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Original poster

Friend’s comment about my new house/being single

280 replies

Litza · 30/09/2020 16:41

I’m probably being over sensitive. Have NC.

I’m 35 and recently broke up with someone. It’s been shit. I’d love to settle down. I’ve lived in my current place for 6 years, a two bed terrace, on the market for 300. I’ve been looking to move anyway because I’ve been a bit bored of this place, first home that was bought when I had no money really and lower salary. Anyway, I’ve decided to move for a bigger garden and to relocate closer to family.

I’m looking at places more countryside way and often the houses are generally bigger and a bit more expensive. I looked at one the other day asking price 525, 4 bed, nice garden, couple of reception rooms and proper parking. It’s not a mansion but a substantial house.

She asked me to send her the link. I did. She sent numerous laughing faces back and said that I would be rambling around it that and she couldn’t imagine me in it.

I don’t know why this has upset me, probably because I feel sensitive about being alone again. But also now I feel conflicted...I have the money to spend and I am on almost double pay since when I took out this mortgage on this small two bed. I wanted to put the money into a new house and climb the ladder but I feel like maybe she’s right, is this going to make me feel lonelier? One the other hand, I don’t want to live in a two bed terrace forever when my life has moved on financially...I would like a utility room and a proper drive etc!

I know the market may crash etc but this isn’t about that it’s just about what she’s said...will I be seen as a joke buying somewhere bigger? I feel like her life is moving on as is everyone else’s but I’m sort of stuck now according to her. She’s such a close friend too and I feel hurt by her comments.

OP posts:
Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 30/09/2020 20:05

@Asterion

In any case, we're always told to build the life we want, don't rely on a man coming along and building it for you. Go for it!
A thousand times this! Go for it!
MatildaonaWaltzer · 30/09/2020 20:06

Can I offer one word of caution for when you have your lovely new home and you meet someone new - don’t invite them round until you know each other a little so you can be sure that nobody is after you for your house - the relationship pages on here are a good warning in that. Otherwise- enjoy what you have earned.

Lemonzest98 · 30/09/2020 20:11

Another vote for go for it OP! Do what makes you happy. She sounds jealous.

Benjispruce2 · 30/09/2020 20:13

Touch of the green eyed monster.

FreshFreesias · 30/09/2020 20:15

Good for you OP!
Enjoy a nice house. Your friend sounds jealous but that is her problem 😊

BeepBoopBop · 30/09/2020 20:16

Me & the dog love our big house - DP has his own place and I have 6 bedrooms - if I put a bed in the study, I would have a different bedroom for every night of the week 😂. Who's business is it? No ones. Do I love it? Yes. Buy what you want OP. Its your money, you choose.

Thundercats77 · 30/09/2020 20:24

You buy that house that you like and enjoy it. If you don't, you will regret it. It's an investment for YOU, for your future.

You won't be lonely as one of your reasons for moving is so that your closer to your family. Who cares if you don't have anyone to share it with like a partner.

There are things that we can control in life and things we can't such as meeting a partner. We can't put our lives on hold until that happens.

It sounds like your friend is jealous.
Maybe it would be better not to share a lot of information with her regarding you moving up on the property ladder.

Don't feel shitty, this will be an incredible step and the best thing is you did it all by yourselfStar

Italiangreyhound · 30/09/2020 20:24

She sounds jealous, do what you want to do.

Maybe get a dog, we have now got one and we love him! Always a wagging tail to come home to!

Graphista · 30/09/2020 20:33

Ignore her she's clearly jealous!

Also absolutely nothing wrong with being and even remaining single - if that's what you want.

I've been single since divorcing in my early 30's and becoming a single mum, I also know women who've opted to be single mums rather than settle for someone they don't really love.

All sorts make the world go around.

I used to play a little phone game where you got to design your own house, great for fantasising, I had in mine:

A huge fancy bedroom for me with en-suite and dressing room attached, a home office, a library, a music room, a games room, a home gymn inc pool, a home cinema room, a "standard" living room...

Could definitely live that way if I had the money. Wouldn't be lonely (had a guest house for when dd and her future partner/spouse plus at least 3 grandkids would be visiting Grin) completel with their own play room and kiddie pool.

