has parenting changed or was my childhood unusual?

[pallyfally]

Should start by saying I do have great parents and they have always stood by me and are good fun. I see them a lot and we get on mostly.

I just wonder if anyone else had a similar thing growing up and maybe it’s just normal? My mum was a stay at home mum but I don’t remember doing anything with her growing up, yet now I’m an adult I see most parents doing things with their kids...taking them to play centres at the weekend, daily trips to the park, lots of walks, painting, cooking, just activities day to day.

I have a couple of memories of us doing painting but it was all highly controlled and stressful because of any mess. We never ever cooked as far as I recall, no cake baking for instance.

When my sister was here I would get her out of her cot, I was age 4, and we would go downstairs very early and watch tv. We were perfectly happy doing this but I just don’t recall my parents being around and it strikes me as odd now? Obviously we were well fed and looked after so they must have appeared at some point but I just can’t imagine having a four year old and 1.5 year old getting on with things on their own like that. It’s quite funny I suppose but just surprises me.

I always remember having a book read at night but that stopped by age 7 if not before which is normal I think. Christmas and haownee and Easter and birthdays very much celebrated and we went on holiday a lot and taken to museums etc lots of learning. I’m talking more about day to day life really and how I have no memories of doing much with my parents like that.

Is that sort of thing normal, some parents just not into the whole activity thing and doing things together on a day to day basis?

@bluebluezoo

haownee

Assuming this is an autocorrect or typo but can’t figure out what it is?

Halloween!

How old were your parents when they had you @Popcornismandatory ? Sorry to hear you lost them early but sounds like you had a wonderful relationship

I’m 36, didn’t do activities generally with parents (maybe zoo every couple of years, soft play once a year but usually with a friend’s parents)...I had to fit in around the adults and certainly wasn’t entertained 24/7 the way kids seem to be now. I had to learn to occupy myself and sit quietly and behave early on. Never had a bedtime story or a real sort of tuck in/cuddle routine. My parents wouldn’t have known what to do as they didn’t get much physical affection or tenderness from their own parents. My Mum started this “5 minute cuddle” thing when I started school where I would get a cuddle for 5 minutes a day but it didn’t last long, maybe 6 weeksish. Now it seems bizarre. Saying a 5 year old could have a cuddle for 5 minutes then off she had to trot and forgot about any other cuddles or spontaneous affection.

I didn’t do activities but I know I was reading fluently before I started at school and did baking, shopping (which let’s face it took an age pre supermarket), playgroups with my mum. The thought though of a 4yo getting and 18m old out of the cot and heading downstairs foes horrify me a bit. Mine are that age and while I do leave them to play together, I’d always have an ear out as it doesn’t take long for one of them to make the other one cry or shout.

Totally normal. Times have changed so much. When they arent at school my kids are with me nearly all the time, they are lovely but that wasnt my experience as a kid. I was kind of seen but not heard, well, a bit.
Some sort of balance would be nice.
I don't really live in an area where mine can play out.

I think it must also depend a lot on what kind of people your parents are and what kind of lives they lead in any generation? I was an 80s baby and we did lots of day trips and that kind of thing and would never have spent the whole weekend at home - but nor would my parents ever do that now that it's just the two of them. DH and I would sometimes spend the whole weekend slobbing around the house before we had DS and at the end of it we'd both say what a waste it had been and how little we enjoyed it compared to our usual busy weekends - so we do take him out a lot but it doesn't feel like that's pandering to him, that is what fitting him into our existing lives looks like to us. Both us and my parents also were/are lucky enough to have disposable income for leisure, which obviously also makes a big difference.

I always say to my Grandchildren, as I’m climbing a tree with them, or going up a mountain, my Mother would never have done this with me, let alone my Grandmother! Yes it has changed! Oh and I used to get left in the car outside the pub when I was 7/8, for 3 hrs in a Sunday night. This was not unusual! Holidays were planned round what parents wanted/ needed. I always say that my generation flipped it, and put the kids first, ( mine were born between 86 & 97). The problem with this is that we have never been a priority. And that would be the basis of my thesis if I ever went to Uni!

I like to take the best of both worlds. I think it's important for children to learn to entertain themselves and not depend on adults all the time.
When I was growing up I remember the simple things. Some of it was going into town with my mum shopping, walking around the park, going for walking holidays and sailing holidays, going to the opera, going to museums, going youth hostelling, going swimming, ice-skating with my dad (the deal was he would go skating with me and I would do karate with him), baking with my mum, often on a Sunday when she'd cook a pudding and we would do it together. Most of it wasn't aimed towards me though.
I think balance is key. I go swimming once a week with my toddler, we go to the park, have a walk a few times a week, I'll get the play doh out and do some painting perhaps once or twice a week. We'll make cakes once a week. He's expected to play on his own quite a bit too. We will spend a couple of days a week normally doing not a lot. I might read some books to him during the day or do a bit of play. But he needs to learn to entertain himself, I don't want him depending on me too much. I try to get him helping, he gets his clothes out, fetches things for me and his baby brother, helps to make lunch and dinner by getting things out and putting things in pots etc. He comes shopping and helps load things up on the till etc. These are all activities and I think parents have forgotten this and think they need intensive entertainment like soft play, wildlife parks, stuff aimed at kids.. All the time!

