How do you manage PE lessons with an unsporty child?

[zigaziga]

When I was at school I saw PE as ritual humiliation and the whole thing put me off any exercise or sport for a long time.

The whole thing made me so angry - the “cool” kids were those who were good at sports etc etc.

Anyway, my first DC has started PE at primary school and is already very aware thanks to the other children that he is slower than everyone else and that he can’t catch or throw..

As the parent now, how do I deal with this? What am I supposed to say ahead of sports days and things? All I know is that my own parents were very party line about everything and would have just said it’s taking part that counts and of course that doesn’t help at all.

I’d like to be able to share with my child my own biased views that unless you’re the 0.01% who can make money from being athletic, it’s far better to be good at English and Maths and languages but I don’t know if sharing my own prejudices at such a young age is at all appropriate and of course it could make things worse - it would be best if he does actually try and maybe eventually find a sport he is semi decent at. Plus, I know how I’d feel about a parent sharing with their child that they think maths is pointless..!

So how do you handle it? The idea of him struggling at PE and feeling embarrassed day after day throughout school is heartbreaking.

Aren’t you exaggerating? Everyone is better or worse at one subject or another. I don’t think they spend their entire life embarrassed and their parents heartbroken over this.

I’d just have the attitude of having a go but then we’re an active family and want to promote a healthy lifestyle which is very different from trying to compete in the Olympics.

Never share your prejudices, and drop as much of your baggage as you can.

It does sound as if he needs to improve his physical skills, so do things like lots of throwing and catching games, and anything else you can think of to improve his had/eye coordination.

Don't worry about sports day - it's bound to be ages away, and if they have the inclusive, carousel type events (quite common) you have nothing to worry about anyhow.

I'd go for relentless positivity and encouragement. And try active clubs to find something he wants to do, or which you can all do as a family

Schools are much more sensitive about these things than they used to be. Everyone gets a medal for taking part in sports day and PE is mostly playing fun games for the first few years.
My DDs hated sports day for a few years as they were small and slow. I explained that it gave some kids a chance to be good at different stuff. She got the chance to be good at academic stuff every day in class.

My DS is the shortest and slowest in his class. He got annoyed about it in reception but doesn’t seem so bothered by yr4. The school does a ‘race for life’ as well as sports day and I pointed out to him that he has better stamina than the sprinters as he can carry on plodding! Make sure your child tries lots of sports, there are plenty that don’t rely on speed - climbing, archery, martial arts & canoeing etc are all good to try out.

You've written him off already! He will improve if he practises (even dyspraxic ds could achieve some basic skills eventually but hated pe) . Be enthusistic and praise effort. Sometimes the more suitable sports are only accessible later on.

Aren’t you exaggerating? Everyone is better or worse at one subject or another. I don’t think they spend their entire life embarrassed and their parents heartbroken over this.

I’m not spending my life embarrassed and I don’t think my parents cared a jot about how good I was or not at PE.

But yes, I was awful at PE, good at Maths, bullied relentlessly, spent most of my high school years crying in the bathroom.
The cool kids were good at sports and generally in lower sets for maths and English.

You've written him off already!

I don’t think really. He’s showing signs of being very academic and I have no doubt will do some amazing things. He was the first to talk well, the first to read etc amongst all of my friend’s children.

I was hoping PE would just be a non thing for him. Maybe he’d enjoy it, maybe not, but it’s an hour a day a few times a week so who cares?

But we’re a month into reception and he’s already crying about how he’s the slowest and the other children are talking about it. He’s already told me that he can’t catch a ball (he can’t) and others can.

One way of dealing with this is to help your son find a physical activity that he really enjoys. There is a huge choice out there! And it's setting him up for a healthy adulthood.

It doesn't have to be an activity that is practised at school but maybe familiarising him with cricket or basketball, orienteering or indoor climbing, table tennis, swimming, horse-riding, dancing, tennis, trampolining, skating etc may help him to feel more at ease with his own body. Obviously choose a sport dependent on his age and ability. And if he is confident in one of them (table tennis is a good one) it may help him to socialise and make friends. You could watch some clips together on YouTube and see what appeals to him. It doesn't matter if he isn't great at it, as long as he enjoys it.

Agree with pp though that he will follow your cue on this so try to be encouraging and upbeat about it. So often with parenting, if we have the mindset that something is a problem, then our dc will too. And schools are much more inclusive about sports nowadays and he may have different skills to you, so he may surprise you yet! Give him a chance! Good luck.

OP I sympathise. I have two dcs who don’t like sport at school, and it is a pain for them. I hated it too, but I don’t want them to be like me and just assume they’ll never be competent at anything physical until a lot later in life.

Doing different activities in outside clubs has been really helpful for us. DS hates rugby and athletics in PE lessons and knows he’s not very fast, but he really flourished in Judo club. I think the teaching style is different when it’s not in a school and also it’s more appealing than team sports and athletic skills to him.

Likewise my PE-hating daughter enjoyed her swimming lessons and got a lot of confidence from being good at that.

