Children’s choice of clothes - bad taste!!!

[Divebar]

Yesterday we were shopping and saw that Schuh were having a sale so went in. I was interested in some boots for DD8. I would probably have chosen DMs or biker boots for her. DD came over and said “ I’ve seen these trainers and you’re probably going to hate them” - she was right. Pale pink Fila trainers with the chunky sole. I do hate them. She was obviously disappointed that I wouldn’t get them which made me feel a bit shit. I fully appreciate that as she gets older my opinion about clothing choices will be much less / non existent but how much of her clothes now do you think should be governed by her taste? Obviously Christmas is coming and I may buy the trainers in black or buy biker books which we’d both probably like. My question is not really about what I should buy but how you manage these differences in taste as they get more interested in clothes & fashion.

My 8 year old puts on anything I put in front of them & has never expressed an opinion.
My 10 year old has always been deeply interested in clothes/fashion and I gave up trying to buy things I liked but she didn’t a few years ago , as she just wouldn’t wear them. I draw the line at inappropriate/ very impractical but I accept that we’re not in the teenage years yet! 😬🙈
I wouldn’t have been keen on the trainers either OP - pale pink / white soles end up so grubby in the winter & I presume Fila still ££ even in the sale. But If she LOVED them, I would have bought them for a Christmas present (through gritted teeth )

She is 8. I would let her pick.

She is 8. I wouldn't let her pick.

Obviously Christmas is coming and I may buy the trainers in black or buy biker books which we’d both probably like.

For Christmas I'd buy the trainers you know she likes. Who cares that pale pink trainers aren't to your taste?

I'm with you @Divebar I set parameters eg we are buying winter boots, they need to be dark because it rains and is muddy - then let her choose within the parameters. The trick is to set them before you go into the store

I think I deserve the criticism for the bad taste comment.

@JaJaDingDong

She is 8. I would let her pick.

She is 8. I wouldn't let her pick.

Why? Do you want to teach her that her opinion doesn't matter?

If she's had new trainers recently then I would say "maybe when you outgrow the current ones" and leave it like that. It's not unreasonable to say no to trainers if she doesn't need them.

Yabu if you buy the ones she likes in black. She likes pink and while you wouldn't choose that colour lots of 8yo would. Taste is subjective and hers will change as she grows up. Colour matters whether it's a a lime green or silver car, red or black handbag...

I wouldn't buy push up bras and heels for a 8yo (actually heels for dressing up or a small heel for party shoes is fine) so I'm not saying that she should get total free reign. However assuming that she needs trainers and the cost is acceptable I would let her pick the colour she wanted rather than the one I would have picked as an adult. The only reason I can think of veto is if she can't do laces and would expect me to do them each time she wore the shoes. Bad taste in shoes for an 8yo is not colour really - it would be functional like shoes that aren't waterproof on wet days or heels that the child can't run in.

No part of me understands why you wouldn't get an 8 year old pale pink trainers with a chunky sole. She's 8. You sound like a control freak who cares too much about your child looking your version of 'trendy'. I'm sure this is a wind up..why would you not have got your 8 year old those trainers? I feel really sorry for her.

I totally had a few crop tops at 8 but with jeans. It was the 90s. One or two had the not quite turtle neck thing going on. Very Tammy Girl.

I think you’re fine to turn them down as you were looking for winter boots. And you’re fine to raise practicality but not to dis her taste. Plenty of adults have pink trainers.

I think chat about the items you need and what she likes in that mix, look online and see what’s suitable for the practical side and her taste.

I do this with DD who is 5. But she often decides to dress with several different patterns so I often make it clear when we are meeting people, she chose her outfit 😂

Yes I think you need to measure out what is a difference in opinion in style and what is practical.

So if you are picking a coat it needs to be durable/waterproof/warm but within that they can pick

If you had said she already has trainers and these were impractical then that is fine. Not doing it because you hate the style isnt.

So it isnt about taste at all

My dd always picked her own clothes. She went through a hideous pink glittery stage from about 3-8. And a no trouser phase from about 2-5. The only thing l drew the line at was some metallic pink ultra tight skinny jeans from Next when she was 3. Always let her wear cartoons too. She had a Minecraft hoodie at 8, and endless Hello Kitty shit.

She’s 14 now. Lots of black and chains🙄

I know someone who dresses her daughter in grey brown and white. She isn’t allowed anything else. How joyless her life must be.

@PhylisPrice

Oh bless her, buy the shoes she likes if they are practical and you can afford them. My mum used to (and still does) tell me how much she absolutely hated my choice of clothes and it made me feel like shit all the time!

