Friend’s comment about my new house/being single

[Litza]

I’m probably being over sensitive. Have NC.

I’m 35 and recently broke up with someone. It’s been shit. I’d love to settle down. I’ve lived in my current place for 6 years, a two bed terrace, on the market for 300. I’ve been looking to move anyway because I’ve been a bit bored of this place, first home that was bought when I had no money really and lower salary. Anyway, I’ve decided to move for a bigger garden and to relocate closer to family.

I’m looking at places more countryside way and often the houses are generally bigger and a bit more expensive. I looked at one the other day asking price 525, 4 bed, nice garden, couple of reception rooms and proper parking. It’s not a mansion but a substantial house.

She asked me to send her the link. I did. She sent numerous laughing faces back and said that I would be rambling around it that and she couldn’t imagine me in it.

I don’t know why this has upset me, probably because I feel sensitive about being alone again. But also now I feel conflicted...I have the money to spend and I am on almost double pay since when I took out this mortgage on this small two bed. I wanted to put the money into a new house and climb the ladder but I feel like maybe she’s right, is this going to make me feel lonelier? One the other hand, I don’t want to live in a two bed terrace forever when my life has moved on financially...I would like a utility room and a proper drive etc!

I know the market may crash etc but this isn’t about that it’s just about what she’s said...will I be seen as a joke buying somewhere bigger? I feel like her life is moving on as is everyone else’s but I’m sort of stuck now according to her. She’s such a close friend too and I feel hurt by her comments.

She's probably jealous as it's bigger than her house or, you just took it the wrong way and have been overthinking it

I think you need to listen to yourself and your first decision. a lot of rooms is a plus. you can change the situation by changing the room. you can always invite friends or family. and if we talk about the future - you always need to think about it and if there is a financial opportunity, then improve your housing. in any case, you will have a family and children and this will come in handy, or you can rent it out. in general, a new house and a big house are always a plus!

Very one has said it already, but she’s jealous. That’s the beginning and end of it and I wouldn’t give it another seconds thought.

A house is an investment. If you have good earnings, it makes sense to put it into a house. She is probably a bit envious. Can we see the house please? 🤩

So she thinks that single women should live in pokey little houses, struggle to park and wait to be rescued by a handsome prince (to whom they must feel very grateful)?

If you can afford a comfortable home, with good facilities, go for it!

It's possible she envies your ability to afford this on one salary. It's also likely that she, like a proportion of men and women, see successful women who are comfortable with and in themselves, as very threatening.

Another good reason to go for it. You'll weed out the insecure, 'men are naturally superior and I can't cope with you not seeing me that way' tossers at an early stage.

Why shouldnt you have a lovely big house. It sounds like you deserve it. She is probably a bit envious. Can we see it, please? 🤩

I live in a shared ownership, and will never get on the mainstream ladder, but I know I have more than some and I am very very lucky.

2 of my friends have purchased huge homes, one at your price and one quite a bit more.

My reaction was something like -

"Oh wow, it is absolutely beautiful, I can't believe it, its made for you, and I think you will be very happy there!
Go for it, & let me know if you want help moving & decorating"

Then I secretly hope I can stay over just once a month

Nothing to do with your friend's comment, but I would think four beds is a lot (unless limited reception rooms so you need one for a dining room, one an office etc). If you meet someone else, and you're likely to let's face it, is it a good idea to have a large home for him to move into? Your biggest asset is your house and you will be giving half of it away if you marry. I would prefer to have savings and a smaller place (doesn't have to be a two bed!) and lots of opportunities to travel or to retire a bit earlier.

But also now I feel conflicted...I have the money to spend and I am on almost double pay since when I took out this mortgage on this small two bed. I wanted to put the money into a new house and climb the ladder but I feel like maybe she’s right, is this going to make me feel lonelier?

No it won't. Your friend is nasty (and probably envious). I have a 4-floor large old historic house. All just for me (and visiting family & friends when it's OK to do so). It was expensive, but I earn enough, and I like it.

So enjoy living in a lovely house. Why not?

There’s no issue at all with a single person wanting a lovely house in that price bracket with space a garden and parking.
If that comes with 4beds that’s fair enough.
If however a single person has gone out looking specifically for 4bed+ houses and ruling out lovely houses with fewer then I’d be surprised and wonder why (of course there are many reasonable reasons but it’s still initially surprising to require 4 bedrooms for one person).

