My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

I absolutely hate the cards with the long puke inducing verses inside and would never buy one.

I buy nice multipack cards and choose appropriate ones for each person. Mulitpacks can be good quality too

I am actually sitting here wondering if the people who are so wounded about not getting the perfect card are feeling distressed about not being able to competitively post it on Facebook 😂🙈

It just says "I couldn't be bothered to get you a nice mum one so I just give you this"

There really seems to be a very solid trend from the people who view these specific, named cards as standard to be completely unable to understand that they are just one type of card and many people never buy or receive them. The only person I've ever known send this type of card was my elderly grandad, but everyone else I know wouldn't like the designs. Yes they have familial roles written on them, but they are also almost always pastel coloured with teddy bears or flowers on them. There is more than one way to thoughtfully buy a card, everyone I know just buys cards they think the other person would like the design of. So something that's in keeping with their taste in design, or features something they are into, generally.

It's also my experience that birthday cards are far more personalised than Christmas cards. On birthday's people tend to buy something that fits the recipient, whereas Christmas it's just a festive scene to go with all the other festive scenes on the mantelpiece. To me, it would be odd to get one that says "Mum" on it, because that's got nothing to do with Christmas. Where's the tree or three wise men fgs!

Also, many lone cards do not have a title on the front and have a bland message on the inside! That’s definitely not a consistent marker of whether they are from a multipack or not...

With the named cards it always drives me mad because the nicest ones are never right so the best brother and partner card I saw the other day was for a same sex couple which didn’t suit my needs. The best sister card was for “you’re like a sister to me” when I needed just sister and so on, always the same. Before I was married husband cards always seemed nicer, now I’ve got a husband the boyfriends look better, ain’t that always the way😂

And actually (and this is a curve ball I know) my family generally make birthday cards. So if anything, to me your big card with "mum" written on it and a poem inside is insultingly impersonal! Why didn't you write that poem yourself? 🤣

Cards with Mum on the front? Like 'Merry Christmas to a wonderful Mum'? Sold by a shop, not home-made? Tacky as all fuck!

Ah well, each to their own.

Sending Christmas cards in mid-November though? Nothing says 'getting a tedious task off my to-do list' quite like that does.

How the fuck did a discussion about cards get to 26 pages? JFC people get a grip! It never ceases to amaze me the inconsequential stuff Mumsnet will get it's knickers in a twist over.

@dementedpixie that exactly the sort I get for my mum, she loves them. I prefer a nice bit of art myself.

@user1471523870

I hope this thread will go into the Classic ones! As a foreign person been living in the UK for 15+ years I just realized I was clueless about this whole Christmas card-gate.

I really thought I mastered the cultural aspect of exchanging cards for Christmas (something that doesn't exist in my native country), but how wrong I was! How many friends have I offended during the years?
I will avoid multipacks from now on, just in case....
Or is it allowed for the postman and my neighbors?

This year I’m going to give cards to my neighbours, because we’ve only just moved into our home recently, and it’s a nice neighbourly gesture. I haven’t done that for quite a few years, since I last lived in a house, because I’ve lived in flats where people kept themselves to themselves.

So now I guess that in order to do it properly I’ll have to turn myself inside out determining exactly the right level of card to give to people I don’t know, so that they don’t somehow take away from the cards I’m going to send to people I’m actually close to. 😫😫

I Skyped my mum this morning, and while we were talking, I asked her if I’d upset her by only ever sending her multipack Christmas cards.

She looked at me as if I’d gone mad. Asked me if I was feeling alright, asked why on Earth would I think that would have upset her, and told me that she only ever buys multipack cards herself.

So there we are. I have my mum’s blessing to continue sending multipack cards as normal.

I am genuinely shocked this is an issue.

@MrsMigginsMate I think it’s just a relatable topic for a lot of people especially this time of year and as you say it’s pretty inconsequential so unlikely to cause too much angst!

@aSofaNearYou

And actually (and this is a curve ball I know) my family generally make birthday cards. So if anything, to me your big card with "mum" written on it and a poem inside is insultingly impersonal! Why didn't you write that poem yourself? 🤣

I make (very naice as I’m actually very creative and artistic, if I do say so myself) Christmas cards sometimes. 🙂 My family and friends also sometimes make their cards - some very naice, others not quite as professional looking - and each of those is valued just as much, if not more, than a fancy/perfect card for the time and effort that’s gone into them.

@MrsMigginsMate because it's a chat forum. People are chatting.

@HollyandIvyandallthingsYule

Interesting.

Many of my cards don’t have a message inside at all! Especially birthday cards. Christmas cards, I guess they usually have something. But not always.