Sports day is a pain - there was one year where DD was last in literally every race she entered and she shrugged it off but she’s mentioned since how much she’d just like to win one race once. DS’s school organise the races so you only race against people of a similar ability so that was good for him - he got to come second instead of somewhere near the end.

I think treating it a bit like basic academic skills can help - if you struggled with times tables or spelling you’d probably do more practice on those at home. Likewise if catching or throwing or running is an issue you can practice that at home. Make it a habit to have a soft ball around and do a bit of catch whilst you chat or before they watch TV or something. If you go for walks at the weekend, incorporate a short run/race up the hill or to the car or whatever.

My parents weren’t sporty and I wasn’t sporty and I really resented it. I did dance but my ballet exam scores were awful so I had little confidence in my ability there. I learnt to swim when I was 23 and I did a tennis course in my mid-20s and both felt like total revelations in terms of what my body was capable of. I do think it’s worth trying to help kids find things they like doing and can feel good doing; in the long run it’s going to be really essential to their wellbeing to incorporate some movement or exercise in their life, and the risk is that school sports put them off all sports.

But we’re a month into reception and he’s already crying about how he’s the slowest and the other children are talking about it. He’s already told me that he can’t catch a ball (he can’t) and others can

Thing with sport is many people make the assumption that being good at it is a “natural” thing.

Sometimes it is, and kids are faster, better, whatever without trying.

But is does not mean that practice will not make you better.

I am a gymnastics coach. Many parents enroll because their child isn’t “naturally sporty”. Practice may not take them to the olympics, but they will improve and get better. I’ve seen some incredible improvements in dedicated children, far outstripping those more able.

I’d tell your child if he wants to get better at catching, or running, or cartwheels, it’s like maths, you need to put the work in. We don’t expect even super intelligent children to just learn maths with no teaching.

If he wants to get better, take him out and play catch. If he isn’t bothered, then he needs to learn that he will likely always be worse than everyone else and he needs to learn how to accept that.

You need to be careful. It’s not that he can’t catch a ball. It’s that he can’t do it well YET!
Everyone has things they are good at and things they can improve. My Maths skills aren’t the best and I’m no linguist. It’s not about failing. It’s about working to improve weaknesses and making progress.
My youngest did cross country before lockdown. Always last. But making improvements and feeling proud of herself for doing it.
Drop your baggage and change your mindset.

I have active sporting children... including the dyspraxic, autistic child who has limited natural inclination towards team sports.. I was so inept at PE that I was about y10 before it occured to my PE teachers that I genuinely was that atrocious. It was probably the fact that I didn't attempt to wriggle out of it and just doggedly turned up in my lacklustre way and plodded on. I strongly suspect that I have dyspraxia.

Because I hated PE so much, it was important to me to get my DCs doing a range of sports to build up their skills and set up an active lifestyle. Swimming, gymnastics (now switched to martial arts) and junior parkruns (unfortunately currently on pause). It's given them a broad base of transferable skills for other sports.

While DS1 is no talented sportsman, he has the confidence of knowing he's fit and now he's going up through the juniors, despite being one of the smaller boys/ children in the class, he's speedy and has good stamina. At least when it comes to processing a team sport, he has the speed to compensate for his slower reactions. He's always given the same opportunity to say yay or nay to clubs and activities, but is respected in his choices.

It's fitness for life and being strong and healthy that we focus on rather than prowess. That's just a bonus.

If he's Reception age then you need to go out with him and practice. Even if he only ends up average after practicing hundreds of hours, the life lesson that practicing will (usually) help you get better is very appropriate. He may never be the best in the class but at least he won't be embarrassed iyswim.

PE doesn't come to me naturally but I remember teaching my dd to skip in Reception and practiced kicking a ball around with my sons. They won't be professional athletes but they are good enough that people would invite them to play football in the playground

I've just seen your update about him being upset and the other DC talking about him being slow etc.

This is more of a confidence problem then a sports problem. Practice some roleplays with your child and coach him how to speak up for himself calmly and firmly when the others are being mean, along the lines of everyone being an individual and having different skills. Emphasize the subjects he is good at. Help him to laugh at himself a little bit.

You mention being bullied at school for your lack of sports prowess which is horrid and your mind has gone from 0> 100 thinking this will be the same for your son. It may not necessarily be the case, particularly if you boost his confidence and give him tools to handle it.

While DS1 is no talented sportsman, he has the confidence of knowing he's fit and now he's going up through the juniors, despite being one of the smaller boys/ children in the class, he's speedy and has good stamina

I think this is key- a fit and strong child will nearly always be better a sports because the vast majority of kids these days just aren’t used to the physical activity.

@Callybrid thanks, yes this is helpful.. just a bit scuppered by Covid. He watched children having a karate lesson last year and expressed an interest and I said I’d sign him up at school as soon as he was old enough (I think you need to be year 1 but I’m not sure) but in any case all school extra curriculars are off for now.
He did swimming lessons, was plodding a long and not close to swimming independently but quite enjoyed it, but those lessons are mostly suspended.. we have been taking him swimming ourselves though to at least keep up with it and not develop a water fear.

