mum phoned to say how.disappointed she was.

She might have been having a bad day. I hope it is that becAuse otherwise she sounds like hard work

Yes exactly! I think it’s the thought that counts! I hate paying for individual cards, I think they are a rip off. I’d rather give the person the ££! Some people just look for reasons to be p*ssed off. Attention seeking. Just be thankful you got a card you old hag 😆

Blimey.

Our family always does multipacks. As ArcheryAnnie said it’s what’s written inside that matters. We put the most thought & energy into our presents.