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Original poster

Would this be really selfish of me and unfair on DS?

179 replies

JoanneCofton · 16/10/2020 00:13

I am a single mum (I do have a boyfriend who ive been with for 3 years but he isn’t ds’s dad and lives in his own house). DS sees his DF at the weekend. I am really unfit and have put on SO much weight since I’ve been with my DP just through eating out more/cost nights infront of the telly. I’m really unfit and struggle to fit excercise in.

I work and I’m a student so that plus looking after primary school ds takes up most of my time. When DS is with his dad I’m either at work/on placement/doing uni work/busy.

I need to do something about my weight though, I am so unfit and creeping towards the morbidly obese category. I have seen an advert for a bootcamp ran by a PT in the next village to me. Her class begins at 6am and is ran 3 times a week. Would I be totally and utterly selfish to get ds up (he is 9) and out the house for 5.30 twice a week? One night a week I stay my DP’s so ds is at my parents then anyway, so it would be 2 days. My mum is willing to have him dropped off to hers at 5.45 and he can snooze, have breakfast etc and I would fetch him and take him school once the class is over. I feel like I’m being really selfish to even suggest this but I can’t do evenings (except the one evening mid week i see DP) as my parents work late shifts so no one to have DS. I’ve looked at a couple of exercise things at the weekend but swimming is fully booked till the end of November and I feel with a boot camp there is more accountability as I pay upfront for a block. It’s only for 6 weeks

OP posts:
Time2change2 · 16/10/2020 09:39

Look at your diet
Look at your diet
Look at your diet

As PP have said, exercise is good but unless you are eating the right foods (and less of the bad ones) boot camp won’t make much difference to your weight and you will have disrupted your DS sleep, learning and general life for no gain

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 16/10/2020 09:44

I dont really understand all the "no" replies

My kids are 8 and 9, and for their while loves we are out for a wall between 5.30 and 6am. Usually walk for an hour/an hour and a half then home for breakfast and showers and ready for school.

I grew up on a farm so this was totally normal to me, my kids wake up early anyway like the OP says her son does. We go out no matter what the weather is (and I'm in Scotland so it can be pretty dark, cold and wet!).

What's the problem with getting kids up and out early?

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 16/10/2020 09:45

I do agree with looking at your diet, but getting a bit of activity in isnt bad! Why not just go for a walk every morning with him? Get yourself moving and feeling refreshed for the day.

ktp100 · 16/10/2020 09:45

There are loads of daytime classes. It's not like this PT is the only way to lose weight!

Remember weight loss is 80% what you eat and 20% exercise so no need to put all your eggs in one basket.

CrazyToast · 16/10/2020 09:51

It's not unfair at all! 5:30 isnt so unusual, and twice a week for six weeks only. And you'll feel so much better and be healthier, it is for his benefit too so he can have a happier and healthier mum. Just make sure he gets the sleep he needs.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 16/10/2020 09:52

Do a circuit routine at home once a week in the morning! Just try a plank for 30 seconds, side planks, sit ups or crunches, squats and arm lifts holding a weight (tin of beans even) and do this little circuit 5 times. You'll really notice a difference.

Well done for starting something and I am full of admiration for you being willing to get up at 5.30 to do a boot camp class!

TicTac80 · 16/10/2020 09:57

First off, good luck on your placements and with your studies! I retrained as a nurse when my eldest was 3 (and I was a single parent too). It's not easy juggling everything. I know you've discounted doing the boot camp, but I'd ditto the PP's who suggested exercise videos or DVDs. My kids are early risers too, so 5:30am drop offs aren't/wouldn't be a problem for them (we all go to bed early, and get up early), but I love doing exercise videos as a way to vary what I do to keep fit. The handy thing is that I can put the video on first thing or last thing and no worries about needing to figure out childcare. So, a lot more flexible!
Also, and I don't know if this would practical for you and DS, but what about cycling to/from work/school? When the weather's not too hideous, my DD (7) and I will cycle to her school (she does breakfast club) and then I cycle on to the hospital where I work. It's a couple of miles to her school, and another 5miles to my work. Nice way for me to keep fit (and for her too). Good luck with it all :D

Charlieeee76 · 16/10/2020 10:02

It’s too early OP. Can you try and cut carbs out? Start eating more fruit and veg.

