How do you manage PE lessons with an unsporty child?

[zigaziga]

When I was at school I saw PE as ritual humiliation and the whole thing put me off any exercise or sport for a long time.

The whole thing made me so angry - the “cool” kids were those who were good at sports etc etc.

Anyway, my first DC has started PE at primary school and is already very aware thanks to the other children that he is slower than everyone else and that he can’t catch or throw..

As the parent now, how do I deal with this? What am I supposed to say ahead of sports days and things? All I know is that my own parents were very party line about everything and would have just said it’s taking part that counts and of course that doesn’t help at all.

I’d like to be able to share with my child my own biased views that unless you’re the 0.01% who can make money from being athletic, it’s far better to be good at English and Maths and languages but I don’t know if sharing my own prejudices at such a young age is at all appropriate and of course it could make things worse - it would be best if he does actually try and maybe eventually find a sport he is semi decent at. Plus, I know how I’d feel about a parent sharing with their child that they think maths is pointless..!

So how do you handle it? The idea of him struggling at PE and feeling embarrassed day after day throughout school is heartbreaking.

As so many others have said, keep appsitive attitude andfind as many ways as possible for him to practise his physical skills. He will improve with practice - everyone does.
Howevet, if he has developed a negative attitude to, for example, throwing and catching, he just may refuse to do that with you so you may need to be creative. Throw anything - pinecones past a stick on the ground, or betwen two trees, large beach ball over a bush in the garden or whatever.
If he would prefer to do maths type activities, combine the two - count how many throws you manage between you, count in twos or 5s if counting in ones loses its appeal. Measure in steps how far you threw the pinecone then add that to the length of the next throw etc. Buy a quoits set or equivalent and add up scores as you throw.
If he prefers words and letters, say the alphabet as you throw and catch. Whoever drops the ball has to say a word beginning with the letter you were up to or say a nursery rhyme a word at a time as you throw and catch, or share the telling if a story one word at a time.

DD2 has dyspraxia (fairly sure I do as well but back in the 80s you were just shit and didn't get a diagnosis easily) and at the moment she tends to love PE - but we do get the odd outbreak of nasty comments from some of the other kids and I do make sure the school know about it and nip it in the bud before it gets the chance to become anything nasty.

In reception she did get quite sensitive about it - but her reception teacher saw what was happening and made a point of the class seeing her bump things or trip over occasionally to model how to be tolerant to everyone and deal with it by normalising it. (She was fab)

I’d also say you’re being a bit over cautious about swimming. All our local pools are full of stage 1 children in teaching pools without an assistant in the pool.

I think your attitude is a massive problem here. My DD was not at all sporty when she was that age... however... we tried lots of different sports from BMX biking to orienteering to football. She's now Y5, does a different sport every day and loves it.

The difference between us is that I'm a PE teacher and understand the huge advantages being active brings - happiness, confidence, health, academic motivation and achievement.

My DD will never represent England at anything, but wherever she goes as an adult she'll be able to make friends and have fun, which is the most important part really

This is the thing with PE isn't it, it's so obvious if you're crap at it like I was. Unlike any of my other lessons, PE was the one where inabilities were glaringly obvious, which was embarrassing. But to top it off, being chosen last for teams in every PE lesson also meant I was regularly rejected by my peers which was pretty damaging. I really don't think that people who weren't in that position really get the reasons why being bad at PE is worse than being bad in other lessons.

So true. This is why I'd be out there practising ball skills and running races. It's true that some children are natural athletes and some aren't and that's fine since we all have different skills and interests. But the way you get faster at running is by doing (a lot) more of it. I'd try to encourage your DS until he's at least average in PE in order to try to avoid this issue in the future. It's fine for adults to say 'take the moral high ground' etc., but in reality that's rubbish for the kids. Also, he needs physical activity outside school to stay healthy - he should be doing 1-2 hours a day.

I was that kid. I think the biggest thing for me would have been learning that it's ok to try and fail. Missing the ball doesn't make you a stupid failure who should be mocked (thanks, Dad! Can I send you my therapy bills?) it makes you someone who's learning to catch a ball.

I'm like this. My Ds1 who is nearly 15 is like this. He's finally found his way in secondary school where there are 180 kids in a year and only a very few are able to compete (yes, they are the popular ones!).

All I would say is that I was put off general fitness by hating school p.e so would definitely encourage him in something like karate outside school arena where he can engage in something physical in an enjoyable way.

