Would this be really selfish of me and unfair on DS?

[JoanneCofton]

I am a single mum (I do have a boyfriend who ive been with for 3 years but he isn’t ds’s dad and lives in his own house). DS sees his DF at the weekend. I am really unfit and have put on SO much weight since I’ve been with my DP just through eating out more/cost nights infront of the telly. I’m really unfit and struggle to fit excercise in.

I work and I’m a student so that plus looking after primary school ds takes up most of my time. When DS is with his dad I’m either at work/on placement/doing uni work/busy.

I need to do something about my weight though, I am so unfit and creeping towards the morbidly obese category. I have seen an advert for a bootcamp ran by a PT in the next village to me. Her class begins at 6am and is ran 3 times a week. Would I be totally and utterly selfish to get ds up (he is 9) and out the house for 5.30 twice a week? One night a week I stay my DP’s so ds is at my parents then anyway, so it would be 2 days. My mum is willing to have him dropped off to hers at 5.45 and he can snooze, have breakfast etc and I would fetch him and take him school once the class is over. I feel like I’m being really selfish to even suggest this but I can’t do evenings (except the one evening mid week i see DP) as my parents work late shifts so no one to have DS. I’ve looked at a couple of exercise things at the weekend but swimming is fully booked till the end of November and I feel with a boot camp there is more accountability as I pay upfront for a block. It’s only for 6 weeks

Couldn't he stay with your parents those nights too so you don't need to wake him? It's only for 6 weeks.

@Charlieeee76

The thing is OP you need to find a bit of will power. I’m a single parent and I also work in a hospital too.

6 weeks is pointless how will you carry on after the boot camp has ended? It’s probably your diet! Take salads to work because your on your feet so if you are studying nursing you will be on your feet during placements.

There's not really any such thing as willpower.

If you want to develop better habits though I would highly recommend reading (or listening to) Atomic Habits by James Clear.

If you'd be happy travelling to go to this boot camp (and spending so much on it!) can you not just get up an hour earlier and do a YouTube workout on the TV? That way your son can stay in bed, you'll save a lot of money, and you don't have to go waking your mum up at such a ridiculous time either.

I know how it feels to want to lose weight. I lost a lot (12 stone) 10 years ago, but when I got with DP a little bit crept back on (a manageable amount - I'd probably got too thin anyway) but since lockdown I've felt so low and I've been coping by treating myself far too much and the weight has piled on. I don't want this to be me again. I can't let it. But because I feel so low I am struggling with motivation quite a lot.

You HAVE that motivation, so grab hold of it with both hands, but don't make other people suffer.

@ThatDirection no there’s definitely such thing as will power. To form a habit you need to have some motivation to start the gym, attend a swimming class... to maintain this though you need to have will power to do so.

Some people have more will power than others this doesn’t mean will power doesn’t exist just because you may not have much.

@Charlieeee76

That's when my kids get up (8 and 9). They always have. We go down the burn for a walk; they build a den it climb the sides. They have fun. That's what we do before school.
Breakfast is also a big deal in our house, and we sit for half an hour talking about stuff. They help with their chores so they dont have to do anything after school. The rule is no TV in the morning so really, they do anything apart from that.

I grew up like that, on a farm so a bit different but its bit unusual or cruel or any of the other things being said in this thread.

There's not really any such thing as willpower.

Can you explain what you mean? I think I disagree with you, but I might not have properly understood what you're saying.

I dont think I would do it but I'm sure he will be fine.

My DM had no help with us when we were young and she worked at a local community centre type place, we would get up at 6 walk 5 minutes to the place in our pjs and watch tv whilst she set up for the day. She would drop us to school then back to work. We were fine with it and it hasn't negatively affected me, quite the opposite actually. Posters will go on like its child abuse, ignore the dramatics if you and him are fine with the set up, then crack on.

@WhereverIGoddamnLike if your children naturally wake up at that time I suppose that’s different. Most children won’t get up at 5am Monday to Friday it’s a long week I would be tired myself as an adult by the end of the day.

@unmarkedbythat

There's not really any such thing as willpower.

Can you explain what you mean? I think I disagree with you, but I might not have properly understood what you're saying.

Sorry - that was a flippant throw away remark. I didn't mean no such thing - just that it is overstated as an isolated reason why some people lead healthy lifestyles and others don't. Many other factors ascertain how easy it is to exercise self-control at any given time.

Lifestyle choices are often driven by one's identity, the type of company they keep or want to keep. They set their lives up to make it easier to resist temptation.

I'm not sure I can explain it very well, but there is much literature on it if you search on willpower science or look at a book like The Willpower Instinct.

@ThatDirection the only people that I hear say this is people who struggle to diet and stick at the gym. I’m not skinny by any means. I know when I’m eating too much and I know that I’m bottom heavy and sometimes I’m unhappy so I get myself to the gym and eat less!

