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Friend’s comment about my new house/being single

280 replies

Litza · 30/09/2020 16:41

I’m probably being over sensitive. Have NC.

I’m 35 and recently broke up with someone. It’s been shit. I’d love to settle down. I’ve lived in my current place for 6 years, a two bed terrace, on the market for 300. I’ve been looking to move anyway because I’ve been a bit bored of this place, first home that was bought when I had no money really and lower salary. Anyway, I’ve decided to move for a bigger garden and to relocate closer to family.

I’m looking at places more countryside way and often the houses are generally bigger and a bit more expensive. I looked at one the other day asking price 525, 4 bed, nice garden, couple of reception rooms and proper parking. It’s not a mansion but a substantial house.

She asked me to send her the link. I did. She sent numerous laughing faces back and said that I would be rambling around it that and she couldn’t imagine me in it.

I don’t know why this has upset me, probably because I feel sensitive about being alone again. But also now I feel conflicted...I have the money to spend and I am on almost double pay since when I took out this mortgage on this small two bed. I wanted to put the money into a new house and climb the ladder but I feel like maybe she’s right, is this going to make me feel lonelier? One the other hand, I don’t want to live in a two bed terrace forever when my life has moved on financially...I would like a utility room and a proper drive etc!

I know the market may crash etc but this isn’t about that it’s just about what she’s said...will I be seen as a joke buying somewhere bigger? I feel like her life is moving on as is everyone else’s but I’m sort of stuck now according to her. She’s such a close friend too and I feel hurt by her comments.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 30/09/2020 16:42

What a horrible person. She’s not a friend.

GreyishDays · 30/09/2020 16:42

Her reaction is really odd. I presume she’s jealous.

YukoandHiro · 30/09/2020 16:43

Just jealousy. Ignore.

Asterion · 30/09/2020 16:44

Just what I was going to say - I will bet you tenty zquillion pound that her place is smaller than the one you are planning to buy Grin

Asterion · 30/09/2020 16:45

And, by the way - YOU GO, GIRL!!!!! Star

Buy yourself a fabulous place in the countryside, do it up exactly as you want to, and live your best life!!!

sesamebreadsticks · 30/09/2020 16:45

If you know your friend well and usually have no issues, then maybe it's a question of overthinking her reaction, though I can see why you would have done!
I see nothing wrong in you buying a 4 bed as a single person, if it's within your means it's no ones business but yours. As for being lonely, one room as a guest bedroom, one as an office, then it's like you've only one surplus to your own bedroom Smile

doodleZ1 · 30/09/2020 16:46

Jealous and nasty with it. You can't buy a house that others expect you to have, buy the one you want and yes it will be an investment for you. She's jealous and doesn't have the wit to keep it to herself. Does she earn a lot less than you, I doubt it would bother her otherwise. Either way she's as jealous as it comes

Suzi888 · 30/09/2020 16:46

I thinks he has a touch of the green eyed monsters! If you like it go for it.
Or is she genuinely concerned you’ll feel lonely/ isolated/afraid there. I have a lovely friend, but she’s obsessed with emojis and I can see her doing something like this....

Litza · 30/09/2020 16:46

She followed it up by trying to convey concern.. like would I be lonely? Would I need all that space? That house is too massive for you etc etc.

I don’t know if she is jealous, she’s always been really supportive in general life stuff. And with my break up. We had wildly different backgrounds though, for example she said a long time ago that someone was ‘incredibly wealthy’ as they had just bought a 350k house. I completely get that that is a lot of money, before I get attacked on here, but it is a long long way from what i know to be wealthy. I wonder if she sees this as a bigger purchase than it is. I don’t know.

I feel so self conscious now about even going to viewings, wondering what the agents must think of me. I don’t want to be doing it alone but I am alone and the other option is not to ever have a bigger house because I’ve not met anyone. Both options aren’t great.

OP posts:
LatteLover12 · 30/09/2020 16:47

Pure jealousy OP, take no notice.

Do what's best for you with your hard-earned money! It sounds like a lovely house 😊

RandomMess · 30/09/2020 16:47

Horrible person!!

Substantial 4 bed, hopefully with an en-suite - sounds perfect for a well paying lodger to me!!!

