HV says DS is behind and I'm not doing enough...

[Putmynewshoeson]

I'm a first time mum to a gorgeous nine month old. He's very engaged, laughs a lot and babbles, makes Baba and Mama sounds and does 'conversational' exchanges. He's trying to crawl (up on all fours and rocking backwards and forwards), can sit up unaided (unless he fancies flopping and rolling about), can roll both ways, can stand holding my hands although not cruising and drops to all fours to try and crawl as soon as he possibly can

He loves books, is engaged with toys and plays happily sitting on his playmat with various rattles and cups and things for ages. Doesn't stack yet or copy us so much (only with trying to blow raspberries) and doesn't wave or clap or point

I posted before because another mum worried me that he was behind and had some really reassuring responses but today I had a nine month telephone check with our health visitor and she's told me he's behind and I'm not doing enough to stimulate him or help him develop

I sing to him, he comes in the kitchen with me while I cook and I talk to him constantly. He plays with different toys on a playmat and in a play pen, we go on multiple walks a day to see the ducks, bang saucepans, I sit in the playpen with him and stack things up for him to knock down. He loves baby sensory on YouTube and nursery rhymes and baby club. He grins at other babies.

He goes in a bouncy chair and bouncer which he loves, can open and shut doors on his toys (no interest in opening cupboard doors though). I bathe him, play with him, read to him...play peek a boo, dance around with him...

I don't know what else I'm supposed to be doing :( she didn't really give many details but basically said I'm not doing enough and I need to work harder to get him saying words, crawling, pulling himself up and copying or he will get really behind

It's really upset me as I thought he was doing ok and now I feel like I'm a bad mum who is affecting his development.

What else can I do? I've downloaded some apps but they all suggest things I'm already doing

Ignore her. My HV told me that DS was 'far too tall for his age' when he was about 18 months old. When I asked what she advise I do about it, (considering myself and DH are both 5'11') she just looked at me blankly and shrugged.

He sounds lovely

She sounds bonkers

Ignore her and keep on as you have been!

@spacepoppers

Oh good. Another health visitor bashing post.

This one is infinitely worth bashing.

They all are, if you ask me!

I’m trying to read between the lines to see if there is anything that might be concerning her. And the only thing I can think is that you have mentioned lots of indoor activities but nothing outdoors. Are you getting out of the house and going for walks and to the park?

He's 9 months ffs, he's fine! How many words could she say at 9 months?

Only thing I think you could try is maybe putting things just out of reach to encourage him to crawl. I cant see what else you can possibly do and he sounds normal to me. Some HVs are just weird. Ignore her imo.

@SospanFrangipan

Surely you know that you should have been doing toppy time every day where they sit with bricks on their heads to prevent excessive growing. What kind of mother are you?

Agree with all the supportive comments above (as a mum to a 4 year old and 7 month olds). Some professionals don’t deserve there responsibility!!!

Babies are hugely different and develop at very different paces. You are doing LOADS - no worries there. You are enough - more than enough.

One thing I have learnt this time around is thus you can’t rush development - really, you can’t make things happen. Ok, you can give them opportunity to crawl, pull up, walk etc but you can’t fundamentally change the point at which they are ready. It’s just not possible. You are doing great mama - worry when your instinct (and the professional) together tell you something is wrong. X

I have a nearly 9 month old and honestly sounds normal, mine crawls, but doesn't clap. She can move her arm like a wave, but as it's never done at the time of saying hello or bye, so I'd say she can't wave.

We watched the CBeebies baby club on tv today, but other than that I don't really do screens to watch so young. But do everything else you do. We just started going to a music class once a week and I try to sing and play nursery rhymes. Did exactly the same with my older child!

You could put him a stander rather than a bouncer chair ? Here's one... I'm not a fan of the jumping ones, walkers or jumperoos not meant to be good for the hips. But I'm sure you can find them cheaper ...

www.bargainmax.co.uk/toys/fisher-price-2-in-1-sit-to-stand-activity-centre.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjwqrb7BRDlARIsACwGad5xbvyZMfe39usi9ZzaAiVGdEcYXvHjQTNRLe9Zf-ySqKeXQTZvEB8aAh1aEALw_wcB

What a silly woman , i have 3 kids and he sounds quite normal to me .
I was lucky to have sensible hvs with all 3 , but i do remember a wacky , quite elderly hv connected to the clinic i used stating that new born babies should be in a room alone , and not fed in the night other than a bottle of sugared water if crying from 1 month old !
You sound like a lovely mom to me who is doing the best for their baby .

My almost 10 month old is only just waving and clapping .... last couple of weeks, is bum shuffling and going up to all 4s but not yet crawling and has just today pulled up to kneeling. Your baby sounds absolutely fine. Never see that HV again!

