has parenting changed or was my childhood unusual?

[pallyfally]

Should start by saying I do have great parents and they have always stood by me and are good fun. I see them a lot and we get on mostly.

I just wonder if anyone else had a similar thing growing up and maybe it’s just normal? My mum was a stay at home mum but I don’t remember doing anything with her growing up, yet now I’m an adult I see most parents doing things with their kids...taking them to play centres at the weekend, daily trips to the park, lots of walks, painting, cooking, just activities day to day.

I have a couple of memories of us doing painting but it was all highly controlled and stressful because of any mess. We never ever cooked as far as I recall, no cake baking for instance.

When my sister was here I would get her out of her cot, I was age 4, and we would go downstairs very early and watch tv. We were perfectly happy doing this but I just don’t recall my parents being around and it strikes me as odd now? Obviously we were well fed and looked after so they must have appeared at some point but I just can’t imagine having a four year old and 1.5 year old getting on with things on their own like that. It’s quite funny I suppose but just surprises me.

I always remember having a book read at night but that stopped by age 7 if not before which is normal I think. Christmas and haownee and Easter and birthdays very much celebrated and we went on holiday a lot and taken to museums etc lots of learning. I’m talking more about day to day life really and how I have no memories of doing much with my parents like that.

Is that sort of thing normal, some parents just not into the whole activity thing and doing things together on a day to day basis?

I’m 45, it’s funny reading this as it’s rekindled lots of memories.
I was always with grandparents through childhood a lot, my mum left my dad and us when I was 7 which was very unusual back then.So because my dad worked shifts we were at Grandparents.They were very much children should be seen and not heard.
One of my nans has a dog and the highlight of the day was taking the dog out.She also had a lovely garden growing tomatoes/runner beans which I think inspired my love of gardening ( in reality she had a small garden in inner London in a ground floor flat an crammed it full)
The thing that stands out to me is the lack of affection.We were never spoken/chatted to over things that may have bothered us.We were not cuddled and told we were loved.Someone upthread said we were just by products of marriage and factored in.I spent insane amounts of time alone with my brother being very bored at our grandparents.Once we were old enough to be left at home, then we created a bit more fun bike riding etc.
I think kids now also get their mental well-being more looked at and looked after.That just did not happen.
Now as a child if I had my mother leave again , I probably at some point may have a chance to have counselling etc , the same if a child looses a parent they get offered grief counselling etc. I could have done with my mental welfare a lot better looked after as the trauma followed me around until I could access that time of thing in my late 20s.

I killed the thread

Aww you didn't kill it, sometimes if you haven't commented for a while, it drops of the My threads.

A mix of memories and agree re the affection. I do know my parents loved me but there was little demonstration to be fair. My Dad's parents committed suicide when he was 7, a week after each other. Left him and his brother in abject poverty living with grandparents but at times given into the children's home when they couldn't afford to feed them. My dad had a bad stutter all his life and my mum would never donate to Barnardos because of the treatment my dad had there back in the days. :(

Phew

Most parents now would be horrified by the freedom we had back then., kids are far more capable than most adults think they are

I honestly think that many of the problems which so many of today's children seem to experience are a result of not being given more responsibility earlier. When they have to take responsibility for them selves they simply can't. My grandchildren's primary school did not allow children below Year 5 leave school alone, they had to be collected even if their route home, in a small village, was safe and direct.

I was born in 1968 so I was a child in the 70s the only organised activity was brownies And I went to that every week. Other than that we made our own entertainment and it was brilliant playing out all day with your friends playing Charlies angels, the $6 million man, hide and seek it was magical children today don't have the same freedom and it's such a shame

How come all these kids could read so early when they weren't read to? They taught themselves?

I remember a soft play place - Jungle Jim's? Near Blackpool or Fleetwood? I was amazed by it all.

I'd have been around 8 - so 1990 ish.

@grassisjeweled in my case my Dad taught me to read and read to me every night for ages until I fell asleep.

Then, my brother arrived and my mother got annoyed at my lovely dad was sitting with me all evening so it stopped. I was six and wasn't ever read to again.

@grassisjeweled

I remember a soft play place - Jungle Jim's? Near Blackpool or Fleetwood? I was amazed by it all.

I'd have been around 8 - so 1990 ish.

Jungle Jim’s was in Blackpool Tower! It was awesome. It was still open until just a few years ago. Lots of classmates birthday parties there in the 90s.

There was also Professor Peabodys in the Winter Gardens which was even better than jungle Jim’s and even had a dark ride as part of it and a cool sciencey bit.

