has parenting changed or was my childhood unusual?

[pallyfally]

Should start by saying I do have great parents and they have always stood by me and are good fun. I see them a lot and we get on mostly.

I just wonder if anyone else had a similar thing growing up and maybe it’s just normal? My mum was a stay at home mum but I don’t remember doing anything with her growing up, yet now I’m an adult I see most parents doing things with their kids...taking them to play centres at the weekend, daily trips to the park, lots of walks, painting, cooking, just activities day to day.

I have a couple of memories of us doing painting but it was all highly controlled and stressful because of any mess. We never ever cooked as far as I recall, no cake baking for instance.

When my sister was here I would get her out of her cot, I was age 4, and we would go downstairs very early and watch tv. We were perfectly happy doing this but I just don’t recall my parents being around and it strikes me as odd now? Obviously we were well fed and looked after so they must have appeared at some point but I just can’t imagine having a four year old and 1.5 year old getting on with things on their own like that. It’s quite funny I suppose but just surprises me.

I always remember having a book read at night but that stopped by age 7 if not before which is normal I think. Christmas and haownee and Easter and birthdays very much celebrated and we went on holiday a lot and taken to museums etc lots of learning. I’m talking more about day to day life really and how I have no memories of doing much with my parents like that.

Is that sort of thing normal, some parents just not into the whole activity thing and doing things together on a day to day basis?

No soft play in the eighties, my mum used to hang out in a local coffee shop and we'd be taken along. Dad would take us to our swimming lessons every Saturday and then go to the betting shop whilst we stood outside waiting for him

Same with me I entertained myself from dusk til dawn. My brother and I got on with things. I remember my mums friend looked after me once and we did baking and cutting out and sticking and I was blown away. I loved it!! Wasn't my mums style though. I remember going out with the local kids and to the park as young as 4. Definitely before I started primary school. Weekends were literally just watch tv play on own and outside with the other kids.

Because life isn't like this now is why I don't want children of my own all the non-stop entertaining and guilt!

We'd play board games as a family on a Saturday evening though

@sociallydistained totally! Things that would have happened naturally like playing out with friends in the 80s, now have to be engineered and arranged by parents in the form of play dates!

@bluebluezoo Halloween I'd say

Sounds like my childhood in part, I remember the set up to paint or use markers taking ages because there needed to be newspaper EVERYWHERE, and we did walks up mountains or went for drives and so much shopping. Our local park didn't have playgrounds and I think we did soft play once or twice. But I would consider my parents fantastic parents.

I remember the same about my brother in the cot, but i have a 4 and 1.5 year old now and there's now way he'd get him out of the cot physically so I wonder is that something that actually happened much later

I was a 60s child and I can remember our mother taking us out regularly in the summer,open air swimming pool,seaside picnics etc but my Dad was never involved. I have great memories and all our days out involved her best friend and her two sons ...happy times . She never played with us at home and we would go of out and meet our friends in the local village,fields and North Downs from quite a young age ...all was good.

[quote gingganggooleywotsit]@sociallydistained totally! Things that would have happened naturally like playing out with friends in the 80s, now have to be engineered and arranged by parents in the form of play dates![/quote]
It's a shame because I have such happy memories of just being out with whatever kids happened to be there lol. Making dens, playing football, playing made up games etc. When your bored you get creative and that's what kids lack with non-stop entertainment!

I’m 64 and my parents never played with us, except a Friday evening board game. We just got on with our playing indoors or went “ out to play” . My mum had too much to do, washing, mangling, found shopping every day, no mod cons at all so playing with children was not an option.
I had my children in the 80’s and early 90’s. I played with them but because my friends and I were stay at home mums, we got together with each other and the children played to gether. I definitely did craft, reading, puzzles, trips to the park but often the playing was “ let’s start making the Lego and then you carry on while I go and make the tea/ ironing / chat with knittingnannys friend”
My grandchildren are played with more in their own home than mine were but spend more time out of home in another setting eg nursery, play groups, soft play, music groups, etc where someone other than parents are leading the play.
Swings and roundabouts

I remember my mum doing things with us, especially taking us for days out in the holidays. But when I was growing up, there were no automatic washing machines. No tumble dryers. No microwaves. No freezers, so shopping for fresh food had to be done more often. Only one car, which my dad needed for work - and many families didn't even have that. Coal fires which had to be raked out and relaid every day.

In short, parents in the past had to spend much more time keeping the house going and didn't have so much time to play with their children. They didn't have the money to pay for multiple activities for two or three children. And without a car, it wasn't possible to ferry all the children around to lots of different activities.

But I was rarely, if ever, bored, and don't feel at all that I missed out. I think children today whose time is constantly filled and supervised by adults don't have the opportunities for independent creative play that we had, and the chance to develop their imaginations.

