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Friends seem unhappy about our house move

284 replies

blarbed · 04/11/2020 13:55

We are moving into a bigger house in the village where my children go to school. It has taken me by surprise that people, who are thought were friends, seem disappointed and negative about it. I'm the sort of person who bigs up my friends' achievements, so I find it hard to get my head around this. I'm presuming they are jealous or maybe feel threatened in some way? However, they live in houses similar to the one we are buying, so I don't really get it. Previously we were relatively less well off.

A couple of my friends have been very pleased and excited for us, but a close friend of mine could not hide her disappointment, written all over her face. She had nothing nice to say and instead asked how long our chain was (hoping it might not happen?). Another friend just avoided eye contact with me and did not say a single word for the whole conversation.

Another Mum, who I know more as an acquaintance, and who I will be moving around the corner from, just stepped away from the group, and kept her head down. I thought she had not heard that I'd be moving practically next door, so I mentioned it to her separately - and then her reaction showed she had heard, but did not seem happy about it. She does not know me very well but our sons are in the same year, so surely it's a nice thing that more school friends will be around?

WTF? Is this normal?

OP posts:
TeddybearBaby · 05/11/2020 17:30

Sorry if this has already been said, I’ve read all your responses but not the whole thread!

Maybe your best friend is put out because she found out with the others and she feels she should have been told first? Did she / they know you were moving house? Might have just been surprised 🤷🏻‍♀️

tierdytierd · 05/11/2020 17:43

I’m happy for you & I don’t know you! Congratulations on your new home! Sure it’s lovely and ideal near your children’s school! Hope you make lots of happy memories x

winniestone37 · 05/11/2020 18:04

As I’ve got older I’ve noticed how prevalent this kind of envy can be, though yours seems like a lot of people! Is it a particularly beautiful/desirable house!? I’ve always been dirt poor and am known for being hard up, my life has changed now though and we are moving to a biggish house in a very beautiful and desirable place, I’m telling few people because I anticipate the odd reaction like this. I do know that envy is about how they feel about themselves though and really about me.

KeraB · 05/11/2020 18:08

Some people cannot stand to see other people happy and progressing life. One thing I have learnt is to keep my happiness, promotions, luxury lifestyle and progression in life to myself. People can be so jealous and envious just because you have a personality that brights up the room. Be careful of those friends, speak less and observe more. Human beings are very interesting people, you’ll learn a lot.

IceniWarrior · 05/11/2020 18:14

I lost my best friend mid 20s when my life starting getting on track with work and my first house. She was a very negative person and just started to ghost me. Still gutted 20 years on but I look back and didn't realise how she would always make me feel small.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 05/11/2020 18:17

It's the Green Eyed Monster.

MadameBoulaye · 05/11/2020 18:17

People who you think are friends can surprise you! We sent our son to private school 3 years ago for a variety of reasons and a friend I was particularly close to kept repeating “oh we could afford to do that”but kept her 2 kids at state school. Which of course is fine but she kept raising the issue and made me feel bad when I just wanted to be low-key about it as it had been such a hard decision for us. We had our loft converted and when she saw it her silence was palpable. Her husband was raving about it and she didn’t say a word! We got a dog, she did a few weeks later, and she kept talking about how there was no champion show dog in our dog’s pedigree and hers had! Weird and irritating. Jealousy becomes very transparent - it’s sad when established friendships fade to nothing. Once the jealousy kicks in, it gets tricky and it becomes easier to not bother.

OVienna · 05/11/2020 18:18

I've read all your posts @blarbed and it seems like this attracted the usual nonsense. Do people really have 'poor friends'? Well, okay, that's an eye opener then. You upset the friend's child so much they'd want to prevent a house move? In the absence of any other evidence.

The only thing that would concern me here, is if there something weird people who live closest to the property know something about the neighbours/noise or other some such on the street.

If you're really curious about their reaction you are fortunate in this situation because it one time when coming across as a bit paranoid probably can be passed of as a normal reaction: "I couldn't work out your reaction the other day to my house move. You and a couple others. We've driven around the property/stalked out etc but I'd be very curious is there anything we might have missed? Is there anything weird about the house/neighbours area you think we should know? Sorry but I hope you don't mind me asking you outright but we'd rather know than be surprised later." You'll know or if you don't it should shame them enough to check themselves.

