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Original poster

Friend’s comment about my new house/being single

280 replies

Litza · 30/09/2020 16:41

I’m probably being over sensitive. Have NC.

I’m 35 and recently broke up with someone. It’s been shit. I’d love to settle down. I’ve lived in my current place for 6 years, a two bed terrace, on the market for 300. I’ve been looking to move anyway because I’ve been a bit bored of this place, first home that was bought when I had no money really and lower salary. Anyway, I’ve decided to move for a bigger garden and to relocate closer to family.

I’m looking at places more countryside way and often the houses are generally bigger and a bit more expensive. I looked at one the other day asking price 525, 4 bed, nice garden, couple of reception rooms and proper parking. It’s not a mansion but a substantial house.

She asked me to send her the link. I did. She sent numerous laughing faces back and said that I would be rambling around it that and she couldn’t imagine me in it.

I don’t know why this has upset me, probably because I feel sensitive about being alone again. But also now I feel conflicted...I have the money to spend and I am on almost double pay since when I took out this mortgage on this small two bed. I wanted to put the money into a new house and climb the ladder but I feel like maybe she’s right, is this going to make me feel lonelier? One the other hand, I don’t want to live in a two bed terrace forever when my life has moved on financially...I would like a utility room and a proper drive etc!

I know the market may crash etc but this isn’t about that it’s just about what she’s said...will I be seen as a joke buying somewhere bigger? I feel like her life is moving on as is everyone else’s but I’m sort of stuck now according to her. She’s such a close friend too and I feel hurt by her comments.

OP posts:

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 30/09/2020 20:49

Your pal's annoyed because she's having to smother out silent wanks. That's why she's jealous, she's got no privacy.

You buy your lovely house and have a noisy wank in every room, just because you can.

Bloody good for you.

needsahouseboy · 30/09/2020 20:50

Sod her!
I’ve got a 5 bed detached bungalow with 2 en-suite and a bathroom for me and my DS.

stayathomer · 30/09/2020 20:50

Ps 35 is young op!!!!

gurglebelly · 30/09/2020 20:51

After many similar experiences during my single years, I find that 'yeah yeah, you're just jealous' (small laugh) tends to shut most people up if that is the actual reason they are commenting.

It doesn't shut up those that are genuinely worried, which is fine as then you have a proper conversation without wondering about motive

AdoptedBumpkin · 30/09/2020 20:53

Do not worry about what one person says. If you love the house go for it.

ifhedoesntlikeithecanstuffit · 30/09/2020 21:03

When I was single and financially OK I moved from a 2 bed terrace to a 4 bed. It was a semi but had loads of space, huge garden and a lake at the bottom with a rowing boat! It was my dream home and I loved it to bits.

I had a bedroom for me, a guest room, a laundry room and a study. You can easily fill a big house on your own..... Only problem was when I met DH - he didn't like the house as it was a period cottage with low ceilings and he was tall, plus it had no garage or driveway and he loves his cars and tinkering. I had to sell.....

Anyway, even though we have a 4 bed still, I now have DH and 2 DCs and never find I have enough space. I often think fondly of those days. So enjoy while you can..... (just don't let it spoil you for maybe having to share sometime in the future........).

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/09/2020 21:05

Is it because there is a shortage of bigger houses where she is, which puts the prices up for families on normal salaries?

I do think it sometimes seems silly when families are squashed into two up two downs, desperate to move up to a a bigger house but none are available, while elderly people are living alone in a big house that they can no longer manage/afford to maintain properly. However, I do totally understand why they do. It's their home, and full of memories. And probably has a nice garden which they've enjoyed making their own over the years. I'm sure I'll be reluctant to leave my house if I end up an old lady on my own.

That's the only reason I can think, OP. That she is in too small a home for her family and can't get anything bigger, either because of availability or affordability. And would love to move to one like yours, so sees you as "taking away" a large house from the pool available to her.

You can live in any house you want, there are no rules, are there? It must be down to jealousy. Or maybe it was just a trivial comment, she was maybe just suggesting that you wouldn't end up using half the rooms so may be a waste. Maybe she thinks your bills would be higher than you realise...who knows?

Redcups64 · 30/09/2020 21:06

She can still be a great friend and be jealous.

You probably don’t think it is but it’s very likely that the comment was due to jealousy.

I would be massive jealous of a friend moving to a nice big house in the country!

silverbubbles · 30/09/2020 21:11

Don't worry about your friend - she has a touch of the green eyed monster about her.

Buy the house you have worked for and the house you want to live in that will make your life how you want it to be.

tara66 · 30/09/2020 21:15

You should not be so influenced by such remarks - but they are par for the course for single women - they do not need anything and certainly should not want or have a big house. A single man can have a big house or three but not a single woman! If you are worried about being alone - get a dog (and a big house).

Therarestone · 30/09/2020 21:28

Good for you! It's your money, your life and anyone that makes you feel bad honestly isn't worth your worry x

MilkOfThePuppy · 30/09/2020 21:44

It certainly sounds like something someone would say if they were jealous. The only reason I could ever bring myself to caution a friend about choosing a particular house would be if I was genuinely afraid they couldn't afford it or that it would be bad for them in some other way (too much work for them to maintain or unsafe in some way). Even then, I'd feel that it wasn't really my business, and I'd never be laughing at them for considering it.

I don't believe the average person would think it was ridiculous for you to buy any home you want. I'm more mystified by the tiny house trend, personally, having lived in a small space before and lacking any desire to do so again, but if a friend wanted that lifestyle, I wouldn't laugh or judge them for it.

