How do you manage PE lessons with an unsporty child?

[zigaziga]

When I was at school I saw PE as ritual humiliation and the whole thing put me off any exercise or sport for a long time.

The whole thing made me so angry - the “cool” kids were those who were good at sports etc etc.

Anyway, my first DC has started PE at primary school and is already very aware thanks to the other children that he is slower than everyone else and that he can’t catch or throw..

As the parent now, how do I deal with this? What am I supposed to say ahead of sports days and things? All I know is that my own parents were very party line about everything and would have just said it’s taking part that counts and of course that doesn’t help at all.

I’d like to be able to share with my child my own biased views that unless you’re the 0.01% who can make money from being athletic, it’s far better to be good at English and Maths and languages but I don’t know if sharing my own prejudices at such a young age is at all appropriate and of course it could make things worse - it would be best if he does actually try and maybe eventually find a sport he is semi decent at. Plus, I know how I’d feel about a parent sharing with their child that they think maths is pointless..!

So how do you handle it? The idea of him struggling at PE and feeling embarrassed day after day throughout school is heartbreaking.

The first race in my life that I didn’t come last in was a half-marathon a couple of years ago.

I hated sport at school, was always picked last & just assumed I was crap at it all. Doing the Couch to 5K five years ago was a massive revelation. I still haven’t managed to do a 5K in under 32 mins but I don’t care. I can run.

Like other posters are saying, practising your DS could make all the difference.

I hated PE, I'm lazy and not particularly coordinated. It all just seemed like a waste of time.

DD2 was the slowest and least coordinated in YR but over lockdown DH forced them out in the garden daily for various races and obstacle courses, relays putting balls in a bucket etc and although she's never going to be the quickest she can at least now keep up with the rest of them. Huge improvement.

I want dc to do something active, they can do what they want but I want activity to be a standard part of the week. It's harder when you are already old and fat however YR is a bit young for loads of clubs, he'll be knackered. Also some things start later, dd1 is doing netball but they don't take them until Y3.

When I was at school I saw PE as ritual humiliation and the whole thing put me off any exercise or sport for a long time.

Some kids are regularly ritually humiliated in maths lessons, or French, or any other subject you care to name.

We can't all be good at everything, but it's the trying that counts.

You're happy with all your projection. I guess this has some kind of psychological benefit.

I know that kids who struggle in English & math feel humiliated 5x/week & like "all the cool kids" are doing fine.

You could work with him at home to help with his catch skills - & yours. My mother suddenly realised when I was 7 that I couldn't catch a ball so we had an evening of me learning how in the hallway.

First of all have a chat with the teacher so she/he can keep an eye on him/the other kids for comments and any sneering. That is not acceptable. Secondly, even in PE the work should be differentiated, with various degrees of difficulty and challenges. Could he be paired up with a nice ,kind child?

At home , just tell him that as long as he tries his best then that's more than good enough. Use examples of children that maybe don't write as much, or don't get maths as easily as him but still try. Because they try,they still learn.
Try and develop those skills with him at home,make it fun ,make it easy. Don't be afraid making a fool of yourself or admitting your own shortcomings but show him you're still trying and trying to have fun. Gross motor skills are important for his own development.

There are various things they learn in PE ,not all of them based around a ball or being very athletic.

I remember one sports day where one girl(struggled with her fine and her motor skills) refused to take part,crying,tantrums etc. Until I said I'd do it with her (making a complete fool of myself) . It was hilarious,but she did all the challenges,had fun and laughed during the whole thing. Best sports day ever according to her. We even got a sticker each.

It’s not PE that’s the problem here.

It’s the attitude and comments of the rest of his classmates. I’d be talking to the teacher about it, really not great to hear that reception aged children are behaving like this after only one month of school.

Your son is 4. He’s got masses of time to practise and improve. PE should all be fun and games atm anyway, no competitive races or team picking.

@Mayvis to be fair we don’t know what’s happening in the school and I think it is VERY unlikely it will be organised races or team picking (they will hardly know each other’s names!) I think it’s quite likely OPs obvious concern about this has been making her extra anxious about anything relating to PE and anticipating that her DC will experience a bad time as she remembers doing.

OP I get what you are saying. We'r enot sporty and DC went to a state primary that massively praised sporting achievement but ignored academic achievement as it was elitist. DS2 inherited my dyspraxia.

