has parenting changed or was my childhood unusual?

[pallyfally]

Should start by saying I do have great parents and they have always stood by me and are good fun. I see them a lot and we get on mostly.

I just wonder if anyone else had a similar thing growing up and maybe it’s just normal? My mum was a stay at home mum but I don’t remember doing anything with her growing up, yet now I’m an adult I see most parents doing things with their kids...taking them to play centres at the weekend, daily trips to the park, lots of walks, painting, cooking, just activities day to day.

I have a couple of memories of us doing painting but it was all highly controlled and stressful because of any mess. We never ever cooked as far as I recall, no cake baking for instance.

When my sister was here I would get her out of her cot, I was age 4, and we would go downstairs very early and watch tv. We were perfectly happy doing this but I just don’t recall my parents being around and it strikes me as odd now? Obviously we were well fed and looked after so they must have appeared at some point but I just can’t imagine having a four year old and 1.5 year old getting on with things on their own like that. It’s quite funny I suppose but just surprises me.

I always remember having a book read at night but that stopped by age 7 if not before which is normal I think. Christmas and haownee and Easter and birthdays very much celebrated and we went on holiday a lot and taken to museums etc lots of learning. I’m talking more about day to day life really and how I have no memories of doing much with my parents like that.

Is that sort of thing normal, some parents just not into the whole activity thing and doing things together on a day to day basis?

I was born in the late 70s so was an 80s child.

It was standard to walk home from school with the other kids from the street, get home at 3.30, get changed and play out till 5 pm when we had to be home for dinner.

I went to Brownies but walked the mile or so alone. I organised my own piano and keyboard lessons in my teens and my parents paid for them.

In the summer kids played out all day, I also went to youth club where they had trips every Friday.

I was allowed to go out unsupervised on my bike for long distances from the age of 11. I was allowed to take the bus into town with a friend from 10. I was allowed to take the train into Edinburgh for the day aged 14.

We did go to the park alone but were also taken for days out to the park with trampolines, tennis courts and a boating pond. We went to the fair a couple of times a year and days out to the beach.

Most parents now would be horrified by the freedom we had back then., kids are far more capable than most adults think they are.

I did live in a safe street with almost no traffic and loads of kids, the families all knew one another.

80s childhood
My parents were present, but not child centric.
I lived out of school catchment and didn't know any children within a couple of miles so other than the occasional play date/ going round for tea, it was me and my imagination.

Dog walk on a Sunday. Tip or garden centre if you were lucky

Was a child in the 70s and we were quite free range and left to our own devices. I have no recollection of child-based activities like there are nowadays.
I have no recollection of bedtime stories or anything like that.

We had a lot more freedom.

My parents divorced when I was 5 my brother (3) went w our father I with our mother.

My mother was very hands-off but I do recall cooking/baking with her. she was a chef and ensured I could cook.

She also did lots of knitting/sewing and we did play board games at times. I can also recall doing jigsaws with her.

My father, however, we played so many games. He would read to us story upon story. Play music have us hear different genre's. He took us to museums, art galleries and days out.

Parents were present, but the parenting style was quite different to nowadays.

Late 80s baby. My parents were very hands on, my dad in playing with us, my mum in terms of baking etc. We were also sent to tones of organised activities.

My parents generation had much more freedom to roam outdoors as kids, made their own entertainment more.

I think both have advantages and disadvantages.

I think 90s parenting was quite laissez faire too.

Racking my brains...sometime did an end of term meal out with DM, occassionally fish and chips or chinese takeaway at weekends. DF on the other hand was the one that took us out.. national trusts, nature parks, steam railway, camping. So grateful for that.

Born early 80s here. I remember my Dad telling me when I was pregnant that my child should fit into my life and I shouldn't change anything about the way I live just because I had a child. I think that sums up a lot of attitudes to parenting back then. It's very different now I think. Parents take a more active role in their children's day to day life.

70s child, 3 younger siblings. We played out with the other kids in the street, spent time at either set of grandparent's houses, used the local recreation ground etc. I don't remember doing much at all with my mum, but I do remember arguing bitterly with my sisters over whose 'turn' it was to go to town with her on the rare occasion she was going there. She was always a figure in the background somehow. (SAHM)
I did do some outside activities-piano lessons, youth orchestra, girls' choir. Sisters went to tap dance and ballet classes. I look back and think our granddad must have helped pay for it because no way could my parents have afforded it for 4 of us.

I think it’s only in the last twenty years or so
that everything revolves around the children, so much is marketed at kids, activities, theme parks, holidays,even food!
Many kids are beyond spoiled now and
parents let them rule their lives, it’s good to have a balance.

Mine had and still has quite severe depression and that probably made for an unusual set up. No she didn't bring us anywhere only when my father or aunt organised something.

Then there was a lot of poverty so yes we were fed. My mother never got out of bed to get us ready for school. But I am very different with my children.

I'm forty. This was my childhood too. Parenting has changed

My sisters memory of her childhood is mother chopping carrots. I think sometimes she lived a different life to me. Does it matter? Are you happy now?

Born in the mid 90s I don’t remember doing much either. Apparently we were taken to many places as children but I would’ve been very young to remember. It was only really when we went on holiday that we would do anything. Cinema was only for our birthdays. McDonald’s as well used to have them rarely. I spent most be my time watching tv which my mother didn’t like. So I was sent to tuition on a Saturday ( it was like an extra day of school but we’d finish about 2). In the week I would have a swimming lesson. And then sent for kumon. Even as teenagers, I realised compared to everyone else that they actually did things, went out etc. But we didn’t as a family as such. I think due to social media you can see what everyone else is doing. There’s more to do now as well and it gives people ideas of things to do.

