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Original poster

Just been contacted by friend abroad in dire straits

465 replies

WhatdoIdo2020 · 12/09/2020 09:47

Have name changed.

Several years ago I went on a tour of a country I've always wanted to visit. A very beautiful yet poor country with amazing wildlife. I had an amazing time and the guide was very friendly and knowledgeable. We stayed friends on Facebook and have spoken a few times since then.

Anyway he's just contacted me on Messenger and said that all the tours have been cancelled because of Covid and he's starving. He had a child who he'd saved up for to study abroad and the child recently died in an accident over there and now he's got no money and wasn't able to bring him home for the funeral.

I'm not sure what to do. Just giving? There's another one of the people on the tour who I'm still friends with on FB so I might ask if she's heard from him too.

I feel awful 😥

OP posts:
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7
Jellycatspyjamas · 12/09/2020 10:31

Messenger is so easily hacked, I’d exercise caution - I’ve had a couple of these scams direct at me over the years, they can feel very real but aren’t.

AlternativePerspective · 12/09/2020 10:32

Well Whether it's a scam or not only you can judge. I think in that situation I would probably send some but make it known that that was all I could afford and be done with it knowing that if he was in trouble at least you helped. I would rather risk a scam then risk not helping and this is why scammers are so successful. Honestly the “I would rather risk being scammed than turn down someone in need of real help” has to be one of the stupidest things anyone can say.

For every time someone takes that stance, someone ends up rich at their expense.

The world is full of idiots. And scammers who profit from them.

GetThatHelmetOn · 12/09/2020 10:32

Did he actually ask you to send him money? He may be actually just telling you about how deeply upset he is rather than asking you to do something about it.

Thinkingg · 12/09/2020 10:32

Maybe I'm naive, but while it could be a scam, it could also be true. He's someone you've met, not a random stranger. Is phone to talk in person, to check it's not a hacked account. Then depending on how well I knew and trusted the person, id consider sending an affordable sum of money, and just accept the risk that I can't know for sure.

SockYarn · 12/09/2020 10:32

Of course it's a scam. I'm surprised you'd even have to ask. Either the "friend" themselves, one of their friends or family members, or a randomer who's hacked their FB account.

Come on. If you're worried about people starving in Africa then send money to Unicef, the Red Cross, Oxfam, Christian Aid - any established charity of your choosing. Not via paypal to goodness knows who.

PhilCornwall1 · 12/09/2020 10:33

I wouldn't respond to this at all.

Whilst you don't really know if it's a scam or not, with something like this you've got to immediately think "scam" and ignore.

Nanny0gg · 12/09/2020 10:34

@WhatdoIdo2020

He didn't ask for money as such he just said that he's starving to death. I asked if he's got any family and he said his wife died years ago and he lost his child a couple of months back. Then he told me what happened to his child and that he couldn't bring the body back for burial. And that all the tours have been cancelled this year.

Name changed because I don't want anyone linking posts or anyone posting on "news" sites like I've seen before (dunno if that would happen).

He did seem like a good genuine person when I was there. Educated, great English, telling us interesting and funny stories. He keeps saying he's too hungry. There must be a lot of people in these situations it's awful.

It is awful, and if you want to help, support Oxfam or similar.

You won't only be asked once if you help this man

PhilCornwall1 · 12/09/2020 10:34

@GetThatHelmetOn

Did he actually ask you to send him money? He may be actually just telling you about how deeply upset he is rather than asking you to do something about it.
Unlikely, the sob story comes out in the hope money will be sent.
Jux · 12/09/2020 10:35

If you do decide to send some money then only spend what you can afford to lose. You're basically gambling, but you'll get no return. You're just hoping that your money will be spent on good things rather than wasted. And make it a one-off. Never ever do it again.

Personally, I think it'll be wasted.

CatsFantastic · 12/09/2020 10:36

Why is contacting you OP and not asking his employer for help ?

