Would this be really selfish of me and unfair on DS?

[JoanneCofton]

I am a single mum (I do have a boyfriend who ive been with for 3 years but he isn’t ds’s dad and lives in his own house). DS sees his DF at the weekend. I am really unfit and have put on SO much weight since I’ve been with my DP just through eating out more/cost nights infront of the telly. I’m really unfit and struggle to fit excercise in.

I work and I’m a student so that plus looking after primary school ds takes up most of my time. When DS is with his dad I’m either at work/on placement/doing uni work/busy.

I need to do something about my weight though, I am so unfit and creeping towards the morbidly obese category. I have seen an advert for a bootcamp ran by a PT in the next village to me. Her class begins at 6am and is ran 3 times a week. Would I be totally and utterly selfish to get ds up (he is 9) and out the house for 5.30 twice a week? One night a week I stay my DP’s so ds is at my parents then anyway, so it would be 2 days. My mum is willing to have him dropped off to hers at 5.45 and he can snooze, have breakfast etc and I would fetch him and take him school once the class is over. I feel like I’m being really selfish to even suggest this but I can’t do evenings (except the one evening mid week i see DP) as my parents work late shifts so no one to have DS. I’ve looked at a couple of exercise things at the weekend but swimming is fully booked till the end of November and I feel with a boot camp there is more accountability as I pay upfront for a block. It’s only for 6 weeks

I wouldn't get the kid up for it. Getting up early is really good if you are going on a health kick though. You probably already know that getting to a healthy weight it is MUCH more about what you eat and drink than exercise.

It won't do the kid any harm to get up that early, plenty of kids get up at 5am and get through the day. My daughters friend has got up at 4.30am 4 days a week for 4 years to drive 45 minutes go to swim training at 5.45am to 7.15am. I don't know how she does it and more importantly I don't know how the parents do it. Very dedicated. I hope at the very least she has the decency to win an Olympic medal as gratitude.

I used to get up and go for a run sometimes when my kids were that young but they knew that I did that and they knew coz the dogs were gone as well if they did get up. If they did get up when I was out they would just watch Cbeebies and make a big mess 'making' cereal.

I am not sure I would get in a car and leave one child on his own, although to be honest if he knew that you were going and knows how to use a telephone and not to set the house on fire etc he would probably be fine. I mean he is 9 not 5.

I would speak to him and see if he is happy to stay in bed while you go. I have to say though I think you are mad embarking on that in the autumn.

Why not get up at 6am and do an online workout instead?

Op there has to be an alternative, online, DVD, even going for a walk in the evenings with DS. Even doing exercise with DP when you are with him.

I know sometimes the commitment to a class is good but not at the expense of trying to get you and DS out the door for that time in the morning. Also not easy on your mum having to be up for him.

Two things stand out for me.

You said your parents work late shifts, so are they really ok with getting up for 5.45am to take care of your son?

You only see your DP one weekday and presumably at the weekend. Maybe address your behaviour when you are with him. Is he overweight? Why are you eating so much when you are with him?

Why would you not get up and out at 5 to exercise on the weekends when he's with his dad? And do the one morning he's stayed at your parents, plus potentially an hour once he's been dropped off the night before? It sounds like you're prioritising time with your dp.

Could you take him to your mum’s the night before?

Prioritise you’re health . Sometimes to need a kickstart and exercise from home and join Slimming World doesn’t quite cut it

Good luck with whatever you do

You remind me of myself OP...

I can only lose weight if I do this bootcamp! I've read about it, it works, I'll go 3 times a week and come spring ... yada yada.

Whereas instead of going the whole hog (I'm all or nothing) what is to stop you exercising in the living room at 6am? Or going for a 30 minute jog daily - if you both have phones and he is in bed and not moving until 7 I don't see the problem.

With the bootcamp though, not only are you spending a LOT of money, you'll be inconveniencing both your son and your Mum.

Dd and I are starting 6.30am living room aerobics on Monday - anything we can find on Youtube that suits. PM me if you want to 'join' us in our venture (my venture really, DD is like a rake!)

If you're looking around for alternatives, Les Mills on demand is great. Lots of variety and you could put the money you save towards a treat for yourself! Maybe reward yourself for each milestone weight or inches lost?

For God's sake OP - DO IT. It is for 6 weeks. The child will recover and you are taking your health seriously. DO IT.

Getting a 9 year old up that early is beyond selfish, it’s abhorrent. The poor kid will be on his knees by lunchtime at school

My fil and other seniors in his building do exercises with video. The class was held in a room in his building before the virus.

I love spin! I used to do a 3x wk class before work shift changed. I bought a spin bike on gumtree for £45, and use routines on my phone. I also have a dumbell, yoga mat... If I'm totally honest? 😳 My 'go to' exercise is a copy of a Cher fitness/dance DVD that I used to own on tape at 14. I can do the fucking routine in my sleep! (I'm 42) and yep, it's Cher! And yep she's wearing a wearing a fucking fishnet leotard! But it works for me. Moral of the story is maybe try find something you can love? and commit to inside the house instead of the 1hr planning outside before you even get to the exercise?

