What's the oldest "acceptable" age a man can father his last baby?

[sausagedoglove]

What do you think? 39? 52? 65? How old would a man have to be when having his last child for you to think "that's a bit old isn't it?"

I guess same can be asked for a woman actually? What's "acceptable"?

I think you need to consider life expectancy. 45 is probably the oldest I'd consider for either parent. Having an 18 year old in your early 60s can't be fun for either parents (or for the child having near-elderly parents before they reach adulthood).

DH was 43 when DS was born (I was 21). I had my arse handed to me on here when I was contemplating trying for another in my late 30s, even knowing it would be unlikely to happen, because DH would be an embarrassment to his child as an old man

@Dowser Aw thank you.
As a previous poster said, an older dad (within reason) doesn't always mean negatives for the child.
My ex-husband was early thirties when both of our children were born. We hadn't been married long at all before I had my first son and then his brother followed three years later. Ex wasn't a supportive parent - he left it to me to do all of the parenting. He felt his job was just to earn money and lots of it. He was a terrible husband and father.
My fiancé is the polar opposite. He works ft and doesn't earn mega bucks but I am extremely proud of him. He supports vulnerable adults who need extra help for a whole range of reasons. You can imagine how busy he is right now!
But he always makes time for all of the kids and myself as a partner. Work is important but he values his family hugely.
I know which father the children benefit from the most, that's for sure.

I think it must depend on the area you live in. Lots of older dad's around me - I'd say they look healthy but definately late 50s with small children. I often get confused for being my son's nanny as I apparently look younger than other mums around here. I come from an area where most people start families early or mid 20s, but where I live now it's late 30s/early 40s.

I do think it's a bit of a shame they won't really be able to be hands on grandparents themselves... But there's no guarantees in life anyway I suppose.

My DH says as long as he wins the dad's race at sports day, he's still young enough 🤣

@hopefulhalf

Able to run behind a bike when the child is 5?
Or perhaps most important able to jump in the car at midnight to collect them from teenage parties aged 14.

Due to disability I won't be able to do either of those things. Does that make me a bad parent?

But yes, my fiancé's parents are both late 70's. They have grandchildren from my fiancé's sister who are 18 and 20. As much as they adore their new grandaughter we wouldn't feel able to really ask them to look after her and we know they probably won't see her into adulthood.
On the other hand they are delighted their son is finally a daddy!

I find some people’s definition of elderly hilarious! My parents are in their 70’s-Dad still works (for himself, through choice) and recently completed another postgrad.
They are more than capable of being hands on grandparents-my Dad just called to say he’d been to Ikea just before lockdown to get DD’s toy kitchen for Xmas which he’s putting together and my mum can’t wait to play with it with her.
My grandmother is elderly, she’s 93 and still lives independently though. My parents are definitely not elderly and neither are their friends.
In very poor areas life expectancy is still quite shit but amongst my acquaintance it’s not the case at all.
I’m not due to retire until my 70’s, times have changed. It’s quite peculiar how stuck in the past some people are

It doesn't make you a bad parent, but most kids need those things doing for them at some stage.

Yes they do, and my partners family and our friends and her godparents can do all those things. Do your children not have any other adults in their lives?

Late 40s. I think having a baby in your 50s is where it starts to sounds a bit unusual.

For men or women, I’d say about 45 for last child. But obviously every situation is different, and really it’s not any of my business!

Of course they do, I wouldn't ask my parents (mid 70's) to do the heavy lifting of the teens though. I would hate not to have another young(ish, we are both mid 40's) to share the burden.

I think 50 realistically for both (although I assume for women 40+ it would be much harder to conceive whereas sperm doesn’t tend to work that way!).
My DH was 42, 44 and 47. I am younger, ideally he would have started earlier but his previous ltr didn’t want children. I think he thought he would be childless until he met me, so he’s definitely happy to be a dad full stop although he would have loved to be younger.
Life doesn’t always work out the way you plan it, unfortunately!

I would say mid 40s, but certainly not beyond 50 or so.

Someone my dad went to school with became a dad again this year...at age 75!!! Apparently he is fit for his age but think this is pushing it!

'I do think it's a bit of a shame they won't really be able to be hands on grandparents themselves...' @doadeer

This would be a whole new thread...age not always a factor or guarantee with this.

Personally I think 50 at a push, but really not ideal. Men don't typically live as long as women.

@StickTheKettleOnAlice

'I do think it's a bit of a shame they won't really be able to be hands on grandparents themselves...' *@doadeer*

This would be a whole new thread...age not always a factor or guarantee with this.

You missed out the end of my sentence where I literally wrote though there are no guarantees in life!

@doadeer so I did and very true!

My DH grew up with no grandparents at all, he's never met one side and doesn't know who they are on the other side. I always think it's such a shame, I have wonderful memories with grandparents but I know not everyone is so lucky.

Ah yes I didn't see mine as much as I would have liked growing up unfortunately although I did love them dearly.

Sperm quality decreases as men get older. So I'd say 50+ is inadvisable.

@sausagedoglove

For context, my DH late 40s and we are contemplating more children. I'm late 30s. I just don't want people to look at us like he is their grandparent or for people to comment behind our backs.

I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does.

That's fine.

We have a 10 year gap. Had DCs at 29/39 & 32/41. In my head 35/45 was about our limit. We never did go to DC3 in the end. Two children was already plenty of effort. Starting with a child at that point would have been easier without being pre-worn by years of babies/ toddlers.

I'm quite young looking. DH greyed early. We're an incongruous couple! People are more likely to misjudge me/ DH than DH& the DCs. He's late 40s now and having the DCs is good at keeping him fit and active,and he keeps up well with them.

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