What's the oldest "acceptable" age a man can father his last baby?

[sausagedoglove]

What do you think? 39? 52? 65? How old would a man have to be when having his last child for you to think "that's a bit old isn't it?"

I guess same can be asked for a woman actually? What's "acceptable"?

Well, a friend of mine (aged 25) gave birth to her first daughter/her husband’s ‘last’ child and the husband is 68! —did I cynically mention hes $$$ and they met when his yacht was moored where she worked— He seems besotted with their daughter, his eldest children are early 30’s.

I’m late thirties with three children. Personally I know I’m very lucky to have the children I have and if we had another my cut off is 40. DH is 41 and turns pale at the thought of another child now or a few years time; but we have the luxury of thinking that because we’ve had children.

My parents are early sixties and late seventies. The 15 year age gap between them has always raised eyebrows because although my dad looked younger than his age it was obvious he was older than my mum...especially when people used to think she was my older sister back in the late 90s/00s!! Since turning 70 his health has taken a turn and he looks tired and obviously struggles.
He’s found this very hard as he’s always been active, hard working, peppy and out doing things with people 20 years younger than him easy peasy.
Now he has afternoon naps, needs a hearing aid but refuses to get one because of his stigma - I am 100% not doing any bashing here as hearing issues are big on my mum’s side - and gets worn out easily because. The complete opposite to how he felt 10 years ago. I’m sure if he hadn’t had a vasectomy years and years ago he’s probably be able to produce a baby with a younger woman but I’d certainly judge the woman and my dad!!

My wealthy next door neighbour ran off with a 27 year old when he was 64, they have 3 dc now, he looks knackered !

DH was 47 2 days after DC4 was born.

Several of DC’s friends fathers and our friends have had kids between 45-55.

My own father died at 42 when I was aged 13, so the concept of losing a parent young as they are older personally doesn’t resonate with me.

We had ours when we were 32 and 37. Wouldn't have contemplated any more over the age of 40.

I know a couple of older Dads, one 47 and the other 52. In both cases they're knackered and their younger wives do a lot of the leg work.

For me, anything above 45 is selfish. When you look at the risk of death and how drastically the odds change for men that should imo out things into perspective.
Fwiw, I personally think that either sex conceiving post 42 is unfair on the children. I say this as someone who gave birth at 39 and I can see how physically my own health has deteriorated. We may not like to accept that our health isn't linear, but it's true. And circumstances are more likely to change apparently overnight the older we are.
I hope and pray, that I naje it at least to an age that my child is living their own life in their 20s plus before I die, as I don't want to add such an awful burden before that age (obviously hope this is more like 40 but being realistic).
Likewise, I hope that my child doesn't become my carer either at a young age.
Becoming an older parent was my choice. The repercussion of this shouldn't be borne by my child.

But solomummy, these 60 year old men LOOK FORTY😊

The stats you have shown must relate to the men who age at the normal rate.

These men who have babies into their sixties are often mistaken as the child’s older brother, and at 70 will be winning the primary school dads‘ race, appearing younger and more vigorous than those out of shape forty something middle aged dads.

They will not slow down in their later years, they will experience no ill health. Because they look forty.

@Ideasplease322

But solomummy, these 60 year old men LOOK FORTY😊

The stats you have shown must relate to the men who age at the normal rate.

These men who have babies into their sixties are often mistaken as the child’s older brother, and at 70 will be winning the primary school dads‘ race, appearing younger and more vigorous than those out of shape forty something middle aged dads.

They will not slow down in their later years, they will experience no ill health. Because they look forty.

Lol. Indeed!

@Ideasplease322

But solomummy, these 60 year old men LOOK FORTY😊

The stats you have shown must relate to the men who age at the normal rate.

These men who have babies into their sixties are often mistaken as the child’s older brother, and at 70 will be winning the primary school dads‘ race, appearing younger and more vigorous than those out of shape forty something middle aged dads.

They will not slow down in their later years, they will experience no ill health. Because they look forty.

It's kind of like those cute little stories "My mum married my dad when she was 17 and he was 43, but really, she looked so much older than her age and actually she was the more mature one in that marriage."

Really?

I think that over 50 is when I'd start privately thinking 'that's a bit old', over mid 50s, is when I'd start thinking 'that's a bit odd'. Either way, I'd say nothing out loud though.

