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Original poster

I’m a grown arse woman who spent the whole of dinner feeling bullied and did nothing about it

215 replies

Parcelle · 25/10/2020 10:20

And I’m fucking furious with myself Angry

I’m not a shrinking violet by any means and I KNOW I need to let it go but I was so confused I didn’t do or say a thing and now I’m kicking myself I let my meal be ruined by two absolute pricks.

DP booked a table at a lovely “posh” restaurant in London for our anniversary. I was veering on the side of caution re my outfit so dressed up rather than down and felt comfortable but also hoped I looked nice.

We were seated at a table next to two men. One slouched in what I presume he thought was some kind of insouciant manner all over his chair and the other gave me the most obvious up and down bitchy look as I was being seated.

I took my coat off and had it next to me on the seat and one of the men leans over and says “oh you do know this is the kind of place that has hangers hunny, you don’t need to leave it there”. I just smiled and thought right ok and asked the lovely waitress to hang it for me when she came back.

The second man then did the most obvious wide eyed stare at his friend, looked sideways at me and grimaced and started giggling like a teenage girl. Then then openly giggled and spoke behind their hands for the next 5 mins. It was so clear they were talking about me, my face was burning I just wanted the floor to open up. DP asked me if I was ok but hadn’t noticed what was going on.

I got on with eating my starter and the “leaning” man was pretty much lying down on the bench seat now about 6 inches from me scoffing and talking openly about everyone who walked past his table with his friend giggling and laughing. Someone they knew stopped by their table and again the side eye and up and down look from the first man at me and more grimacing and giggling.

I just wanted to leave. I don’t know why the fuck I didn’t just ask him what his fucking problem was, I’m so angry at myself.

They left after their mains and gave me a “oh by the way lovely dress sweetie” as their parting shot. DP had cottoned on my this point and just looked at me like WTF.

I’m so upset with myself for letting myself be made to feel 2 inches tall by two complete pricks Angry

OP posts:
Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 25/10/2020 12:39

If you’d said anything back or made a scene it sounds like they are the type of people who would have revelled in their drama. Don’t be so hard on yourself OP. Like you said in your original post, they were bitching about everyone walking past so the problem is definitely with them, not with you.

Silvergreen · 25/10/2020 12:40

Pair of coked up hairdressers. Fuck them.

Coffeecak3 · 25/10/2020 12:45

Actually @Parcelle they shouldn’t be hanging coats up during the virus.
I was told to keep mine on the back of the seat.
As a pp has said in future act as if you don’t even know they’re there if you are ever in a similar situation.

RonaCor · 25/10/2020 12:45

What sleazy, uncouth arseholes. You were out celebrating an anniversary and they were two sad creeps who will probably never have a long, happy marriage to celebrate if that's how they behave. What losers.

Original poster
Parcelle · 25/10/2020 12:47

OK, I can sort of understand why anyone would this is odd. It is fucking odd, hence the reason I posted. I don't generally post about going to the shop for bread and nothing happening.

Yes i've name changed. I name change constantly. Too easy to add the dots on here and out people in real life. Been on here since 2007 when DS was born.

Yes they were gay for people implying I was trying to insinuate anything. Didn't include in OP as it just turns into a 'why are you mentioning they are gay/elderly/BAME post'.

OP posts:
OwlOne · 25/10/2020 12:49

@Silvergreen

Pair of coked up hairdressers. Fuck them.
Lol that is such a good put down. I have nothing against hairdressers but it works as a put down if you need one.
Original poster
Parcelle · 25/10/2020 12:50

Would post a link to dress but again, no interest in outing myself in real life where I have posted extensive highlights of my weekend Wink. It was an standard, midi length dress. Nothing 'outstanding'.

Restaurant was the Ivy. Bench/table seating on the right as you enter. Can confirm tables are under 1m distance from each other.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 25/10/2020 12:51

Yes they were gay for people implying I was trying to insinuate anything. Didn't include in OP as it just turns into a 'why are you mentioning they are gay/elderly/BAME post'

Which it would have done. People are poised for shit like that just to derail a thread and get it taken down....

Silvergreen · 25/10/2020 12:51

Ignore people for trying to insinuate you're being homophobic. I'm a lesbian and this type of behaviour from (a tiny minority of) gay men is a recognised thing and very confusing and upsetting for women who first experience it.