I can but dream Wink

TRUE friends help us believe we can do ANYTHING we put our minds to (money and health etc accounted for)

Graphista · 30/09/2020 20:33

LOVING The enya post!

XingMing · 30/09/2020 20:35

Buy a house you like, that speaks to you as if it will curl around you and comfort you, in the location you want. But, if I may, don't get overambitious with land and garden or you will be a slave to it. If it has a large garden, it needs to be manageable with a weekend's worth of serious effort per month. More than that is too much, unless you love gardening.

RedRumTheHorse · 30/09/2020 20:36

She is jealous.

I know older single women who live in houses with 3+ bedrooms because they are/were high earners. I've also airbnbed in such houses.

When a newly acquaintance of mine in her 30s was deciding to buy a large 3 bedroom house or a 3 bed flat in areas I knew I told her to buy the house. She brought the house. She isn't now single in her 40s.

Oh and if you are going to be out a lot get a cat or cats as neighbours can feed him/her. If you are going to be in more then get a dog. And if you are really lucky get both.

RedRumTheHorse · 30/09/2020 20:37

I mean newly divorced acquaintance

whattodo2019 · 30/09/2020 20:37

Jealously is an ugly trait. She's not a friend... why would anyone react like that.
It sounds lovely. Go for it.
What a fab new start xx
Good luck Thanks

Winter2020 · 30/09/2020 20:40

Hi OP,
I’m sure it’s simply common or garden jealousy from your friend.

Although this was not nice of her at all I did just want to say that jealousy is a natural emotion especially about something about as all consuming as your home. She should of course keep it in check and try to be pleased from you but it might have caught her by surprise. I think some houses can be so lovely that they hurt!

I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Just stick to your guns along the lines of “do you think? I think it will really suit me....”

Give her the chance to get over it but just be aware that she may not get over it and unfortunately this may affect the friendship. I have heard people say that they have lost friends when they moved to a big house - in threads on here - not personal experience I have never owned a big house!!

clearedfortakeoff · 30/09/2020 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Graphista · 30/09/2020 20:42

@MsTSwift yes I agree totally on the nasty friends I saw that thread too, I had insensitive people make crass remarks after my mcs - NONE of whom were friends, friends don't do that!

MrsKingfisher · 30/09/2020 20:42

Do it! Buy the house you love, a new home that you love will make coming home and pottering about much nicer. Good for you!

CatAndHisKit · 30/09/2020 20:42

4-bed is hardly 'massive' (love the Enya link!) and a great investment atm.
She is obvs the type who is a great at commiserating and supporting through bad times, but can't handle when a friend does better than hers.

Re estate agents, that's just silly, OP. They don't know your personal circs, maybe you have a new BF who is not involved in house purcase, or you are juts divorced an dating / have plans to host friends or relatives or indeed plan to be a single mum. They would NOT think anything negative, if anuting will admire your buying power and your success in career!

TracyMosby · 30/09/2020 20:42

Im really jealous too, op. But id never try to ruin it for you by making a nasty comment about an issue that really bothers you. So, just want to put out there that I’ll will be available for all the parties you can throw. Round the piano. Drinks on the patio. Pimms on the lawn with tiny sandwiches. It will be fab

CatAndHisKit · 30/09/2020 20:43

*than her

Pancakeorcrepe · 30/09/2020 20:44

It sounds like a lovely house and you will make into a beautiful home!
Whatever you do, don’t let this put a dampener on such an exciting milestone. You pay, you choose. And for what it is worth, I would choose similar, I love having space to breathe and to not feel cramped.

gumball37 · 30/09/2020 20:45

My first house as a single person was 4-5 bedrooms. I used one as an office, one for me.. obviously, the largest for a huge craft room, one for a guest bed and one that was just empty. Then I got married divorced and ended up with a child so he got the last bedroom until we moved.

Do whatever the fuck you want IMO

CatAndHisKit · 30/09/2020 20:45

spot on, Winter - house are an emotive thing for many women and she may have just not coped with the jealousy, bu tok if she aplogises later- if not, she's not really a friend.

Pancakeorcrepe · 30/09/2020 20:46

Don’t be worrying about the estate agents or anything like that, honestly they don’t give a fig,the only thing they care about is making a sale 🤣🤣