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Original poster

I’m a grown arse woman who spent the whole of dinner feeling bullied and did nothing about it

215 replies

Parcelle · 25/10/2020 10:20

And I’m fucking furious with myself Angry

I’m not a shrinking violet by any means and I KNOW I need to let it go but I was so confused I didn’t do or say a thing and now I’m kicking myself I let my meal be ruined by two absolute pricks.

DP booked a table at a lovely “posh” restaurant in London for our anniversary. I was veering on the side of caution re my outfit so dressed up rather than down and felt comfortable but also hoped I looked nice.

We were seated at a table next to two men. One slouched in what I presume he thought was some kind of insouciant manner all over his chair and the other gave me the most obvious up and down bitchy look as I was being seated.

I took my coat off and had it next to me on the seat and one of the men leans over and says “oh you do know this is the kind of place that has hangers hunny, you don’t need to leave it there”. I just smiled and thought right ok and asked the lovely waitress to hang it for me when she came back.

The second man then did the most obvious wide eyed stare at his friend, looked sideways at me and grimaced and started giggling like a teenage girl. Then then openly giggled and spoke behind their hands for the next 5 mins. It was so clear they were talking about me, my face was burning I just wanted the floor to open up. DP asked me if I was ok but hadn’t noticed what was going on.

I got on with eating my starter and the “leaning” man was pretty much lying down on the bench seat now about 6 inches from me scoffing and talking openly about everyone who walked past his table with his friend giggling and laughing. Someone they knew stopped by their table and again the side eye and up and down look from the first man at me and more grimacing and giggling.

I just wanted to leave. I don’t know why the fuck I didn’t just ask him what his fucking problem was, I’m so angry at myself.

They left after their mains and gave me a “oh by the way lovely dress sweetie” as their parting shot. DP had cottoned on my this point and just looked at me like WTF.

I’m so upset with myself for letting myself be made to feel 2 inches tall by two complete pricks Angry

OP posts:
ssd · 25/10/2020 10:55

@Smallsteps88

Men who hate women. They’re everywhere. What you encountered was two who are kind enough to let everyone know so we don’t waste a single second getting to know them.
Jesus what a bitter post.
Bidl · 25/10/2020 10:56

You could look it in two ways... they might have fancied you and still being filthy rude a holes and talking about you.

Or they could have just been a.holes in general.

It’s so nasty either way. I’m sorry they ruined your lovely meal. Men can be so horrible.

Smallsteps88 · 25/10/2020 10:58

one of the men leans over and says “oh you do know this is the kind of place that has hangers hunny, you don’t need to leave it there”. I just smiled and thought right ok and asked the lovely waitress to hang it for me when she came back.

Btw the correct response to this is to look him up and down like he is a talking piece of shit who has the audacity to try and gain your attention and then turn to your partner and say “as I was saying...” and finish a conversation you may or may not have already been having. Leaving your coat exactly where it was.

Smallsteps88 · 25/10/2020 10:58

Jesus what a bitter post.

Grin what a naive post.

weaselwords · 25/10/2020 10:59

Vile bullies. Use this experience to work on your self confidence. If they had been picking on something you weren’t already sensitive about you would have just laughed at them. Take what you need from this.

Trufflepuffpuff · 25/10/2020 10:59

It sounds like they were trying to make you feel like you were out of place there. The irony is they're the ones with the classless behaviour and the way they were acting - needing to put other people down to make themselves feel better - suggests they weren't feeling particularly at home in their surroundings...

Sorry, it sounds rubbish but it really does suggest insecurity on their part and nothing to do with you.

Oldraver · 25/10/2020 10:59

They sounded drunk or coked up. Not nice either way

bumblenbean · 25/10/2020 11:00

What the hell? What a pair of total bellends. Clearly they thought they were somehow amusing or witty Confused Let’s be honest it says a lot more about them than you - as PP said there are some men who get a kick out of undermining / mocking women; can’t see them doing it to another man Hmm

I can totally understand why it made you feel shit - I would react the same - but please try not to dwell on it any further. Their opinions are utterly irrelevant. Sadly we come across twats like this every now and then- don’t waste any more headspace on them.

Blondiney · 25/10/2020 11:01

Don't be furious with yourself, they wanted to get a rise out of you and you denied them that. As someone with a revolting temper, I would have probably poured a drink over them and created a scene. Your way is better, trust me.

WitchesSpelleas · 25/10/2020 11:03

I've been on the receiving end of that sort of shit many times. It stinks.

Jaxhog · 25/10/2020 11:04

The way I look at it is, they'll still be wankers tomorrow and you'll still be you. Amazing , clever, and awesome. Seriously think no more about this .

This.

category12 · 25/10/2020 11:05

Wow. That's awful, OP. What a pair of shit-birds they were.

Whatwouldscullydo · 25/10/2020 11:06

How did your dh not notice...Hmm

I dont think he sounds any better tbh

They are arseholes . And fully agree with small

MyPersona · 25/10/2020 11:07

What a very odd scenario. Unbelievable really, that two total strangers would behave like that. Takes all sorts I guess.

gypsywater · 25/10/2020 11:07

Why didnt your DP stand up for you?! Wtf.

Classicbrunette · 25/10/2020 11:08

I’d just give them stares back !

WitchesSpelleas · 25/10/2020 11:09

How did your dh not notice...

In my experience, male companions in pubs/restaurants rarely notice this going on. I think it's because in most cases the experience of being harassed by strangers is alien to them so it's simply not on their radar that people on another table would be paying any attention to them.

Nomorepies · 25/10/2020 11:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 25/10/2020 11:11

“oh you do know this is the kind of place that has hangers hunny, you don’t need to leave it there”

In that kind of place you don't hang your own coat up do you - the waiter/ess will ask and take your coat for you.

Surprised someone who thought they were clearly so much better than the OP didn't know that really, and decided to display their ignorance by being so rude to her.

MmeD · 25/10/2020 11:12

Probably her DP didn’t notice because he just wasn’t expecting a pair of grown men in a nice restaurant to be behaving like a pair of insecure teenagers on a bus.

Original poster
Parcelle · 25/10/2020 11:13

I don’t think they fancied me at all, not sure I was their sort Grin

DP was completely fucking blind to it other than mentioning the way he’d been pretty much lying down on the bench when they left

OP posts:
furrypesto · 25/10/2020 11:14

I hate people like this so much. The way I deal with it is to take everything they say on face value as if they genuinely mean what they're saying.

So if they say "Nice dress, sweetie," I would reply something like "Oh thanks so much, it was a bargain at xxx and I love it so much. I really like your hat/tie/whatever" and then cheerfully carry on my night. I've learnt that infuriates them more because their bitterness and hatred often seems to stem from insecurity and your perceived security (even if you don't feel it) can act as a sort of armour.

Oh and obviously, it's not you, it's them Flowers

WitchesSpelleas · 25/10/2020 11:14

“oh you do know this is the kind of place that has hangers hunny, you don’t need to leave it there”

Stupid comment anyway. People have all sorts of reasons for wanting to keep their coats to hand in a restaurant.

QuacksInTheDark · 25/10/2020 11:15

It definitely says more about them. How embarrassing for them to behave like silly bitchy little teenagers in public. One day they’ll do it to the wrong person and get their arses kicked and what a sight it will be.

diddl · 25/10/2020 11:15

"oh you do know this is the kind of place that has hangers hunny, you don’t need to leave it there”

Isn't that when you just say "Ok" or "yes I know"?

Where I live it's pretty standard so I'd be thinking it odd that it was felt worthy of a mention!

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