Friend’s comment about my new house/being single

[Litza]

I’m probably being over sensitive. Have NC.

I’m 35 and recently broke up with someone. It’s been shit. I’d love to settle down. I’ve lived in my current place for 6 years, a two bed terrace, on the market for 300. I’ve been looking to move anyway because I’ve been a bit bored of this place, first home that was bought when I had no money really and lower salary. Anyway, I’ve decided to move for a bigger garden and to relocate closer to family.

I’m looking at places more countryside way and often the houses are generally bigger and a bit more expensive. I looked at one the other day asking price 525, 4 bed, nice garden, couple of reception rooms and proper parking. It’s not a mansion but a substantial house.

She asked me to send her the link. I did. She sent numerous laughing faces back and said that I would be rambling around it that and she couldn’t imagine me in it.

I don’t know why this has upset me, probably because I feel sensitive about being alone again. But also now I feel conflicted...I have the money to spend and I am on almost double pay since when I took out this mortgage on this small two bed. I wanted to put the money into a new house and climb the ladder but I feel like maybe she’s right, is this going to make me feel lonelier? One the other hand, I don’t want to live in a two bed terrace forever when my life has moved on financially...I would like a utility room and a proper drive etc!

I know the market may crash etc but this isn’t about that it’s just about what she’s said...will I be seen as a joke buying somewhere bigger? I feel like her life is moving on as is everyone else’s but I’m sort of stuck now according to her. She’s such a close friend too and I feel hurt by her comments.

That’s why you tell her you’re buying designer clothes, fur coats and exotic travel. She knows you have a small house and not a lot of fun. She’s jealous.

One of my first thoughts was that it was a big house for one person to care for, maintain, heat, occupy etc. Not because I think single people should live in tiny little hobbit houses but because as someone who lives alone those would be my concerns about a big house!

I'm surprised so many people are confidently asserting she must be jealous. I probably would have asked similar questions to her albeit phrased differently.

Seems to me more likely she had genuine concerns, but phrased them clumsily at a time when you are feeling very raw and sensitive about anything connected to being single (which is understandable).

It's not worth chucking your friendship in the bin over. Even if there are people here who'd love the drama if you did.

Seems a strange comment from your friend but then some people have hang ups about financial stuff. I would LOVE to have that amount of space. It's also an investment. Go for it and enjoy it! Good luck OP.

She’s jealous. You buy what you want love

@hollyandkit

I don't know if she's jealous OP but I sure as hell am - go for it!

^ this! I hope you enjoy your lovely house - and impressed you are only 35

You can invite your future dates over for cocktails in your lovely new garden

I can afford it fully plan on upgrading to a bigger detached house with 3-4 bedrooms, an orchard (yep, dreams) and whatever else I like because it's my life and I will live as I want to

This, times eleventy million.

Why should single women not live in big houses if they want to and can afford to? Would we be critical of men doing this? I think not ...

Pure jealousy. The house sounds lovely. Well done you!

If she’s been a good friend otherwise and chased it up with another message of concern, I’d probably let it go. Maybe she realised her message sounded a bit mean & jealous and sent the follow up message.

Also, being in and enjoying your grown up house is something you can do to move forward with your life, it will probably make you feel better and it’s totally in your control : I’m in a similar position, little bit older, & looking for my own lovely house to enjoy (though I can only stretch to a 3 bed

I bought a 4 bedroom new build house as a single woman 20 years ago because I wanted to have decent sized reception rooms. I never felt I was rattling around I'm in a meeting, will call back in it.

Have now bought a 3 bedroom house with DP that had significantly more room downstairs and we extended it further - all downstairs and no extra bedrooms. It's big, and I sometimes can't find him, but I never think we are rattling around.

Enjoy your new home and make sure to extol the virtues when she comes to visit

I’d love that if I could afford it. I’d see if a good friend wanted to rent a room off me for the cost of half the bills and a take away once a week. One bedroom for spare, one for an office with library. It would be epic. Fuck your friend. You’ll be ok.

She won’t want to visit then and stay in one of the lovely guest rooms if she finds it that laughable. You go for it, ignore the haters.

That’s a bitchy put down comment all day long. Exactly how are you less lonely in a two bed, that’s so Illogical

Text her back and say “yeah but what a party pad eh? Am so excited,😃x”

And leave it there,

OP, you said how supportive your friend has been previously so do you think perhaps it's not necessarily jealousy but that she was just surprised and made a throwaway comment without thinking ~ you did say she showed some concern later on.

Buy it and fill it with some different friends.
Is she always like this? The laughing face emojis is really horrid, it’s worse than if she had just said straight out “are you sure it’s not too big a house for you now that you’re single”.

What an unpleasant person!! A true friend would be pleased that you are moving to a house you really like. Good luck.

Since you said she is usually supportive, I would let it slide everyone make mistakes like this at least once .

Wel Jel I think. Say you value her opinion and agree it might not be your style. Leave it a couple of days and tell her you have some viewings booked on other properties. When she asks for the links send her details of some £650k mansions. She will blow her top.

Some of these posts are shocking. No wonder people fall out so easily! Your friend sounds caring in general. She just has different values and her perception of you is different from your own and will be partly based on her values. For her 350k for a house is madness and half a million has made her head explode. She’s only a human, warts and all. If you can afford a new perhaps forever home, go for it.

You do you OP and take no notice of what others say. I was in a similar position to you. Single and in a small flat. I ended up buying a smallish but perfectly formed house for myself and renting out the flat and saw that as my investment. Even though life’s moved on I still have the flat. It’s another option for you to think about. If you want the bigger more expensive house just for you though I say go for it!
I hate when people comment on what other people spend their money on as if it’s anyone’s business!! Lots of my friends spend money on fancy cars or designer handbags, wouldn’t be for me but if their happy I couldn’t care less!

Buy the house and enjoy it. How fabulous!

Agreeing with all the others, she is jealous.

I've been looking to move from my two bed terrace to a house with a bit of land but everything seems to come with a 'family' house. It's just me and my dogs, personally I don't want a load of extra rooms to clean and stuff with shit, mainly cause I'm a slattern.

Maybe she thinks the same or maybe she is just a jealous cow, either way she should be pleased for you if it's the house of your dreams.

There are 3 of us bursting out of a 3 bed house. If i had a 4 bed house all to myself i might use the smallest spare as my dressing room to keep the biggest room uncluttered. One official spare bedroom . One office/study.

Omg run out of rooms already. Ideally i want a room for my crafts and clay etc so i think i need a bed