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Original poster

Would this be really selfish of me and unfair on DS?

179 replies

JoanneCofton · 16/10/2020 00:13

I am a single mum (I do have a boyfriend who ive been with for 3 years but he isn’t ds’s dad and lives in his own house). DS sees his DF at the weekend. I am really unfit and have put on SO much weight since I’ve been with my DP just through eating out more/cost nights infront of the telly. I’m really unfit and struggle to fit excercise in.

I work and I’m a student so that plus looking after primary school ds takes up most of my time. When DS is with his dad I’m either at work/on placement/doing uni work/busy.

I need to do something about my weight though, I am so unfit and creeping towards the morbidly obese category. I have seen an advert for a bootcamp ran by a PT in the next village to me. Her class begins at 6am and is ran 3 times a week. Would I be totally and utterly selfish to get ds up (he is 9) and out the house for 5.30 twice a week? One night a week I stay my DP’s so ds is at my parents then anyway, so it would be 2 days. My mum is willing to have him dropped off to hers at 5.45 and he can snooze, have breakfast etc and I would fetch him and take him school once the class is over. I feel like I’m being really selfish to even suggest this but I can’t do evenings (except the one evening mid week i see DP) as my parents work late shifts so no one to have DS. I’ve looked at a couple of exercise things at the weekend but swimming is fully booked till the end of November and I feel with a boot camp there is more accountability as I pay upfront for a block. It’s only for 6 weeks

OP posts:
Malahaha · 16/10/2020 08:17

@JoanneCofton

He is an early riser anyway so some days he will be up at 5, but then again others 7. He’s goes to sleep at 7pm on the dot. I wasn’t sure if I was being selfish or not which is why I was asking for advice, it’s hard just really hard juggling everything. In my old job he used to be dropped off at the Childminder’s at 6am and she would take him school but that was just temporary after I split with his dad and had to find work as I was a SAHM. I’ll look at doing online classes or booking things in ad hoc. And I know it’s mostly diet, but I just wanted to get my fitness up more than anything. Thanks for the advice though, back to the drawing board!
I see the late risers are up in arms! I was always an early riser, still am. Your son is one too. So I don't see a problem at all. If he, as you say, goes to bed at seven, he'd still at least 10 hours of sleep. Early rising is not the same as sleep deprivation!

I too have put on weight in the last few months and I find doing any exercise programme on my own just doesn't work -- I give it up after a while. I need the structure of a class I can actually go to.

I say go for it. It's only for six weeks, and not every day. Good luck!

WaxOnFeckOff · 16/10/2020 08:17

You can't outrun your fork.

Standrewsschool · 16/10/2020 08:19

Join skimming world or weight watchers online, and look on YouTube for Joe wick videos. Probably cheaper on the long run.

Standrewsschool · 16/10/2020 08:19

Do the videos with your son in the evening.

bigdecisionstomake · 16/10/2020 08:20

@Fluffyslippers01

Try YouTube ! There are so many free workouts that you can choose from and by switching between the different trainers I find I get less bored with the workouts. I always choose what I am going to do the night before so it holds me accountable the next day (and I don’t waste 20 min scrolling through at 6:00am). As others have said diet is key in order to loose weight. Good luck :)
This is really excellent advice and I just wanted to second it - choose your workout the night before so you don't end up faffing about for half an hour deciding what to do. If you don't you'll lose half your allocated workout time trying to decide while you're still half asleep!
RowanAlong · 16/10/2020 08:23

Ooh this could be me! Def recommend DIY fitness. Started a month ago doing workout videos in the lounge while daughter napped. Feels a bit forced and silly to start with, but there are so many good ones on YouTube - go for it! Mix it up and see which suits you - doesn’t really matter what it is as long as it gets your heart going every morning! Do you have earphones or something so you could do early morning but not wake DS?

I‘m in the overweight category and I can feel the difference after a few weeks. Currently loving the Leslie Dansone Walk videos - really heart pumping without too much leaping about for beginners!

Oh and yes, ditch the evening snacking/eating late. That’s the hardest bit I find as it feels like I deserve a treat at the end of the day! The exercise is great because you all you have to do is follow it and you’re done. But the not eating late is harder.
Good luck OP!

JamminDoughnuts · 16/10/2020 08:23

6 weeks?
no
perhaps he can sleep the night before at your mum

JamminDoughnuts · 16/10/2020 08:25

glad you have made your decision op.
good luck

notacooldad · 16/10/2020 08:26

I can recommend the Les Mills on line training. They have different 6 week challenges if you want to do something structured. Theres so many different styles if class to chose from. They have short and intense classes to longer ones.
You are more likely to keep them up than wanting to do a cracking of dawn bootcamp on a freezing wet morning.

Gottalovesummer · 16/10/2020 08:27

Could he stay over with your parents the night before your bootcamp?

It would only be for a few weeks.

I think if you have the motivation to get up so early to do this, then you should absolutely try and make it work. Good luck.

honeylulu · 16/10/2020 08:32

Online is the answer I think. Once you get into the routine it's easy to keep up and you can do it every day if you want. I'm not sure once a week will have a great impact. Plus it will be really hard to motivate yourself to go to an outdoor boot camp in the cold dark winter.