The Sandcastle water park had a small soft play and climbing area which looking back now was an accident to happen as you had to access it from the pool so you’d be soaking wet.

There was also a soft play in the Pleasure Beach but the height restriction was ridiculous. I was very abruptly told off by a staff member for being too big (“right! You! Get out you’re too big, this is for little ones, they don’t want you coming in and hurting them because you are so big. Get out NOW”)
and made to leave. I was four 😢.

Further afield there was Tarzans in Hambleton (bit closer to Fleetwood, could you be thinking of both Jungle Jim’s and Tarzans?) which, as I got older, was my favourite. I think I was about 12 the last time I went there, it was pretty cool.

It’s so weird reading that people think soft play didn’t exist in the 80s and 90s. My childhood was full of it! Even some of the pubs had soft play party areas inside. We also had a carpet place Allied Carpets near Blackpool that had a giant ball pond inside. I used to beg my parents to get their new carpets there just so I could play!

I grew up in the late 70’s / early 80’s. I went to Dance, then Brownies then guides, And youth club 11-14. I also had piano lessons. I was read to every night until I could read On my own 6/7. My mum taught me how to cook but not tidy or clean. We lived rurally and I watched some limited TV but I didn’t have many play dates. I had a great time wandering around the countryside and doing things which were very dangerous in hindsight. Once I got a bike I used to disappear for the day with my friends. We would cycle miles away. Our safety net was a 10p to use in the phone box.

I love this thread. I used to go on holiday to Blackpool(amongst other UK holidays) and I have many fond memories of Professor Peabody's and Jungle Jim's.

The Allied carpets thing made me smile too. My Grandmother used to take me there fairly regularly, this was in Glasgow though. I think half of the town's children spent a good part of their early childhood in that ballpit. I can still remember the way it smelled.

Poor you though ILiveNearby for the softplay incident. What a horrible way to speak to a child.

perhaps we learnt how to play though?
i did lots of playing and drawing.
no day time tv

in fact the only day time tv was wimbledon.

I was a child in the 80s and my parents both worked so time was limited, but we certainly had to do a lot of entertaining ourselves - reading, playing or watching Telly....

We were taken to the park and swimming, they came and watched if we played sports locally, we went to church weekly but none of the constant entertainment we (I) are so guilty of.

I was born in '84. My Mother and Grandmother spent a lot of time with me and always took me to places. My Father not so much but did spend some time with me. We regularly ate out In cafes and restaurants too. I'm an only child so perhaps that helped but I think spending time with me would have been important to my Mother regardless of how many she had. She worked near non stop but always found time for me. I feel very lucky.

I did have time to play on my own too and especially to read. I was a total book bug and had time with friends. I think the balance was just about right.

I’m 40s and don’t remember my mum ever playing with us. I think expectation was feed us, keep the house nice, get us to school, keep us looking smart etc that was parenting. They just sort of left us to our own devices and got on with their lives. Different times.

I remember things like making pom poms, lanterns for Halloween and pototo printing. Days out, we didn't have a car so they would be by bus so less often. Lots of freedom and outside play.

My children have all done a lot of activities and clubs that just weren't available when and where I grew up.

My mum never played with us though. She says it is because she didn’t know how to as she was one of 5 children and her father was sick for a long time and then died leaving her mum a single parent so she just used to help her all if the time.

@Disfordarkchocolate did you make the lanterns from ‘Watch with mother’?! It was actually before my time but we had a video of it and I LOVED it and still make those paper lanterns every Xmas!

It’s a generation thing. Parents delivering children to various activities wasn’t something I remember in my childhood in the forties/fifties. It was normal to get yourself to the Girls Life Brigade or Brownies and I even went to the local temple which was really the Band of Hope where I promised not to swear, gamble or drink!!! It was fun and us local kids enjoyed it. We took ourselves to the museums etc which were quite close. We had a radio and that was it. What we did do was read.When I had my children in the sixties it was roughly the same but with the added delights of colour tv. My friend’s children were treated the same. My girls had some ballet lessons and went to brownies, one joined the Red Cross and later became a nurse but these were really local interests and although we supplied uniforms and bought things like musical instruments we didn’t do the ferrying around that today’s parents do. I have always loved books so I tried very hard to pass this love onto them.

I don't remember 'Watch with Mother', @pallyfally. We used to carve turnips for Halloween (bloody hard work) and make paper lanterns that we would colour in and put on jam jars too. Very simple, just a rectangular piece of paper and a few parallel cuts.

@Disfordarkchocolate the nostalgia is like a big hug!