Would this be really selfish of me and unfair on DS?

[JoanneCofton]

I am a single mum (I do have a boyfriend who ive been with for 3 years but he isn’t ds’s dad and lives in his own house). DS sees his DF at the weekend. I am really unfit and have put on SO much weight since I’ve been with my DP just through eating out more/cost nights infront of the telly. I’m really unfit and struggle to fit excercise in.

I work and I’m a student so that plus looking after primary school ds takes up most of my time. When DS is with his dad I’m either at work/on placement/doing uni work/busy.

I need to do something about my weight though, I am so unfit and creeping towards the morbidly obese category. I have seen an advert for a bootcamp ran by a PT in the next village to me. Her class begins at 6am and is ran 3 times a week. Would I be totally and utterly selfish to get ds up (he is 9) and out the house for 5.30 twice a week? One night a week I stay my DP’s so ds is at my parents then anyway, so it would be 2 days. My mum is willing to have him dropped off to hers at 5.45 and he can snooze, have breakfast etc and I would fetch him and take him school once the class is over. I feel like I’m being really selfish to even suggest this but I can’t do evenings (except the one evening mid week i see DP) as my parents work late shifts so no one to have DS. I’ve looked at a couple of exercise things at the weekend but swimming is fully booked till the end of November and I feel with a boot camp there is more accountability as I pay upfront for a block. It’s only for 6 weeks

Good for you wanting to make the change but l wouldn't wake my 9 year old and drag her out at that time of day, especially now it is dark too. Can't you do Les Mills or a youtube thing at gone for now?

OP, I agree with many PPs that doing this would be unreasonable and selfish, though I think in a slightly different way from the straightforward one. It looks a bit as if you have decided that this course is going to be the magic key to solving your weight problems, and in that may be trying to avoid looking at the deeper-rooted, habitual stuff - you don't, per se, put on weight to the extent of being morbidly obese from watching TV in the evenings. There are eating habits there that are damaging and need addressing. I'm afraid I do think dragging your ds out of the house at a very early hour so you can do an expensive course and feel as if you are addressing the problem when actually it's hard dull pedestrian work and self-discipline that's needed would be self-absorbed and unproductive. Why don't you get up early for a run/cycle the night you stay over at your boyfriend's?

If he is asleep at 7 each night - no idea how you manage that - I don’t see the issue. Alternatively, given he is in bed so early why not exercise then?

Too early not fair.
Get up early and do online training at home (youtube fitness blender) or even better get a turbo
Research intermittent fasting and do that
Lost 2 stone in 4 months doing the above and year later it’s still off

Another recommendation for free sessions is the everyone active facebook page/insta. They do live sessions and can also do them later

Can your mum stay the night, so there's at least an adult at home?

Btw, how do you manage work, uni and single parenthood?

In a similar boat and struggling.

Hmm tricky. What time does he normally get up? My 8 Yr old is naturally awake by 6 so this wouldn't be a big deal... But he does have an early ish night and can be tired some weeks. However not sure dragging him out the house is fair. Could your parents come to yours? He could stay in bed especially if just short term?

It's too early when he has school. Why not involve ds in your fitness - do couch to 5k together.

Not selfish but it’s a daft idea.

It’s really cold and dark in the mornings. You’ll be more likely to quit and blame it on having to get your son up. Give it a go next spring.

Eat less first. Do 30 Days Shred everyday in your living room. You’ll have abs not feel tired and guilty.

Very selfish. That's far too much for him at that age but then I think you know that.

I wouldn’t rule it out for the future, OP, but I think from what you say you’d be better off losing some weight first to get the benefit of the investment, and it will put less stress on your knees and entire system. Weight loss is much more down to diet than exercise. Why not commit to losing a couple of stone and then think again about the boot camp or equivalent? If you’re currently very sedentary and quite overweight, a boot camp that was pretty strenuous might do more harm than good.

There must be ways you can incorporate exercise in smaller ways into your day to day life. Can you walk more in your daily life as a start? Get a stepcounter if your phone doesn’t have one? I think couch to 5k with your son might be good, and then Parkrun?

