Children’s choice of clothes - bad taste!!!

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Yesterday we were shopping and saw that Schuh were having a sale so went in. I was interested in some boots for DD8. I would probably have chosen DMs or biker boots for her. DD came over and said “ I’ve seen these trainers and you’re probably going to hate them” - she was right. Pale pink Fila trainers with the chunky sole. I do hate them. She was obviously disappointed that I wouldn’t get them which made me feel a bit shit. I fully appreciate that as she gets older my opinion about clothing choices will be much less / non existent but how much of her clothes now do you think should be governed by her taste? Obviously Christmas is coming and I may buy the trainers in black or buy biker books which we’d both probably like. My question is not really about what I should buy but how you manage these differences in taste as they get more interested in clothes & fashion.

You need to think about the messages you’re giving her. What’s the real difference between you telling her what her shoes should look like and social media telling her what her body should look like? Empower her to make her own choices, whether or not they’re ‘bad’ ones.

I’m not as liberal as some MNetters. I wouldn’t have permitted the 3 year old outfit to the doctor, on the photo over the page. I think with the pink trainers if you say ‘not for winter’ that’s reasonable. If you say ‘because they are hideously tacky and I hate them’ that’s unreasonable.

Qwertywerty3

Actually, in the 80’s I was allowed to choose and wasn’t given enough guidance, meaning that other parents judged me by my clothes.

There’s a middle way.

Even your title OP. It’s not very nice is it?

DM are not really for a 8 year old or biker boots. It’s bad taste in your opinion but your taste sounds out of sync for any 8 year old.

I let mine pick what they like. This has involved buying a lot of overpriced tat in the teenage years. I'd have gone with the pink trainers. Buying them in black for Christmas is just plain cruel.

This isn’t about you not wanting her to wear a light colour in winter. Your OP clearly says you hate them. Poor kid growing up knowing you “hate” her choices and taste. She has years and years of dressing for work etc. Let her have the pink.

I have an ongoing joke with DH that we should exclaim loudly and tut when we see someone with blue / green / purple hair, in the hope that DS will think this is a sign of true rebellion when he’s a teenager

If you want a goth / biker chic DD, buying her DMs is the wrong way about it

My 8 year old has DM’s by the way and loves them, I don’t think it’s an extreme look. But I think you’re wrong to impose your taste on her.

They'll go fine through the machine. That's just an excuse.

Does she need more trainers? If so then let her have them.

And yes, getting them in black as her Christmas present is awful!!!

There's a difference between not getting them as she has a similar pair already (the purple ones), and not buying them just as you don't like them. If she needs some winter boots/high tops then it's not unreasonable to not get trainers, but should let her choose (unless they are offensive or you have a genuine reason to think she won't end up wearing them).

@Qwertywerty3 I was encouraged to choose my own clothes from a young age, I remember my mother being shocked when age 10 I chose trousers to wear as from around age 4 till then I would only wear dresses and tights myself. She would guide us with the shop choice, and then we would choose within that shop, and that's the method I've chosen to follow with my children, it works and they feel happy and confident in what they wear, even if it's not what I would choose for them to put together (brightly coloured knee high socks pulled up over floral leggings worn under a clashing twirly skirt is not my kind of taste but hey, my child is comfy and happy!)

I suppose reading your updates its a bit different for boys and girls. I guess with girls there is the concern about buying things a bit more sexual. I definitely do think looking at kids at my DC school the girls are a lot more fashion conscious and dress older.

I let my DS pick their own clothes within reason. EG if we're looking for jumpers, they're not picking t-shirts etc. But they do tend to gravitate towards tops and joggers. They do definitely dress more like DH. He quite happily lives in sportswear, never wears jeans. Whereas I prefer to dress smarter. But they're kids, they don't need to look smart.

We're also not out buying clothes willy-nilly all of the time. I tend to bulk buy them a load of new stuff every six months as they grow and the seasons change.

This sort of thing, OP?

If so, she’s much trendier than you are! All the teens in my area are wearing this style.

Seriously though, they are relatively practical, very comfortable and machine washable. Let her have this one.

@Ickabog

She sounds crushed by your reaction. She was probably looking for validation that her mum liked something she had picked out.