TooTrueToBeGood · 25/10/2020 12:58

I have a generic response to this type of behaviour that is very effective. Word it as you choose but along the lines of:

"By your age you really should have figured out that trying to put others down won't boost you up".

In one sentence you're questioning their intellect, calling them out for childish bullying behaviour and telling them clearly it's not going to work with you. Finish off with a look that intimates you will quite happily rip their arms off and beat them unconcious with the soggy ends if they don't take the hint.

jessstan1 · 25/10/2020 12:59

They should have been more than six inches apart from you. They sound vile but it wasn't you, they'd have been the same with anyone else in their vicinity. Stupid men.

jessstan1 · 25/10/2020 13:00

I hate attitudes of sniggering at people and trying to make them self conscious.

MintyMabel · 25/10/2020 13:01

Recent reviews have also pointed out lack of SD

But you went anyway?

I don’t think they fancied me at all, not sure I was their sort

What does this mean?

MyPersona · 25/10/2020 13:02

Yes they were gay for people implying I was trying to insinuate anything.. But you were!

Anyway someone near you in a restaurant behaved rudely and you didn’t have the social skills to deal with it. That’s the gist.

MintyMabel · 25/10/2020 13:03

Yes they were gay for people implying I was trying to insinuate anything.

Ahh, I get it - it’s a “bitchy gay men” thread.

AWaspOnAWindowReturns · 25/10/2020 13:03

That would be the cocaine talking, I would think.

I'm sorry their bad manners tarnished your night out OP.

Please don't give it any more thought though - they were idiots, end of.

nearertonature · 25/10/2020 13:03

Again, no one can make anyone feel anything

So untrue. And quite damaging as it tells people who are being bullied that their unhappiness is due to their own weakness.

If someone has a great store of resilience due to having a good and loving family, a good childhood, good friendships, well respected at work - yes that person is very likely to shrug off the occasional arsehole.

Someone whose life has not given them a great store of resilience is likely to be much more affected by arsiness.

And even people who are strong can be broken down by persistent and ongoing bullying.

We are social mammals, we live our lives through others. Yes, others do affect how we feel. Even when we can shrug off arseholes, that is often because we have love and regard from other people, and that love and regard causes us to feel good enough to shrug off the areshole.

Original poster
Parcelle · 25/10/2020 13:05

Yes ok, it's a bitchy gay men thread. Those horrible queens glad you worked out the subtext, well done you Hmm

So, i'm going to go and enjoy my Sunday now and leave this thread alone. Thanks for all the positive replies. Have a good one

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 25/10/2020 13:06

this type of behaviour from (a tiny minority of) gay men is a recognised thing and very confusing and upsetting for women who first experience it.

This is possibly the most ridiculous response I’ve seen on here for a while.

gamerchick · 25/10/2020 13:08

And we're off 'ding ding. Grin

Who wants to put a bet on how long the thread takes to be derailed.

Enjoy your afternoon OP.

gurteee · 25/10/2020 13:08

@Oldraver

They sounded drunk or coked up. Not nice either way
This was my first thought too.

Sorry your dinner was ruined but Om glad you didn't give them the satisfaction of a retort.

Agree with pp who advised to ignore. These particular types of arsehole WANT to get under your skin so don't give them the satisfaction.

They'll do it to the wrong person one day...

TiddyTid · 25/10/2020 13:10

My first thought was that they were gay and some gay men really do not like women and these two were probably that as well as being a pair of twunts.

Enjoy your Sunday OP and put them out of your mind. You behaved better than I would. I would've let myself down by causing a scene 😂

AlwaysLatte · 25/10/2020 13:12

Where was your partner in all of this? My husband would have dealt with them swiftly!

TooTrueToBeGood · 25/10/2020 13:14

Their sexual orientation is irrelevent. Being rude and obnoxious is not a result of sexuality nor should the sexuality of rude and obnoxious people influence how you deal with them.

So I get why you're annoyed with their behaviour OP but making it anything whatsoever to do with them being gay somewhat undermines your moral high ground.

Smallsteps88 · 25/10/2020 13:20

OP didn’t you know that on MN you’re only allowed to talk about the shit way you’ve been treated by men if they’re straight men?

Swipe left for the next trending thread