I didn't do much with my parents either. Maybe it was less of a 'thing' years ago, I don't know.

I am almost 40 and my parents were older so maybe their expectations were 10 years out of date, but I was similar to you. I remember begging for playdoh once. Remember it had to be made because the ready made stuff was so expensive. She hated all craft and it was actively discouraged so she eventually go mad and gave in. I remember fighting back tears when she made slammed the playdoh on the table in front of me and said, "Here! Here's your bloody playdoh now get on with it." Baking was a similar story. I also used to spend a lot of time watching TV alone, or playing out in the garden alone at 5.

I could go on... I don't actually know what my housewife mother did. She certainly spent a lot of time shouting and hitting me for cheek or mess making. She had 6 hours of school time to do jobs.

In contrast, I spend all DDs waking, not at school hours with her when possible. I lie with her until she falls asleep and I read until she is ready to fall asleep. Maybe I am over compensating so I don't know OP. I definitely think that many others were the same. I was expected to make my own entertainment and certainly not expected make any requests for money or toys.

Sounds like my childhood and I'm mid 40s. V fond memories but ny mum didnt play with me and she was sahm too . We occasionally did painting or baking but again stress over mess.

My dad read to us or played board games at Christmas/rainy days. They took us to museums etc but the park, playground or swimming was a rare treat. I realise now they were a source of stress/boredom or expense to her.

I always vowed I wouldn't be the mum that never played with her kids, kids imaginative games are a bit boring when they're young. I preferred an activity like game, jigsaw or colouring. I shall have to do painting g with my ds this week as he keeps asking andvive kept deferring because I'm tired and its messy and needs supervising.

I had an 80s/90s childhood. Mum didn't play with us, we went to the park on our own, we played out or in our room/garden. We had quite a lot of chores to do. I don't remember being read to but I could read very early. I wasn't allowed any hobbies that cost any money and never went to any activities like children do now. But then again there wasn't the disposable income or the same level of social support as now.

I was a child in the 60s/70s and also largely just played out with friends after school and at weekends. We used to roam quite long distances from an early age, but there was usually a group of us.

My parents did take us camping and hill walking for holidays and we had a lot of pet animals. Walking and pets are still a large part of my life now.

I do have a hatred of organised activities and my DC seem to have inherited that. I schlepped them off to the usual - music lessons, tennis club, dance club, but they wriggled out of them as soon as they could.

I’m in my 50s and from a large family. No TV until I was 10 or so.
A lot of my time with my parents was spent watching and learning. So cooking, cleaning and crafts (knitting/darning) with DM and out in the garage with DF or polishing shoes, fixing stuff and pottering in the garden.

We were expected to pull our weight in the house from an early age, so washing up and laying the table, going to the shop for small things, all stages of laundry and meal preparation were a given from about 6. Christmas Day was the only day the Best Pottery came out and we weren’t allowed to wash up! Pets were also that person’s responsibility.

DM had a Saturday job and DF would take us to the local library or some free event. A Youth Hostel holiday if we were lucky. We all did Scouts or Guides and the Church had a strong social agenda. Team sports with secondary school.

The rest of the time it was play at home or on the street. Trikes, bikes, scooters, skipping ropes, tennis balls, elastic, Clackers, cat’s cradle...
Then as we got older we wandered around in groups. I remember trying to make fires or going to the newsagents with a few pennies for sweets or a comic.

So I think we were overseen by parents but the activities were pretty mundane! I was read to until about 6 when I could do it myself. I remember card games, Ludo, Monopoly, (darts and Bagatelle at DGM’s) and Scrabble from the 70s. Older kids were expected to keep an eye on younger ones.

With my own it was just me/babysitter and them with toys, Lego, DVDs and TV. We had child-centric days out, holidays and daily trips to the park until 3yo. Then they went to kindergarten and came home exhausted! I enjoyed reading aloud so that continued until 11(?). Neither of them is interested in crafts or cooking, in spite of my offers! Both are musical and DC2 draws for fun. DC1 is still a Lego and LOTR fan.

Maybe because housework is done at the touch of a button, Internet and TV fill our waking hours and manual skills like mending are no longer necessary, there is no need to bring up miniature adults. If they want to learn those things they can do it piecemeal from YouTube. So “creative play“ has become a thing. And what few motor skills kids have are learnt at soft play or controlled sports activities.

All this in 40 years!

Grew up in the 80s. My Dad and uncle took us (and cousins) swimming once a week. We did fairly often go to the park (we lived opposite). We did activities like Brownies and swimming club. But most of the time when we were at home we just got on with it and made our own entertainment. We did sometimes cook with Mum but not frequently. My grandmother, for some reason, would make me sit and copy out pages and pages of text in the hope that I would learn the information contained. That was hours of fun. [hmmm] We didn't play out in the street.