Now has never been a better time to be able to do a similar thing to the bootcamp but without leaving home. Sign up to an online class and do it at the time of the bootcamp but at home so you don't have to disturb DS. A family member is running some online classes which can be done in real time or as a catchup. message me if you want a recommendation - he's a qualified PT.

If exercising at home isn't going to work for you I would use the night you see DP midweek to do something fitness related together and if he's not up for that don't see him midweek for a while. DS's sleep would come before seeing DP midweek to me if I had to prioritise.

@Harriedharriet

For God's sake OP - DO IT. It is for 6 weeks. The child will recover and you are taking your health seriously. DO IT.

This. Your ds is an early riser. If he weren’t, I would think again. There is a lot of talk about Covid and obesity and losing weight is also doing something for your child. Yes there may be other ways to lose weight. But if this plus healthy eating appeals to you, I would go for it.

It’s great that you want to address your health OP, but this is not the way to do it. It’s unsustainable. 3 weeks in you’ll have a grumpy, overtired DS, be £135 out of pocket and be making excuses not to run about in the dark being shouted at and getting cold and wet.

As pp have suggested, why not make a habit of waking earlier every day and being productive by either exercising, studying, catching up on chores or preparing healthy meals (slow cooker, soup, hot breakfast of porridge or eggs for you both), whilst your DS is still sleeping and doesn’t need attention? That way you carve out time later in the day to do whatever you need and are less likely to fall off the diet wagon.

Stop buying the snacks and junk so they’re not in the house and get your DP on board and supporting you.

Good luck x

There is a Bootcamp on Facebook you can join. It’s food and exercise. And body positivity stuff etc. Recipes are really nice.

She does two workouts every morning that you can join in live or play later when it suits.

She is about to bring out an app which I think is £13.99 a month.

It’s called Fat Girl Getting Fit.

I’m rubbish at doing the workouts but I know from the FB group that those who do them really enjoy them and get results.

I like that she isn’t a super skinny gym bunny type. And she has good days and bad like the rest of us.

Or as others have said there are loads of other workouts you can do online.

It’s not selfish of you to want to prioritise your health so if you really think this is going to work, then go for it.
There are other ways if you’re questioning it. Like others have said, set your alarm clock and do something at home in your living room. That way you’re not putting your parents out or disturbing your Ds.
The most important thing to prioritise for losing weight is your diet though. Even the toughest boot camp won’t help you to lose weight if you’re not watching what you eat.
I have 30 Day Shred and Davina dvds which I find are really good. Lots on YouTube for free. If you have Prime, there are lots for free there too. I used them quite a bit during lockdown.
Good luck!

I don't think you're selfish but think this is perhaps not a realistic plan given how busy you are...you need a lifestyle and mindset shift - not just 3 times a week bootcamp. Tackle your diet - sounds like you know what to do. I find that diet is a good starting point to motivate me every day to exercise. There are so many options and some are integrated with workout programs (like Joe Wicks).

Then start with some at-home exercise - there are so many great options. I wouldn't recommend just picking random YouTube videos - try a program that has been designed to give you the different kinds of exercise your body needs. This means a mix of cardio and resistance training (buy some resistance bands online) and add in some yoga or pilates or just stretching.

But also LOL at the idea of a child waking at 5am as some form of torture. My child wakes between 4:30am-5:30am every single morning and has done for years (100% their choice - I prefer 5:30am-6:00am). They are certainly not (ever) on their knees with exhaustion.

Good luck! You sound super motivated and I am sure you can do it!

Depends on Ds my oldest would of been a complete nightmare likes his sleep with this youngest would of been fine alway been 6 hours max sleep till he turned 15

This is not sustainable at the best of times to be honest, never mind with the added issue of waking a nine year old at that time.

There are other ways to do this op, I think you need to discount this one.

It totally depends on the kid. I couldn’t with mine because she has so much trouble sleeping that it would really cut into how much sleep she gets in a week and that is already a concern. If your child is a better sleeper and would not experience stress from this routine, I would give it a try.

So good you are trying to do something about it all OP! The fact that you also want to get up early to exercise is great you are motivated! I don't think I could wake him up personally because of school all day etc and he's already tired after school! Hope you work it all out well done again

It's not just the inconvenience to the son, but to the OP's parents too.

I think, as others have said, that the OP's first priority is to talk to her DP about how she wants to get healthy and not spend her time eating junk food on the sofa watching TV. Surely, that is the first and most reasonable step to take.

Not sure how you can even consider this OP. Just get out of bed and follow a fitness video on YouTube and then eat less throughout the day. Your poor DS shouldn’t have to cut his sleep short like this.

Yes that's unreasonable, cruel and will probably impact on their education as well.