How do you manage PE lessons with an unsporty child?

[zigaziga]

When I was at school I saw PE as ritual humiliation and the whole thing put me off any exercise or sport for a long time.

The whole thing made me so angry - the “cool” kids were those who were good at sports etc etc.

Anyway, my first DC has started PE at primary school and is already very aware thanks to the other children that he is slower than everyone else and that he can’t catch or throw..

As the parent now, how do I deal with this? What am I supposed to say ahead of sports days and things? All I know is that my own parents were very party line about everything and would have just said it’s taking part that counts and of course that doesn’t help at all.

I’d like to be able to share with my child my own biased views that unless you’re the 0.01% who can make money from being athletic, it’s far better to be good at English and Maths and languages but I don’t know if sharing my own prejudices at such a young age is at all appropriate and of course it could make things worse - it would be best if he does actually try and maybe eventually find a sport he is semi decent at. Plus, I know how I’d feel about a parent sharing with their child that they think maths is pointless..!

So how do you handle it? The idea of him struggling at PE and feeling embarrassed day after day throughout school is heartbreaking.

I hated PE all my life and as a result thought that I hated all sports. I tried many different activities as a child; ballet, tap, swimming, horse riding, judo, modern dance. I hated them all. My coordination was so bad I had to go to like this special remedial PE class... the embarrassment!!

3 years ago after a loooong period of inactivity I tried Reformer Pilates and just loved it from the start! So it's never to late to find an activity you enjoy.

Mu daughter is very like me. She is slow, she is uncoordinated but she is very strong. Currently she enjoys her karate lessons, especially because the focus is on so much more then the physical.

At my children's school sports day is done in a relay race system so neither the children nor the parents know who's 'won'. Then all points are tallied up by house and one house will win. The focus is very clearly on participation and team spirit. Which I love and I'm very grateful for.

just because you're not naturally good at something doesn't mean you should just give up. If someone is rubbish at English they can't just check out of it

True, however being poor at English has implications with things like job seeking, whereas I've never needed to hit a ball with a bat/get a ball in a net, etc anywhere other than in PE, and my being shit at it hasn't been a negative influence in my life other than give me a hatred of PE lessons and a wariness of PE teachers.

I see why physical activity is vital, I'm in healthcare, but the way my school went about PE was not inclusive and didn't set me up for a lifetime of exercise. Even the less obvious sports like cross country running I hated because we were made to go out there in the winter with too little clothing on (great way of putting kids off running you twatty school!). It was only years after leaving school that I became decent at running, swimming and long distance walking. School played no part in that.

It's handy that his dad is sporty. He should make a regular thing of having him practice throwing and catching with him.
I was so bad at sports and hated PE. It had never occurred to me until someone told me, that in order to catch a ball you need to track it coming towards you. I just used to put my hands out and hope for the best! If a simple thing like that had occurred to me as a child, it would have helped.

It's so true that we can give a little nudge to help our children in a lot of situations.

I knew by adulthood that a lot of my issues around PE were down to a lack of exposure and repetition.

Little things my brother had taught me, like how to stand and hold the bat in cricket stay with me now and I can fool non-sporty people into thinking I know something about it!

I do sympathise with the emotional response of the OP. Rope climbing was still a thing in my schooldays. The horror stays with me. The bloody gym horse as well. I may have nightmares tonight!

CandidaAlbicans2 But do you think you’d have been rubbish if you’d have been encouraged younger? I always felt crap at pe but I don’t think I needed to be. I think I was crap because my parents didn’t value it or give me a chance outside of school. I remember during a netball lesson In year 5 or 6 one of the good girls said oh I think you could actually get this if you’d I’d it more come along to netball club but my mum discouraged me when I asked. By the time I got to high school I was properly crap compared to the other girls, always last to be picked etc. I don’t remember being taught the skills I needed to get better- it was always just being thrown into team games where I was a liability.

At primary age, being good at things like music, sport and to a certain extent some of the academic subjects seems to equate to opportunity and parental input (with a dose of natural talent).

Its a strange and damaging thing, the emphasis on competative sport in schools. I wonder if children in other countries rank themsleves according to goal scoring or ball catching skills.

How I loathed every minute of it. The last to be picked, terrible coordination, mocked, belittled, fat, useless. It has left a mark for sure.

@Lightlysieved

One way of dealing with this is to help your son find a physical activity that he really enjoys. There is a huge choice out there! And it's setting him up for a healthy adulthood.