I've done an online workout almost every day since lockdown. I'm no slimmer (because I still eat too much) but it's really improved my fitness and mental health. Doing it in the morning sets you up positively for the day.

I recommend Millionaire Hoy (Hoypro). He has lots of workouts including 30 day programmes, one is for beginners. Also Joe Wicks, Pop Sugar, Short Circuits. I try and do a mix of workouts (intense cardio; weights; pilates/ stretch; abs focused ones). I bought dumbbells, kettlebells and a barbell from Amazon and a yoga mat from primark.

Anyway, that's for fitness. If you want to lose weight you need to eat less (and drink less if you like sugary or boozy drinks). That's the bit I need to work on ... hmmm ...

EwwSprouts · 16/10/2020 08:37

Nope it's selfish. Read up on the importance of regular sleep patterns for child development and learning.

Yes it's great you want to look after yourself. Just get up alone and do an early live Zoom class. There are plenty where you have to pay if that is what motivates you to commit to attending.

Cloudybean · 16/10/2020 08:38

I agree with YouTube videos, if you wanted to workout early could you maybe do one a few times a week before he wakes up? Then you can shower and stuff and get ready for the day! Sorry if this is teaching how to suck eggs, but I would recommend starting off slowly on the exercise front, otherwise I used to find my appetite would creep up and I'd be eating more so it wasn't doing much good.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 16/10/2020 08:39

I did a 6am boot camp last year which I loved but god, getting up in the dark so early is tough. I think you'll have a battle on your hands - and the temptation to just hit snooze will be strong.

For me, the only way it worked was that I only had to get up 13 minutes before class started (I made it into a game to see how fine I could cut it Grin). All I did was brush teeth, roll into clothes, pick up my water bottle and keys and go. By the time you factor in sorting out a child...

The only way to make exercise sustainable is to make it fit into your life. This did work for me, but DS was old enough to leave.

Nacknick · 16/10/2020 08:52

What does your son think about the idea? I think it could work if he’s up for it and could be a bit of an adventure for you both. I don’t think it’s selfish at all - you’ve ever already said that he sometimes wakes that early and he clearly opens on those days.
It’s six weeks only and will give you a real boost. For those that are saying do online exercise at home have you thought about how much harder it will be for the op to motivate herself!

Nacknick · 16/10/2020 08:53

copes not opens Hmm

Original poster
JoanneCofton · 16/10/2020 09:08

My son genuinely wouldn’t be bothered, I’m a 2nd HCP student and when I’m doing a clinical placement most wards I’ve been on start at 7am so he’s up and at my parents for 6.15 (5.45 if it’s at a hospital further away) at the latest anyway BUT that’s obviously for a reason in that I have no choice but to be there for 7am whereas this would be something purely for me. When i was with his df I was a lot slimmer and used to be at the gym
For 6.30 5 days a week because obviously there was another adult there.

Have to say the ‘can’t outrun the fork’ comment made me laugh 😂

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 16/10/2020 09:08

Really really unfair. You need to look at your diet first anyway.

Original poster
JoanneCofton · 16/10/2020 09:14

@AriettyHomily i decided about 10 minutes after I posted last night that it was unfair and I wasn’t going to do it

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 16/10/2020 09:21

Could he not sleep over at DPs on the days you want ? That may be easier for him than getting up at some silly hour .Otherwise if its only for a short time then he will be getting a fitter slimmer Mum whose health is improved as well .

Katela18 · 16/10/2020 09:24

Personally I don't think this is selfish! You are still entitled to do things for yourself and you being healthier benefits your son.

But like others have suggested there are definitely other options you could try that wouldn't cause the disruption to him 😁 xx

Bluntness100 · 16/10/2020 09:27

@Katela18

Personally I don't think this is selfish! You are still entitled to do things for yourself and you being healthier benefits your son.

But like others have suggested there are definitely other options you could try that wouldn't cause the disruption to him 😁 xx

Bet if it was you being dragged out of bed at 5 am twice a week you’d have a different view,,
MadameMeursault · 16/10/2020 09:28

I see you’ve decided not to do it, but I’d come on here to say that your DS would benefit from having a fitter mum, and he does need to know that you’re a person in your own right and occasionally need to do things that are for your own benefit. However the reality of trying to get him out of bed in the mornings and round to your mum might be a bit of a nightmare!

Could you talk to the trainer and ask if they could video-stream the classes? Then you could join in at home.

You sound like an amazing mum by the way, working so hard and putting your DS first. Try not to be hard on yourself. And good luck with the weight loss!

Hollywhiskey · 16/10/2020 09:32

@WiseUpJanetWeiss If only that were true for me! Running marathons makes me fat because I come back from long runs starving and feeling like I can justify eating literally anything.
As other people have said, you can't outrun your fork! Exercise because it's fun and makes you feel good and is half the equation in a calorie deficit, but sadly only half.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 16/10/2020 09:33

[quote JoanneCofton]@AriettyHomily i decided about 10 minutes after I posted last night that it was unfair and I wasn’t going to do it[/quote]
Well, I think YABU for this. 😁

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