This has got me thinking. Me and my siblings occupied ourselves or played out with friends. Our parents did no interactive play with us. I don't even remember being read to! There was ballet classes for my sis but I think she got herself there and no-one went to watch her. I also recall being in the nativity play and my mum being a bit pissed off at being asked to attend, ha ha. When I think about it now they weren't very interested in any of us and just fed and clothed us. I'm not saying we were ignored but the love wasn't showy or personalised IYSWIM.

I didn’t do much with my parents, my dad worked a lot so occasionally I was allowed to go to work with him (builder) or I was allowed to go fishing with him on a Sunday. I can remember going to the beach as a family once other than when we went on holiday. From the age of 9/10 I spent most my spare time out playing with friends so only came home to eat and sleep. My grandparents used to take me to the zoo during the school holidays.

I do much more with my kids, not sure if they are really bothered, we go on holidays, lots of day trips, parks and the beach.

As a 70+ year old I can certainly say that we didn't feel the need to micro-manage every second of our children's life as seems to be the norm. So many children have loads of toys etc but spend far less time playing with them than our children did, I may have let the children help out in the kitchen when they were small but not much. We went out to parks etc obviously but didn't feel the need to be out every day.

I think in a strange way it's because more mothers were SAHMs that it was less intense. My mum was a SAHM and was brilliant but I don't have many specific memories of her spending time doing elaborate activities with us (though we would go swimming etc). She was often busy with cooking, cleaning, housework, gardening. She also volunteered quite a lot in the community e.g. charity committees with other SAHMs organising fundraising events. I would play outside a lot and had quite a bit of freedom to go all call on friends etc. I also watched a lot of TV!

I think there's a lot more pressure on mothers now to make time together 'special', perhaps because for most there is less time to spend together. Plus social media etc making it seem like everyone else is doing all those things.

I don't even remember being read to!

I don't either, but that was because I could read fluently by the time I was five, and didn't need or want to wait until my mum had time to read to me.

I think the idea of leisure time being centred around the children is much more of a thing now: I did stuff with my parents, day trips, baking, bits and pieces, but we were left to our own devices and expected to play out a lot.

I think the rise in two-parent working families probably has a lot to do with this. I would imagine a SAHM feels less pressure to squeeze "quality time" in with her children than one who only gets an hour awake at the end of each weekday.

I know people decry helicopter parenting and everyone is nostalgic for the hands-off days of the 70s but I actually think its better to be a bit more conscious about this.

Yes its good not to micro-manage your kids but leaving them in front of the telly for eight hours on a weekend isn't great IMHO>

Another 70's child here - mum def didn't spend as much time with us as l do with my dd although l did have an older sister so we entertained each other. Agree with pp who said they are micromanaged now and there should be a balance. The pandemic has forced me to not do as much stuff with dd out and about but l am seeing that as a positive thing. Truth be told, a lot of the things we do are for my benefit as much as hers!

I don’t think life was child centric back in the 70s and 80s. My parents were great but they took us to things that interested them, like art exhibitions and the ballet - same here.

Thank God.

Despite being thrown out of the Tate age 3 for 'rearranging' the bricks in a modern sculpture, still reckon the best playground ever is a good museum.

Times & parenting has changed.

Some for the better, but certainly not all.

I am VERY thankful to have been a child when I was 70's/80's.

Yes. Being a kid was boring as fuck. Which is why, like a pp, I read all the books. Books my ds won't touch at 11 cos they're too hard, I read at 7 or 8 cos I had nothing else to do in winter if there were no kids about.
We had days out with patentsn summer holidays, but never with other families. Aunties and gparents took us out, which my kids don't have I think my mum was quite anti social though.

Parents report spending considerably more time on childcare now - which is particularly striking giving that so many more mothers now work and the use of paid childcare is so much higher.

I'm in my 50s, I think that is fairly normal. I do remember trips to the beach and the park but I think i remember them as they weren't the norm. We had a fairly hands off existence really. We went exploring, to the museum, into town, to the pool or cinema very much by ourselves and from an early age.

As a baby and toddler, we'd be strapped into the pram outside in the common drying green and left to watch the world go by. I guess parents just had a lot to do and providing us with entertainment wasn't high up the agenda.

I had a happy childhood and got on well with my parents most of the time as a child and adult.

@StarShapedWindow. I agree that outings were far less child-centric, we mainly went to places my parents were interested in (not that I didn’t enjoy most outings) but we never went to an adventure park, for example. I did bake with my Mum and my Dad would tell me stories but I played with other children in the village most of the time or did my own thing at home/in the garden. There was definitely less pressure to entertain children compared with today!

And it would appear that the average father in 1965 did essentially no childcare at all

Child in the 60's here. Walked to school alone at 5, used a bus at 9, took younger brother on the bus to a very big swimming pool aged 9.
Church on Sunday followed by colouring in. Out, wild the rest of the time.

Child in the 60's here. Walked to school alone at 5, used a bus at 9, took younger brother on the bus to a very big swimming pool aged 9.
Church on Sunday followed by colouring in. Out, wild the rest of the time.