How do you manage PE lessons with an unsporty child?

[zigaziga]

When I was at school I saw PE as ritual humiliation and the whole thing put me off any exercise or sport for a long time.

The whole thing made me so angry - the “cool” kids were those who were good at sports etc etc.

Anyway, my first DC has started PE at primary school and is already very aware thanks to the other children that he is slower than everyone else and that he can’t catch or throw..

As the parent now, how do I deal with this? What am I supposed to say ahead of sports days and things? All I know is that my own parents were very party line about everything and would have just said it’s taking part that counts and of course that doesn’t help at all.

I’d like to be able to share with my child my own biased views that unless you’re the 0.01% who can make money from being athletic, it’s far better to be good at English and Maths and languages but I don’t know if sharing my own prejudices at such a young age is at all appropriate and of course it could make things worse - it would be best if he does actually try and maybe eventually find a sport he is semi decent at. Plus, I know how I’d feel about a parent sharing with their child that they think maths is pointless..!

So how do you handle it? The idea of him struggling at PE and feeling embarrassed day after day throughout school is heartbreaking.

The plan for something outside of school, like the karate, is a fabulous one. And any improvements in strength and speed and coordination made there will help at school PE.
Honestly, not everyone can be the best- infact most people are not the best at anything, but practice will help.

Just a thought on the catching etc - has he had an eye test? DS's hand eye coordination improved dramatically once he started wearing glasses! He's still one of the weaker ones at ball sports, but can out run most of his classmates.

Go outside and practice with him op. If not being able to catch a ball is bothering him, a bit of practice is all it will take. He will get there.

I know exactly where you are coming from. I was shit at PE at school and dropped it as soon as I possibly could. I too viewed each lesson as a ritual of abject humiliation and misery because it was.

The hardest part for me was that my Dad had been a PE teacher, very old school style who believed that it was all "character building." Fortunately though, my mother was sympathetic about it because she is more like me there.

I found with my own three children that it was better to take a back seat on this, at least at first, so that they did not absorb my predjudices and had the chance to make up their own minds.

DD1 hated secondary school PE but now at 25 she likes to go to the gym and she enjoys a swim. DD2 didn't enjoy it much either and still at 21 would prefer to walk the dog alone for her exercise. DD3 enjoyed a lot of it, particularly athletics, hockey and sometimes netball. She represented her school at them all and played hockey at county level. She has just gone to uni (Cambridge) and has just joined one of the teams there.

See how he goes with it. Support him either way. Do you play ball games with him in the garden or the park? Just for fun? Those might improve his ability to catch if his hand and eye coordination is up to it (mine wasn't and isn't, so I have always been hit or miss there).

I feel for anyone who has difficulty with PE lessons though, as it displays your weaknesses so publicly.

Join outside clubs. Grandson doing some form of karate now his baby bro. three is allowed in too because he kicked off so much at being left out. Do not assume there are no clubs running because of covid folk have gone to a great deal of trouble to work within the rules. Swimming is so good for them. If they cannot catch naturally then football may be their thing. My ds awful hand eye co-ordination was a demon at rugby. I could not run at all but on the hockey pitch I was lethal.

Pull your finger out @zigaziga and find something outside school that works for your child.

@Mumdiva99 oh yes I did bounce with both of my kids, he wouldn’t have gone off on his own.

I’m not remotely sporty myself but I’m not sedentary, I walk everywhere.

We don’t do balls in the park much just because he doesn’t want to. We have a fairly big garden and over the summer tried to do play dates with other kids, some of whom don’t have gardens and were really missing playgrounds etc with them being closed, and they were in our garden playing while my DS was happily sitting inside asking another adult to read to him. I can’t MAKE him go outside and I do kind of feel like practising with his scooter inside was really the best way for him just because he had zero interest in taking it to the park.

And I can’t teach him to catch because I’m hopeless at catching myself

I was crap at sports and PE right through school and was always aware of it and upset by it. I hated team sports (the majority of our PE was netball / hockey / rounders etc) because I wasn't good and then had the added horror of letting others down.

It certainly didn't help that my family were not active, I did no extra curricular sports, wasn't encouraged and did no sports or activities as a family. It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I discovered running and while I'm not fast I've completed loads of races now up to half marathons and I love it, and the community I've found from it. I vaguely remember doing a couple of charity races as a kid and not being awful, but my family weren't the type to nurture it and encourage me so nothing ever came of it, if they had I could imagine I might have ended up on the high school cross-country team (it was extra curricular only, I never went).

My best advice to you OP is to swallow down your own prejudices and encourage, encourage, encourage. Try lots of things outside of school, practice throwing and catching at home as others have said, when Junior Parkrun comes back find your nearest and go there as a family (Mums and Dads can run it too!).