I couldn’t, and won’t ever, buy anything with long, flowery poems or OTT ‘heartfelt’ messages printed in them. I’d cringe to send it and people would definitely think it odd to receive it.

I don’t even buy overly romantic or mushy cards for amazing husband who I adore and love intensely, and if I ever did he’d think I’d gone mad, because he hates them. The message I write inside will usually be very romantic and mushy, but I will have written it specifically for him, to accurately reflect my feelings.

Funny how different perceptions are from person to person! 🙂

I choose printed words carefully and on an individual basis that accurately reflect my feelings for that person in a way that I wouldn’t be able to find the right words to say myself.

You’ve written reams and reams on this thread discussing your personal feelings about cards, justifying your own thoughts and purchases etc etc. Maybe you are just more confident at expressing yourself and writing lots on each card and other people find it more helpful to read through the words of quite a few different cards and go “yes, that totally sums up dear sis and what I want to convey to her this year better than I could have myself.”

I have to say though that I personally find totally blank inside cards extremely impersonal. I’d only send them in sympathy for a bereavement or serious illness where most cards would have inappropriate printed wording inside. Or I’d send them as a notelet when writing a “just because” or thank you letter. Those are the only reasons I’ve ever received those sorts of blank inside cards too.

But over all; different strokes for different folks and no need to overthink or overanalyse something. We should all just be secure in our own choices and not feel the need to over justify or attack anyone else’s choices and preferences.

Not rtft but I only ever send multipack Christmas cards. Usually those my daughter has made at school and I’ve bought a multipack to support the PTA. Before I had kids, I always bought multipack of cards. I didn’t know that not sending cards from a multipack was a thing.
I also send multipack Thank You cards too.
And birthday cards tend to be the 59p/29p Card Factory.
I’m clearly a heathen.

I always send multipack cards to family and friends alike. Don't worry about it, it's her problem not yours, just let it lie.

I tend to write reams and reams (unfortunately I have the kind of brain that never stops!), apologies for that - I’m often embarrassed by my apparent inability to be succinct.

I did mention earlier in the thread that I thought it could be that some people find the poems/verses a good way to express how they feel if they’re not adept at putting it into words. That does makes perfect sense!

I’m definitely not dissing the family mores and customs of others, just trying to understand what people actually mean.

Again, peace and goodwill to all! 😊 And homemade Lucia buns if anyone wants one!

This year I’m going to give cards to my neighbours, because we’ve only just moved into our home recently, and it’s a nice neighbourly gesture. I haven’t done that for quite a few years, since I last lived in a house, because I’ve lived in flats where people kept themselves to themselves.

So now I guess that in order to do it properly I’ll have to turn myself inside out determining exactly the right level of card to give to people I don’t know, so that they don’t somehow take away from the cards I’m going to send to people I’m actually close to. 😫😫

Seriously, stop overthinking it! Multipacks are fine for neighbours, colleagues, vast majority of friends. It’s some immediate families that prefer named cards and sometimes a best friend (but even then a nice carefully chosen multipack one is often fine for close friends). And you’ve already said repeatedly that your family prefer the cards you choose so it’s no biggie. Different families have different ways of doing things.

It was supposed to be tongue in cheek! 😁

I’m just participating in this thread because it’s genuinely interesting to me! No really serious fucks will be given over the pitfalls of card-giving.🙂

Why did you send your mum a card in the middle of November? Bit odd ....

@HollyandIvyandallthingsYule - I'm same. This thread has interested me purely because of how different we all are. I like it when posters come back and repost as it becomes a discussion, rather than people just posting once and then leaving the thread.
I find that if I engage in a thread, I can end up changing or at least challenging my own views, much like in a healthy real life discussion.
It's fascinating reading all the different points of view, though I admit to rolling my eyes occasionally, as no doubt people do with my posts from time to time

Everyone - parents, in-laws, siblings, friends etc - is getting cards that were made by my kids at school. If they don't like it they can do one.

Joy and peace to the world

@Owlsonmyroof

With the named cards it always drives me mad because the nicest ones are never right so the best brother and partner card I saw the other day was for a same sex couple which didn’t suit my needs. The best sister card was for “you’re like a sister to me” when I needed just sister and so on, always the same. Before I was married husband cards always seemed nicer, now I’ve got a husband the boyfriends look better, ain’t that always the way😂

Yep for valentines day all the cards that where fun or quirky where either 'for my wife' (hes a man and we werent married then but ones with cute animals where all for women) or for gay couples (seriously seen some awesomely funny innuendo cards but they where all same sex, if Im dating someone of the opposit sex do I no longer have a sense of humour?).

If they werent specifically 'to my wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/fiancee' or didnt have hype specific writing inside etc... then I could have easily bought a cool card but the stupid relationship titles makes it hard work.