What's the oldest "acceptable" age a man can father his last baby?

[sausagedoglove]

What do you think? 39? 52? 65? How old would a man have to be when having his last child for you to think "that's a bit old isn't it?"

I guess same can be asked for a woman actually? What's "acceptable"?

For us it was 40. That's the age his parents were when he was born and they seem very elderly now. They can't cope with our young children for more than a quick visit and they live too far away for a day trip so we rarely get to see them now. It's a shame as they are nice people.

Had it not taken me so long to conceive our first we would have had 3, but we have now decided it's best to stop at 2.

@AlwaysLatte

I imagine the women who describe their ancient OH as looking '10-15 years younger' are basing this on the superdry hoody they bought them and their new trendy haircut a 58 year old is FIFTY EIGHT years old. 2 years off 60. No amount of skinny jeans or stones roses albums will change that Pretty nasty comment. My husband isn't into trendy clothes at all, certainly not skinny jeans, but his hair, face and body and fitness belie his age and people are always very surprised when the find out his age. I was stunned when we first met as I thought he was much younger. Lot of stereotyping and assumptions on this thread. And nastiness.

I agree the super dry hoody Comment was a bit mean (and it is the sad Pretend to be trendy dad uniform😂).

However I think we do need to be realistic here. A sixty year old man is not the same as a thirty year old man, no matter how good you think JP he looks. He has, on average, significantly greater changes of experiencing ill health through the baby’s childhood and will in all likelihood have a lot less time parenting that child.

I often just worry to people look at this fit and health sixty year olds who cycle and do park runs and assume they are immune to the ageing process, and will still be exactly the same at seventy or eighty. This is unlikely to be the reality and it might come as a shock.

I don't think my DH is very young (48) but he's very fit. One of the things I'm really grateful for is that now my boys are teens, he has come into his own. He takes them mountain biking, scuba diving and they run 10K races together. They share lots of physical hobbies. He probably has a better relationship with them now than when they were younger.

I think you need to think ahead at what you will be doing with your child at different ages and how your DH will support and fit into that. Also, what about your DH's retirement? I have older bothers in mid 50's and 60 and they want to spend their time travelling and living life. They defo wouldn't want to be parenting a child again.

about 45/47 . my dad was 40 and not in great health now he's in his mid 70s, I always felt he was old for a dad (at the time) and i'm very glad he isn't older than he already is now

45 for men not sure about women though 40 at a push
We are 39 and 45 (dh) we’d be distraught at the idea of starting again and already feel old at the school gates with an 8 and 4 yo

I know of someone through work who fathered a child at 72. His other children were in their 40s. No need to mention second marriage and that he was a multi millionaire...🤔

My parents had me in their early 20s. Both were dead before they hit 60. I’m 41 and pregnant, DH will be 48 when the baby arrives. I give no shits about whether or not he or I might be confused for grandparents.

There are no guarantees in life. The best laid plans, and all that.

We were only early 40s when our youngest was born, but we were taken for his grandparents several times.

45ish I think. And I'd be you're surprised if that was a first baby, unless they'd met later. I think you want to be able to play an active part all through their childhood and young adult life (barring any unexpected circumstances).

Personally, I'd worry that much older than that and my children would be having to help me and look after young children at the same time. 82/83 seems to be the point that people go from fine on their own to a bit more fragile and I'd feel very guilty if my DC were worrying about me as well as having small children (and I'd like to be well and flexible enough to play with any GC — I had a fantastic relationship with my grandparents, and I'd want that for my DC and GC which is harder the older everybody is).

In his 50s, and I'd presume it was his second wife.

Probably 55+ for both.

I don't know but if I was young fertile and wanted to have a child there's no way I'd be wasting my eggs on any low-quality old man sperm!

Around 50 I would say as a ball park figure but it really does depend on circumstances. If they already have adult kids it's very different to never having them before.

@Volcanicorange

45 for both parents. Anything older is extremely selfish, and the child will miss out on having young and active parent for any part of their life.

I'm always a bit at men who have their first child in their 50s. They clearly couldn't be arsed with it during their youth and didn't want to miss out on any partying (yuk) but want a legacy without having to do any work, so find a young woman who'll do all the work.

That's a heck of an assumption!

My friend's DH had a very brief and early marriage then did not find anyone until they met when he was 50, and she was 30. They have a very equal relationship and he had desperately wanted children and had resigned himse;f to never having them.

My friend just says that she simply has to come to terms with juggling (eventually) an elderly husband, elderly parents who are 2-3 years older than her husband and she is an only child and a teenager.

Good thing is that they are pretty secure financially and so from that perspective she is luckier than most. But as she says- some people never find the one person they love and never have the chance to have children- so she was taking her chance with both hands.

