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Original poster

Friend called my kid a brat and us bad parents

321 replies

Boymom377 · 14/09/2020 02:58

We have a four year old son who can sometimes be a handful. We have very close friends who have a two year old little girl and the two of them often play together pretty well. Every now and again my son will push or do something like that ( not sharing , typical 4 year old behavior). Well the other day son threw something at the little girl. Her father screamed at my son very loudly to the point that he was hysterical. Then started yelling at us that he was out of control and we are bad parents and all sorts of horrible things that his little two year old would never do and he is a better parent and on and on. I am so hurt by this!! Not only that he screamed at my son like that but that he is one of our best friends and should be helpful and understanding not judge mental and mean. It’s not like we don’t discipline my son, we do we do not ignore his behavior but he is strong willed and we are struggling and now I know our best friend thinks our kid is out of control and thinks we are bad parents. Am I wrong here? Does he have a right to yell at my son and us about this?? This isn’t horrible behavior like punching or really hurting her, it’s two toddlers fighting over toys and making messes and not always listening. I’ve been in tears for days over this. I don’t want to hang out with them and have him judging us all the time. I’m having a hard enough time as is. Parenting isn’t easy. I don’t know what to even say to him when I see him. Does he have the right to yell at my kid and yell at us? I feel he was way out of line, am I wrong???

OP posts:
Angelina82 · 14/09/2020 11:33

DS for example adores his auntie’s little dog and is usually very gentle and loving with her but now and then there’s a sneaky push or pull of the ear which gets an immediate (proportionate) disapproving response from all of us (apology to dog, time out and not allowed to play with dog if done a second time).

If your DS did that to my dog more than once he would be banned from going anywhere near it again.

Porridgeoat · 14/09/2020 11:35

Yes if you’ve got a child who at 3 or 4 is regularly hurting people parents need to be closely supervising

BlueThistles · 14/09/2020 11:37

Can you imagine if it was the mothers boyfriend who screamed in the 4 year olds face. The majority of posters would be having a shitfit over it.

Assuming its the truth then Yes ... but is it the truth?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2 year olds 4 year olds Families
AuntyPasta · 14/09/2020 11:39

’We don't ever let DS touch dogs in the park, although he likes to look at them’

That’s great. I wish more parents were like you.

ddl1 · 14/09/2020 11:39

Well, he didn't act appropriately, but I can understand his being upset if your son threw something at his, smaller child. What did he throw? Was it something that could have seriously injured her? He should not have called you 'bad parents', but I could understand his being annoyed that you failed to prevent your child from doing this.Was it a one-off - in which case you couldn't really have been expected to anticipate it- or has he thrown things before? I would suggest that for the future, you do not leave your children to play together: either meet as adults without the children (or at least without both children at once), or exercise VERY close supervision over them.

Bathroom12345 · 14/09/2020 11:39

A relative who I see regularly had a child who didnt know the boundaries. Was allowed to do whatever they wanted. No time out, punishments, just nothing.

That child is now 12 and just awful. No one wants to be around her. If she finds someone younger than her she is a terrible bully. Please dont allow your son to be like this.

Branleuse · 14/09/2020 11:43

@BlueThistles

Can you imagine if it was the mothers boyfriend who screamed in the 4 year olds face. The majority of posters would be having a shitfit over it.

Assuming its the truth then Yes ... but is it the truth?

errr, I think you kind of have to take posts at face value somewhat. Its a mumsnet thread, not a criminal court. You give advice based on what people say happened
Carycy · 14/09/2020 11:45

It’s always people with daughters that think they are better parents than people with sons.
And she is 2 for gods sake.

I hope their next child is a boisterous boy.

He is a bully, the dad that is. What kind of person shouts that they are a better parent?

Intrepidintrovert · 14/09/2020 11:47

Honestly it sounds like you're exaggerating his response because you didn't like being told that your kid is badly behaved. You need to honestly look at this situation and stop it before it goes any further. It's not fair on your child to raise them with poor boundaries, because people won't like them (as you have now seen).

echt · 14/09/2020 11:48

It’s always people with daughters that think they are better parents than people with sons

And you know this how?

DidoAtTheLido · 14/09/2020 11:53

@Carycy

It’s always people with daughters that think they are better parents than people with sons. And she is 2 for gods sake.

I hope their next child is a boisterous boy.

He is a bully, the dad that is. What kind of person shouts that they are a better parent?

No.

But some parents of very young children, who have not yet parented a 4 year old, view older children as huge, and 'grown up'

I was like that - until I realised that my older pre-schoolers were still very young themselves, and not thugs or hooligans - but did need firm guidance on not throwing things or pushing other children. They can learn to understand this from 3.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 14/09/2020 11:54

OP long gone people

Angelina82 · 14/09/2020 11:56

It’s always people with daughters that think they are better parents than people with sons.
And she is 2 for gods sake.