I agree with this. It's also very telling that she started the conversation with and you’re probably going to hate them. Obviously it's not the first time the OP has been negative about her daughters choices.

Yep and the teenage years will be great fun my parents were always negative about my own personal tastes, so I deliberately went out my way to hammer my taste point home.

Who puts biker boots on a little kid anyway?

DD is 13 now. I have had no say at all over what she wears for at least the last year apart from uniform and school shoes. She has an allowance and chooses her own clothes as trying to do it together is a terrible experience for both of us. On my estimation you have 4 years at most left to have any kind of say and that will be diminishing.

She and her friends wear stuff that I think looks a bit crap a lot of the time but she probably knows better than me what is in fashion for her age group (lots of very oversized stuff apparently)

I think it's pointless tying to impose your taste as this will have no effect in the end. When she was younger I only vetoed choices on the basis of practicality eg pale trainers in winter, a dress for climbing trees or possibly I would point out if I thought colours clashed but still allow her to wear it.

If you want to impose your tastes on her I promise you it's a battle you will eventually lose and there are surely more important things in life.

I'm guessing these ones op?
www.schuh.co.uk/kids/junior-fila-disruptor-ii-pale-pink-trainers/8610153320/

There's nothing wrong with them. It's you.

I think girls often like and want validation from their mums. Obviously, an 8 year old girl will like different things to her mum but you just go along with it don't you? So, she shows you the trainers? You go,oh wow, they're so nice, love them, maybe they might be better for summer time though?

My three year old would swagger about looking like a tiny blonde Vince Noir every day given the choice

My general rule is as long as it's vaguely weather appropriate then crack on.

I think I'm probably rebelling because my DM was functional over fun. She thinks I'm awful for letting him go to school in a (warm, thick, good quality) Spiderman coat, because it's brightly coloured and cartoony

OP, Buy her the pink shoes, don't get them in black, she wants them because they are pink.

I remember very clearly the pink trainers I begged for and was bought on condition I wore them at about that age. I hated them after the novelty had worn off but they were my trainers and I was stuck with them until my feet grew. Excellent lesson! I don’t do this with DS1 (just 8) because his reaction is ‘Mum, please can you go chose me some new clothing.’

@nerrsnerr you would put £50 trainers in the washing machine 😲.

Crep protect spray much more suitable then they just wipe down.

I ensure that my DCs have what they need and what they like.

My 9yo has sensory processing issues and has been very particular about clothes since he was able to lie on the floor and meltdown about it (he was 2 when I ceased to be able to get dungarees on him ever again). My priority is what he will wear. Shorts (never trousers) , character/ wildlife t-shirts, fluffy jumpers. It's not about my taste, it's about what he will wear and being appropriate to an occasion.

Whether I liked pink trainers or not, they are not inherently less functional or less decent than the black.

I think you need to reach a compromise between practical and letting her have her own style.
Pink trainers might not be great for winter but tell her she could ask for them for her birthday. Don't force black on her!
Tell her she needs something practical for winter but let her choose. Guide her but don't force your taste on her.

@MrsRogerLima, I would (and do). All of our, adult sized and adult priced branded trainers go in the machine on a quick wash. They come out absolutely fine. They are sprayed with protector spray and spot cleaned in between but sometimes only a machine wash will do it,

Ooh. Lots of comments - let me respond.

She wasn’t crushed by not getting the shoes. She also wanted a rucksack and pool
slides and that was just that shop. I haven’t got unlimited money nor do I think she should get everything she asks for. She knows I don’t like them... I don’t. It’s a fact.

She likes biker boots - she was wearing biker boots yesterday. They are last years and are from Marks & Spencer’s. I hardly think they’re inappropriate. She has Dr Marten school shoes and I thought she might like the Chelsea boots. You can blast me for hating the pink trainers but you’re struggling to make me sound evil on those fronts

She does get to choose her own clothes. She can be a bit random and I will say no if it’s too old or doesn’t go with anything else. I’ve just cleared out her old clothes and I feel bad about how much there was. I want to be thoughtful about what we buy.

She hasn’t just started to express an opinion about clothes - I don’t know where that came from.

I don’t really remember getting fashion clothes until I was about 10 and even then it was rare. I can remember getting some pedal pushers my mum got me from the market.