I have not attended a gym since before March because I currently don’t have time at the moment. Maybe try home exercise on youtube or something.

Original poster
JoanneCofton · 16/10/2020 10:15

I can’t do in the day, literally every day is taken up with work (I’m lucky I have a flexible job). If I’m
Not at work I’m at placement and if I’m not at placement or work I’m in online lectures. It’s really intense and genuinely the only time I have to breath some days is early morning before all the madness begins. It is nurse training I am doing, third year now so not much longer thank God.

I know it’s all about diet, the bootcamp wouldn’t be about losing weight but I just want to get fitter and do something for myself. I don’t want to be cruel to ds or make his life harder or anything, it was literally an idea that popped into my head last night, I couldn’t work out whether it was a good idea or not so asked for advice which I received and immediately took on board. Ds sees his dad on a weekend but either Saturday or Sunday for the day, never over night and when he is with his DF I pick up shifts as I need the money. Currently the only time I get to myself really is the one night a week DS stays my parents which I’m really thankful for and I stay at my BF’s or go out with friends (unless I’m at placement in which case I get in about 8pm).

OP posts:
WhereverIGoddamnLike · 16/10/2020 10:19

It's really not too early. My kids love getting up and out. He'll get used to it.

Everyone has different standards. A lot if people on here see 5.30 as early. I see it as normal. It is totally up to you what works for you as a family and fits in with your life.

Try it for a couple weeks; just getting up and going for a walk with him at that time. Then you wont have paid any money if it doesnt suit you.

NeonGenesis · 16/10/2020 10:21

Everyone in my house is usually up by 5. I didn't realise that it was abhorrent and cruel.

MN is so precious sometimes Grin

VinylDetective · 16/10/2020 10:21

@Harriedharriet

For God's sake OP - DO IT. It is for 6 weeks. The child will recover and you are taking your health seriously. DO IT.
Absolutely. Take him to your mum in his pjs so you can leave him in bed until the last minute.

Online exercise class is hardly motivational. I’d need the discipline of that session and it sounds as if you do too.

Nikori · 16/10/2020 10:24

I think at 9, it's fine for you to go out for an early morning walk or jog around the neighborhood while he's still in bed. My 9 year old wouldn't mind and I'd take my phone in case something happened. I have a friend who jogs every morning at about 5 am and I wish I had the willpower.

clpsmum · 16/10/2020 10:24

Yes I think it is selfish. You have your son four nights a week and I appreciate you're busy the other nights but surely not so busy you can't spare 30-40 minutes to do some form of exercise. Really don't think it's fair on a 9yo to get him up at 5:30 for this reason

unmarkedbythat · 16/10/2020 10:26

You can't get up at 5am and do an exercise video in your living room? Skipping in your garden/ on the street outside?

It's not the worst thing I've ever heard, not by a long shot, but it's enough of a disruption that I would think you selfish.

clpsmum · 16/10/2020 10:26

P.s I've found Pamela Reifs workouts on YouTube are great (and free)

ThatDirection · 16/10/2020 10:26

You sound very sensible OP. You are juggling a lot and it is admirable that you want to get on top of your weight gain before it goes too far.

I've done book camps before and can understand the appeal in kick-starting an exercise regime. But going in to winter, it is highly unlikely you would keep up the regime by yourself after the 6 weeks. Often they try to sell you the idea to keep coming - which is great if that's what someone wants.

I hope you can find something online that replicates what you would get out of a bootcamp - support from others going through the same thing, and accountability.