Holothane · 30/09/2020 16:48

Ignore you buy your house and enjoy you can a bedroom dressing hobby room, jealous cow.

PurpleDaisies · 30/09/2020 16:48

No one will care if you’re going to viewings on your own. They’ll only want to know you can afford it.

Litza · 30/09/2020 16:49

doodle that is my main thinking to be honest, that it is a good investment. If it worked out better to buy two smaller ones then I would but tax wise and mortgage wise it would be very expensive. Plus a 250k house would be a downside from what I am in now so little point. I just feel a bit shit about it all...probably being over sensitive. I don’t think I would have said that to someone though.

OP posts:
ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 30/09/2020 16:49

Go for it and enjoy it. I went to loads of viewings on my own even though I've got a DH and DCs much easier!

Litza · 30/09/2020 16:50

Thanks for the nice messages. I’m so fragile at the moment as I am so so sad I am even moving alone and without a partner. Her comment just made it all feel really shit. Xx

OP posts:
mistermagpie · 30/09/2020 16:50

You're only 35, I got married at 34 and had 3 children by the time I was 39. Life can change really quickly so you might end up with a big family in that lovely house!

And if you don't want that, we'll maybe you want a study? Or a games room? Or a sewing room? Or to have loads of guests? Or just to enjoy lots of space?

What business is it of hers?!

Ignore her. And I'm my experience, being in an unhappy marriage was the loneliest I've ever felt - house size has nothing to do with it. You buy the house you want and enjoy it, she's just jealous!

yoyoyooo · 30/09/2020 16:52

Please ignore her and do what makes you happy. If I had a deposit I would be upsizing as with low interest rates and the stamp duty holiday it makes sense.

I am in a similar boat being single at 34 and a "friend" of mine asked me when I would start considering sperm donation.

PanamaPattie · 30/09/2020 16:53

Jealousy - pure and simple. Buy the house. Enjoy it. Don't invite your "friend" to stay.

Purplekitchen · 30/09/2020 16:53

Go for it op. Sounds like she's jealous.

Friend’s comment about my new house/being single
MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 30/09/2020 16:54

But the house you love. You'll find stuff to fill the rooms - you won't be rattling around in it. Smaller houses often don't come with utility rooms and proper drives, so if you value these things then get a house which has them. Ignore your 'friend' - she's probably envious that you can afford to get exactly what you want.

frazzledasarock · 30/09/2020 16:54

Fuck her, hold your head high and go view the house and if you like it out an offer in.

She’s very clearly jealous.

I’m always daydreaming and window shopping insanely expensive properties I’m going to buy when I grow up and become a gazillionare.

Good for you to be in a place to afford a lovely house with a big garden. And it’s sensible to move closer to family so you have each other for support.
You’ll love having a big garden and not living in a terrace and having to put up with other peoples noise.

Ring the estate agents and arrange a viewing. Don’t let jealous bitter people hold you back.
And in future don’t tell this friend anything. She’s clearly not happy for you to move upwards.

Hailtomyteeth · 30/09/2020 16:54

Your 'friend' has a rigid mental picture of who you are and where you belong. That's in her head, and nothing to do with you at all. Say to yourself, 'Is that so?' Smile gently to yourself and go ahead with building the good life you can see for yourself. Maybe you will have to leave her behind, or maybe she will expand her understanding. You don't have to let her hold you back. She can only cast a shadow on your future happiness if you let her. Go forward. I wish you joy.

KenAdams · 30/09/2020 16:54

Go for it. Can you post a link to the house (this makes no difference on what you should do I just like pretty houses). I think COVID will change the way we work forever and people will be in their homes a lot more so you need somewhere you love.

SybillFawlty · 30/09/2020 16:54

She's probably projecting how she would feel in a 4 bedroom house on her own - and if she'd be lonely, she's assuming you would be too.

Don't feel self-conscious about going to viewings! The agents don't care about your personal life, just your agreement in principle. I bought a 4 bed house for much less than £525k when I was single. I had the biggest bedroom, a really nice guest room, a room with clothes rails and a big mirror, and a box room I did yoga in. I LOVED IT. And I wasn't lonely because friends & family frequently dropped hints about having weekends in the countryside. Plus I got a dog.

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