I found the best thing to do was be pragmatic. I said: sport is really important for two reasons; it makes you strong and being good at it helps you socialise. If you're not good at it, no problem - find a different way to socialise - drama, music group, art club, computer club, chess club etc - whatever you enjoy. And find ways to stay fit that you enjoy and can get good at. DC swam and cycled and climbed hills. As they got older, they really enjoyed gym and weightlifting. DS2 was never going to be a football or rugby A (or B or C) team player but he found a different route to being fit. Ironically, DS1 excelled at a sport which barely keeps you fit and needed to be nagged to exercise in other ways so he didn't lose muscle tone.

Thank you all for the food for thought.

I’m going to look up if there are any martial arts nearby that would take him. I was going to wait until school offer it as an extra curricular but maybe starting now would be beneficial. Then we’ll see if he likes it. His main out of school activity is an art class that he has gone to since he was tiny, he always asks me to keep going so I keep moving him up to the next class and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardise that but if I can find judo or karate that won’t clash we will give it a real go. Neither DH nor I have any particular art skill so it’s nice that he does something that can just be his thing.

His normal teacher is not present in PE lessons as far as I know but will discuss it again with them at parents evening.

With respect you brag about his academia and there’s plenty that are happy that their kids can play sports because that’s where they excel. He can’t be great at it all

@zigaziga

Thank you all for the food for thought.

I’m going to look up if there are any martial arts nearby that would take him. I was going to wait until school offer it as an extra curricular but maybe starting now would be beneficial. Then we’ll see if he likes it. His main out of school activity is an art class that he has gone to since he was tiny, he always asks me to keep going so I keep moving him up to the next class and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardise that but if I can find judo or karate that won’t clash we will give it a real go. Neither DH nor I have any particular art skill so it’s nice that he does something that can just be his thing.

His normal teacher is not present in PE lessons as far as I know but will discuss it again with them at parents evening.

Why wait until then? He's getting upset now,and there are a few more weeks of PE left. Send an email and make them aware so they can try and help/improve the situation ,then reassess at parent's evening.

@lljkk

You're happy with all your projection. I guess this has some kind of psychological benefit.

I know that kids who struggle in English & math feel humiliated 5x/week & like "all the cool kids" are doing fine.

You could work with him at home to help with his catch skills - & yours. My mother suddenly realised when I was 7 that I couldn't catch a ball so we had an evening of me learning how in the hallway.

Did it work?

I could never catch a ball no matter how hard I tried and could not throw in the right direction.

PE was ritualistic humiliation for me, no games teacher ever believed I just couldn't do it but said I didn't try or was lazy.

Cycling, swimming and walking was quite enough exercise for me thank you.

My son too was useless at games and we tried to help him, running and kicking balls etc, but he just couldn't. However he was different to me and didn't care, was confident enough in himself to not be bothered (and learned how to skive). He is a good swimmer, cyclist and walker.

JaJaDingdong: "Some kids are regularly ritually humiliated in maths lessons, or French, or any other subject you care to name."

Does that still happen? I remember it used to and was awful, just so wrong. I thought schools were more 'child friendly' now. My husband recounted that he was hit round the back of the head in every French lesson because he was bottom in French. That is scandalous. He managed to get his O level and leave French behind forever thank goodness but would never attempt to speak or read it at home.

No, I don't think sharing your own experiences and bias is helpful. Why not just point out and celebrate the things your son is good at and teach him that most people are not good at everything and everyone has different things they're good at and not so good at? Don't teach him to sneer at other people.

Does he want to improve or does he not enjoy sport? If he wants to be better, it's a good lesson in practice and persistence, if he doesn't then it's just one of those thing you have to do.

Wow he is in reception and your already talking negatively??. I was rubbish as sports but their were some highlights. We had a lolo ball race insports day and a lilo race. I enjoyed indoor pewhen you climbed on the monkey bars. I have dyspraxic so sport is not my thing but I think it,s very much how one approaches it. good to get a martial arts club will boost confidence.

There’s no problem, I’m just not the person you’d want to teach a child how to do it!

There is a problem though, isn't there. It's not often you get a teacher or coach who was themselves rubbish at everything actually doing the coaching who therefore understands what it's like to be in that position.