I hope their next child is a boisterous boy.

Er girls can be boisterous too you know. Not that being boisterous has anything to do with being viscous.

DidoAtTheLido · 14/09/2020 12:00

@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter

OP long gone people
How is the OP long gone? She posted in the early hours of the morning, less than 12 hours ago Confused
TheSeedsOfADream · 14/09/2020 12:03

@Carycy

It’s always people with daughters that think they are better parents than people with sons. And she is 2 for gods sake.

I hope their next child is a boisterous boy.

He is a bully, the dad that is. What kind of person shouts that they are a better parent?

Perhaps that's because it's always mothers of violent boys who defend their violence by saying they're boisterous.

NB I don't actually think that, just wanted to respond to the fuckwittery.

Carycy · 14/09/2020 12:03

Yes I know this. Thankyou for pointing this out. Girls can be boisterous too. But generally ( I know was are not allowed to generalize at all on mumsnet) people with just girls tend to be just a little bit smug.
I have both boys and girls by the way,

BlueThistles · 14/09/2020 12:09

errr, I think you kind of have to take posts at face value somewhat. Its a mumsnet thread, not a criminal court. You give advice based on what people say happened

No you don't, you can be objective and question the events, and consider probability. We don't have to take everything on face value. Question everything. 🌺

Minimumstandard · 14/09/2020 12:09

@Angelina82. I understand the sentiment. As parents, we don't enjoy seeing that behaviour towards animals either. That's why we discipline appropriately and model good behaviour towards animals. With a 2 year old, however, it can take a few goes before they get something properly since empathy and understanding are limited and sometimes you just have to persevere. However, it's natural for dog owners to be protective of their dogs (just as parents are of their children) and not all dogs are tolerant of, or happy to be around, little children. "Please don't visit me because I don't want your child around my dog" seems like quite a reasonable request to me. If I was the parent of a 5 or 6 year old, I might be upset by it (because by then I'd really have hoped to have instilled unfailing kindness and gentleness to animals in my children or at least for them to obey me when I tell them to bloody stay away from the dog). As the parent of a toddler still learning impulse control, I'd understand it. We don't encourage DS to interact with strange dogs anyway, only family ones we know are gentle and friendly, and largely he can now be trusted to stay away from animals he doesn't know.

Branleuse · 14/09/2020 12:11

I guess that would make you a great cop, but a shit friend or therapist @BlueThistles

OhCaptain · 14/09/2020 12:14

@Carycy

It’s always people with daughters that think they are better parents than people with sons. And she is 2 for gods sake.

I hope their next child is a boisterous boy.

He is a bully, the dad that is. What kind of person shouts that they are a better parent?

Well that’s bullshit because I have two sons.
Krampusasbabysitter · 14/09/2020 12:17

It sounds like you are really minimising your child's bad behaviour and perhaps have a history of ineffective parenting. I have to confess, I had a former friend like you who let her kid hurt others and was just wringing her hand over her 'spirited child'. It is ridiculous to refer to a 4-year-old as a toddler too, which again highlights that you are not taking proper responsibility for him. I was close to shouting but instead cut all ties because I realised the real problem was the parents.

MushMonster · 14/09/2020 12:17

Sorry OP I think you need to follow your son around when he is playing and stop anything like this before it happens and discipline on the spot. If he is still throwing things to other kids at 4 (not a toddler, I agree with that), he will get into trouble in school indeed. He needs to learn that and you need to watch him closely. I know this is not easy.
The other parent could have reacted better instead of yelling, but I suppose he was afraid of an injury to his daughter.
I would not worry about this other family. Just focus on getting your little one to understand throwing things to others can cause severe damage and it is not to happen.
Best luck.

Angelina82 · 14/09/2020 12:19

Yes I know this. Thankyou for pointing this out. Girls can be boisterous too. But generally ( I know was are not allowed to generalize at all on mumsnet) people with just girls tend to be just a little bit smug.
I have both boys and girls by the way,

I have both too and my 3 boys are just as gentle with younger children and animals as my two girls. But maybe that’s because I parent them all the same. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Devlesko · 14/09/2020 12:19

He'd be an ex friend now, you just don't do that in front of kids.
However, I'd let him know it was because of his behaviour, not that you don't agree with him.
At four an nt child shouldn't be doing this, I'd stop activities with a child who did this, as my own child's safety would outweigh your reluctant parenting.

starray · 14/09/2020 12:26

What did he throw?