Let the teacher deal with it.

I don't know what they are like now but back in the day, games teachers were sadistic and unforgiving. They had no concept of a child with no sporting ability and tried to force the impossible. Hopefully things have improved now but games lessons were a nightmare for the unsporty. I know I developed quite a complex about them and nobody tried harder.

None of my family are athletes or good with sports. We don’t watch sports either but honestly none of cared. Even being made fun of in sports. Somehow , not caring what people think made them not care rather we are good at it or not.

Now in the other hand my son did sign up for basketball, and the team rely on winning and they get so mad at my son and started bullying him. It was never the same since so we left the school (it was a tight knit private school) I never knew people got so angry over sports. PE is different.

I think you did the right thing mentioning the laughing to the teacher. I'm surprised they are mocking like that so young. Reception are usually a bit more innocent/oblivious.
It sounds like you had a horrendous experience of PE at your rough secondary. I wasn't sporty and my children are academic, unsporty and not the cool.ones. i worried before the.eldest started their comp, but it's been fine. Things are so different now. The PE teachers are perfectly pleasant, professional people. The academic kids aren't mocked. A lot of cool kids are in top sets. The cool kids don't bother them. There isn't the tolerance of bullying that there was in the past. Not in my children's secondary school anyway.

Unlike any of my other lessons, PE was the one where inabilities were glaringly obvious

Ah, maybe that's why some care so much.

When your faults are glaring obvious in every single part of your life, and your peers constantly mock you for that & your family constantly berate you for these faults, then being rubbish at PE can't stand out or seem important.

I can only admit to reading the first to page so this may have been suggested but use balloons instead off balls. They are slower and easier to follow and catch. Get some fly swats too and you can play tennis with them. Again, because the balloons are slower it's easier and because you're using fly swats it's silly enough to be fun and doesn't seem like "sport".

I have one sport hating (dyspraxia) child and one active sport -is-my-favourite-subject child.

I focus on fitness, health etc. Tell him I don't care what the others are doing as long as his teacher is happy. I don't accept him refusing to join in.

He has to do exercise every day at home in the holidays/weekends. We hike, bike rides etc. He complained about being last in running (hoping to get out of it) so now we're all learning how to run together.

Sports Day at our school is not a competition as such. There is a class relay - each class against the other, younger kids have a slightly shorter distance. The rest they're split into teams (with 2-3 from each year group) and compete as a team for the medals. Individual times and distances for the running race, long jump and throwing are posted on the school door a week later in case parents want to look.

Unless he practices catching and throwing he'll never be any god at it.

My DD is dyslexic. If I'd taken the attitude that reading and writing weren't her thing then she'd be illiterate today.
Phonics didn't wirk for her in Reception, but I didn't let her give up on reading just because she found it so difficult. I also put her into tennis lessons because her hand eye coordinate as so poor. By the end of primary she was considered PE one the sporty kids. Some things you have to work on. You might improve your own throwing and catching too. Try bean bags rather than balls at first, sitting down close to each other. Make it a game. He's still very little so there's plenty of time to work on it.

Why is he unable to deal with it with good grace, nice manners and good humour?

Because he's only in reception, and has a mother who is chucking her baggage at him.

Yes, we get that it was horrible for you back then. But we are telling you that you need to leave all that behind you. And definitely stop creating expectation sof this sort.

As he's about 4, then it is way too soon to be labelling him good at maths, bad at sport, or whatever other set of judgements you want to project on him.

I wasn't sporty. I agree with those saying that with such a young child youbas parent are key - help him get better, the same way you would if he were struggling with reading. As an unsporty child gets older the best way to deal with still not being sporty is humour and being able to laugh at themselves tbh - I was an unsporty teen but people walked the cross country with me because I wasn't in a grumpy humiliated strop about not being able to run, but instead made a point/ joke of my nice country walk (yes, the PE teachers found me exasperating but tolerated me with an eye roll).
My children are all pretty sporty, though my younger son stands out because he doesn't like football (he does martial arts) and my daughter because she does play football (on a U17 women's team outside school) but doesn't like or do gymnastics or dance...

And yes I’m completely projecting and if schools / PE lessons / PE teachers have changed I’m very happy with it.

You are projecting a lot. However PE hasn't changed enough in my opinion. Some PE teachers are just like they were in the 1980s.

