My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

Sorry to be rude but your mum needs to grow up and stop acting like a bloody child. ffs!! 🙄

I'm another one that doesn't usually send a card to my mum because I see her on Christmas. The kids make a card each for the grandparents though.

Sorry you feel sad. I feel like that could feel like a rejection maybe not just of affection but of you. It must mean something to to your mum though you could ask her, what do you have to lose? There’s already distance and maybe there’s something to gain. Try something like, Even tho’ it wasn’t a personalised card I sent it because thought you’d love it and I love you. Did it mean something else for you to receive it? I wondered if you felt hurt or that I maybe didn’t care enough to Make the effort to get a different kind of card; is that it? because although I can see how you might think that (if you didn’t see what I saw in the card) i want you know it’s not true ok. I do care and I can understand Your response. Want to do something nice like go for a walk, or make a date for a chat on the phone or something?

Note: I remember someone bought my daughter a sweet intending to please her, it wasn’t the kind of sweet she liked and though she said thanks she didn’t eat it. Instead of being disappointed or reactive my friend says, huh, I just learned something - I gave you what I would like, not what I thought you would like, she went on to consider if it’s the same in love that we offer love in ways that would mean we felt loved and of course the other person might be made to feel loved in different ways entirely.

ultimately, communications are something different from the reality of love; love that we feel in our heart and that we often aren’t good at expressing. Hope you have a good sleep and a good day

So she would rather put an expensive card in the recycling come Jan than a cheaper one? Really makes no sense!

Plus I know the cards you mean because I have them and they are lovely!

You have gone to the trouble of writing and posting a Christmas card. I would be honoured to have received one. I spent years writing Christmas cards, seldom getting one back, in the end I gave up writing them. I try give a small thing to my nearest and dearest friends instead....but only a handful of small things like a bottle wine, tin of biscuits or Christmas lights. But honestly, you should be proud, however, perhaps next year....dont bother? They will inevitably go in the bin. Although I have been photographing mine whilst up on my door before disposing of them. Never very many but I really do love them, but we cant keep everything now can we?

You are being far more unreasonable sending out cards in November.

My mil is like this.

I find it really weird as in my family we never sent cards as they are for people you don’t see.

Today I spent £10 on cards for Nanny, Mum, a lovely couple and cousins. Absolutely bloody bonkers in my opinion and a total waste of money but I did it to keep the peace.

i do send multi pack cards to neighbours etc but members of my family or friends then i would choose special ones , thats me ,dont know about other people

@Gazelda

She sounds miserable. And it's a shame she didn't enjoy received no your card.

But I have to say, if I receive a multipack Christmas card in the middle of November, I'd think the sender was bored during lockdown and taking the time to get ahead with chores. ie something to tick off the Christmas to do list. Rather than a thoughtful, timely card sent with sentiment and festive wishes.

This...

I send them early sometimes....I really don't have lots of money so sometimes I spread the sending out of the presents and cards out a bit .. but i usually give to my mum etc . I do buy "mum" cards usually they are 29p fro card factory. However not open at the moment .

I didn't send cards last year though only to family. I was spending £18 something on posting something that I could say in a text for free , that would get thrown in the bin. I might do the same this year but I've written them all but won't send them until Xmas (if I get a job as I've been laid off).

Some people aren't that bothered about the present but want a card with "mum" on you'll find .

Ps the logical person in me wants to back out of the sending of a pointless piece of card 30 x over for 65p . That will be like just throwing my money away .
I avoid sending it where possible and pass it to people but maybe I need to just send a text instead .

Cheezus, if someone makes a fuss about what kind of card they are sent, I'd be checking for signs of early onset Alzheimer's. What a thing to obsess on.

@DionneConrad

Sorry you feel sad. I feel like that could feel like a rejection maybe not just of affection but of you. It must mean something to to your mum though you could ask her, what do you have to lose? There’s already distance and maybe there’s something to gain. Try something like, Even tho’ it wasn’t a personalised card I sent it because thought you’d love it and I love you. Did it mean something else for you to receive it? I wondered if you felt hurt or that I maybe didn’t care enough to Make the effort to get a different kind of card; is that it? because although I can see how you might think that (if you didn’t see what I saw in the card) i want you know it’s not true ok. I do care and I can understand Your response. Want to do something nice like go for a walk, or make a date for a chat on the phone or something?

Note: I remember someone bought my daughter a sweet intending to please her, it wasn’t the kind of sweet she liked and though she said thanks she didn’t eat it. Instead of being disappointed or reactive my friend says, huh, I just learned something - I gave you what I would like, not what I thought you would like, she went on to consider if it’s the same in love that we offer love in ways that would mean we felt loved and of course the other person might be made to feel loved in different ways entirely.

ultimately, communications are something different from the reality of love; love that we feel in our heart and that we often aren’t good at expressing. Hope you have a good sleep and a good day

Are you a vicar by any chance because this post started to sound a lot like Sunday Service after the first paragraph

If I sent cards, that would be the last she'd get from me. Sod her. And those giant I Really Love You Darling Parent things should be banned.

I think there is a generational thing going on here as well. For many reasons a lot of young people don't see the same significance in Christmas cards as older people and a large number don't send them any more. I think this is a pity as they cheer up a room and become part of the decorations. In our family we have always done the "special card" thing but a few days before Christmas not six weeks before. This is the bit l don't understand - why are you sending out Christmas cards in the middle of November?

My mum is exactly the same
I bought some charity cards and they were posh lovely ones - I sent her the same one two years in a row, (not on purpose)... I got a phone call with lots of petty grumpiness!!
I now begrudgingly get her a crap one from card factory for 50p to save the drama...

It's weird, as we have always considered those 'named' cards as rather tacky and something to be avoided at all costs!

My preference is the kind with cash inside 🤣

Your Mum sounds odd and ungrateful

My mum would absolutely me the cold shoulder if I hit her up with a multipack card. To her, she isn't bothered with getting a present, it's the card, taking the time to think of her early and choosing a nice one she will like and writing something that shows I appreciate her in it. But everyone is different!

Other nationalities find the British obsession with cards for everything and people getting weird about not receiving a card or a ‘nice’ card seriously strange. I’ve stopped sending cards at Xmas, because it’s bad for the environment, they’re an added cost to an already very expensive time of year, it’s a nightmare to get them where I live and they’re mostly just chucked after Xmas anyway. I think it’s really wasteful to be honest. Birthday cards, I can get my head round, but Christmas cards, no.

Some adults especially parents/grandparents of a certain age like personal cards

To be fair to my parents both in their seventies and total pratts about some things they would both think I'd lost my marbles if I started giving them personal cards.