My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

I think we’ve discovered a bigger Mumsnet division than the toilet brush controversy. “Named cards demonstrate love and are much nicer than cheapo multipack cards” versus “Named cards are tacky and the verses inside are cringe-inducing.” (oh and the minority faction “we shouldn’t send cards anyway as it’s bad for the environment.”)
Multipack cards can be lovely, they aren’t all 50 in a £2 selection box.
I think the prize goes to the poster who asked the OP whether she at least wrote a verse inside the Christmas card she sent!

You really need to ask!

Yes of course it’s offensive to send your mum a card from a multipack

@scubadive

You really need to ask!

Yes of course it’s offensive to send your mum a card from a multipack

I disagree

And it’s early November ffs.

I would’nt want my xmas card now from my children it’s not even the xmas season until December. You’ve nothing to look forward to.

Would you want your birthday card 6 weeks before your birthday, it’s meaningless.

@scubadive I find the fact you think that arbitrary rule goes without saying (when both are literally just squares of paper sent out with a small message inside, one just has duplicates) very bizarre.

Morning everyone!🎄🎄😉

I came upon a rather important nuance to my take on this when I couldn’t sleep last night...it occurred to me that of course I only send cards to immediate family - parents, siblings, and then also a handful of very close friends of many years’ standing. No living grandparents, sadly. So while most of my cards do come from multipacks, the cards themselves are all beautifully made, of good quality, and picked with a great deal of thought. The friends that I send to are like family; every person who gets a card from me is just as important to me as every other person. So each card is special, because each of the recipients is special - the cards do reflect that. There aren’t levels of good/better/best cards because there isn’t a hierarchy of importance - each person is valued just as much as everyone else.

My grandmother used to send birthday cards because I and my girls lived abroad (to her), but they were never ‘special’ birthday cards because birthday cards just aren’t a thing in Denmark like they are here. They were usually a floral card from a charity pack, or sometimes an artwork image from a local gallery, or something touristy portraying the local landscape, from the local bookshop. That really didn’t make them any less special to me or to my girls.

I always make sure to buy beautiful cards for my daughters for their birthdays, and a lovely one for my mum on her birthday too; I do spend a great deal of time finding just the right one (unless I’m lucky and happen upon a great one quite early on in my search). But they don’t specifically say ‘to the very best daughter in the world’ in printed words. Nor do the cards to my mum have elaborate and OTT messages of affection. I’ll reflect my feelings in my personal, written message.

My daughter’s favourite birthday card when she was coming out of her turbulent teenage years was one my DH and I happened to come upon one day months before her birthday, but because it was perfect we got it and stashed it away for her. It wasn’t an official birthday card at all, but it was an image that was just right for her at the time, with a nod to an affectionate family in-joke. Stroke of luck, really, that we found it.

Anyway, that’s all I’m going to say on this, I think.

Peace and goodwill to all (we might as well start practicing now since the season is almost upon us 😉)!

I would be really offended if my daughter sent me a card from a multipack, it just says “I couldn’t be bothered getting you a nice mum one so I just gave you this” I would never do that to my mum. Maybe it’s just a card to some people but it’s nice to know effort was made when picking it for certain family members.

I too would be disappointed. A multipack card, sent second class, along with everyone else on your list, in mid-November... It's not exactly special or thoughtful, is it?!

People keep saying that and I just want to ask, what exactly do you mean. Do you mean that it has to say ‘mum’ on it, or do you mean it has to be a really nice, carefully chosen card? For birthdays you’d obviously choose a lone card because you tend to buy as and when for each person (or I do, anyway). But a Christmas card...how would you know that it’s from a multipack? Again, is it the ‘mum’ on it that you’d be looking for, or is it the quality of the card and the care taken in choosing it?

At least a nicer, better card, and not sent out along with the whole of my mailing list in mid-Nov!

@Starfish5

Maybe she’d appreciate one of those annoying email cards ...

OOOOOOOH! Glad you're not on my list. I'm disabled, and card-buying is a real issue for me. Those "annoying email cards" are my go-to solution when I can't, as usual, do a store trip. Thankfully, I have friends and relatives who appreciate them.

Now you have first hand experience of what men struggle with, understanding women!!!!

Ah I learned this lesson about 10 years ago with parents in law. My family just send box ones if any and none of us care for cards particularly. It was said to my husband that it should have Mum/Dad on it, I got the hump for awhile as thought they were really ungrateful but didn't let on as not worth the agro. Now we just send them a card with Mum/Dad but a cheap one. Everyone is happy, they get their particular card and I'm not spending £5 on a piece of paper that'll be put in next weeks recycling. Madness

@Hillary4

Now you have first hand experience of what men struggle with, understanding women!!!!

