What's the oldest "acceptable" age a man can father his last baby?

[sausagedoglove]

What do you think? 39? 52? 65? How old would a man have to be when having his last child for you to think "that's a bit old isn't it?"

I guess same can be asked for a woman actually? What's "acceptable"?

If they have other kids then I'd say maybe as old as 60. If not, much earlier, like 50 at the latest.

Because men potentially pass at 75-80ish right? It's not it fair for an only child to potentially be left on their own as a teen or young adult because there dad had them at a later age. But at least if they have brothers and sisters they are less likely to be on their own.

45/50 I’d say - for either parent. You’d want to be pretty sure you will see your children into adulthood.

@Coyoacan

I just don't want people to look at us like he is their grandparent or for people to comment behind our backs

OP, you are old enough to know that you cannot live your life worrying about what people will say.

You do what you believe to be right by your lights and let the gossips gossip.

This.

What people think or gossip about doesn't matter much unless they have the power to do something nasty with their opinions. Not much someone can do just from thinking you're the grandparents, not that I can think of at least.

My spouse is about 1.5 years older than me, and at 19 someone assumed he was my father at a pregnancy-related appointment (we look and sound nothing alike) and a couple years later, at one of those 'guess the age' carnival booths, someone guessed him at 40. Not sure how, I think he has a baby face though his beard has obscured that a bit, but unlike it seems everyone else's spouse, people always assume mine is much older. I was mistaken for a man at 8 months pregnant. People sometimes see what they want to see, we can't really control that.

I haven't read the research on men's age as much as for women, but I think the risk for the child starts to rise with a father over 40. How people balance those types of risks is up to them. I would probably raise eyebrows if it looked like a midlife crisis relationship with a woman closer to his kids' age than to his own age, but mainly because those seem so risky with how often they appear to crash and turn nasty. I'm glad my father didn't try to pull that when my parents separated, he only dated older women with no interest in more kids.

45 tops - there is 40 years between FIL and DH and they don't really have a close relationship - there is such a generational gap he is more like his grandfather and certainly won't be around to see our kids even through primary school

I knew man who had his second baby at 73. The mum was in her 30s.

As long as both parents are fit a healthy and able to care for their child then it's up to them. Women have a natural cut off but men don't

Beyond 50, it’s getting unfair to the child.

I have a 5 year old and my DP is 49. His friend has just had a baby with his wife, he’s just turned 50.

Assuming good health and financial security I think anything up to 59 is reasonable

Age 60+ you are moving into gossip territory and assumptions that you are the Grandpa rather than Dad

Its not really anyone's business except the parents but being honest it's hard not to notice (and raise an eyebrow) when you hear about a man age 60+ fathering a baby!

How do you go about the business of defying the space/ time paradox to produce a child without the generational gap ivfbeenbusy?

Purely my opinion, I wouldn't presume to judge anything as "unacceptable", but my feeling is early 40s. Same for women.

I think being an older father is less of an issue now than it once was. I'm 50 next year, my Dad was 39 when I was born and he was already a father to my six older siblings. I firmly believe he'd run out of parenting abilities by then. I don't suppose anyone bats an eyelid about parental age now, especially as our life expectancy is greater than ever.

He will get comments. DH was totally grey at 21 and white by 30. He's had loads of comments about being DS's grandad over the years.
I'd also bear in mind the challenges of teens when you are in your 60s and 70s. My sil is much much younger and PiL really struggled with her teen/early 20s.

40 for both.

Dh was 50 when our last was born (I'm younger) we didn't plan on having another baby but she came along anyway. So we've got three 7 and under. He's often tired and doesn't run around with them playing football or anything like that so it's usually up to me to entertain them. So I think it just depends on the man, if he's young at heart and fit and healthy then I don't think age matters so much.

We don't live in an ideal world where a man (or woman) can always choose when to have children.
I met my OH when he was 41. He has been married for a considerable period of time and they had both wanted children but his ex-wife couldn't have them. They decided to accept that and stay together. However, years later they separated (nothing to do with not having children).
When I met OH I was 36 with two children of my own with my ex-husband (half of the time). Hasn't really considered another baby and made it clear to OH it wasn't part of my plans. He was fine with that as he had accepted that having his own bio children wasn't going to happen a long time ago.
When I was almost 39 and he was 43 I fell pregnant completely unexpectedly. Taking the pill absolutely correctly so it was a total shock! We re-evaluated and decided to keep the baby. Got excited about it, my fiancé would finally be a daddy!
Sadly I miscarried. We were devastated. Decided to try at that point, expecting it to take some time.
We welcomed our baby girl in May of this year. Fiancé is 44 and I am very soon to be 40. I had my other two at 26 and 29 so much younger, but no support whatsoever from husband. This time around I am blessed with a hands-on partner who adores his daughter and appreciates just what a blessing a child is.
I think actually the fact he's older and wiser and has had to wait for her makes him a better dad than if he'd have been able to have kids earlier on on his life without giving it as much thought.

@FourTeaFallOut

I just mean that they have zero in common - in generational difference terms he is more like his grandad than his dad

Charlie Chaplin was nearly 74 when he fathered his 11 th child
I thought that was ancient until Mick jagger became a father at 72

@Nicknamegoeshere
Lovely story.. and these days it’s no age

Watching Bodies at the moment
If you’re pregnant
Don’t!

My youngest grandchild is 11 and eldest is 23 with 4 slotted in between
I’m 68 And am feeling quite redundant now

I'm not sure I guess depends on the person, situation and other factors. I don't know how they do it as a thought of a newborn on my 40s gives me chills! I've found it hard enough in my thirties! By the time I'm 40 my dc will be in school and well out of nappies

I think it's more about the man and how he will be as a father. His track record as a husband/partner in the past, if he has been one, for example.

in*

Forties, I'd say. Energy levels are one thing, and also the statistics around potential health issues in the child.

At 58 when the baby was born I suspect he has been Mistaken as the grandparent, so one has just ever said to your faces.

Yeah. There's one older dad, 50, in our social circle and I've noticed a lot of "And that's Jack's... dad?" type questions with other friends.

This has been such an interesting read. I had a friend who's DF was a bit older, think he was maybe 52 when she was born? He had a knee injury and was basically unable to physically do much by the time she was a teenager. She was the youngest of four. People used to think her DM and DF were ancient. Think her DM may have been about 45 when she had her. It was OK in primary school but her parents aged reasonably early and I think she was embarrassed by secondary school although she never let her parents know that.

I have a friend who lost her DF at 21. He was young when he died, but the effect it had on her is vast. I would say 45 is the limit for me with that in mind. It's difficult because equally I think you need to have some level of financial stability before you have DC too, and all kinds of things can get in the way.

@m0therofdragons - 82?! 😯 I think you win the thread...