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Original poster

Friend called my kid a brat and us bad parents

321 replies

Boymom377 · 14/09/2020 02:58

We have a four year old son who can sometimes be a handful. We have very close friends who have a two year old little girl and the two of them often play together pretty well. Every now and again my son will push or do something like that ( not sharing , typical 4 year old behavior). Well the other day son threw something at the little girl. Her father screamed at my son very loudly to the point that he was hysterical. Then started yelling at us that he was out of control and we are bad parents and all sorts of horrible things that his little two year old would never do and he is a better parent and on and on. I am so hurt by this!! Not only that he screamed at my son like that but that he is one of our best friends and should be helpful and understanding not judge mental and mean. It’s not like we don’t discipline my son, we do we do not ignore his behavior but he is strong willed and we are struggling and now I know our best friend thinks our kid is out of control and thinks we are bad parents. Am I wrong here? Does he have a right to yell at my son and us about this?? This isn’t horrible behavior like punching or really hurting her, it’s two toddlers fighting over toys and making messes and not always listening. I’ve been in tears for days over this. I don’t want to hang out with them and have him judging us all the time. I’m having a hard enough time as is. Parenting isn’t easy. I don’t know what to even say to him when I see him. Does he have the right to yell at my kid and yell at us? I feel he was way out of line, am I wrong???

OP posts:

LouiseBelchersBunnyEars · 14/09/2020 18:45

But it’s nice to know that so many people would judge me if he is a bit more difficult than their perfect children. Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before you judge. And be glad you we lucky with your children

Personally, I think if people can see you’re trying they will cut you some slack.
It’s when they describe aggressive behaviour as ‘typical’ or say ‘no’ with all the conviction of a wet lettuce that people judge.

ameliajoan · 14/09/2020 19:45

@Carycy

I love how people think they are perfect parents because their kids happen to be gentle. I parent my kids perfectly fine. I have two boys and one girl. One of my boys is just a little bit spirited and boisterous, traits of adhd, he is currently working with the teachers at school on his issues. Yes I parent him. Yes I spend more time parenting and disciplining him than my other two put together. But he is what he is. I can’t actually change that. But it’s nice to know that so many people would judge me if he is a bit more difficult than their perfect children. Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before you judge. And be glad you we lucky with your children.

If you properly parent your spirited child then no, nobody will judge you.

But if you “parent” him in a no dear, we don’t do that kind of way then of course you’ll be judged and rightly so, because that isn’t parenting. That’s a half arsed attempt to make it look like you’re doing something.

Minimumstandard · 14/09/2020 19:54

I parent my young child appropriately. That does not include screaming insults at him or shouting in his face.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2 year olds 4 year olds Families

LouiseBelchersBunnyEars · 14/09/2020 20:00

I parent my young child appropriately. That does not include screaming insults at him or shouting in his face
The OP has called her 4 year olds behaviour typical, and referred to him and a two year old as ‘two toddlers’.
I’m pulling the ‘unreliable narrater’ card.

There’s also a whole lot of grey area in between screaming in someone’s face, and ineffectively talking to your ‘spirited’ child, with no consequences ever coming into fruition. Saying ‘no, don’t do that’ and nothing else is as effective as a chocolate teapot

Minimumstandard · 14/09/2020 20:10

There is an unpleasant undertone in some posts of "your horrible little brat had it coming to him, you wet lettuce, so suck it up". While I in no way condone the "wet lettuce" school of parenting, if we have to pick an extreme I must confess to thinking it preferable to the borderline abusive angry adult ranting in small child's face approach.

Sewrainbow · 14/09/2020 20:19

I wouldn't see him again. Even if he felt your parenting wasnt adequate it is not acceptable to shout at you or a small child.

lilmishap · 14/09/2020 20:26

Which means she's always going to be that Mum, with that boy. Sad

That Mum with that bloke who shouts at kids, Doesn't sound much better.

I also don't think a 4 yr old throwing something signifies a chosen life path.

Dawnlassie · 14/09/2020 20:32

Sorry but I dont think throwing a toy at a little girl half his age is "normal 4 year old behaviour".

Do you disclipline the boy when he does something like that? Two sides to every story but perhaps the girls dad was making a point that such actions are not acceptable.

Cam2020 · 14/09/2020 20:33

I wouldn't classify a four year old a toddler - the fact you call him one seems quite telling.

