Friend’s comment about my new house/being single

[Litza]

I’m probably being over sensitive. Have NC.

I’m 35 and recently broke up with someone. It’s been shit. I’d love to settle down. I’ve lived in my current place for 6 years, a two bed terrace, on the market for 300. I’ve been looking to move anyway because I’ve been a bit bored of this place, first home that was bought when I had no money really and lower salary. Anyway, I’ve decided to move for a bigger garden and to relocate closer to family.

I’m looking at places more countryside way and often the houses are generally bigger and a bit more expensive. I looked at one the other day asking price 525, 4 bed, nice garden, couple of reception rooms and proper parking. It’s not a mansion but a substantial house.

She asked me to send her the link. I did. She sent numerous laughing faces back and said that I would be rambling around it that and she couldn’t imagine me in it.

I don’t know why this has upset me, probably because I feel sensitive about being alone again. But also now I feel conflicted...I have the money to spend and I am on almost double pay since when I took out this mortgage on this small two bed. I wanted to put the money into a new house and climb the ladder but I feel like maybe she’s right, is this going to make me feel lonelier? One the other hand, I don’t want to live in a two bed terrace forever when my life has moved on financially...I would like a utility room and a proper drive etc!

I know the market may crash etc but this isn’t about that it’s just about what she’s said...will I be seen as a joke buying somewhere bigger? I feel like her life is moving on as is everyone else’s but I’m sort of stuck now according to her. She’s such a close friend too and I feel hurt by her comments.

Same thought as everyone else. She sounds jealous and bitter.

There's no law to say single people shouldn't have lovely homes. If you want the downstairs space, you nearly always end up with more bedrooms than you strictly need. But hey - dressing room, study, guest room - just don't invite your jealous friend! You've earned it, you enjoy it!

Thanks. This has made me feel better.

I have become worried everyone else is thinking ‘god how sad’ but not saying it!

She knows I am very sad about being alone so really that comment was obviously going to highlight it. Really grateful for the posts, I’ve calmed down :)

What the estate agents think of you is "hmm, hope she's in a short chain". That's it

A relative of mine moved into a 5 bedroomed house from a 3 bed. She was single. Her sister told her that the house was too big and her car was too big and why did she need a house or car that size. Basically went on and on about it. Her sister has now bought a 5 bedroomed house of her own. Do what you want to do, life's too short. Good luck to you.

In any case, we're always told to build the life we want, don't rely on a man coming along and building it for you. Go for it!

asterion

Thanks. It is daunting alone but waiting around for a man feels even more lonely to be honest!

The strange thing with my friend is she is v v supportive of everything really...but whenever finances have come up she’s quite defensive. Only a month ago she was saying ‘don’t you ever want to find somewhere bigger...’ and now I am actually doing it she seems surprised and like it’s a crazy decision.

Go for it! I had a single friend once who did a similar move (from a flat to a 4-bed, 3-bath house). To be honest at the time i thought she was mad! I wasn't jealous, i was concerned that it would feel lonely to be there alone because of how big it is and also that taking on the maintenance/upkeep of a property like that would be a huge task alone. It was also a move to the suburbs from a city centre (which i also thought was a mistake and that the city centre suited her lifestyle much better).

I was totally wrong! She moved and instantly loved it! She never did rattle around in it, she filled it perfectly and used all the rooms in different ways, she didn't seem to struggle with the maintenance and it's now years on and her partner has moved in with her. It's a great size for the two of them and she could easily have a family there. But - if she had remained single it would have been fine too. Also, i bet she's made loads more money on it than she would have had if she'd kept the flat.

Do it!!!

Also - no-one ever thought her moving there was a joke. There's nothing wrong at all with living in a big house alone!

Also, how would being in a tiny house make you feel less lonely than a bigger one? Is she expecting you to spend your evenings walking around your 4-bed mansion like Miss Haversham, opening doors and weeping because there's no one in there, whereas if you're in a 2-up, 2-down you won't notice you're on your own?

If Enya had dogs in that mansion she would actually be my Messiah.

In honesty I think sometimes people struggle to imagine others enjoying a home they wouldn't like.

