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Original poster

I’m a grown arse woman who spent the whole of dinner feeling bullied and did nothing about it

215 replies

Parcelle · 25/10/2020 10:20

And I’m fucking furious with myself Angry

I’m not a shrinking violet by any means and I KNOW I need to let it go but I was so confused I didn’t do or say a thing and now I’m kicking myself I let my meal be ruined by two absolute pricks.

DP booked a table at a lovely “posh” restaurant in London for our anniversary. I was veering on the side of caution re my outfit so dressed up rather than down and felt comfortable but also hoped I looked nice.

We were seated at a table next to two men. One slouched in what I presume he thought was some kind of insouciant manner all over his chair and the other gave me the most obvious up and down bitchy look as I was being seated.

I took my coat off and had it next to me on the seat and one of the men leans over and says “oh you do know this is the kind of place that has hangers hunny, you don’t need to leave it there”. I just smiled and thought right ok and asked the lovely waitress to hang it for me when she came back.

The second man then did the most obvious wide eyed stare at his friend, looked sideways at me and grimaced and started giggling like a teenage girl. Then then openly giggled and spoke behind their hands for the next 5 mins. It was so clear they were talking about me, my face was burning I just wanted the floor to open up. DP asked me if I was ok but hadn’t noticed what was going on.

I got on with eating my starter and the “leaning” man was pretty much lying down on the bench seat now about 6 inches from me scoffing and talking openly about everyone who walked past his table with his friend giggling and laughing. Someone they knew stopped by their table and again the side eye and up and down look from the first man at me and more grimacing and giggling.

I just wanted to leave. I don’t know why the fuck I didn’t just ask him what his fucking problem was, I’m so angry at myself.

They left after their mains and gave me a “oh by the way lovely dress sweetie” as their parting shot. DP had cottoned on my this point and just looked at me like WTF.

I’m so upset with myself for letting myself be made to feel 2 inches tall by two complete pricks Angry

OP posts:
queenofknives · 25/10/2020 11:15

@Smallsteps88

one of the men leans over and says “oh you do know this is the kind of place that has hangers hunny, you don’t need to leave it there”. I just smiled and thought right ok and asked the lovely waitress to hang it for me when she came back.

Btw the correct response to this is to look him up and down like he is a talking piece of shit who has the audacity to try and gain your attention and then turn to your partner and say “as I was saying...” and finish a conversation you may or may not have already been having. Leaving your coat exactly where it was.

Agree with this. You were right not to say anything to these two bullies. Responding to them is beneath your dignity. They are insignificant, miserable, and horrid people and you should feel good about yourself that you would never behave in such a way.
AhoyMeFarties · 25/10/2020 11:17

@Oldraver

They sounded drunk or coked up. Not nice either way
I thought Coke too You kept your dignity Parcelle
dudsville · 25/10/2020 11:18

That's awful, so childish on their part. You were hurt and felt it. There's nothing to be ashamed of, the shame belongs to them. How sad that this was meant to be a special night out for you. People can be such little shits sometimes. You kept to the high ground. There's a lot to be said for that.

TartanLassie · 25/10/2020 11:19

Honestly as PPs have said this is about them, not you. Every single person in that restaurant would have thought they were coked up assholes!

How could you have handled differently? Not sure you could, why create a scene on your lovely night out? What good would have done?

You need to shrug this off, it was always about them. They're fuckwits and you're not.

Not sure you could have done or said anything without disastrous outcomes. If they were drunk coke heads it could have ended violently.

You did the right thing and retained your dignity.

MyPersona · 25/10/2020 11:19

Did you name change for this thread OP?

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2020 11:20

I can't believe your partner didn't notice any of this or even notice you getting pissed off about it.

notacooldad · 25/10/2020 11:22

With the rest of their general behaviour in the restaurant ( lying almost down on a bench seat) it sounds like they were off their toes on coke.
Knobheads! Shake it off and don't think about them again unless you are making it out to be an amusing story to your mates ' you should have seen these dickheads! OMG, they had no idea how to behave!!!'

Whatwouldscullydo · 25/10/2020 11:23

I can't believe your partner didn't notice any of this or even notice you getting pissed off about it

Maybe he thought if they were talking to his wife they were leavinghim everyone else alone. Hmm

Loving the idea they would have to be coked up to do this and this isn't a regular occourance for women...

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/10/2020 11:24

Maybe they wanted to see you walk over to the hangers cos they wanted to leer at your body or something crap like that. Especially if they were giggling with someone else that came over. It's possible they were just doing the usual crap of "look at the tits on that" or something lame like that.

I often prefer to keep my coat with me regardless of any hanger system. Lots of people do. Even in the richest of people in the poshest of restaurants. Too many hangers are placed in public view, and I usually have house keys or car keys in my coat [pockets and don't want to start faffing around taking stuff out of them in case someone swipes them.

I think you should get some put downs prepared for in case your nice evening gets interrupted ever again with stupid behaviour like that.

