Help! My children are destroying my home!

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I have 4 children ranging in age from 8 to 0. They have absolutely destroyed my home. They rip the wallpaper, pull on the wires for the sky box so they are hanging out, they climb on the doors and have broken three! Three!!!
The carpet stinks, there is pen all over the walls, furniture and carpet. Biro on the sofa. ruined.
They have even broken my wardrobe from climbing in it.
I'm finding it so so so so hard to motivate myself to clean up after them. I dont knoe how to get them to stop wrecking things. It mainly happens when I'm on the toilet (door open shouting 'stop' every single time) or when I'm breastfeeding the baby or putting her to bed for a nap.
I have wanted a new carpet for 2 years but whats the point when my toddler spills every drink on purpose? I want to redecorate the walls but again, what's the point?

I am at my wits end and so is their dad. It is so depressing spending a few hours cleaning on the weekend for the end result to be a dirty, grimy broken home with rips and drips and sticks and I dont know what to do!

Does anyone else's children do this? My mum struggled with us as children (she had 4 too, similar ages) but DH thinks our kids are really bad and apparently he and his siblings (3 with 5 year age gap between 1st and 2nd) never treated their house/ toys badly.

As not to drip feed, we are all squished into a 2 bed flat, it is quite large but obviously too small for us now. We were going to move earlier in the year but Covid threw a spanner or ten into the works and now it looks like we won't be moving for another year at least (more likely 2 or 3).

please no "why did you have children if you only have a flat" I know, but they're here and they are lovely. Just a bit boisterous.

What consequences do they see for their behaviour? What happens when they spill drinks on purpose or pull the wallpaper? Is this new behaviour?

Hey op... my house is the same I have 2 boys they turn 1 & 2 in December
I got laminate floor put down and it's soooo much easier to keep clean and doesn't pick up little sticky finger smells, I have a rug in the living room and if it gets a bit icky I just give it a wipe over with fabric softener on a wet cloth before I go to bed
I wouldn't beat yourself up over it tho OP you have kids... they make a mess I have 2 and they are destroying the house around me as I type this 😅 just do little bits when you get the time or little jobs at night when they go to bed xxx

Mess is one thing, deliberately destroying stuff is another.

Are there any consequences for their behaviour?

Although if the oldest is 8 they should really know to respect there surroundings and maybe even help a little

Sheesh! I feel for you.

Time to introduce massive strict rules and consequences, and get them outdoors and exhausted as much as you can.

Unless they have some kind of additional needs. I am fairly sure they won’t be doing this at school and nursery, so they should be able to moderate their behaviour.

I have five kids, and yes accidents happen and stuff gets spilt/broken, but they would NEVER willfully destroy things! Sounds like they need some discipline before you even start anything else!

You'll get a lot of 'my kids would never do that' but I do think that the fact there are six of you in a two bed flat is a major factor here and not really comparable to children with a lot more space to play.

I was one of 4 and we were very close in age. There was no way we would have even dreamed of behaving like that. There was the odd toddler scribble on a wall but no wilful destruction. I think you need clear and consistent consequences and probably also as much time as possible outside to run off energy.

Agree, you need to be much stricter with behaviour and introduce some consequences.
When I was a child I wasnt even allowed to put my hands on the walls, nevermind hang off doors! Mine were too strict admittedly!
How many are at school?

Introduce rules now. So for us, only water may be consumed in the lounge and bedrooms. Coloured drinks and food at the kitchen table only. (This applies to adults and guests too!) Pens are not to be used on soft furnishings and lids must go on afterwards.

And making sure they have enough exercise and stimulation that they are not (literally) climbing the walls.

Special needs aside, they are doing this because you are letting them do it. Are there consequences? Time outs? Removing favourite toys? Find their currency, what is important to them (each child might be different in terms of what will be 'worth' it to them to behave) and be bloody consistent. Be firm. Take no shit, even from the toddler. Too often I see bad behaviour with simpering parents saying 'ooh, don't do that darling' in an insipid, ineffectual voice that the children blatently ignore, because they know they can run rings around their parents. Not saying this is you, but it's very common. Stand up for yourself and your home and show your children that they need to respect their surroundings, and you. Because what is going to change and what will they be like as teenagers if you don't sort them out now??! Good luck.

I'm sorry, but this simply isn't normal or appropriate, and it's certainly not a healthy dynamic in which to raise kids. Yes, children can be messy, but yours are completely out of control. Breaking doors and ripping out wires? You and your husband need to take a hard look at your parenting and make some massive changes. Get some parenting books, watch educational videos, whatever it takes.

Agree with a PP that 4 kids in a 2 bed flat is a massive factor here. Once you've trained them a bit, maybe get your room done up and say they can have theirs done when they behave.
Some paints can be washed down. Get them to wash their hands regularly so they're not putting sticky fingers everywhere and swap the smelly carpet for laminate.

