What's the oldest "acceptable" age a man can father his last baby?

[sausagedoglove]

What do you think? 39? 52? 65? How old would a man have to be when having his last child for you to think "that's a bit old isn't it?"

I guess same can be asked for a woman actually? What's "acceptable"?

I have a friend aged 70 who is very keen to have a baby with his partner.
She is 50 and the mother of two teenagers.
He hasn't a clue of the realities involved, of course...

Past 45 for men and women I'd privately think they were getting on but otherwise that it's none of my business.

My dad was 64 when I was born. Mum was 28.
Dad was the better parent.

Early 40s.
If I was you OP I wouldn’t.

DP is 43 and we have a 6yr old and a 2.5yr old. We will probably have another in a year or so.

My husband and I have 15 year gap between us .
We have two daughters age 14 and 9 and I’m now pregnant (a total shock ) with our third .
I’m due in December I am 38 and my husband 53.

He was worried at first but now we’re all exited for our new arrival. He’s a brilliant father and it really doesn’t bother me at all his age .

@ivfbeenbusy

45 tops - there is 40 years between FIL and DH and they don't really have a close relationship - there is such a generational gap he is more like his grandfather and certainly won't be around to see our kids even through primary school

Has the relationship between your DH and his dad become less close since your DH has been an adult or has it always been this way?

My DH was nearly 40 when DS was born . DS is nearly 20 and they have a very close relationship (we all do). DS and his dad go to rock concerts together .

I read somewhere that the quality of sperms starts to decline after thirties, leading to rise in autism amongst other things.

I'm always a bit hmm at men who have their first child in their 50s. They clearly couldn't be arsed with it during their youth and didn't want to miss out on any partying (yuk) but want a legacy without having to do any work, so find a young woman who'll do all the work.

OP in your position with you late 30s and your partner late 40s, if you want another child I would go ahead .

@Pinkandwrinkly

My dad was 64 when I was born. Mum was 28. Dad was the better parent.

Of course he was

I'm always a bit hmm at men who have their first child in their 50s. They clearly couldn't be arsed with it during their youth and didn't want to miss out on any partying (yuk) but want a legacy without having to do any work, so find a young woman who'll do all the work.

..or it took us twenty years to conceive

I would love in insight from the 58, 62, 64 year old men who embark on parenthood.

For the majority of women becoming a parent at this age would be terrifying, and I know I would be thinking about the ten year old with a 70 year parent and what would I be like in my early eighties when this are at university and just starting out.

The fear of not being there for my child, either simply through longevity or ill health would be enormous.

The comments from the wives on these breads are consistently that the men look decades younger and are in great health. Do the men believe this flattery And therefore think they are invincible?

Older study (2005), and American, but there is a 60% chance a 65 year old man today will live to 80.

I couldn’t take this risk. 40% chance you won’t be alive for your child beyond the teen years?

Anecedata here DFIL had a baby at 55, now she is 19, he is 74 and bed bound (cancer X2, a heart attack and a stroke in the last 5 years) at 55 he seemed fine.......
DBIL had his first at 49 he had a heart attack when DSiS was 35 weeks pregnant, which aged him significantly (unsurprisingly) his Dds are 8&5 he does look like their grandpa.

So for me 45 tops.

I'm always a bit hmm at men who have their first child in their 50s. They clearly couldn't be arsed with it during their youth and didn't want to miss out on any partying (yuk) but want a legacy without having to do any work, so find a young woman who'll do all the work.

This is definately true of BIL

thewithesarehere
How rude!

Apparently it's 56 for a woman.

I had a minor operation recently and prior to i had to take a pregnancy test (I am post meno pause) as the hospitals policy was to do this for all women until they were 56.

For me i think nature decides when the woman should stop. Presuming not a early meno pause i feel when we stop having periods that is when a woman should stop.

For a guy. I am going to quote "When Harry met Sally"

Sally " And its not the same for men. Charles Chaplin had babies when he was 73"
Harry "Yeah but he was to old to pick them up"

So for me I'm going to stick with for a guy when he is too old to pick up a baby and hold him for a long period (couple of hours) he should no longer have babies.

@Pinkandwrinkly

My dad was 64 when I was born. Mum was 28. Dad was the better parent.

Actually I have a similar experience my mum was 20 and my dad was 50 when I was born and my dad was the better parent, still is - I don't know why that's so unbelievable. (Personally I don't agree with the age gap but just stating the facts). In fact my mum shipped me off to my dads ex wife (also 50) to look after me as a baby whilst my dad was at work .. ah dysfunctional families

How about a wriggley 2 year old rather than a newborn ?
Able to run behind a bike when the child is 5?
Or perhaps most important able to jump in the car at midnight to collect them from teenage parties aged 14.
Honestly holding the newborn is the easy part.
My GM could hold my babies just fine ( aged 88 and 90)

Honestly, I think it's too black and white to say 'x age is too old to be a father'.

There are so many things that can happen in life, so many things that can change the 'plan' you had in your head when you decided to have a child. You could have a child a 20 and then die of cancer, you could live until you're 96 (like my grandad) and be active and happy the whole time.

A couple with an older father could stay together for the rest of their lives, and provide a loving and stable home for a child, whereas a younger couple might divorce and remarry several times, making life for their child unhappy and difficult.

An older father could be financially secure, have a good house with no mortgage and really be able to provide for their child - maybe even take early retirement to spend more time with them .. whereas a younger family could struggle with debt and mortgages and trying to balance career progression with raising their child.

Happy homes come in all shapes and sizes, and yes, you know what, statistically speaking if your dad is 60 when you're born, you're going to lose him much earlier than you would if you were 30. But life is full of sadness and challenges. All loss is difficult but it comes to us all, and the years of living in a happy home are remembered fondly.

Losing your father hurts whatever age you are, but with so many different things in play to decide whether someone is a good father, or a childhood is happy, it seems far too simplistic to simply say that an older man shouldn't have a child.

But to answer the actual question I think between 45-50 is maybe the cut off but it's hard to tell like I've mentioned my dad was 50, he's 76 now and in good shape where as two of my friends dads who had them in their 20s and 30s have sadly passed away and in other cases the dads aren't in their lives so I don't know, I guess as long as they can provide, love, play etc with them then it's all good but I do find it a bit odd when over 70 year olds have babies as it's more likely they'll pass away in the next 20 years

It's not just them dying though, DHSIL (half sister in law eg: FIL's child) has had her whole adolescence blighted by her father's ill health and the limitations that has inevitably brought.

As I say none of this was apparent at 55 or 60 for that matter. I would have described him as vigourous, neither young or old for his years.

40 I dont think most men would have the energy to be a dad to a stroppy teen later than late 50's or to a useless early 20s 'adult' child. I think most men wouldn't be able to help out with little grand children after age of 70 either.

Mid to late 30s.