Would this be really selfish of me and unfair on DS?

[JoanneCofton]

I am a single mum (I do have a boyfriend who ive been with for 3 years but he isn’t ds’s dad and lives in his own house). DS sees his DF at the weekend. I am really unfit and have put on SO much weight since I’ve been with my DP just through eating out more/cost nights infront of the telly. I’m really unfit and struggle to fit excercise in.

I work and I’m a student so that plus looking after primary school ds takes up most of my time. When DS is with his dad I’m either at work/on placement/doing uni work/busy.

I need to do something about my weight though, I am so unfit and creeping towards the morbidly obese category. I have seen an advert for a bootcamp ran by a PT in the next village to me. Her class begins at 6am and is ran 3 times a week. Would I be totally and utterly selfish to get ds up (he is 9) and out the house for 5.30 twice a week? One night a week I stay my DP’s so ds is at my parents then anyway, so it would be 2 days. My mum is willing to have him dropped off to hers at 5.45 and he can snooze, have breakfast etc and I would fetch him and take him school once the class is over. I feel like I’m being really selfish to even suggest this but I can’t do evenings (except the one evening mid week i see DP) as my parents work late shifts so no one to have DS. I’ve looked at a couple of exercise things at the weekend but swimming is fully booked till the end of November and I feel with a boot camp there is more accountability as I pay upfront for a block. It’s only for 6 weeks

Ok so think about your diet first, that is way more important otherwise you’ll be putting all the effort into exercise and seeing no results.
Then, why don’t you and your son start walking together? A brisk walk around the block instead of sitting in front of the tv. He could take his bike/scooter. Collect conkers etc. A year or two and he’ll be able to be left for an hour after school for you to do an exercise class or get to the gym. Good luck

You said you're actually overweight rather than needing to lose a pound or two, and you're not already into exercise.
So your weight loss needs to be sustainable changes that you'll stick with for months and years. What do you see happening after six weeks? Maybe combine one boot camp a week with more walking, bike rides with your son - what do you actually enjoy?
For nutrition, make small changes that you can live with long term. Drink more water. Make 'takeaways' at home (companies like Spice Tailor are amazing substitutes for Indian, if that's your thing). Have half your plate veg. Look at team RH on Facebook for sensible sustainable advice or The Food for Fitness podcast.

I think only you know your child well enough to know whether this would be something that he would adapt to without any problems. If you think he would be OK then go for it.

For what it's worth, I think a little self care (and I definitely include diet and exercise in that category) makes you a better parent. So I feel it is important to carve out time for this even if it means some small sacrifices elsewhere. You will also be modelling a healthy lifestyle to your son which is very important.

I was a single mum for a number of years and I got round this by exercising early in the morning at home, to begin with using DVDs and more latterly, since having an internet enabled TV, by using the free workouts available on YouTube. I appreciate it is easier to have a lie in than get up if you haven't got a class to go to but I used to get my kit out and ready the night before and I always feel so much better after I've exercised that that was motivation enough usually.

If you are able to use YouTube either on the TV or a tablet then search Jessica Smith, she's great and has literally hundreds of different routines of varying types and several complete plans as options on her channel.

Good luck with it all!

I don’t think it will kill him! He can go to bed earlier. There are loads of farming families in my area and none of the kids say “sorry, I’m crap at getting up before 7am, can I lie in instead of collecting eggs/feeding sheep or cows?” There’s nothing wrong with early mornings, but you do have to adjust your evenings. You need the same amount of sleep and may need to be prepared for him to wake at the same time on non workout days.

Why not let him sleep at granny's then he doesn't lose sleep?

No, leave him in bed.

Yes it’s unfair. How will be cope at school all day getting up that early? Why can’t you get up and do a work out DVD or something else? Or go the gym when you have a free day in the daytime
It is rather selfish OP.

Try YouTube ! There are so many free workouts that you can choose from and by switching between the different trainers I find I get less bored with the workouts. I always choose what I am going to do the night before so it holds me accountable the next day (and I don’t waste 20 min scrolling through at 6:00am). As others have said diet is key in order to loose weight. Good luck :)

Have a look at fitness blender on YouTube. All kinds of workouts targeting different areas and for different activity levels. All free!

I lost 2 stone doing workouts at home. And so can you

Getting up that early is on unfair on your DS at this age. Talk to him about it if you’re still determined. Acknowledge his opinions.

And yes I lost all that weight via YouTube videos!! (And low carb diet!)

I’ve only skimmed the replies, other than yours, but I think this may be OK

• if DS is up for it. My DS and DSS would both have been fine at this age and would have absolutely loved an early breakfast at Granny’s
• if your DPs are up for it too!

Sleeping at your parents’ would be another option - again it’s only 12 nights over 6 weeks, and they may all think it’s a fun idea.

It could really get you off to a good start, and is setting a great example to your DS, so I don’t think this is a selfish idea at all.