We keep a football and tennis balls out in the house and he’s fully allowed to kick a ball about in the sitting room but he’s not really interested. His scooter had always mostly lived at home (we allow him to scoot in the house) but he only actually figured out how to scoot this summer before reception but I think having it around to practice on every day for years in a non pressure way probably helped him persevere.

@Lightlysieved we did go to a trampoline park this summer - he asked to go home after 2 minutes! But yes, there must be SOMETHING. I might focus on the karate thing and talk about how excited I am for him to start karate next year. And the swimming thing, luckily he quite likes swimming even if he can’t do it. I’d love to take him horse riding.

My DH is VERY sporty but lucky isn’t remotely upset that DS is just very uncoordinated and so there’s nothing for DS to pick up on there.

And I could be wrong here but I don’t think only a month into reception that the kids who can’t add up yet are made aware of it by the kids that can in the way that someone who can’t catch is very aware of it.. it’s just so much more visible I think.

@Makegoodchoices that’s good that yours isn’t so bothered about it now. I wonder if maybe it is a first few years of school thing (hopefully!) where they become aware of their differences with other kids and then as the years go by just aren’t bothered about it and accept what they are and are not good at.

I come from a long line of PE haters, particularly when it comes to sports at school that involve getting cold and muddy.

I didn't want a hatred of PE turning into a hatred of exercise for my DC so when they were at primary they tried out lots of sports/forms of exercise until they found something they enjoyed.

I think it helped in other ways than just finding a way to stay healthy. It meant they viewed PE more as a way of staying fit rather than worrying about being good at it. It also meant that they got to take part in team sports competitively without being picked because they were the best - there are plenty of clubs that just compete for fun, as well as serious competitive clubs.

I'm not sure that I agree that you have to be good at sports to be "cool". Nor does it really matter if your DC are cool or not, if they are happy and have their own like-minded friendship group. But being on a team for a non-school sport meant that my DC were considered to be "sporty" at school, even though they were not good at any of the sports played at school.

If he's academic and has been first to read etc he's probably not used to being in the position where he's not the best and he's probably used to being praised for his achievements rather than his efforts.

As an academic non sporty person who was made to hate exercise in PE, I really wish someone had praised me for effort even if they couldn't praise me for attainment. I wish someone had encouraged me to compete against myself and only myself and see how much better I could get.

See if you can get him involved in active stuff that he enjoys and where he'll be praised and encouraged for making an effort and trying hard rather than where he places.

OP, have you mentioned to the school that the other kids are laughing at him? It may be that they need to have a word with the class about that kind of behaviour. The teacher should also be including activities where there's a cooperative element rather than competitive, so that all the kids get to have a bit of fun. Something like mini aerobics, for example.

I agree with others that you could help him improve by looking for weekly classes he could go to, and by just taking him to the park and helping him practice.

I do think some schools can be very old-fashioned about PE and Sports Day, when really it's not that hard to make them inclusive. Also, the argument that it gives non-academic kids a chance to shine has never washed with me - in our school it was often the same people who did well in both.

Yeah, I agree with blurp, regardless of anything else nobody should be laughing at him or making him feel like he's not good at sports.

It sounds as though you are doing all the right things already Zigaziga. It's probably just a matter of time as he develops together with shedloads of encouragement for effort. And having a sporty man in his life like your DH will probably rub off at some point too. Maybe they will be able to go on long bike rides together when your son is older?

Agree totally about academic difficulties being less visible at first but that will even out. Hopefully he is at a school where academic endeavour is encouraged and where you are not made to feel badly for being studious. That's really important I think as peer pressure is a powerful thing.

Hope things improve for him and for you

Blimey if your kid wasn't great at maths what would you do? Or if they weren't grasping phonics? I bet you'd practise and practise with him.

So do the same with physical things. Get out with him and play ball games. Go to the park and play football- having a ball in the living room is not as much fun as running around with mum or dad at the park.
At the trampoline park were you jumping with him? Or did you send him off with a 'go have fun...'. We need to show our kids what to do, how to play on the trampolines, how to ride a scooter (I have one and love it - we all used to scoot to school), how to throw and catch....taking him for long walks and playing hide and seek and tag will improve his staminer and speed. Get active together.

Just make him understand the key is to have fun, go out and enjoy it. Be active with him so it becomes normal.

I’m not sure that I agree that you have to be good at sports to be "cool". Nor does it really matter if your DC are cool or not, if they are happy and have their own like-minded friendship group.
I agree with this. My school was very rough and unpleasant and being sporty and unacademic did make you cool but appreciate it’s not like this everywhere.
We’re in the private system with DC and - not for a moment saying bullying doesn’t go on because it does everywhere - I think academics will be more highly prized than they were at my school.

@Blurp yes I did mention it to the teacher. I know which children is was and they’re all lovely really and I know their parents would be really upset if they knew but I guess 4-5 year olds just mostly say what they see...
Luckily they were all mostly at preschool together so they’re all settled in mostly. He does have friends and seems fairly confident about school apart from that but it’s something that he is definitely very, very aware of now and I’m finding quite sad.