Me too - it does stay with you doesn't it? I let my 7 year old draw smiling faces on his trainers the other day. Because he's 7, and he can, and he'll grow out of them in 2 months! X

Pink trainers sound fabulous, I’d get her them for Christmas. I have a 9 year old and that’s the kind of thing she’d chose - if I can afford it and she has appropriate clothes for school etc I’d buy the trainers. I may be influenced by knowing my mum would never in a million years bought me something like that - our finances meant everything had to be sensible and serviceable.

My dd has sn which affect her communication so I have always been easy going about clothes...as it is one of the few ways she can express herself. We've had some very avant garde outfit choices over the years... Spots, stripes, flowery patterns all together, skirts over trousers, t shirts over cardigans, random dressing up outfits. I briefly worried that people would think I'd dressed her like that but I figured her happiness and enjoyment is more important than what random people think.

Don't buy them in black, especially as a present. They'll always be second best, not quite right. No one wants 'not quite right' presents really.

If it's just the colour then why are they in 'bad taste' - when you'd be happy with the black? Pink is just a colour.

It's very different to her wearing crop tops and short shorts too. They aren't appropriate at her age, though some longer crop tops that skim the jeans waist band might be a compromise there.

They are pink trainers, she is an 8 year old girl, and she liked them.
I think you are being mean!
Just because they aren’t to YOUR taste she can’t have them? That seems a bit controlling to me.
I would understand if she wanted a skimpy top with an inappropriate slogan or something, but pink trainers? Seriously, what’s the problem?
Just out of interest, what reason did you give her that she couldn’t have them?

I am a bit about how much the OP’s narrative has changed since the opening page!

It’s grata that your daughter also likes some things that you like, be glad for that! But buying her a crap compromise version of what she likes for a Christmas present would just be plain mean.

You have your taste, that’s great—personally I wouldn’t be seen dead in your choices, either now or when young. And I’m sure you’d feel the same about mine, but that’s how taste works!

In terms of what is “cool” among young people, your daughter is actually more on the ball of youth taste though. There is nothing so utterly cringeworthy as a child as being made to wear clothes that are in fashion for 40 somethings while the other kids at school wear the clothes your mum would call too tasteless.

When I was little, it was all about: Juicy, Ugg’s, plastic beads, Abercrombie hoodies and denim crop shorts. You can buy her the most expensive pair of shoes to your taste that you want, but they will bring her nowhere the level of same joy as wearing the Primark version of what she likes

@Divebar

Lol.ok. Well I don’t have a problem with pink trainers per se I have a problem with this style. And she has pale purple ones in a different make. I don’t think pale pink is very practical for winter. We went in looking for boots not trainers. Why do I have to be so controlling? Well she’s 8 and would choose cropped tops and “booty”. shorts given the chance. Do you think I should let her wear them because they’re her choice?

In which case you should have let her show you the trainers, and then reminded her you were there to buy boots today and which boots did she like. Then I would maybe get her the trainers for Christmas if she really loved them.

Also black shoes (DM, biker boots, etc) have not really been in for young people for a good while now. Runners (white and v pale colours) are the height of fashion for young people. So remember that your concept of “fashionable” is likely a mile away from the palyground’s!

They are the exact same ones my DD was coveting. I wouldn't be seen dead in them myself but I'm not her so it's all good.

Mine have picked their own clothes since preschool. I buy basics like underwear etc and they choose the rest. I will pick up things I know they will like. I’d hate someone picking my clothes or telling me I couldn’t have a certain colour etc.

I'm sure i had some hideous clothes as a child, teenager and probably now as an adult!
But i don't care because i chose them!
Buy her the pink trainers op.

I would not prevent my dd from wearing what she wanted within reason. All children are different. My dd wouldn't wear clothes she didn’t like when she was very very little and flat refused to wear a lot of the clothes, even ones she’d picked. She had some real favourites, which were worn to death. Dd has some mild sensory issues so I found it best to go with what she wanted where possible. My only stipulation have ever been she wears appropriate clothes for a wedding or funeral etc. It took her a long time to be able to pick what she wanted to wear for the day but since she was 10/11 she knows her own mind. No angst for her. At your Dds age she was still in dresses and clark’s though. Now it’s sportswear and trainers....

I would be a little wary of getting the pink trainers for christmas in case your dd has changed her mind about colours. Her feet will probably grow in the spring if not before and 8 seems to be the sort of age pink gets binned off. Dd has had a multitude of favourite colours since this age, it was red a few months ago and now it’s white.... Black is good too...

I have a sorted collection that i pick, so they have something decent to wear when we go out properly. The rest they can choose themselves as long as its practical.
I wouldnt buy them sandals in winter, but they can pick their own colour for winter boots for example.

Isn’t this how people for their own preferences, taste and individuality? If you don’t let them go through This, they’ll just end up being a clone of those pushing what they find acceptable. I’d rather my kids were wearing an eclectic mix of fairy wings, tracksuit bottoms and a crop top than be dressed head to toe in somebody else’s expectations.