Oh and remember to point out to your DS that the people who come first and second can only do that because there are others in the race. Everyone taking part is just as valuable as the winner x

@justasking111 it’s not a matter of pulling my finger out . He does two extra curriculars outside school (both creative things that he CHOSE to do) and I think 2 is quite enough at just turned 4.
Swimming lessons have re-started recently but they want the teachers to be outside the pool now. Considering he was still in the Toddler and Parent class in March (it was up to the swimming teacher / leisure centre when he moved up) I don’t think I can’t skip ahead to being alone in the pool stage yet! But we are taking him ourselves every fortnight because he quite enjoys it and because confidence in the water is important.

OP, I am an EYFS teacher and many basic physical skills form part of the assessed milestones under the Moving & Handling strand in the Development Matters document, so it’s definitely within your DS’ teacher’s interest to support him to develop in this area.

One way to provide that support is to open up dialogue amongst the children about what they feel they are good at and what they might like help with. I do this as a circle time where I ask them to help me think of ideas about provision, and it generates an atmosphere where children really support one another.

If your DS continues to be upset/anxious about physical activities at school, I would say don’t hesitate to speak to his teacher again and ask if s/he can find some time to do something like this.

I know it doesn't help with school PE, but I would be encouraging him to find a sport or exercise that he does enjoy for his own health and fitness. Does he like swimming, cycling, a martial art, climbing? If he finds something he likes to do out of school, it will massively help his confidence.

A lot of school sport is just a joke. In primary school there's a lot of throwing bean bags around. Secondary school isn't much better - mostly team sports. You might get things like trampolining thrown in if you're lucky.

And 'Sports Day' is bloody athletics day! There is so much more to sport than running or throwing bloody balls!

It's a rule in this house that all my dc have to do something active out of school for exercise. Easy for my oldest and youngest as they both love dance and do 5-6 classes per week each. Middle dd discovered Thai boxing a few years ago and it's really her thing. They all hated school PE, ball sports and any team games but it didn't matter because they found something they enjoyed.

It sounds like he could do with practice re: his motor skills and hand-eye coordination. Do you do activities with him? Kick a ball about? Play 'tennis' with a couple of old racquets etc? When I was a kid I used to play a cricket/rounders hybrid using an old tennis racquet

Also look into other sports/activities: martial arts, indoor climbing, parkour, gymnastics and dance are all great for muscle development and coordination

Sorry just seen your update, if you can't catch either then learn together - make a fun game of it and model engaging in activities even if you aren't immediately successful - teaching a growth mindset is invaluable

I think 2 is quite enough at just turned 4

Yes it is but could one of them be an active one? It's a really good habit to get into now, so many children are very unfit from not doing enough exercise.

I had a very bookish child, we would go to playgrounds and I would encourage her to run around - she sat and read a book! But discovering Thai boxing has been the making of her.

OP - don't stress too much about the catching/throwing balls thing. If your ds isn't keen on practicing don't push it - for some people it will always be difficult for them no matter how much practice they do!

I can’t MAKE him go outside and I do kind of feel like practising with his scooter inside was really the best way for him just because he had zero interest in taking it to the park

I know he’s young but a simple explanation that it’s absolutely fine to not be good at something, as long as he’s OK with that. If his friends make fun he needs to say he doesn’t care, he’d rather spend time getting good at x or y instead.

Help him to realise that sport and PE is about having fun and being healthy. Ask him if he had fun, and encourage that. If no fun is being had, have a word with the teacher.
DS2 was hopeless at PE, and I can’t remember a race at sports day when he didn’t come last! However, he had a lovely teacher who told them that they would get more points if they smiled. So DS would always get the biggest cheer from the crowd, coming last with a huge smile on his face! He was praised and encouraged as much as all the other kids. This helped to build a resilient attitude and an appreciation of sport for fun. He has just qualified as a doctor and enjoys playing tennis with his friends, running occasionally, and long country walks.
Btw, he also couldn’t catch a ball, and finally learnt to ride a bike aged 15! But has always had a confident, happy attitude, and that’s something you can help your DS with. Good luck and have fun 😊

I'd handle it the same way as I'd handle a dc struggling in a maths lesson - encourage them to keep trying and praising for effort not achievement.

I think you need to address your negative attitude to pe tbh, there are lots of benefits to being active. I also think it can be helpful to dc who find academic subject easy to have an experience of something that doesn't come naturally that they have to work at.

If neither of you are any good at catching, why don't you ask him to help you practice? The kids aren't going to stop commenting on it and he won't get any better without practice.

Tell him the important thing about PE is exercise and health and that nobody's good at everything. Sporty kids are not the only cool kids. Loads of kids don't like PE. Learning to persevere good-naturedly at things that aren't your forte is important, regardless of whether the thing is academic or physical.

I think it's a big mistake to let your experiences of your school have such a major effect on your expectations of your child's schooling. No schools are like they were in previous generations, and it sounds as though yours and your ds' schools differ totally in type, not just generation.