Eg Loads of people genuinely would not like a house that size to themselves. They would feel lonely and vulnerable.

I, on the other hand, think it sounds like fucking bliss. So crack on, OP. Just don't leave the address on here else me and the dog might try and move in!

Jealous cow! Ignore her and buy your lovely house

It does sound like jealousy.
You still have time to meet someone and if you do you will have you're lovley big house to share, if you don't then you've got a lovley big house thats all yours. I'm jelous. you should go for it.

It sounds fantastic OP. You should go for it.

It will be a fresh new start.

Please try to put what she says to the back of your mind. It is an investment and sounds like a forever home.

Hopefully if she’s generally supportive about things she was just being a bit insensitive instead of nasty. I personally wouldn’t want to live in a 4 bedroom house on my own, but mainly because I am a) a bit of a hoarder (so I would fill it with rubbish) and b) terribly untidy and would begrudge having all that extra space to clean and tidy. I wouldn’t think that anyone else was ‘sad’ for doing it though! I’d also be incredibly impressed that they could afford a £500k+ house just on their salary at 35. That is an impressive achievement!

She's jealous. Buy your lovely house and sod her.
It's so hard after a break up. Gentle hugs.

@Asterion

In any case, we're always told to build the life we want, don't rely on a man coming along and building it for you. Go for it!

Absolutely this.

I’ve also realised I want to be Enya 🤣

Buy a big house, plan the rooms how you want, get a massive luxurious bed for the biggest bedroom for yourself.

Plan what you’ll do with the other rooms, do you want one as a massive walk in wardrobe? Or a Choo’s room (I feel I need a (Jimmy) Choo’s room).

Do you have a mysterious MN hobby, use one room to fit your equipment and hobby stuff in then.

Turn one into a Pilates studio (I would because why the fuck not).

Turn one into your pets bedroom, get a cat or a dog or five cats.

Turn one into a guest bedroom.

Use on of the reception rooms as a library/music room. WFH study.

Is the hallway big enough for a grandfather clock, does it have a massive sweeping staircase. I want a massive hallway with a sweeping staircase (and a fountain in the front courtyard, I want a courtyard as well😂).

Do it, go forward and start living whatever your dream is.

I don’t want any man to buy me anything, if I want diamonds I’ll bloody buy them myself.

She’s jealous, OP. Run far. She is not your friend.

Urgh what is with these bitchy “friends” 🙄. Another thread today with a poor lady with infertility with a “friend” crowing about getting pregnant after 4 months. I wouldn’t speak to strangers like that let alone supposed friends. Utter bitches.

When I was a single I had a three bed terrace and was squashed for space at times, because despite being single, I had friends who stayed. (and I do have a lot of stuff)
I’m still single and live in the same house now have a teenager so even more stuffed and more squashed.

If you like it, and can afford it, then who cares what anyone thinks. It a good investment. It gives you lots of options. I’d love a cosy den like room and a more formal sitting room, a room just for books. I have friends with hobby rooms — craft/sewing rooms, music rooms. How lovely to have all that space.
Go for it

Jealous! Sounds very familiar to one of my close friends. She mocked me about the area I was moving to, and why would I be moving etc. I have moved and she hasn't asked one question about it or shown any interest. Not sure what her problem is but all I can assume is jealousy rather than being happy for a friend.

She doesn't get to decide what you spend your money on, or where & how you live.

Two of our neighbours live in four bedroomed houses. They're at a different time of their lives, both in their 70s/80s and sadly widowed now. Both love their gardens and, despite being on their own for well over 10 years (we moved here then and never knew either husband), they have no intention of moving.

One (used to pre-Covid) have a couple of church things in her garden to raise cash every spring and autumn. The other has friends or family staying. She needs the space or they'd all be camping on the living room floor!

Enjoy your new home. It's amazing how everything expands to fill a bigger house!

I think it seems like a huge house for one person. I’d feel like a pea rattling round in a drum in it...but that’s me. I like cosy and easy to maintain...no interest in bedrooms I don’t need.

Knickers to her!
It's your money.
If you want a bloody castle it's entirely up to you!

She’s obviously jealous of you.