@kizzywayfarer I agree.
Fascinating too that people actually get offended at not getting a 'bespoke' card. It's one thing debating about whether or not a multpack card would do for a family member, but completely astonishing that people would actually complain about it.
I can only imagine that the mothers who get worked up about not getting a 'good enough' card probably already don't have a great relationship with their offspring, and it's not hard to work out why!

I would never ever send a multipack card to my important people especially my mother. I've never asked my family to do it but my children always choose lovely cards with lovely words. I'm not close to my father but still get a Dad card. Your mum must be so hurt is all I can say.

Ah ok I think maybe I understand suddenly! Those of you saying you’d be upset or offended, I suppose you might be referring specifically to the scenario set out in the OP (Sorry OP I know you meant it as a lovely gesture but maybe it was just a little bit misguided), where it might feel like it’s part of a wider tick box exercise and not really specific to you?

If that’s what you’re referring to then that does at least make some sense.

But the Christmas cards I buy are generally fairly expensive, or if I happen to come upon a bargain that’s of excellent quality I’ll happily get those too. But they’d look just as expensive and naice/fancy/good quality. The recipient would not look at their card and think, urgh, this is a cheap & nasty card, ever, because I don’t send cheap and nasty cards to anyone!

If it’s just the presence or absence of ‘mum’ or ‘daughter’ or whatever the case may be that is the determining factor in the perceived value of a card and/or the strength of affection then I’m afraid I really can’t relate to that at all.

I do genuinely find it all a little bit baffling, being that I’m not from the U.K. I’ve lived here a long time now and do enjoy sending cards since my family are all so far away. But culturally I don’t relate at all to the way so many people here seem to view the whole thing.

However I can quite confidently say that no one would ever feel as if I’ve not given great thought to their Christmas card. Because I do. The fact that it sometimes happens to come from a range of (very naice) multipacks or a (very naice) charity pack doesn’t change the fact that it’s a beautiful card carefully chosen to suit the recipient, with a personal message inside from me, which I’ve taken time and effort to pick and write.

@HollyandIvyandallthingsYule

People keep saying that and I just want to ask, what exactly do you mean. Do you mean that it has to say ‘mum’ on it, or do you mean it has to be a really nice, carefully chosen card? For birthdays you’d obviously choose a lone card because you tend to buy as and when for each person (or I do, anyway). But a Christmas card...how would you know that it’s from a multipack? Again, is it the ‘mum’ on it that you’d be looking for, or is it the quality of the card and the care taken in choosing it?

Yes, it should say “mum” on the outside. It can be carefully thought out and chosen AND say mum!

It’s really obvious when a card is from
a multipack. No title on the front. Bland words inside.

For my Mum and Dad I go to the card factory and get a large schmaltzy one because my mum loves that stuff my Dad isn’t fussed. Costs me £2 and keeps my mum happy, job done 😁

I have to say though that often the multipack cards are nicer. I’m not fussed if I get a multipack card if it’s a nice picture I’ll be happy and of course these days your lucky to get any card!

I would never send a multpack card to my important people

I suppose that's where we differ (thank goodness we're not all the same I guess - MN is certainly an eye opener sometimes 😂)

I only send cards to my most important people - I probably send a dozen at most. I choose my 'multipack' with care, and all my most important people get an equally nice card.

Interesting.

Many of my cards don’t have a message inside at all! Especially birthday cards. Christmas cards, I guess they usually have something. But not always.

I couldn’t, and won’t ever, buy anything with long, flowery poems or OTT ‘heartfelt’ messages printed in them. I’d cringe to send it and people would definitely think it odd to receive it.

I don’t even buy overly romantic or mushy cards for amazing husband who I adore and love intensely, and if I ever did he’d think I’d gone mad, because he hates them. The message I write inside will usually be very romantic and mushy, but I will have written it specifically for him, to accurately reflect my feelings.

Funny how different perceptions are from person to person! 🙂

@Mamanyt I have a friend who always sends email cards and they are lovely and I always enjoy getting them!

@Whenwillow

I would never send a multpack card to my important people

I suppose that's where we differ (thank goodness we're not all the same I guess - MN is certainly an eye opener sometimes 😂)

I only send cards to my most important people - I probably send a dozen at most. I choose my 'multipack' with care, and all my most important people get an equally nice card.

Yes, same for me.

There is no obligation or politeness aspects to my cards. Every one is sent to someone I really love and care about.

I hope this thread will go into the Classic ones!
As a foreign person been living in the UK for 15+ years I just realized I was clueless about this whole Christmas card-gate.

I really thought I mastered the cultural aspect of exchanging cards for Christmas (something that doesn't exist in my native country), but how wrong I was! How many friends have I offended during the years?
I will avoid multipacks from now on, just in case....
Or is it allowed for the postman and my neighbors?