PE is shit. The only way to cope is to get him involved in a type of physical activity that is maybe more individualised rather than competitive. Martial arts, cycling, street dance? Then PE will become easier. Don't fret about school sports days. It's not Olympics. They mean not much more than Xmas pageants.

It's really clear reading through this thread who gets it and who doesn't- the trauma of twelve years of twice weekly humiliation and distress cannot easily be shrugged off if you have actually experienced it. I'm sure that will have a lot of the people who didn't rolling their eyes and thinking sneery thoughts about real trauma and it's only PE, nothing distressing about it and so on.

Unfortunately, OP, there really is no way round it: he has to do PE. I'm thankful none of my dc seem to have inherited my total lack of hand eye co ordination, the one most like me plays on a local football team and I was so bad at football the teachers would take the piss put of me for it. But if they had and they found it the torment I did, I would say to them, we aren't all good at the same things and it doesn't matter that you find this stuff hard- other people find (insert thing they are good at ) hard. I would remind them that school doesn't last forever and if they were the butt of jokes that were upsetting them, encourage them to try and make the jokes first, take the power from those mocking them. It's hard to take the piss out of someone for being unable to catch a ball if that someone has already announced to the whole class that they are utterly unable to catch a ball and is laughing about it.

someone has already announced to the whole class that they are utterly unable to catch a ball and is laughing about it.

This I would blame entirely on a teacher who was not controlling the class.

It's really clear reading through this thread who gets it and who doesn't- the trauma of twelve years of twice weekly humiliation and distress cannot easily be shrugged off if you have actually experienced it. I'm sure that will have a lot of the people who didn't rolling their eyes and thinking sneery thoughts about real trauma and it's only PE, nothing distressing about it and so on.

I can fully believe and sympathise with this, but I'm wondering if any posters feel that their dc in schools now are really experiencing humiliation and distress in PE lessons. If they are, then they need to address this very firmly with the school. There are undoubtedly still twatty PE teachers who only really care about teaching the kids who are on the school teams, but allowing humiliation and distress is totally unacceptable in this day and age.

I have two boys, the eldest is super sporty (school teams, plays for local clubs etc).

The youngest isn't. He didn't walk until 18 months, never particularly bothered about moving in general. At primary he couldn't play football, catch a ball, he was the last in his class to ride a bike.

He still had fun though. Did the sports clubs, played tennis. When he got teased by his classmates, he got upset the first time, then just carried on. He's so enthusiastic that they just accepted him.

Now he's a teenager, he's in the second to bottom sports set, plays tennis in the bottom group at the local club, and still loves it.

Came bouncing out of school last week saying how much he loves rounders. He's never actually scored a rounder in his life.

Honestly, it's a question of attitude. The main this is to encourage enjoyment of it.

Oh, and if your ds likes the more academic side, teach him the rules of sports etc. Then the other children will look to him to referee/umpire.

I had the same thing, (except I was a dunce at maths too) and the worst thing is because you are so bad at activities like throwing and catching, you do try to avoid doing them where possible. While that's understandable - nobody enjoys being bad at stuff - he really HAS to practise much more, especially while he is so young and his brain is still growing and developing. There are some good outdoor garden games that you can set up indoors as well, throwing beanbags at a target type of thing. Or catching beanbags in a bucket, increasing the distance between thrower and catcher to increase the challenge?

I bought a book about games for children which neatly explained what effect the game would have on the child's motor planning, visual motor skills, sense of timing, etc. (It was intended for children with processing difficulties which is why I bought it, but it would be useful for anyone with a child whose proprioceptive skills are less than average). As a child I was terrible at throwing and catching, and usually flinched away from a ball flying towards me. If I did try to catch/bat it I would usually time it wrong and miss, causing everyone to groan and the PE teacher to tut.

It sounds really obvious, but the Occupational Therapist my nephew was referred to confirmed that spending time practising throwing and catching would definitely improve his skills, whereas avoiding it would be no help at all. Playing games at home away from the gaze of his classmates can at least be fun. But he really must practise to develop these skills, or he won't get any better!

Op I really sympathise. I hated pe all the way through. I found solace later in secondary bunking off pe with the other misfits. I have been totally honest with my dds about my feelings. It hasn't affected their participation. Dd1 is not naturally sporty and now she's 11 she's starting to resent pe. Dd2 is v athletic abs is doing acro and aerial hoop now. She loves all sport.

Schools tend to be quite good at getting everyone involved on sports day. I was never going to be a sprinter, but won the egg and spoon race twice!

Unfortunately it's just one of those things you have to put up with, as PE is a legal requirement. If kids are picking on him for being bad at PE that's a separate problem and comes under bullying, so if that's the case, chat to his teacher. But he will find some aspect of PE that he likes .. for example I found that I was a really good goal shooter in netball when I went to high school, and made the team because of it, despite being the least sporty person on the planet!