It doesn't have to be an activity that is practised at school but maybe familiarising him with cricket or basketball, orienteering or indoor climbing, table tennis, swimming, horse-riding, dancing, tennis, trampolining, skating etc may help him to feel more at ease with his own body. Obviously choose a sport dependent on his age and ability. And if he is confident in one of them (table tennis is a good one) it may help him to socialise and make friends. You could watch some clips together on YouTube and see what appeals to him. It doesn't matter if he isn't great at it, as long as he enjoys it.

Agree with pp though that he will follow your cue on this so try to be encouraging and upbeat about it. So often with parenting, if we have the mindset that something is a problem, then our dc will too. And schools are much more inclusive about sports nowadays and he may have different skills to you, so he may surprise you yet! Give him a chance! Good luck.

This.

I’d add martial arts to that list. Karate in particular - it’s great for coordination, building confidence, self-discipline....

My children's pe has been far more varied and low key. It really is a different world tbh.

It's maybe even gone too far here.
When they made the short distance "cross country" running optional for my second child in primary even I was disappointed!

There was always a small group who pretty well walked it anyway and just focussed on improving times each week. It was getting them moving and there wasn't really any noticeable competitive vibe going on. It was all run by the gentlest teacher in the school too.

I agree with previous posters - try different sports, some that are not obviously popular and not played at school might be the ones that interest him. My dd was not very sporty when younger, we tried swimming, gymnastic, ice skating, martial arts and others, all helped to imporive different skills. She found the sports she enjoyed and achived a reasonable standard in it, and that helped with school sports a lot too- she got on the school teams, etc. I did not think she would get to that standard when she was your son's age. But the most important thing is that it gave her an enjoyment from physical activity and I hope it will last for life.

As someone who was terrible at PE (I am almost phobic about ball games, it really frightens me when balls are flying around) I have a few suggestions.

Be clear that it is trying and making an effort that is important not the results.

Explain that PE is about trying out lots of different sports to see what you enjoy. Some kids will be good at some sports but not all of them, some are good at sports that are not covered in school. Some sporty kids don't enjoy some sports either, but PE also gives kids a chance to shine who might not in academic classes. The key id that it is about finding the activity that you love.

Make sure he has opportunities to try out sports and fitness activities that aren't covered at school.

One thing that really helped me was knowing someone who was very fit, trained hard for a sport they participated in regularly and was very successful who was happy to tell me that they hated PE and were terrible at the typical PE sports. They found other interests and talents that kept them fit and active (they are now in their 70s and still very very fit).

Personally I practice a sport 5 or 6 days a week now but nothing that would be covered at school!

Life can also be cooperative.

OP - DC2 would be classed as one of the sporty ones at school but regularly plays cricket / football where they come up against much better players/teams than them. These children aren't always winners and have to learn that they will come up against people that are more proficient than them. By playing sport they learn perserverance and that is a good life skill.

find a sport dc likes and do it out of school.
there are some sports that are great for dc who are not good at 'traditional' pe.
fencing
dancing
trampoline
judo or similar

Some kids are regularly ritually humiliated in maths lessons, or French, or any other subject you care to name

Maybe so but there are no compulsory 'Maths Days' or 'French Days' where everyone can see how rubbish you are.

But we’re a month into reception and he’s already crying about how he’s the slowest and the other children are talking about it. He’s already told me that he can’t catch a ball (he can’t) and others can

Then you've missed out a part of his education before he went to school and now you need to work on it. This isn't about you.

Catching a ball can be learned, unless he is dyspraxic, in which case other forms of physical exercise are good.

It amazes me how many parents who found PE traumatic at school seem happy to send their own children to school without basic physical skills. He doesn't have to be the fastest but a bit of ball catching or football practice or swimming wouldn't have gone amiss. I sometimes think people who hold a grudge against school PE are determined that their own children also hate it.

I’d suggest getting him into some extra curricular classes to see what sport suits him. Mine love All things football, tolerate tennis lessons because they like playing independently and declare that they hate swimming even though they enjoy it while in the water and are massively pleased that we can mess around in the deep end as a family.

Also just encourage activity - walking, running, climbing, ball skills - just through game playing and general everyday activity.

Also just encourage activity - walking, running, climbing, ball skills - just through game playing and general everyday activity

Surely you did this OP? If not, at some point when your ds was small you must have made a deliberate decision not to.

Maybe so but there are no compulsory 'Maths Days' or 'French Days' where everyone can see how rubbish you are.

Not all schools have Sports Days, some schools do publically reward and have days for other subjects, and there are plenty of other ways people can see someone's terrible in front of the whole school. The sting of being moved down a set when the whole year/school can see or being in the 'additional help' group, being the kid with adaptions that stick out all year round across many subjects. Some of us were shite and humiliated in PE, maths, languages, social studies, science, home ec... being the kid known to half-live in the counselor's office was repeatedly embarrassing.