He's 9 months old. He can sit up and he babbles.
I'm not sure what else she expects.

I had twins - you are doing much more than I did! Please don’t worry HV sounds bonkers.

Your HV is a total idiot and needs sacking. Honestly I don’t know where they get some of these HVs, I had one that was so vile to me I broke down to my DH and wished her dead. Your DS sounds perfectly fine to me, and it sounds like you’re doing lots with him. My DS didn’t talk till he was 2 then by 3 you couldn’t shut him up. And some babies don’t crawl at all, they go straight to walking. Seriously OP please stop worrying, I’m sure all is fine.

You sound like an amazing mum to me and someone who is trying everything they can to look after your little one. I work everyday with families and love working with parents like yourself who go above and beyond.

It must be so frustrating that your health visitor has said these things, raised concerns, heightened your anxieties but has then has not given you clarity about what exactly she wants you to make things better. It might be worth mentioning it to her that you've heard what she has said but what is exactly she wants you to be doing because it is clear that you want your baby to be thriving (if she thinks they are not).

I have five children Nothing sounds unusual at all.

A HV said the words " he is behind and you're not doing enough"?

Mine only just started waving and she's 17 months. I'm also a second time mum and older. No one has mentioned that she may be behind to me.

Ignore! Both mine were "behind" oldest didn't crawl until he was 14months, walk until 20 months and was under speech therapist for language delay. He's now in top set for everything (age 13)
Your baby sounds way ahead than mine were at that age and no one ever accused me of not stimulating them enough!

My son didn't crawl or even attempt to until just before his 1st birthday, he didn't pull himself up until just after he turned 1 and didn't walk until 16 months. When you say he isn't talking, does he make animal or vehicle noises? Or any noises that aren't traditional words to communicate? Any way he communicates with his voice is 'talking' for babies/young toddlers. O be honest he sounds completely normal for his age and if you actually do everything you say in your OP I would ignore the HV! She sounds a bit demented.

Thank you
I know I am a bit over sensitive as a new mum in lockdown times, I worry I'm not doing enough but I know I didn't misinterpret what she said
She was running through some kind of checklist.
Another one was about holding a crayon and drawing on paper but I've never given him a crayon yet as he would try to eat it

Maybe she did get us mixed up

I do take him outside we don't drive so are limited in where we can go but I take him to see the ducks at the park, walk to a different park and round the block depending on what mood he's in, so he gets out twice a day usually

She wasn't rude or anything she just made me concerned when I've been doing a good job not to worry too much after my run in with the mum at baby group (which I posted about before)

Support in my area isn't great. We were also under a dietician who was horrible to parents and has now been removed from the programme so I think we have been quite unlucky!

Your HV should not be working as a HV.

Did she ask you to put something in a bottle and see if the baby tips it up to get it out?

I remember your previous post. I’m also a first time mum with a 9 month old. Your baby sounds further on than mine to be honest. And I’m not concerned about mine at all, she will develop more when ready. I really think you should try not to put so much pressure on yourself about this. You’re doing plenty of things and sound like a great mum.

Hey,

My son is 14 months now but I looked at the ages and stages questionnaire that the HV use at around nine months and I was terrified - it does talk about saying words, pointing, scribbling etc, and he was nowhere near - he wasn't even crawling, no pointing, no words! He could wave and clap from around six months though, and was really ahead in areas like 'problem solving'.

In the space of a week at around ten months he: crawled, crawled up the stairs, stood up on his own and cruised. But he was still really 'behind' on his speech ans communication. At what should have been his one year check (jealous you got any checks, although I'm glad I don't have your HV, op) I called the HV to go through my concerns with his speech and social stuff. He barely said mama at 12 months.

And she was lovely. Said it's normal, in her experience, for boys to be a bit behind on talking but ahead on walking, said lockdown had had an impact on everyone's communication skills and that she wouldn't be worried around any of what I was saying for at least another six months. I think if she had done your check, you'd be so much more reassured; you sound great and so does your little one.

Gosh this really highlights the difference in HV @Putmynewshoeson.

Recently I messaged my HV because DD (9 months) doesn't seem to show any interest in standing and isn't crawling but is on her knees. I was worried she was behind as she could just about bear weight but not very well. She also flopped backwards a lot when sitting. My HV could not be more reassuring about how normal that sounded for her age and that I shouldn't worry. FWIW she rarely flops anymore now at 9.5 months but I just put some scatter cushions behind her. She also doesn't point or clap as such but she's recently learnt the pointing motion and stuck her finger up her nose. She gestures though clearly and she rubs her hands together like she's brushing off dirt. HV said it was all normal. And she's already so much better at bearing weight and standing. No crawling or pulling to stand but I'm sure it will come.

Your HV sounds rubbish actually. Maybe go to your doctor and discuss with them?