Funguy · 30/09/2020 21:44

I think that is quite a big house for someone who is single. I don't know why people are saying she is nasty. Not necessarily.
I think you want us to say she is jealous.

Buy it if you want, up to you.

Ecci · 30/09/2020 21:50

She is jealous. Ignore her and go for it. DH and i had a kind of similar situation. Moved last year, in our mid 60s, into a 170 year old 4 bed house with a 3 acre garden, on the edge of a tiny village, middle of nowhere. Best friend of 30 years was really scathing about it, thought we should be downsizing into a retirement property because of our age, said it was totally impractical, should be getting a bungalow as we wouldn't be able to manage the stairs for long, too far from nearest hospital, too far from shops, etc. My response was bollocks to all that. We'd fallen in love with the house and love living here, so glad we didn't listen to her. Buy your lovely house, get a dog and enjoy all that space that's entirely yours.

RevealAll · 30/09/2020 21:52

It might be jealousy but it’s likely more that’s she’s been really supportive over the break up and now feels it probably wasn’t warranted?
You can clearly cheer yourself up by buying a fabulous house,

It’s a bit like Meghan and Harry. All woe is me and then off they pop to a sodding great mansion.

Not saying you weren’t upset by the break up but it’s much easier to move on if you have a fantastic new opportunity rather than the same shit as when you were together.

PortugeseManoWar · 30/09/2020 21:56

@RevealAll

It might be jealousy but it’s likely more that’s she’s been really supportive over the break up and now feels it probably wasn’t warranted? You can clearly cheer yourself up by buying a fabulous house,

It’s a bit like Meghan and Harry. All woe is me and then off they pop to a sodding great mansion.

Not saying you weren’t upset by the break up but it’s much easier to move on if you have a fantastic new opportunity rather than the same shit as when you were together.

That’s a pretty weird point of view — it’s only ‘warranted’ supporting someone through a break-up if they wear sackcloth and ashes forever, and live in a tiny, grotty bed sit?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/09/2020 22:01

Best friend of 30 years was really scathing about it, thought we should be downsizing into a retirement property because of our age, said it was totally impractical, should be getting a bungalow as we wouldn't be able to manage the stairs for long, too far from nearest hospital, too far from shops, etc.

Ecci, I think sometimes people have clear plans in mind for their own lives, practicality wise and have difficulty understanding how anyone else could think or want different to them in the same situation. Sometimes people just want the dream house for a while, even if they know it might not be suitable long term. And why not? Their friends aren't the ones living in it!

PicsInRed · 30/09/2020 22:05

She sent numerous laughing faces back and said that I would be rambling around it

"I like rambling, and now I can do it from my enormous and fabulous home."

allofthetings · 30/09/2020 22:05

She's insecure and jealous.

I would love a 4 bedroom house, I would have no problem using that space as a single person - in fact I could go way bigger than that (I might have been one of those who thought Elton John was very sensible having a room dedicated to gift wrapping).

Loneliness is a state of mind, for me I have been waaaay more lonely living with the wrong person than I ever have been single, nothing to do with the size of my home.

Go look at the house, it sounds lovely.
I would definitely get a cat and a dog a pony a cleaner and a gardener lined up too.

cravingthelook · 30/09/2020 22:13

Do what makes you happy - just buy what you want.

It doesn't matter if you are alone in a studio apartment, your 2 bed house or the lovely 4 bed. It will still be the same alone, except you'll have a lovely spacious place 😊

I'm buying a house on my own atm (no where near your price bracket tho) and my best friend is my biggest supporter. She'll be there making tea and building flat pack furniture (she's got the knack) and scrubbing things clean. She'll help me pick out things and colours to make it homely (great at interior design). I earn more than her, yet she doesn't give 2 hoots and is my biggest supporter.

That's what best friends do in these situations.

badacorn · 30/09/2020 22:19

Jealousy.

Don’t feel bad op. The house sounds great. If that’s what you want then go for it.

RevealAll · 30/09/2020 22:22

PortugeseManoWar There are nuances. I’d feel more sympathy for a friend if I knew other bits of their life weren’t great either. A fuck of big house is an amazing opportunity. Not sure why anyone would think otherwise unless they’d had to listen to someone making out their life was shit and lonely, before buying said amazing house.

Maybe the Op has a bit of an attention seeking issue. Maybe the friend was having a well aimed dig at her? Maybe the friend knows the Op well enough to know they like town living or is too messy to stay on top of a big house. Who knows?

lborgia · 30/09/2020 22:27

I am SO fed up with idea that we should all sit around waiting for someone else so that our lives can start.

You're 35, not 25, and you are doing what works for you. Friend is at the very least thoughtless, but you know, really, that it's more than that. You know. It's not out of nowhere is it? You said that she commented on another colleague, you said that she gets defensive about money.

You are doing EXACTLY the right thing.

Never ever ever wait for someone else to join you so that you're "allowed" to move forward.

You're a grown up, keep going, and enjoy your new house!

Cheesess · 30/09/2020 22:27

She’s
You can have one of those rooms as a home gym, one as an office, one as walk in wardrobe, endless possibilities... well that’s what I would do.
You can have your dream home!

ThirstyGhost · 30/09/2020 22:36

Sounds to me like this friend has issues around money in general with elements of jealousy involved. The house will be a great opportunity and investment for you by the sounds of it. I can't imagine being anything other than happy for a friend in this scenario.

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