"Don't you worry about me, love, I'm a grown up and can make my own decisions about where I put my coat. When you are a grown up you'll be able to do that too."

Or, when they're skitting everyone who goes past, just say loudly to your DP "Thank god I'm out with a real man, too many men these days seem to be running for Bitch of the Year award".

DotBall · 25/10/2020 11:25

Nothing worse than a coked-up posh twat who also happens to be a bitchy queen stereotype who thinks they have the right to comment on anyone and everything.

Sets the LGBT+ agenda back decades, sadly. Non of my gay friends and acquaintances are like this, and such men do them all a disservice.

DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe · 25/10/2020 11:26

Maybe they thought you were so out of your husband's league and so well dressed that you must be a high class escort so were joking about it? 😄.

I remember my DH taking me to have a ring made for an anniversary and when DH introduced me as his wife the jeweller said, cool as you like, "I'm sure she is sir." I felt so embarrassed, but then,I am out of his league 😂 (well was, 25 years ago!).

Smallsteps88 · 25/10/2020 11:27

Maybe they wanted to see you walk over to the hangers cos they wanted to leer at your body or something crap like that. Especially if they were giggling with someone else that came over. It's possible they were just doing the usual crap of "look at the tits on that" or something lame like that.

I very much get the impression that wouldn’t interest these two men.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 25/10/2020 11:28

Kudos, OP. They were looking for a reaction and you gave them absolutely nothing. It clearly frustrated them, hence they had to leave with an openly hostile parting shot.

You say your DP was blind to it, and IMO men often are when it comes to this kind of childish passive-aggression (a situation in which I have ample experience via my delightful in-laws). Note that he only noticed when the behaviour became overt. Imagine how frustrating it must have been to have wasted all that energy and received nothing in return for their efforts.

This is other people's baggage; something to be psychologically dumped at their feet as the ones who own it. You're a complete stranger; you're not compelled to carry it for them. This is not about you. It's about a couple of sad inadequates who are really worthy of nothing but pity.

Flowers
Martinisarebetterdirty · 25/10/2020 11:28

The best way is to ignore it - nothing will have pissed them off more. If you’d risen to it then they would have told their pathetic coked up selves that they’d won and it would have got worse. Sorry it spoiled your night - Don’t let it spoil today too.

nearertonature · 25/10/2020 11:29

I had this once by a man and a woman on Valentine's day - clearly laughing at me and my outfit.

Tbh, I just thought, what a pair of sad sacks that they have gone out for a meal together and clearly have nothing to say to each other so have to bitch about strangers instead.

Sorry you had that experience OP, what sad losers that they live their lives like that. I genuinely do think that people that nasty aren't especially happy people.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/10/2020 11:29

I remember my DH taking me to have a ring made for an anniversary and when DH introduced me as his wife the jeweller said, cool as you like, "I'm sure she is sir." I felt so embarrassed, but then,I am out of his league 😂 (well was, 25 years ago!).

Are you Julia Roberts and is your husband Richard Gere?

WaxOnFeckOff · 25/10/2020 11:31

If I thought they'd be the only ones impacted, I'd tell the restaurant that you've just tested positive and would they kindly pass this on to the gentlemen on the table to the side of you... 14 days isolation might give them time to think about what they've done....

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/10/2020 11:31

I very much get the impression that wouldn’t interest these two men.

Op has not referred to what she thought their sexuality appeared to be.

DarkDarkNight · 25/10/2020 11:31

Poor you. Sounds like they might have money, a well off background but absolutely no manners or class.

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2020 11:31

Off topic I know

But is it only in my area that staff aren't allowed to take coats, due to Coronavirus?

Any restaurant I've been in lately makes people hang them on their chairs. Even the hairdressers won't take them off customers.

justanotherneighinparadise · 25/10/2020 11:32

I’d assume they were coked up.

nearertonature · 25/10/2020 11:32

I remember my DH taking me to have a ring made for an anniversary and when DH introduced me as his wife the jeweller said, cool as you like, "I'm sure she is sir."

Grin Economy must have been strong back then. Don't think many businesses would be rude so customers nowadays.
MyPersona · 25/10/2020 11:33

@DotBall

Nothing worse than a coked-up posh twat who also happens to be a bitchy queen stereotype who thinks they have the right to comment on anyone and everything.

Sets the LGBT+ agenda back decades, sadly. Non of my gay friends and acquaintances are like this, and such men do them all a disservice.

It’s the OP who has introduced and reinforced a lazy and offensive stereotype actually, to the extent it appears to be the motivation for the thread.
Smallsteps88 · 25/10/2020 11:34

I have a friend who wears very colourful and mismatching outfits. She stands out. People do stare and there is nudging and whispering and laughing. She either doesn’t notice it at all or has made a fine art out of pretending she doesn’t. Either way- she doesn’t give a shiny shit what others think of how she looks. She rocks.

Smallsteps88 · 25/10/2020 11:34

Op has not referred to what she thought their sexuality appeared to be.

No. She hasn’t. She didn’t need to.

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