Could you get him to show you what he learns and get him to coach you in throwing or cricket or whatever ? Showing someone else what you learn is a good way to actually learn it yourself and you could be the person he is better than.

You would need oceans of patience, but it might be worth it. So long as you can keep it about you, and him helping you.

I'd also encourage you to look wider than Karate into soft martial arts, like Tai Chi or yoga. Brilliant training for the mind and the body gets a work out too. It's also really helps with the whole comparing yourself to your own capabilities rather than outside yourself.

*Did it work?

I could never catch a ball no matter how hard I tried and could not throw in the right direction*

My child cannot catch, in year 7 they were small so not as fast as the taller kids.

They were failing PE until the final term. I just laughed.

Until they were away from school for a week. PE teacher asked where....in Germany representing GB at a major gymnastics tournament 😂😂

Ended the school year with the Sportsperson award , and an upgrade to a C 😂😂😂

Sometimes you have to find your niche.

I’d take him along to rugby, he’ll learn how to throw and catch but also how to belong to a team. It’s all fun at his age and he may even enjoy it.

The cool kids at my school were good at sports and academics. It was obviously about the unkind kids at your school, not the fact that you couldn't do it.

Your son might have good friends who cheer him for trying, realising his other qualities.

My DD's school has 3 x double sessions of PE each week. Hockey and netball from y2. Probably all of them will not get an Olympic medal. Probably all of them will not achieve what Einstein achieved.

The worst lad in sport at DD's school is always last but he gets cheered on by everyone.

Don't project your negativity onto him.

And I could be wrong here but I don’t think only a month into reception that the kids who can’t add up yet are made aware of it by the kids that can in the way that someone who can’t catch is very aware of it.. it’s just so much more visible I think

This is the thing with PE isn't it, it's so obvious if you're crap at it like I was. Unlike any of my other lessons, PE was the one where inabilities were glaringly obvious, which was embarrassing. But to top it off, being chosen last for teams in every PE lesson also meant I was regularly rejected by my peers which was pretty damaging. I really don't think that people who weren't in that position really get the reasons why being bad at PE is worse than being bad in other lessons. Also, in my school, we were graded in academic subjects so classes had pupils of similar abilities (so no-one stood out), but we were all lumped together for PE, very good to very poor. If I'd been put with other students who also struggled in that class, and activities more tailored to us, then I doubt I'd have such awful memories of that element of my school days. I really hope things have vastly improved as it was awful, not helped at all by the PE teachers concentrating only on the able rather than supporting the less able and teaching us techniques so we could improve (I didn't learn anything in PE other than I hated sport and the teachers).

I hated PE but have encouraged my 4yo into sporty activities which suit her (she was very physically able early on). It becomes an interesting nature v nurture. I’ve given her chances to do sport because she seemed interested early on but she is now on that path, you can see the classes have made an impact and she is going down a sporty path. Don’t write your 4yo off - he’s potentially just had far fewer hours of input compared to some of the others. Your son will probably be ahead in other areas where he has had the chance to practice more.

Drawing is an example where the kids in reception seem to be massively different. One of my daughter’s friends at 5 is drawing recognisable animals better than I could as an adult. She obviously has some talent but from what her mum has said, she spent lockdown drawing. There is something of hours plus interest plus talent.

Also to add, just because you're not naturally good at something doesn't mean you should just give up. If someone is rubbish at English they can't just check out of it. An all round education is important and as we know, if someone shows a talent, the school should nurture that.

It can't be easy for a school providing an all round education to kids who have different talents.

Most Olympic medalists are highly academically educated too.

Did it work

yeah, actually, it did work. sitting cross legged in the hallway 2 feet apart I learned to catch a tennis ball thrown underhand. Took an hour or maybe more, to get up to 5' away and still mostly be able to catch the ball.

You don't know what's possible if you don't even try.

Just because it's difficult is not a good enough reason not to do it.

It's reception PE. I really wouldn't get bent out of shape about it. Your DC May grow and become excellent at a particular sport. Don't sweat it.

Running, jumping, kicking and catching a ball is part of the curriculum, just as much as counting to 20 and writing their names.
If he was struggling with counting or writing you'd do lots of practice at home. Physical skills are the same.

The kids who are great at running and kicking a ball in Reception are the ones who are taken to the park with a ball every weekend.