My DS1 has a stammer. Anything that involves him speaking puts a highlight on it. He would 'naturally' choose to stick to quietly sticking with his tech, he comes from a home with adults that works on computers a lot, but encouraging him in public speaking, even working with the Toastmaster's Competent Communication programme -- I've never seen him light up so much as when he's giving one of those presentations. Yes, it's difficult for him, and yes, everyone can hear him repeat the same word or phrase 3-4-5+ times throughout, but he comes alive in a totally different way than I've ever seen him before.

Same as him and running - I hate running with a firey passion and he was never really into organized sports until he did a charity obstacle course last year, and now he does running daily. He would never have chosen either let to his own devices, he'd prefer to stay on his devices, so it took an adult showing him options (and in the case of running, doing the obstacle course dressed as a superhero) and giving him space and time set aside for these types of things with skills that don't come naturally, but can bring new things and opportunities for someone.

OP, I was the kid who was crap at PE when I was at school. Ritual humiliation is exactly how I saw it, and it put me off exercise for years. I really regret the fact that nobody tried to help me with this.

When dd was little, she showed distinct signs of following in my footsteps. She was a really slow runner, couldn't catch a ball, struggled to learn to swim etc. I was determined that she would have a different experience with PE from mine. I didn't need her to be an Olympic athlete, but I did need her to learn to enjoy exercise and to see its importance for both her physical and mental health.

I focused on the idea of growth mindset. You're not inherently good or bad at sport, you just need to practise it to get better. So we practised - playing catch in the garden, running round the field, badminton and table tennis at the local leisure centre. I encouraged her to work at stuff and celebrated progress at every step. The focus wasn't on competing with others, but on having fun and making progress - the idea of personal best. It took her five years to learn how to swim and nearly ten to learn how to do a cartwheel, but she kept at it and got there in the end. She also discovered a natural gift for dance, which has enabled her to find real joy in exercise that will stay with her for life.

At 15, she still dances, runs regularly and swims occasionally. She sees exercise as essential for stress relief and for her overall wellbeing. She will never be the best in her class at PE, but she really enjoys it, and frequently surprises herself with what she can achieve because she actually tries when so many of the other kids can't be arsed. As someone who finds academic work really easy, she has also learned the benefits of hard work and perseverance; she is not afraid to try, and she is not afraid to fail. These have been huge but unexpected benefits.

Please don't tell your boy that it doesn't matter. Tell him that he can get better at it if he works hard. Tell him that it's ok not to be the best at stuff as long as he is doing his best. Tell him that exercise is really important for his health and wellbeing and support him to find something that he enjoys.

Maybe so but there are no compulsory 'Maths Days' or 'French Days' where everyone can see how rubbish you are

Every day at school is a Maths Day!

for health and wellbeing a child needs to do exercise for at least one hour a day. preferably outside.

if I were being mean I would say that parents not encouraging this are neglecting their children in a big way.

@randomer you’re preaching to the choir with me!

I agree I want him to be healthy but I’m not sure you need sports to do that. I hate most “exercise” but I’m slim and walk everywhere and I know over the years he has picked up on the fact that if it’s at all possible we walk.. I enjoy gardening and I like having him plant bulbs with me and water the flowers etc and he’s started helping with pruning so it’s not like I’m completely sedentary and am passing that down. No one in our house is even close to overweight, not that that is the be all and end all I know.

He doesn't have to be the fastest but a bit of ball catching or football practice or swimming wouldn't have gone amiss.
Yes we’ve done swimming for years but he was still in the singing Humpty Dumpty on the side of the wall as you jump to your parent stage when lockdown started and they’ve not yet started back his level of class (it’s not up to me which stage he’s in) so we’re taking him ourselves a few times a month just for fun. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that and we are making an effort to make sure he still is familiar with the water.
There were two terms of toddler football when he was little with DH but he just sat down when the ball came towards him or went off and collected the cones by colour so they stopped going.. Our approach mainly was to try most things and just keep going with the hobbies he picked out himself. A lot of it is clearly just personality as our younger child is a lot more of a climber and less scared of dirt. No idea if she’ll be even remotely athletic but seems a bit different so far. I’m not sure where people are getting that I have never tried taking him swimming or for a run in the park from - we do / have done all the normal childhood stuff.

But yes some constructive ideas .. might just try and come up with a short list of skills that we’d like to get him up to speed on (catching, throwing etc) and maybe pass over responsibility to DH on this one.
I’ve found a weekend martial arts class now so I’ll have a think about that.