Good luck either way. I hope you continue to feel motivated.

I really recommend Michael Moseley’s Blood Sugar diet Op, as well as exercise of course. I lost just over 3 stone, two years ago ( it took 18 months, but I lost the first stone quickly) it’s a bit of a shock to the system initially, due to cutting out sugar and you have to try and keep going over the initial slump and tiredness, but when you get past that, believe me, it works and I know many others who it’s worked for too. I didn’t do any vigorous exercise, just a fair amount of walking at that time. I’ve kept it off too.

I’m sure I read that weightloss is 80% diet. Even when I ran 3 times a week I didn’t lose weight until I ate less.

@m0therofdragons

I’m sure I read that weightloss is 80% diet. Even when I ran 3 times a week I didn’t lose weight until I ate less.

This is true, but I find exercise makes me less hungry somehow - certainly less inclined towards the bad stuff. Maybe it’s a state of mind. 😁

Could he join you at the boot camp on these mornings? Great role modelling and practice for his own fitness. As long as he doesn't stay up too late at night, of course he'll be fine.

Top 'school age' athletes, swimmers, gymnasts etc train early morning.

Ok thanks everyone for the replies and thanks so much for the recommendations for YouTube videos, I’ll take a look at them today.

It was just an idea I had late at night last night but wasn’t sure whether it would be too much and swiftly discounted it after reading a couple of replies on here. With everything I have to do it is really hard to fit it all in so early morning was probably my best best but I’ll look at the YouTube videos and maybe look for a class on the morning I’m at my DP’s. Also I wasn’t expecting miracles or anything like that, I’m well aware that it’s my diet that has to change but I just liked the thought of it. Thanks again appreciate everyone taking the time to reply

Exercise is not the solution here OP. As m0therofdragons said, the issue is the food aspect. Cosy nights in need to involve a candle, a cup of tea and telly, not food.

If anything, boot camp style exercise will make you hungrier and less able to get a grip on your intake.

Go low carb, keto or paleo. Do slow yoga style exercises that build muscle twice a day. You will be astonished what you will look like in ten weeks. Don't weigh yourself in the period. Then add in aerobic exercise at that point. You will be less likely to injure yourself too.

I would say that is not ok, it is important that he sleeps well. If you like early morning activity why not do an online work out or study early in the mornings then exercise at weekends. I would be wanting to encourage him to sleep beyond 5 am.

You're very lucky that your mum is totally fine with having ds at 5.30am.My parents don't mind having ds if I ask them from time to time but no way would it be before 9

Or could your parent come to yours so you can go out in the morning.

Applaud you OP for wanting to get fit, but like others have said there are less onerous and much cheaper ways of doing it.

I joined This Girl Runs on FB which is a monthly challenge that you pay £15 for and get a tshirt if you meet your goal. They have couch to 5k groups as well I think. I do outdoor metafit classes that my neighbour runs at £3.50 a pop. Or if you're determined to throw money at it, you could see how much a pt would cost. You might be able to get weekly sessions for more or less the same price as boot camp and they would be adapted for your personal level of fitness and goals.

I think there is a temptation to think that the more money you spend, the more likely you are to solve the problem, whereas with diet and weight loss that simply isn't true. Small changes are more likely to make a lasting impact. Something that really helped me lose weight - which I need to restart - was cutting out any added sugar, great way to get rid of lots of calories without any faff, plus I felt really well on it.

Hi just want to say what a great and positive decision you’ve made to loose weight for you own health and you sons future. Well done! I’ve always refused to join a weight loss group but after being overweight all my life I joined SlimmingWorld after the lockdown and have lost a stone and a half in 8 weeks! I’ve started doing Zumba with a live online instructor once a week and it’s so much more comfortable with less wobbly bits! It’s a donation only class so no pressure to pay big fees! There are easier alternatives to a 5 am boot camp.I think getting up at 5 am will make you more tired and more likely to eat the wrong stuff if I’m honest! Good luck with feeling fitter healthier!

I think you should sort out your priorities.

You say you're busy in the evenings with study/work/life. Why not wake up at 5.30am and do your uni/college/school work then whilst your son is asleep and free up time in the evening?

Also could you not change the times your with your DP to get in an evening at boot camp?

I'm in agreement with others that this will make your son tired during the day and will impact his ability to concentrate/learn. That, to me, is a no-brainer.

Free up some time in the day and join as gym/go for a run or work out from home when he is asleep. Lots of things on YouTube for free that require everyday home items (squats with a pint of milk/bottle of water in each hand, HIIT sessions)
Also join your local freecycle to see if anyone has any free workout bits and bobs to give away.

@Eatmysocks

And yes I lost all that weight via YouTube videos!! (And low carb diet!)

That's great but I'm sure most of the weight loss was due to following a low carb diet rather than exercising. If you're strict with low carbing, the weight will fall off and regular exercise will keep it off 👍