Are there small ways you can build in activity to your daily life? Are you doing all you can like walking instead of driving for small distances, get off the bus a stop before you need to, use the stairs? Of course, you might be so pressed for time that you are able to do those kinds of things. You could certainly do a walk on the days that you are not at work - take your son with you, or if alone, listen to a podcast or music to help you go further and longer than you normally would.

During lockdown the only exercise video I liked doing was a 20 minute at home 'walking' video. I liked it because it is quite repetitive, doesn't need any coordination and the walking pace is fast enough that it raises your heart rate but it is low impact. Starting with something 'easy' might be a good way in.

Charlieeee76 · 16/10/2020 10:30

The thing is OP you need to find a bit of will power. I’m a single parent and I also work in a hospital too.

6 weeks is pointless how will you carry on after the boot camp has ended? It’s probably your diet! Take salads to work because your on your feet so if you are studying nursing you will be on your feet during placements.

Ginandplatonic · 16/10/2020 10:32

Good lord there are some ridiculous over-reactions on here. She’s not proposing to get him up at 3am and send him down the mines! 5am is not that bad.

Everyone is different - at home, online workouts obviously work for some of you. Great. They don’t work for me - I need the extra motivation of a set appointment to keep. Maybe OP is the same.

@JoanneCofton if you think Bootcamp would work best for you to kick start your fitness (in combination with diet and lifestyle changes as you know) you should go for it. Your DS will not suffer/become ill/collapse halfway through the day etc.

Charlieeee76 · 16/10/2020 10:33

@NeonGenesis

Everyone in my house is usually up by 5. I didn't realise that it was abhorrent and cruel.

MN is so precious sometimes Grin

Why would your 9 year old be up at 5 on a school morning? It is early and what exactly are they doing from 5am till school starts? It’s a long day for kids.
Original poster
JoanneCofton · 16/10/2020 10:33

@clpsmum I don’t only have ds 4 times a week, I’m not sure where you got that from? I stay my bf’s one night a week, the other 6 nights he’s with me.

I 100% could find half hour/a hour a day for exercise if it was going for a walk or doing an exercise video but I have 0 motivation right now whereas booking a class in and paying upfront would have pushed me to it. BUT I’ve totally ruled it out now anyway!

OP posts:
BoudiccasBoudoir · 16/10/2020 10:42

If you like getting up early I would suggest doing the Miracle Morning. It sets you up for the day, includes exercise time and planning time, and although it's all gone at home there is an online community so you are still accountable

Silentplikebath · 16/10/2020 10:45

It’s great that you want to lose weight and get fit.

Would you consider spending the money on a dietician (not a nutritionist) instead? I found a dietitian was so helpful with gradual weight loss. It was my DH that wanted to get slimmer but I also lost a bit and felt so much better for it.

clpsmum · 16/10/2020 10:45

@JoanneCofton sorry I don't know where I got that from either! Apologies.

Hard to get motivated but once you start it can also be a bit of an addiction. I've been doing Pamela Reif on YouTube. They're handy coz they're 10-15 minutes long so you can pick and chose how many you do to suit yourself. Also couch to 5k. Hard to get motivated but its30 mins three times a week and how quickly your stamina increases will surprise you. Good luck

MirandaGoshawk · 16/10/2020 10:46

Can I suggest something that has helped me hugely? Give up wheat. Not carbs, just wheat. Especially wheat with fat and sugar, so pies and pizzas as well as the obvious suspects (bread/cakes/biscuits/pastries/). Eat oats and rice flakes(from health food shops) with nuts and fruit instead of sugary breakfast cereals. Also, compare the carbs on the backs of packets - some rice is e.g. 25g of carbs per 100g, and some is 75g per 100g, so you can eat more of it. Actually, weight loss wasn't my main motivation for this. I read Novak Djokovic's story (Google it) and giving up wheat really increased my energy levels. If you do have bread, make it sourdough, and pasta made from peas or lentils. More energy means more likely to exercise & lose weight. I thought I'd try it for a few days - that was in.April last year!