The real big differences I notice is that 1) we never ate out in the UK (did sometimes when we were on holiday). Like, I remember once, in my whole childhood, going out for a meal and it was to a Harvester. I thought it was the poshest thing ever! We would get a McDonalds or fish & chips once a week after swimming and that was it. Even on days out during the summer holidays we would always bring a packed lunch, never eat in the venue's café. My parents ate out sometimes, but never as a family. Whereas I frequently (coronavirus notwithstanding) pop in to cafés or restaurants with dc and it's just not a big deal.

and 2) we never had 'play dates'. I don't remember ever going to another child's house except for birthday parties (always at home!) until I was 10. Then I would quite often go round to a few friends' houses, but never before Year 6. My Mum did not spend ages organising my social life. I just didn't have one until I was old enough to organise it myself. Although it might have been different had I been an only child - I think my parents probably relied on siblings and copious cousins to entertain one another. We would fairly frequently meet up with the children of my parents' friends, but that was so the adults could socialise together and there was no particular interest in whether the kids actually got on with one another or not. I was at least 3 years older than most of them so not really great friends, but we just got on with it.

My childhood was the same as yours, did a few things but not day to day, parenting has changed.

I think the difference is I used to play out on the streets, so was always with other kids, kids these days don’t play out on the streets so the parents have to take a more active role.

My dad did childcare in the 1950s and 60s onwards. He worked nights and would deal with us during the day when my mum worked. At weekends he would sometimes play football with the boys and I remember him taking me to the cinema a couple of times. I mostly remember him making lunch for us when we popped home from school.

In the 11970s, my brother worked nights and looked after his kids during the day while my sil worked. He would get home around 4am and sleep for a few hours and then get up when my sil left for a nursing shift. He used to collect my other brothers kids after school as well as his own and would have 4 to look after and then go out to work again. He's never slept more than 4 or 5 hours in his life!

Yes it’s definitely changed. My dad was great but the idea of ‘family time’ at the weekends is a new one to me. We never went on a family day out unless we were on our one week (British) summer holiday. Weekends were spent doing errands (Friday big shop with mum after school, we’d often get dragged round shops on a Saturday too), some extra curricular activities (we did dance classes) and mum would do a roast on a Sunday. Dad might take us down the tip with him or to the hardware shop on a Sunday to get us out the way while mum cooked, he was always tinkering with something in the shed or garden. But we almost never had a ‘day out’ or trip out at the weekends, there wasn’t the money and anyway people just didn’t do that!

If we were so free, why aren't we with our kids? I very much like the hands off approach because a. I'm lazy and b. After working with kids all day, I'm too done for my own. They did more activities than me (pre ld) but I won't let them go to the park without me together, but I did at their age. Oldest dc is 11 and beginning to roam a bit, and it terrifies me. But I had been roaming ready by his age. Having said that, we didn't have county lines and drug dealers so close.

We did lots of baking and crafts but often were left to our own devices. We made dens and amused ourselves.

If we said we were bored she would tell us to go outside and play, kids don't do that so much now.

My mum let the 12/13 year old girls in the street take me to the park when I was 2/3 years old, I was still wearing reins. Couldn't imagine that happening now.

I'm in my early 40s and grew up in America.

My mum was a single mother, but she also isn't very hands on. I have seen with my daughter that mum usually just prepares a snack and puts her in front of the TV, or mum will teach her to play a game on the iPad and expect her to get on with it.

I'm not sure how usual this was. I think some parents of my friends were more hands on. However, I think it made me super independent. I usually just want to be left to my own devices as an adult

Dh and I both children of the 60s. There weren't things like soft play around, but I certainly have very happy and many memories of joining in family activities. We baked a lot, both with our parents and on our own from quite an early age. Also cooking. By the time I was 10, I and my older brothers took it in turns to cook Sunday dinner, sourcing recipes from cook books. We made our own Christmas decorations. Also helped with DIY from a young age: painting and decorating. And we used to sing together, and played musical instruments. I wasn't very good at it, but my brother and my mum used to play duets. They took us fishing and taught us how to deal with the catch. My mum taught us to sew and knit. Generally speaking, they taught us things they were interested in and thought were useful and they expected us to join in.

There weren't so many child-specific activities around, but I had a general sense that adults liked having children around and that families did family things together.

Dh probably had fewer intellectual activities, but similar memories of just joining in family activities: decorating, cooking etc. Again, a sense that his parents liked having him around.

We did both of us spend a lot of time amusing ourselves as well. I had 3 brothers, so I relished any moment I could get to myself.

I walked to school on my own, but then children where I come from still do. Other than that, I think my parenting style has been very similar to my parents.

Rolling fags and polishing the brass at the grandparents was our Saturday entertainment

It was all about the parents when we were small, now it’s all about the DCs and I’m very bitter that it’s never been about me.
There, I’ve said it!

@NoProblem123

Rolling fags and polishing the brass at the grandparents was our Saturday entertainment

It was all about the parents when we were small, now it’s all about the DCs and I’m very bitter that it’s never been about me.
There, I’ve said it!

Gawd bless you marm! Seriously though. Yeah this

And we'd walk 6 miles to the beach when we were in primary school, it's through country lanes but I wouldn't walk to it now as there's so much traffic on roads without footpaths. It's just different times now but I'm glad we had so much freedom.