That's not to say that four year olds don't still struggle with sharing, temper etc. but he is able to understand and communicate better than a toddler.

beingmums · 14/09/2020 20:35

It reminds me of a barbecue and the 2 year old climbing the shelf below the BBQ. His mum in gentle voice said ,don't do that'. Everyone else was shouting as his head was 5 cm away from very hot BBQ. It was the shouting that stopped the boy.

Mrscaindingle · 14/09/2020 20:38

No he doesn't have the right to shout and scream at you and your son. It sounds like he has been bottling up his annoyance at your sons behaviour but he has stepped way out of line and I would struggle to be around him now.

I had a similar situation with a friend whose son was violent and aggressive towards my son when they were really young. It was stressful for both of us but highlighted the parenting differences between us, eventually it came between our friendship which was a shame but not once did I ever come close to screaming at her son.

Viviennemary · 14/09/2020 20:40

@ the wet lettuce school of parenting. So apt.

EKGEMS · 14/09/2020 20:48

TBH I'd really like to hear advice from those who've survived parenting from raising children aged from birth to adulthood-not that parents of young children don't have words of wisdom but I want to hear from those who've taken the full tour of duty as it were. The guy obviously overreacted massively and was spouting a lot of nonsense especially as it sounds like a lot was directed at your toddler vs you and your partner. You need to be consistent and use common sense approaches with toddlers-throw the toy? It's gone for a day and you have to figure out what works for each individual child-one size does not fit all

EKGEMS · 14/09/2020 20:51

SonEtLumiere · 14/09/2020 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsTSwift · 14/09/2020 21:00

If he is otherwise a reasonable guy (presumably he is as a long standing friend and you are so upset by his negative opinion) then he probably has a point and railing against him to make op feel better not helpful

Rosebel · 14/09/2020 21:22

Saying children are strong willed is a cop out. Most children are. My youngest daughter is very strong willed and autistic but by the time she was 3 she understood that you don't throw things at other people regardless of if they are smaller or bigger than you.
I don't believe this man shouted at your son, more likely your son cried as you don't discipline him. Crying for days after? You need to be stronger than this or your son will walk all over you. In fact I bet your son is over it already.

Miljea · 14/09/2020 21:29

293 posts in and the OP hasn't got back to you.

One, single post.

She doesn't care what you think, possibly because she wasn't agreed with; or possibly because, like a disappointingly large number of MNetters,she's had her fun, or is a troll.

MN now has a filter to look at posts by one poster.

Use it on an OP. Then walk away if, 20-30 replies in, they've disappeared.

Personally I think MN should can any post if the poster disappears after one post, at 50 replies, maybe.

BlueThistles · 14/09/2020 21:48

like a disappointingly large number of MNetters,she's had her fun, or is a troll.

what does this mean, ie a troll ? I've not been on here long 🌺

stayathomer · 14/09/2020 21:51

Or possibly the people who have gotten carried away have upset the op and she doesn't know what to say. Why does everyone think the worst of people?!

cocodomingo · 14/09/2020 21:58

He shoudlnt have yelled and was judgemental but the behaviour will be beyond his scope of understanding. Is it possible to give him a call and say you would like to talk about the incident. As you are friends, I think you can prove this and find out more about his statement and explain how you felt. A 2 year old is much smaller so his protective instinct will have gone into overdrive but still, my son has accidentally hurt a friends daughter causing her to fall off a chair and did not allow me to feel judged, even though I was mortified and apologetic. So talk it through with cool heads.

Carycy · 15/09/2020 08:33

Wow Lumière that’s a big assumption to make about my son. He’s never hurt anyone seriously. He’s just a bit impulsive and excitable and struggles to keep still. I am just saying this with docile natured children have no bloody idea what it’s like dealing with kids like him daily and getting judged by other parents constantly.

Bluntness100 · 15/09/2020 09:51

@Carycy

Does this mean he has actually hurt someone, just not enough to require hospitalisation?

SonEtLumiere · 15/09/2020 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minimumstandard · 15/09/2020 11:03

my child was hospitalized by a child like your son.

@SonEtLumiere. I’m sorry for you and your child’s ordeal, but it’s unacceptable and insulting to say this about a boy you know nothing about. You should be ashamed of yourself for maligning a child you have never met in this way.

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