My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

OK so I've lived for 20 years in a country that doesn't really do xmas cards so maybe that is coloring my reaction, but my mind is blown that people send special "mum" Christmas cards?!?!?

And that someone might be offended not to get this massive naffness?

And also that people pay to send cards that are going to go in the rubbish after Christmas, isn't that hugely environmentally unfriendly?

Your mum sounds like a high maintenance brat. Don’t indulge her. Give her a wide berth until she can behave herself.

I wouldn't be thrilled about a multi pack card from a close family member. It's not really thoughtful, our families like the poem ones or funny ones because they've put the time and effort in to look through and choose the right one.
Did you at least write a nice verse or just "merry Christmas mum, love your daughter"

That said, I'm not wasting money on cards this year.

My mum is the polar opposite. She has asked us never to buy cards as she thinks they are a waste of money. She is early 70s and trying to clear out her house. She gets very cross and almost offended if someone dares to buy her a card.

She loves the DC’s home made ones though of course!

Bought my mum a lovely card a few years ago. She now gets it out every year ( she does this for my sisters too)
She also instructed us a few years ago to save her fancy card to us and re-use, reduce, recycle ! Granted the cards all sing and dancing so I don't mind

Omg the worlds gone mad!

It's a card!!!

A friend here in Spain, told me with amasment, that in the UK they have shops just for cards! Its just not a thing in Spain. Nobody sends cards for anything!!
My " dear dil" sent me a card with father in law and mil on it. She blanked out the mil with tipex and wrote " partner" over the top. We were married and got on well with with the ex!!?!

Whether she should be or not, the bottom line is she's hurt. She doesn't feel special. I would send her a fancy one and say - "nice cards in the shop now! Happy Christmas mum!"

I send 16 individual cards to s and dil, DB and W etc etc and box cards to anyone else . Even my 5 DGC get individual cards . I know , I’m bonkers but they love it

@afaloren

A really nice, special card is important to my mum so that’s what I get for her. I don’t necessarily agree that it’s important but it matters to her. Your mum didn’t need to get shirty with you though.

This

If my daughter sent me any card, I'd know it was from her heart and love it.

I understand why you're sad. I'm sure your mum didn't mean it, though. She may be hurt, in her own way. These rifts need to be smoothed over. You both love each other. Maybe choose her s mum card and send that. xx

@CatteStreet

It's really not about 'thoughtfulness' to buy a mass-produced card with 'Mum' or whatever and a verse of doggerel, but somewhere along the line people have been conned/marketed into thinking it is. It seems to me to be a bit like the whole De Beers 'an engagement ring must cost three months' salary' (or was it one month?) thing.

@CatteStreet Indeed. (I believe it was one month initially and then crept up to three).

a) YABVVU sending out Christmas cards by mid-November. If someone sent me a card at this point in the year I'd misplace it somewhere and it would never get 'displayed' (eg stuck with blutak to the living room door along with the ever-diminishing display of other cards we get). Sparkly lights in a pandemic is one thing (if you MUST) but cards 6 weeks early??
b) She is being VVV unreasonable too, not to mention frankly a bit grabby and naff. You're her daughter, there are other channels of communication aside from overpriced tacky cards with trite sentiment. If you talk on the phone, see each other regularly (virus notwithstanding) but she STILL needs a card saying 'to my darling mother' then I think she and you have quite a problem.
c) 'Personalised' individual cards are tacky and naff and make me want to heave.

My own PIL started sending us these things - not one for the family but one for us as a couple (it'll say something like 'to our darling FB son and the harlot he married' no no no, it says something like 'to our wonderful son and daughter-in-law' which looks really STRANGE on a card) and one each for both our kids. I find this VERY ODD. So do the kids, for that matter. We've never pandered to this and I buy very naice multipacks from charities and they get one of those back. No doubt many black marks against our names for not sending one to 'my darling Parents and Parents-in-Law'.

My family have always done multipacks for everyone. XH family do the named cards and I once spent £51 in WHSmith on them which was the first and last time I indulged them.

I agree with PP that named cards are naff.

Even more naff are those 'Merry Christmas from Norfolk' type cards which is why I like to send them to my best friend .

What is it with middle aged people and bloody cards!! My mum is obsessed with greetings cards and would be the same, she'd want a personal one saying "To a wonderful mum" and a wanky poem in. Why.

A few years ago when I made the decision to drastically change our waste habits, and teach the kids the importance of waste prevention, I purged and banned loads of things - no magazines with crappy free gifts that go to landfill, reusing everything, eco friendly everything, installing food waste digesters, etc - and I decided to stop buying birthday and Xmas cards, use the money to donate to a food bank (me and the kids pick Xmas dinner stuff and pop it in the green box in Sainsbury's) and do e-cards instead. The planet is fucked and I'm trying to teach them good habits.

Judging by the reaction from the middle aged and older members of my family on hearing this news about no more cards, you'd think I told them that I would be breaking their kneecaps for Christmas. I actually got more than one angry phone call about it, and my mum still hasn't forgiven me and makes arsey remarks about her mantelpiece missing a card from her daughter. This guilt tripping would usually be enough to make an exception for mum - but I have 2 brothers who have never once bought her a card in adulthood and she doesn't moan to them about her mantelpiece missing a card. Oh no, they are single you see and everyone knows the be-pensied are physically unable to buy cards for their mothers. Mind you when one DB was married my Nan actually rang his wife to ask where her birthday card was and why hadn't she, the wife, bought one . IIRC she laughed and said ask your grandson then passed the phone over. I miss her

I stopped sending cards back in the 1970s when I found myself unexpectedly out of a job and broke. So now my family never complain about the quality of the cards I send.

What is it with middle aged some people and bloody cards!!

There. That's better.

@Nanny0gg

What is it with middle aged some people and bloody cards!!

There. That's better.

I'm with you. There's a ridiculous amount of ageism in this thread.

My own mother would have been the same way about it. Even had I selected a special card, it would have been the wrong special card for at least three reasons. I'd be willing to bet that you, also, hear a lot of "that's very nice, but (insert whatever you should have done in additon or instead of here).

It never stopped hurting, but I never allowed it to change what I chose to do, either. The last thing I was worried about was a fancy card, with only me working, and two babies (only 11 months apart) to take care of. God knows DH was no help.

Maybe it wasn't the card itself that was the problem but what you wrote inside? Or something else entirely? Has this been a difficult year for her? Has she had to self isolate? Is she lonely? These kinds of reactions are generally not about the thing it appears to be on the face of it. If you can pop round and spend some time with her maybe you can smooth things over? I'm not saying you've done anything wrong, just that it sounds like your mother is unhappy.

@OrangeBlossomsinthesun

OK so I've lived for 20 years in a country that doesn't really do xmas cards so maybe that is coloring my reaction, but my mind is blown that people send special "mum" Christmas cards?!?!?

And that someone might be offended not to get this massive naffness?

And also that people pay to send cards that are going to go in the rubbish after Christmas, isn't that hugely environmentally unfriendly?

They can be recycled. Except for a couple of special ones which I keep, I send mine for recycling, have done so for years. All paper and cardboard goes the same way.

If you wanted to show you are thinking of her at this time a nice 'thinking of you' card or flowers. Not a Christmas card in November.

Just wanted to add, if I received a Christmas card in November it would go straight in the bin.

She is being ridiculous. Who cares? I Didn't even know people still sent Christmas cards and especially to family. I think it's a bit old fashioned.