I’m a grown arse woman who spent the whole of dinner feeling bullied and did nothing about it

[Parcelle]

And I’m fucking furious with myself

I’m not a shrinking violet by any means and I KNOW I need to let it go but I was so confused I didn’t do or say a thing and now I’m kicking myself I let my meal be ruined by two absolute pricks.

DP booked a table at a lovely “posh” restaurant in London for our anniversary. I was veering on the side of caution re my outfit so dressed up rather than down and felt comfortable but also hoped I looked nice.

We were seated at a table next to two men. One slouched in what I presume he thought was some kind of insouciant manner all over his chair and the other gave me the most obvious up and down bitchy look as I was being seated.

I took my coat off and had it next to me on the seat and one of the men leans over and says “oh you do know this is the kind of place that has hangers hunny, you don’t need to leave it there”. I just smiled and thought right ok and asked the lovely waitress to hang it for me when she came back.

The second man then did the most obvious wide eyed stare at his friend, looked sideways at me and grimaced and started giggling like a teenage girl. Then then openly giggled and spoke behind their hands for the next 5 mins. It was so clear they were talking about me, my face was burning I just wanted the floor to open up. DP asked me if I was ok but hadn’t noticed what was going on.

I got on with eating my starter and the “leaning” man was pretty much lying down on the bench seat now about 6 inches from me scoffing and talking openly about everyone who walked past his table with his friend giggling and laughing. Someone they knew stopped by their table and again the side eye and up and down look from the first man at me and more grimacing and giggling.

I just wanted to leave. I don’t know why the fuck I didn’t just ask him what his fucking problem was, I’m so angry at myself.

They left after their mains and gave me a “oh by the way lovely dress sweetie” as their parting shot. DP had cottoned on my this point and just looked at me like WTF.

I’m so upset with myself for letting myself be made to feel 2 inches tall by two complete pricks

Honestly OP don’t give it another thought because they won’t have. You’re building it up into something personal and I really doubt it was, some people are just bitchy and yes some gay men specialise in it. You handled it well by not reacting though if it ever happens again leave your coat right where it is.

@RickOShay

Are you a gay man *@MyPersona*

No I’m a woman who calls out casual discrimination. Do you think only gay people are offended by homophobia?

@MyPersona I must be very naive because I pictured them as a couple of drunk businessmen talking business/brokering a deal in a ritzy dining establishment. I never even thought about them being gay. But it seems like you are victim-blaming, blaming the OP for the fact (if they are) they are gay and were belittling the OP. Why should the OP be silenced, simply because the facts are inconvenient? Should she remain silent and not tell her story, in case people like you pounce on her, accuse her of promoting a stereotype (they are the ones that did that, she didn't) and silence her? #MeToo movement can shut up too, then.

@MyPersona The OP seems to have been very discreet, sensitive, and careful not to even hint at their sexuality. I never cottoned on.

[quote Kalula]@MyPersona I must be very naive because I pictured them as a couple of drunk businessmen talking business/brokering a deal in a ritzy dining establishment. I never even thought about them being gay. But it seems like you are victim-blaming, blaming the OP for the fact (if they are) they are gay and were belittling the OP. Why should the OP be silenced, simply because the facts are inconvenient? Should she remain silent and not tell her story, in case people like you pounce on her, accuse her of promoting a stereotype (they are the ones that did that, she didn't) and silence her? #MeToo movement can shut up too, then.[/quote]
So did I they were men.

People will insist that there's a hidden meaning though, they can't help themselves and will bang on about it until they get what they want.

So this sort of thing has happened to me before and I too was just so shocked I didn’t do anything about it. Now, I would ask to be moved but at the time I didn’t even think of that. So what I will say is it has nothing to do with you. They were just horrible. Please try not to let it eat you up by keep going over it in your mind as then that in prisons you in a way that’s worse because there is nothing you can do about it now - only decide what you will do if unfortunately it happens again.

Well a fair few people did ‘cotton on’ so not that discreet. We’ll have to agree to differ. I’m out. The OP has fucked off anyway. Please don’t @ me any more.

I'm sorry but @MyPersona yer talking shite and making crap up to be offended.

The OP did not say they were gay. She did not use any stereotypical terms or slurs that have been traditionally associated with gay men. She didn't say camp. She never mentioned the word flamboyant. She made no references to acting feminine or even limp bloody wrists! She didn't say the men were a couple. There was no mention of the two men canoodling or even acting like a couple. She described their actions. She recounted their words. We have no proof that she has added anything to what actually happened.

The fact remains that gay or straight, they did what OP said they did. Would it be less if a thing if they were gay? Or do you think OP made up a whole story just to have a go at homosexuals?

@TooTrueToBeGood

Their sexual orientation is irrelevent. Being rude and obnoxious is not a result of sexuality nor should the sexuality of rude and obnoxious people influence how you deal with them.

So I get why you're annoyed with their behaviour OP but making it anything whatsoever to do with them being gay somewhat undermines your moral high ground.

The OP didn't make it anything whatsoever to do with them being gay. In fact, she went out of the way by not even mentioning their sexuality. Others on here looking for an argument did.

Aside from anything else please report the restaurant. Restaurants doing this shit puts others in jeopardy of being allowed to open.

So sorry you had to experience these knobs

Don’t know that the op is female , to be fair

Obviously, who else?

@MyPersona

Well a fair few people did ‘cotton on’ so not that discreet. We’ll have to agree to differ. I’m out. The OP has fucked off anyway. Please don’t @ me any more.

They cottoned on after you kept labouring the point, there was no mention of gay until you started trying to promote your own agenda. I have been around bitchy straight, gay and who the fuck cares men. 'Gay' wasn't my immediate go to interpretation of the behaviour described by the op and and it isn't relevant to the post anyway. Its seems you are the one with the lazy stereo typing that has automatically assumed its a rant about gay men. Perhaps check your own prejudices before making assumptions about others.

Sounds like they were drunk tbh. I know what you mean about not saying something though - sometimes I'm fuming but just can't make the words come out.

You had decorum. See it that way. They are nothing to you.

Awww. They couldn't help it, they obviously don't get out much/are allowed out in public much. Do make allowances. Poor little dears.