Sorry but I think that's unfair of you to wake him up that early. He wont get back to sleep again. Get a davina mcall dvd, and work out early in the mornings. Look at your diet and start calorie counting. I've been on the 5:2 fasting plan for the past few months. Its

Been the fastest way I've lost weight. Theres a group running on here, run by BigChocFrenzy, which is super supportive.

Big family walk in the weekends
Ytube exercise classes during the week. Try fitness blender or Chloe ting. They are all free and all different lengths and levels
And yes to change of diet. Start with one change a week eg change to only drinking water not juice or fizzy. Then the next week no snacks. Then the next few weeks incorporate one healthier dinner option each week

Could one of your parents not come to your house while you go so that you could leave him in bed?

I dont think its realistic to go from morbidly obese with no time, to doing early morning bootcamp 3x a week with a kid.
Weight is 70% about diet and 30% exercise.
Id definitely look at your diet first if you want to lose weight. Exercise is for building fitness and stamina, but its rubbish for weight loss by itself

Can't recommend these online classes enough. Live on zoom mon, weds,fri but he sends the recordings over 5 days a week if you can't make the live class. Only 30 mins so totally manageable. You could do them first thing before your DS wakes up! That's what I do. It's hiit, tabata and fun martial arts. https://bespokefitnesstraining.co.uk/product/bodyweight-hiit-class/

I don't get the issue with this, tbh. When I was a single mum we were up and out of the house by 6:30 so I could get to work. If you're going to bed early he'll have enough sleep. I would however echo the caution of some of the other posters. Boot camp might not be an effective exercise solution. I'd give it a good go for 6 weeks and then look at at home solutions and combine them with running/walking. When I started running ds was 8 and came with me on a lot of runs-he enjoyed it too. We also took up a sport at the weekend together, with family classes which was (and is) great!

@MintyChapsticks

Yes it's unfair and no you shouldn't be doing this. There are other ways to lose weight that don't involve dropping your 9 year old off at your mums for 5.30am

You're setting him up for a really long day and it's rather selfish

^this. Weight loss is mostly about diet anyway. Yes exercise is beneficial but, having lost 3 stone without leaving the sofa (health issues), I can honestly say that it’s more about what/how much you eat.

Yes it's unfair - go to a class after school. 5:30 is far too early for that age and he will be too tired at school. It's not sustainable either - when the boot camp stops then what? Look at doing excersize when your DP is there to look after him. Try couch to 5k it's very effective

If you are verging on morbidly obese then 6 weeks of bootcamp isn't going to do much except lighten your pocket and inconvenience your son and parents. You need to address your eating habits first and lose weight slowly, that will take time. Plenty of on-line resources to help with diet and exercise. There are no quick fixes.

How about doing something at home early in the morning you can sign up on the ‘Our Parks’ website free and do their couch to fitness programme for free at home in your living room before DS wakes up. If you get on with it and know you want to keep working on your fitness and can handle the early morning work out then you could think again about the boot camp.

I would also recommend setting yourself up a my fitness pal account and logging all your food.

I’ve been doing MFp and the our parks videos since beginning of August and have lost 31lb. Most of that is from cutting calories to the recommended amount but the videos have helped me to build stamina so now I can run in the park with DD

I'm surprised at the negative responses op. I don't think it's unreasonable at all.
You're going to put your son in a warm car and drive him to his dgps a total of 12 times over 6 weeks. Once there he can snooze on the sofa, watch tv, have breakfast, etc.
You will have put so much effort into the boot camp that it's bound to be effective and will help you go on to improve diet as well.
The effort and commitment you show will be a great example to your ds and you can get him to encourage you further with diet etc. 9 year olds are excellent naggers!
Good luck op!

I think there are so many free tutorials on you tube that you could do without the expense and inconvenience.
I completely understand your point about having the commitment if you book and pay in advance but the mornings are getting darker, colder and wetter.... there’s no guarantee you’ll get up for the boot camp either.

I’d look to find an exercise class online I liked and then do an hour each morning.