Go for it! It sounds like a lovely house and a great investment. You are still absolutely young enough to meet someone and or have a family etc and then you would have a perfect house for that or for your current life. It is a win win! I am sorry your friend was mean to you - totally understand how that would make you feel awful right now. I met my now husband when I was nearly 39 and had a baby at 41 and had to buy a house in a mad rush - your way sounds much better! xx

Get a nice lodger in and help the housing plight. They will be company too.

Litza, you’ve worked for your money, you buy what you want! As you’re not under pressure, you don’t have to hurry or compromise. If you see a place that makes your heart sing, and it passes a full structural survey, go for it.
for your housewarming in a house you love.

Buy a house that makes you happy and sod your friend. You're living life for you and no-one else. Maybe in the future you will meet someone you want to share your life with, and maybe you won't. But don't ever live a life regretting the things you didn't do, including buying a fabulous house.

@Litza

She followed it up by trying to convey concern.. like would I be lonely? Would I need all that space? That house is too massive for you etc etc.

I don’t know if she is jealous, she’s always been really supportive in general life stuff. And with my break up. We had wildly different backgrounds though, for example she said a long time ago that someone was ‘incredibly wealthy’ as they had just bought a 350k house. I completely get that that is a lot of money, before I get attacked on here, but it is a long long way from what i know to be wealthy. I wonder if she sees this as a bigger purchase than it is. I don’t know.

I feel so self conscious now about even going to viewings, wondering what the agents must think of me. I don’t want to be doing it alone but I am alone and the other option is not to ever have a bigger house because I’ve not met anyone. Both options aren’t great.

It is LOCATION that drives the price of property, not size.

Don't feel self conscious! The estate agent will love making a sale.

5 bedrooms is a lot for one person, {I live in a 3 bedroom house as a now single person} and there is a lot of unused space.

You go for it if you like it, and can afford to heat it.

🙂

When I was long-term single in a large 3 bed house I did struggle with having "too much" space, practically cleaning (I just ended up not using several rooms) and decorating (cost and effort is halved when in a couple), and also mentally it got me really down after breakups, but so did the location because it was not where I wanted to be.

However, if the garden is the important bit to you and will give you pleasure designing and working it, and you will live in a more preferable location, just choose the house based on those 2 factors whatever the size.

Also, 4 beds = the best one for you, one as an office, one for visitors, and you’ve still got one for a lodger if you ever need help with the mortgage or want the company.

Buy the big house and love loving in it!

Honestly, don't worry about what she thinks or doesn't think. I am single, in a 2 bed, and when I can afford it fully plan on upgrading to a bigger detached house with 3-4 bedrooms, an orchard (yep, dreams) and whatever else I like because it's my life and I will live as I want to :) You do you.

None of her business, you do what makes you happy. Have you ever own a home? It’s a big investment of your time and money. The bigger the house, the bigger you will have to maintain it. And you will have to consider your age too on how long it will be manageable before you will have to start hiring other people to do the work.

She's very rude and then I think you should tell her that she's upset you.

Having said that, I personally wouldn't buy a 4 bed house as a single person because it would feel like a waste of money to me. I would stay where I was and put my energy into going on dates and finding a partner, then perhaps we could look for a new place together somewhere after a year or so. It would be annoying to move to your new 4 bed house & then in a year's time realise it's not suitable for your new partner!

She sounds like she's jealous, OP. Buy the fabulous house and enjoy it!

Wow, good for you having the earning power to afford somewhere so lovely, that's pretty awesome. I live in a 4 bed with my family but could easily fill it on my own. By the time you assign rooms for things like a home office, guest bedroom and gym you've pretty much filled it! plenty of single people live in 4 bedroom houses and they are successful not sad!
Also, if you are worried about meeting someone don't be. I met my now husband at 36, plenty of people do.
Set up a pinterest account for the furniture and decor for your new house and hopefully you can get excited again! Enjoy!

But don’t you worry, there are lots of single people who own huge homes. And they did fine. Just be aware what you are up against and tell yourself you can do it

I don't know if she's jealous OP but I sure as hell am - go for it!

If she really is a good mate, I'd bring it up.
Ask her what she thinks of you moving somewhere bigger because what she said the other day has got into your head l, especially when you're feeling so down about being alone etc.

Y least that way you can clear the air.

Fwiw I think but the house that feels right and which you can afford