I’d love a baby with my DH but at 44 and 52 it’s just a nice fantasy. We already have 3 between us from previous marriages so it’s not the same as for couples who don’t have any yet. Still makes me sad and wistful at times but it’s probably just a biological thing (my ovaries are whispering ‘quick, quick, we’ll be shrivelled soon 😂)

My mum died at 54 and while it’s not rational, I gave myself a personal cut off age of 35, so my youngest would be a young adult if the same happened to me.

It’s all so personal though. If you and your chap are fit and healthy and have a stable home and income and feel able to care for a baby/child/teen then it has nothing to do with judgy people’s opinions.

Get on with it ASAP though! Especially
If you are hoping for more than one child.
Physical risks are higher for you and baby the longer you leave it and conception becomes less and less likely. A woman’s age is just a (slightly frustrating) fact of female fertility in a way it isn’t for men. My longest term friends are a group of 4 women including me. I had my first (unplanned!) child 20 years ago and my three best friends have never gotten around to it. One is happily and deliberately child free, one is trying to come to terms with losing her opportunity to have a baby to breast cancer (BRCA1, so has had a full preventative hysterectomy as well as breast cancer treatment) and the last just didn’t get around to trying until she met the right man in her early 40s and has spent the last few years TTC with no luck.

So yeah, go for it, but now!

Around 45 but that's because I personally would be worried about the sperm quality & the associated risks.

I just don't want people to look at us like he is their grandparent or for people to comment behind our backs

OP, you are old enough to know that you cannot live your life worrying about what people will say.

You do what you believe to be right by your lights and let the gossips gossip.

OP go for it - we were similar ages and it’s never been a problem - provided you are both prepared to keep fit

Grandfather of the owners of the local kebab empire fathered a child at 92.

I’d say that was pushing it a bit tbh.

@peepercountry

Around 45 but that's because I personally would be worried about the sperm quality & the associated risks.

For optimum sperm quality I wouldn't go over the age of 30

My dad was 50 when I was born, My mum was 42.

My childhood is full of happy memories of doing stuff with my dad, going on little walks and adventures locally. He was not working full time due to some health issues, then when I was still a teen he was retired - so again, at home a lot. So yes, while he wasn't a big sporty active presence in my childhood, he was always there, always around and I would say he was a good dad. Mum was much more hands on and she was my "go to" parent, but dad did more than his fair share of child rearing - we're talking the 1970s and 1980s here, so different times and all that.

I'm not going to lie, as I got older - the teen years - I was a bit embarrassed about my dad being so old. I think in those days, people did show their age a lot more than now. He was always in comfy cardigans with white hair and used a walking stick "because of his bad legs." Everyone thought he was my granddad and I was shy and wanted to fit in and didn't speak up, so I never corrected them. I didn't like to invite friends over for tea etc as I didn't want them to see my dad. Wasn't so bothered about my mum, she looked younger and quite a few of my friends had mums a similar age. But dad seemed so much older and just not a regular type of dad, bless him.

He died when he was 77, and he was frail and elderly for much of his last years - that's my lasting memory of him.

Weird thing is, when I think of someone who's 77 these days, I wouldn't think of it as THAT old tbh. DP's mum is that age now, for instance, and she's active and out and about and seems very young.

Anyway, that's my take on it. 50 was fine on the whole. But probably not ideal?

@Yohoheaveho I think optimum is unrealistic for most (when you look at average ages in the UK) but risks do increase the older you get.

I suppose 50+ was when I might privately think ‘that’s getting on a bit’, but it would be a fleeting thought and I really gave no judgement on it if it works for other people.

DH was 44 when our youngest was born. He’s 56 now, looks young for his age and is really fit, active and full of life and energy...but I do still feel slightly sad sometimes that he will be possibly be quite an old grandad.

Again, fleeting thought. Life is never perfect!

I should also add, I would probably have wanted a third child if DH was my age. We had our children when I was 27 and 31 (him 40/44). I just felt we were pushing it after that.

I had my kids between late 30s and mid 40s. DH is the same age. We moved in together aged 21 but I put off having babies as long as I reasonably could. I’m now about to turn 50 and properly knackered with the younger still at infant school. I’m also 15yrs older than lots of the other mums in his class. I also have friends from university complaining of empty nest after their youngest has left home. But at the same time they can now have amazing holidays any time of year as they’re now financially stable and their kids are grown. I’ll be 63 if/when DS2 goes to university. But then mid 20s, I looked at them with horror!

My DH was 45 when dd was born and at the time we thought that was too old but actually now don't even think about it. He is very childish so times so that helps😂