BUT, I was brought up by my grandad for much of my childhood. He would have been 51 when I was born. He's still going strong and leads a very active life now I'm 30; he remains my most surportive and loving family member. I will mourn him immesurably more than my mother when they are both gone (which I suspect will be at a similar time. She is already ill and often frail, where as he is pretty hale and hearty). He gave the love and care of two parents and a grandparent, all by himself. He's one of the most amazing people I have ever met and has dedicated his entire life to helping other people. And had I had the choice, I would have picked him as my parent (over the people that were) a million times and more, despite his relative age to their youth.

So while I would find it unusual to choose to have a child at that age, I think that the love and active parenting on offer to the child is far, far more important than the age of the parent.

II think the 'my 55 year old DH looks 40 and EVERYBODY says so' brigade and trying to justify their relaytionship with an older man, by claiming they fancy them as much as they would someone their own age etc.

But that's not the question really. The question was: how old is to old to be a father? And the fact that a 60 year old's wife thinks (pretends) he looks 40 doesn't change the fact that if a 60 year old has a baby, when the child is 20 he'll be 80. It's awful.

I personally always 'under' age people if I have to guess to avoid offending. People with large age gaps in relationships might think they look like Brad and Angelina, but it's usually more Anna Nicole Smith and J Howard Marshall

My dp was 33 when we had DS 2 years ago. We are planning on trying again next year so hopefully have another around 36, then might squeeze one more in before he's 40!

I agree older men can make great dads, my point is just that everyone needs to be realistic about their age.

The lady who claimed her husband, who became a dad at 58, had never Been mistake as the grandfather is blatantly ignoring his age. Of course a man in his sixties was it’s a young child will at least occassionally be mistaken for that child’s grandfather. Not the end of the world.

We all age, pretending otherwise is just silly. And I worry that when these women will find their husbands twilight years very difficult if they are pretending to themselves that they are 15 years younger than they actually are.

Just saw an article on Facebook from one of the papers about this very thing. Does o'connor passed away at 88 leaving his son whom he fathered at 72. He expected to live into his 90s. Very sad.

Poor boy. Yes, very sad.

I saw that too and it made me think of this thread. “He hoped to live to see his son get married” or something like that.

My ds's dad was 56. My df was 58 when my little sis was born.

Neither seem to have any issues

I think it depends on the attitude & outlook of the father.

What's acceptable to you and your DH is all that matters. I don't think you should let some random strangers decide what is "acceptable". An ex colleague of mine of South East Asian origin married an Australian living here(uk). Their child looked nothing like my colleague, as the child had blonde hair and blue eyes and had daddy's features. Apparently, some idiots mistook my colleague for the child's nanny. This world is full of idiots but not everyone is. Don't let those who are make you change your plans. Do what's best for you and your family.

@sausagedoglove

For context, my DH late 40s and we are contemplating more children. I'm late 30s. I just don't want people to look at us like he is their grandparent or for people to comment behind our backs.

I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does.

I don't see these ages to be a problem, and wouldn't automatically assume an older male was grandfather.

After all, the late Des O'Conner (older comedian for the younger lot) was 72 when his wife had their daughter.

Sorry, Des O'Connor had a son, was trying to multitask.

I knew someone who at 21 had a father in his 90's, so his Dad had him in his 70's. It had its downfalls and benefits. As his dad was retired his entire life, he'd been very present in his childhood. However, he didn't really have the adult relationship with his dad that many of his friends were developing with their parents as his dad needed his physical support.

Honestly, for me, probably about the same age as when I would think of a pregnant woman (and I do mean think, I would keep it entirely to myself and not have the cheek to say it) as being 'a bit old for that', so mid- late 40s?

I don't see these ages to be a problem, and wouldn't automatically assume an older male was grandfather. After all, the late Des O'Conner (older comedian for the younger lot) was 72 when his wife had their daughter.

Yes and Des O’Connor’s child has now lost his father at the tender age of 16. That’s really crap for the kid. Obviously young people can lose their parents for all sorts of tragic reasons, no matter how old the parent, but you vastly increase the chances of this happening if you have kids at that age.

As long as your child will be in their 20s when you hit your expected life expectancy.

There is a celebrity who died this week who was 80 when he had his last child. I just kept thinking why would you put your child in a position where they are likely to be no older than 7 when you do?

No. Just no.

So probably between mid 50s and mid 60s depending on your lifestyle, wealth and health. Beyond that its ago ego and selfishness because you can't have a long term vision which puts your child's needs before yours.

Its quite different to an unexpected or premature death.