There’s no way of having your cake and eating if your not naturally thin.

🤣🤣 pre covid times my kids were up at 5:30 every day for school. School starts early here. It won't kill him at all.

Have you thought about doing something with your DS? Swimming, football, playing tennis/badminton, or going for a run/bike ride? If you are new to exercise you won’t be doing a huge amount to start with, so should be fine to do it with him.

I play tennis with DS4 - he is terrible, and sends me running all over the court after the balls (which is what I want). He will ride his bike next to me while I run (short intervals only, he doesn’t have the focus to ride in a straight line for more than 5mins). Or we do relay races, where I run to the lamppost and then he does... at 9, your DS should be more than capable to playing sport with you.

I do agree though that diet is more important for weight loss. There are many benefits to exercising, but you probably won’t lose much weight.

Really do give the couch to fitness programme a go. It's free, there's a Facebook group that motivates each other and it's really achievable. I say that as someone who's been obese and unfit since they were 11, now I'm 37, losing weight and getting fitter. Start to end is 30 mins, no travelling to get started. Just roll out of bed, stick a sports bra and leggings on, do the video then carry on with your day.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzyGqy4hi5yAr4wQImo5HgwZIZ58PVyY-

I think it's an awful idea and really unfair on your son.

You seem really motivated, so why not do a workout before he gets up?

I think it's great that you want to do something about your weight but I really don't think this is fair on your DS.

You know your son best, is he usually good at getting up for school or does he need every minute of extra sleep in the mornings? I don’t think it’s selfish on the whole. At 9 he is old enough to be included in the discussion about it, why don’t you tell him you’ve seen a class you’d like to attend only trouble is it’s 6am, ask him how he feels about going to Granny’s super early? You cold also commit to it on a trial basis, if he’s struggling with the early morning and it’s affecting school then be prepared to quit.

*I dont really understand all the "no" replies

My kids are 8 and 9, and for their while loves we are out for a wall between 5.30 and 6am. Usually walk for an hour/an hour and a half then home for breakfast and showers and ready for school.

I grew up on a farm so this was totally normal to me, my kids wake up early anyway like the OP says her son does. We go out no matter what the weather is (and I'm in Scotland so it can be pretty dark, cold and wet!).

What's the problem with getting kids up and out early?*

But that's your lifestyle, u assume your dc are tired from their outdoorsy life and in bed fairly early. OP doesn't even get hone til gone 8pm so assume her ds is in bed pretty late and the lifestyle is rather different /a bit hectic and he's not getting to bed til quite a late hour

Why would your 9 year old be up at 5 on a school morning? It is early and what exactly are they doing from 5am till school starts? It’s a long day for kids

They are helping out with the animals, playing in the garden, eating breakfast, watching tv. Sometimes we go for a walk. It isn't really a long day, no. They get the recommended amount of sleep. If it was such a long day for them then I don't think they'd be choosing to get up as soon as they hear me moving about the house.

I find it quite strange that you can't conceive of a family day starting at 5am. Not everybody wants to waste the daylight hours lying around in bed. Some families have stuff to do in the morning before it gets really hot and school starts. Fair enough if that's not how your house works, but is it really so hard to imagine that some people do things differently to you?

@NeonGenesis what your child does before school is entirely your business. However the fact the your arguing 5am isn’t a long day up until bedtime I’m calling BS.

It’s a long day! Its a 14-15hour day depending on what time your child sleeps.

op in the nicest way possible I think you're setting yourself up to fail. Start slowly and make it work. Diet first, cut all sugar and crap. Are you cooking home cooked meals? Make yourself a really healthy breakfast and be as good as you can early on in case you lose willpower in the afternoon. Start walking around thr block, walk whenever that is an option.

If you want to do this bootcamp thing, start 1 day a week when ds is at your parents'. Good luck op.

Selfish. Can't you find some online thing that you can follow in your own home?

OP I can imagine the no motivation is a killer but I’d seriously start with the diet first. If you can motivate to get up at 5am then you can take a stab at low carbing. Look at that Joe Wicks plan or something, something where you get help. You’ll see a change MUCH faster which will motivate you AND you’ll be able to exercise better, quicker, when you’re a stone or so down. Low carb/Keto is surprisingly good for giving you energy too.

how old is he?

is walking/jogging while he sleeps a thing? 30 mins in a morning?

yes i do think its slightly selfish getting him up and at your mums at 5.30, it will impact him at school

Personally this is not something I would do, I think it’s selfish. There are plenty of other ways to lose weight than this.

Tbh a six week course isn’t going to be a miracle cure, you need to rethink your diet and change that combined with exercise, there’s no quick fix.
Dragging your son up at 5am because you can’t stop eating rubbish is selfish,