WendyE · 05/11/2020 18:20

I wouldn't make their problem yours - change your friends ☺

Ddot · 05/11/2020 18:23

Sounds like your the poor neighbour and their surprised and disappointed your not and more to the point quite put out that cant look down on you anymore. I have a lovely friend who I adore but she cant handle it if I get something better than her, she can be off hand and even nasty but doesn't realise it, well i hope she doesn't.

Elle8344 · 05/11/2020 18:24

Sounds to me like snobbery and a load of jealousy. At the moment it's all doom & gloom due to covid & people struggling more so people generally have become a lot less kind & more negative. You've worked hard, paid off your mortgage & now are reaping the rewards because of the sacrifices you've made. I say sod the lot of them if they can't be happy for you. Life's too short and personally I wouldn't want that negativity around me.
Enjoy your new home. You deserve it x

OVienna · 05/11/2020 18:25

sorry for the typos!

Jeeperscreepers69 · 05/11/2020 18:36

Are these people your friends or are you not seeing something?

blarbed · 05/11/2020 18:52

@TeddybearBaby

Sorry if this has already been said, I’ve read all your responses but not the whole thread!

Maybe your best friend is put out because she found out with the others and she feels she should have been told first? Did she / they know you were moving house? Might have just been surprised 🤷🏻‍♀️

I did tell my best friend first - in a separate conversation. She was not there when the others were talking about who might be buying the house on their close.

When I told her, it looked like her eyes might actually well up. She looked very disappointed. I don't live near her now, and won't live too close when we move because she's on the outskirts of the village. I think she's worried I will build closer relationships with these other women......that's my guess.

OP posts:
SengaMac · 05/11/2020 18:52

You could ask the friend you say you were closest to, if there's any problem.
Just to see what comes from that.

I wouldn't bother with the rest of them, if they want to be weird.

(Maybe one, or more, of them had wanted to buy that house - so they're hacked off about that.
Who knows?)

Yespresh · 05/11/2020 19:00

My kids are grown up now. After years of the school gates with both kids at various schools I have kept in touch with only one Mum.

These women are not your friends. Say Hi, do the playdates, do the Christmas drinks and leave it at that.

Don’t say anything about it, just say Hi and Bye and move on.

blarbed · 05/11/2020 19:01

I think this has highlighted to me that I probably do place too much emphasis on wanting to find friends in the school-run group of Mums.

I work alone, from home and I'm not from the area, so it's difficult for me to make friendships with people.

My children starting school has introduced me to lots of new Mum 'friends', but I'm wondering whether their friendship means more to me than it does to them. It's been an eye-opener and I'm just going to be wary of those who reacted negatively.

OP posts:
Hmm1234 · 05/11/2020 19:34

A lot of people are buying properties during the pandemic that didn’t have the means to before. Maybe your friends suspect you of using a government backed scheme to get the deposit

Dawnlassie · 05/11/2020 19:38

Something about the house of they dont like you. Doesnt sound like they are 'well jel'.

Jeeperscreepers69 · 05/11/2020 19:53

Mum friends aren't friends. They serve a purpose. Fill the gaps while your kids are growing up. You have your friend

Dragonsmother · 05/11/2020 19:55

Feel your pain! The mum clique is like being back at school.
Maybe the reality is that you weren’t as close or as pally as you thought you were?

Janegrey333 · 05/11/2020 19:59

I think some people enjoy the drama of this sort of situation. Why on earth would anyone agonise about why other mummies aren’t being friendly? It’s almost as if you like the “well jel” replies, OP.Grin

blarbed · 05/11/2020 20:10

@Janegrey333 I would like to have real friends. Jealous friends aren't real friends - you can't get on with someone in the long-term who feels they are in competition with you. Believe me, jealousy is the last thing I want.

OP posts:
SurroundedByIdiotsEverywhere · 05/11/2020 20:13

Ask them! No person on here can give you the answer!

Santina · 05/11/2020 20:32

I have sister like this, she liked it when her status was higher than mine. I've not spoken to her for 10 years, she'd be absolutely gutted to realise she is now the poor relation . Lol Nowt stranger than folk.

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