What has changed is parents and parenting. You can support your child more than your parents supported you.

I had one (now grown) child who hated PE. We made it a light-hearted 'everyone has strengths and weaknesses' thing and he was fine really.

But on the few occasions the PE teachers at secondary stepped over the line into humiliation, I complained.

We talked about PE lessons and I said I didn't care if he didn't try so long as he didn't disrupt. The teachers were well aware of this approach.

He joined an inclusive sports club outside school which did help hand-eye coordination and confidence.

I also got him out of the one sport he really hated. I just asked if he could switch to the other group and school said yes. I find if school can easily accommodate they often say yes, so long as the request is not disruptive to the overall system, what do they have to lose?

PE can be grim at school, but it doesn't have to scar the kids. The key is to minimise it.

Also for secondary pick a school that emphasises academic achievement not sports, as then the overall culture won't be too sporty, hopefully.

I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if this has been said but please don't write your son off as bad at sports already, you are really doing him a disservice.

Also, FWIW - I don't think it's the "cool" kids that are good at sport. I think the kids that are good at sport BECOME the "cool" kids because they gain confidence and camaraderie at school from an early age because of sport.....

I read an article about the huge rise in children in Singapore being shortsighted. This is put down to not being outside enough, where your eyes dart from close objects to far objects, and not playing sport. Following a ball is brilliant for your eyes - stands to reason.

For his eyes' sake get him out every day throwing a ball to you and back. As a DGM I played 'football' with my DGS's when v small, letting them score more than me so it was worth their effort, they run rings round me now. Both stars in their years.

Most STARS in sport have a dedicated parent, Serena Williams, Judy Murray, Lewis Hamilton's dad, to name a few, don't underestimate your influence.

If you’re that bothered (I was ) then sign him up to extra curricular sport.... no matter what it is. He doesn’t have to stick to anything if he hates it and you can rotate. My v non sporty son has done everything from sailing to judo. It’s not all about football.

Consequently hes much more comfortable doing PE now, can more or less hold his own etc. Much of it is about confidence as PP have said.

Yes it’s the sporty ones end up being v confident... I would totally encourage anybody who is not too confident socially to make an effort with sport - not to fit in but to gain confidence overall.

DONT let him think he’s shit at it or be resigned to never getting very far with sport. His brain is growing stop like he’s body is and he shouldn’t be pigeonholing himself

@SonEtLumiere

I also think your attitude is part of the problem.

What sports does he do or practice?

Why shouldn’t he be expected to suck it up: why should he be immune from the difficult feelings that come with not being good at something which is compulsory?

Why doesn’t he know that you get better with practice ergo you will stay at crappy level if you don’t try and don’t practice. Sports, even more than music rewards effort like-for-like.
If you don’t like being picked last then practice and get better so that you get picked earlier. It’s fair, everyone knows and you get to experience the enjoyment of getting better.

Why is he unable to deal with it with good grace, nice manners and good humour?

Because he's 4!

DD1 is a bit like this- she's hypermobile and sees a physio. Her ball skills were appalling and she still can't ride a bike (yr2). I also have poor hand eye coordination but am really good at endurance sports (run, swim, bike) so made up for it through running at school.

However, her dad is ball sports mad and has practiced and practiced football with her and she can now catch and passably dribble a ball. It's practice. She would rather draw and do maths too, but we make her do that, swim and junior parkrun because she needs to be healthy.

What are they doing in PE? Our school is big on it- they have their own PE teachers which I think is unusual for a primary- but it's beanbags and traffic light games. They shouldn't be at the point of being picked last humiliation just yet. Plenty of time to practice.

Also you could try 121 lessons for swimming? They really worked for DD and actually am convinced they're better value as they are actively taught for the whole 30 minutes.

I hated PE at school and I doubt my parents even knew or cared , I survived it . This micromanaging of kids these days is really weird . Not every kid is going to be good at every lesson, sometimes you just have to suck it up , that's a good lesson of how real life is in the adult world. If the child is being bullied then of course that's a different story , but I feel the OP is projecting here.

My Ds hates PE at school. Refused to do it once he was on secondary. He can’t stand sport, doesn’t watch any etc.

School just let him get on with it at the end, just let him go off to the library as he was so good otherwise.

Ds never knew this, but my experience was the same. I gave myself life long problems with my feet as I butchered my toenails to give myself ingrowinf ones to get out of PE.