My three never did any of that, I can’t help but think you’re not parenting well. There needs to be consequences for that bad behaviour, it’s not just being boisterous-watch a bit of supernanny to get some tips if you’re unsure of what to do.

They have to stand in the time out spot (don't have a step) for however old they are in minutes (so 8 year old has 8 minutes)
the 8 year old isn't so bad with wall paper, that is the toddler, but they sneak pens out of the top cupboard and then my toddler gets ahold and all hell breaks loose.

the 8 and 6 year old are terrible for climbing, they have pulled a door off one of the hinges climbing up it, broken a door handle from swinging on it and made another one loose.
broken my wardrobe from climbing
ripped the sofa cushions at the seams from jumping.

They used to be quite good but since my toddler has started spilling and spitting food out (maybe 3 months?) my carpet has been turned black. it was worn and stained before but now it is filthy.

Definitely new behaviour, since I brought the baby home 3.5 months ago they take the opportunity to climb up things they shouldn't when I'm trying to get him to sleep.

kickdown didn't help, my toddler has hit the terrible 2s at the same time my baby came home.
I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks after baby was born but fully recovered now. I guess that had an impact but I really don't know what to do!

@JustAddCoffee91 good to know I'm not the only one! it really is, I'll tell dh its not just us - I thought its just what kids do. break spirits and all.

Mine never wrote in walls or destroyed doors and I could happily leave them while I had a wee.

How are they at school?

Realistically you know that your parenting style is the root cause. So you and your DH need to accept your responsibility and do something different.

Parenting classes, talk to your HV, online. Anything you can access to make you both confident and consistent in your new aoproach.

Best of luck

The 8 year old should know better and needs disciplined appropriately but firmly for their age. Same for the 2nd child which I assume is 4-5?

Don't give the toddler a drink unless you can supervise/at the dinner table. only give water unsupervised which won't stain. Take the toddler to the toilet with you for a chat if they are destructive alone.

Direct their creativeness from the walls to a table with lots of resources, teach them pens stay at the table or are removed.

Lock rooms you don't want them in unsupervised, especially for safety if they are climbing furniture can topple easily and cause serious harm.

I disagree. It doesn't matter if you have 4 in a 2 bed flat, they should still be able to repect their home and not destroy things on purpose. If they lived in a mansion they would still be destructive because they are getting away with it.
Time to take all pens, paints, messy stuff away until they can behave with it.
The one that spills juice on purpose, oy gets juice in the kitchen, supervised and them its taken away. Swinging on doors and wardrobes means toys/treats/anything removed until ut stops. Ripping eall paper, again, means a toy or something they like is removed from them. They need to me seriously told off.

How much time are they getting to be exercise and let off steam? Do you get them chances to climb appropriately at parks/soft play/climbing walls/in the woods?
My boys need at least an hour to run around each day, usually more,

Your children sound like they are reacting to being stuck in a small space plus the fact they have a new sibling to compete with for your attention. If your toddler spits out food, tale it away.

Lock rooms you don't want them in unsupervised, especially for safety if they are climbing furniture can topple easily and cause serious harm.

See, this is exactly the kind of advice that would be fine in a bigger space but is laughable for a family of six in a two bed flat - do you really think they should be all be crammed in one room at any given time?

I would move all pens away, only out under supervision

Drinks and food only at table.

Standing on a spot for x amount of minutes seems a bit pointless. Why can toddler spill drink or spit food then just stand on a spot for 2 minutes? Surely it doesn’t teach them anything. Wouldn’t giving them a cloth and making them help clean up every time be more effective?

With a small baby and your recovery though, it must be challenging. Your dh can’t just say their behaviour is awful, he needs to help contribute to solving it and not leave it all to you

Erm we had 4 DC in 4.5 years and no they didn't destroy things!! 😳

Outside exercise as much as possible. Baby needs to be left to go with the flow as much as possible tbh either in a sling or we used a playpen to keep pre-schoolers safely away or cot...

I would consider bolts on the outside of doors to keep DC out if it's that bad - say your room and then the baby is safe in there whilst you are on the loo etc.

We only had washable gel tips, all other pens were out of reach along with paints. Did lots of supervised craft sessions with magic maize, aqua draw etc.

Meals and snacks at the dining table.

TBH we had hard flooring and leather sofa because of my allergies to our pets/dust mites.

Definitely get out of the house as much as possible...

It sounds like they need more exercise and fresh air & some sort of routine. Do they play any sports? Take part in anything like cubs? Swimming lessons?
I think team sports are great for their behaviour.

I only have two DC but they would never have deliberately damaged the house at that age.

You and DP need to tag team - so one takes them out the house & the other gets the house in order.

To be fair 4 kids in a two bed flat while you are still breastfeeding a young baby is very very hard. I've two small boys and they genuinely never did any of this but we are not in a small place so its hard to compare.
That said i am constantly cleaning. Also no carpets here.
I think you need to be very very strict. Use water bottles for drinks. Hide pens only for supervised use. Ripping wallpaper is very naughty. Consequences for that.