I’m an 80’s child and my parents never did anything with me. My DDad was always at work (7 days a week) so I hardly saw him. My DMum worked part time so was always at home after school and during the holidays but would always make it clear that it was up to me to entertain myself. She never did anything at all with me, every holiday would consist of her obsessively cleaning the house and I grew to hate them. I would get so bored but my Mum would just tell me to find something to do! 🤷🏻‍♀️ I was glad when I got a little older and could go out with friends etc.

And it would appear that the average father in 1965 did essentially no childcare at all

My father spent a good part of his weekends doing diy and maintenance around the house and garden. And he often couldn't have us with him because he was up a ladder or using power tools or sharp things. When we were old enough to be safe around whatever he was doing, then we would sometimes 'help'.

Children back then had much less 'childcare'. Babies/just walking toddlers were popped in the playpen with toys to play with. Older children were left to play with mum popping in every now and then in between getting on with other things.

I am a 70s child, born in 1968, and we played games and baked all the time with our parents. My parents were very focused on doing things as a family so we spent lots of time together.

They were in a close knit friendship group with lots of children of similar ages to us and we all used to play games together most weekends. Most of my childhood memories were of playing big involved games outside, charades, chocolate game, singing, board games etc. We used to go away with different families within that group in the holidays, usually camping. Fabulous memories.

They were a very close group and I felt as though I had loads of parents!

Yep same here, late 80s early 90s. We went on day trips in the summer that was it really.
I spent most of my childhood running about in the forest and mountains like a wild animal I suppose.
I remember my Mam cooked alot and did ALOT of ironing plus she had a full time job.
I used to play out until very late, remember walking home in the dark.
I walked to school alone from age 6 as well...I remember having to dress myself and sort my bag out and pop off to school.
My Dad did teach me alot of essential skills...like laying a patio, wiring, plumbing, car maintenance, bike maintenance, how to build a retaining wall (!), gardening, digging up and laying foundations for the endless garden sheds, building garden sheds, bleeding radiator's, chopping wood (Christ I was a little kid swinging an axe! I dare not let mine near a knife and fork unattended!) But I could go on and on...I suppose he just imparted a pile of life skills onto me, I must admit I remember everything he taught me!
It was never child focused though, I was treated like a mini adult.
I was expected to walk miles with the shopping as well, along with Mam...Dad refused to get a car and wouldn't give up on his motorbike, so we were stuck with a very bad bus service to the town and having to do a week's shop in one go, always a Saturday. No wonder I have legs like a kangaroo! All that blooming walking.

My childhood was like this - I'm very much well loved and love my parents but it must have just been a thing back in the 80s and 90s? I was mostly out playing by myself with the kids on my street from age 7 or so, or constantly playing video games. Never got taken to the cinema or museums unless it was a school trip. Got taken to the video shop a lot though!

But I did a lot with my grandparents as they looked after me while parents worked, so I have memories of baking with my grandma, playing board games with my Grandad and gardening with him. So I don't really feel like I missed out, but if i have kids I would like to do with them as a Mum what my grandparents did with me, plus all the crafting and trips that parents do with their kids now.

I think back them you were just more left to your own devices?!

Sounds similar to my childhood. Family time wasn't child orientated, I think that was more normal then. We didn't go to zoos, play parks, soft play etc. We went to garden centres, helped my parents do DIY or played whilst keeping out of their hair.

I grew up in the 60’s. We were out almost all of the time, and were pretty much free range kids. Like previous posters, walked to school on my own and was responsible for a smaller child at age 6, buses on my own at 9. This was in a very large city centre. we went swimming, but on our own and at night. chips on the way home. We did guides and brownies, but no one took us or picked us up. I can’t remember my mother baking with us, but I imagine as money was so tight (this was a time when strikes were happening,) she didn’t want to waste ingredients by involving us in the cooking or baking. But it was a very happy childhood, albeit with a good healthy dose of independence most of the time from an early age.

70s kid here too. We did lots of things - picked berries at a local farm, went to the beach, baked cakes and scones, played in paddling pool etc. But the difference is we weren’t looked after constantly. My sister in law plays more board games with her kids in one day than we did in one year! It’s non stop. Exhausting. I can’t believe it’s good for my nieces or my SIL. Both need time alone.

I'm 40 and it sounds very similar to the way I was brought up too. My parents were at work until quite late and then after that it was tea and bed. I remember watching and helping with decorating and I babysat my younger siblings quite a lot when they went out. They did talk to me and answer my questions but we never, ever did arts and crafts or cooking or baking etc together. We went on holidays but never on daytrips at any other time.

The way I look after my own children is similar in lots of ways too: they started getting up and getting their own breakfasts at about 5&7 and dh & I get up an hour or 2 later.

I don't really play with them and I hate messy crafts so the pens, paper, paint, glue etc is just there and they do it themselves. I have taught them how to knit and sew though.

I talk to and listen to them of course and read with them and help with their homework but I don't and never have planned activities for them to do. I didn't realise people did until I came on here!

We don't have a lot of money so we rarely go anywhere apart from a trip to the woods or the duck pond occasionally. Instead they go out and play with their friends on the street or in each others gardens, very much like I did when I was their age but they're not allowed to go as far away.