Original poster
WhatdoIdo2020 · 12/09/2020 10:37

He only mentioned the wife and child when I asked if he had family who could help. He said that the wife died 13 years ago and the child recently in an accident and he couldn't bring the body back or go there. I think I recall him mentioning the dead wife and him having one child when I was over there. He hadn't posted anything on FB, he doesn't normally post regularly though.

I can see now that the other woman isn't FB friends with him now.

OP posts:
toomanyspiderplants · 12/09/2020 10:39

hacked most likely

bettsbattenburg · 12/09/2020 10:40

I think it's a scam but I would contact the company and ask if they can shed any light on the matter if you really feel you must do something. I'd ignore it though.

fuandylp · 12/09/2020 10:42

Scam.
As you've been friends on facebook since the tour several years ago, surely you'd have been aware of a child (now apparently sadly deceased) and a dead wife too.
I might have believed the starving because of losing job due to COVID but the rest of it sounds over the top and simply emotional blackmail.

As for the stuff about him being nice, friendly and well-educated and whatever - that's his job (or was). Tour guides etc have to be pleasant to customers to make a living. Those that are not tend not to last long. He could be a complete horrible sleaze the rest of the time.
I knew someone once who was in a similar line of business - absolutely wonderful with the customers etc. - turned out he had another side to his personality - going around beating up and threatening rivals and regularly getting into bar brawls on the Spanish island he was working on.

Steer clear. Do not send him money.

CatsFantastic · 12/09/2020 10:43

Actually I can see that the OP isn’t taking in any of the comments here so it’s tough love time :

Don’t be such a fool OP. If this man was in serious financial trouble he could approach his employer for help. If you are that desperate to give your cash away you can send it to me if you like!

fairydustandpixies · 12/09/2020 10:43

I've had several messages like this in the past and as PPs have said they've always been hacked/scam messages.

Quaagars · 12/09/2020 10:45

Be careful; it might be a scam? Sorry

This be wary
Sounds like classic scam material
A lot going round that sound textbook to what he's saying.

Floralnomad · 12/09/2020 10:46

@WhatdoIdo2020 the other woman probably isn’t Facebook friends with him anymore because he’s already tried the same scam on her previously . Seriously use your brain , you met him on holiday years ago , you don’t keep in contact regularly and he asks you for money out of the blue .

stovetopespresso · 12/09/2020 10:46

whilst it could be a scam I know Nepal for example is in dire dire straits and my mum has organised and donated to specific people she knows so yes the situation could well be real. rest of the world can really suck at the moment covid is wreaking havoc to fragile economies and those weakest suffer first and most. just look at whats happening in lesbos too, really dire.

forrestgreen · 12/09/2020 10:46

Did you see his posts on his Facebook where he posted about his sons death. It sounds like its news to you.
If he was so skint, surely he'd have asked friends and family for help at the time?
I'm sure he is skint, but it seems wrong to ask randomer for money

SockYarn · 12/09/2020 10:47

And to be really blunt OP, this person isn't your friend.

He's someone who was employed to look after you on holiday several years ago. It's his job to be friendly and make a connection with customers.

Venicelover · 12/09/2020 10:47

Op be very careful. Scammers don't immediately ask for money they draw you in and let you elicit the information drip by drip.

If you feel you must do something contact the firm he worked for and ask if what he is saying is correct.

GetThatHelmetOn · 12/09/2020 10:47

If he has not actually asked for money don’t send any, you may offend him. He was just been talking about his grief. In other cultures talking about despair and sadness doesn’t necessarily mean the other people want any active help from you other than listening to them.

Zoflorabore · 12/09/2020 10:48

Hi op, how many times have you heard from him since the tour? If you were in regular contact then I could sort of understand why he would be reaching out to you. If contact has been pretty much non existent then I think he’s got a bit of a cheek.

Who’s to say that he doesn’t go through his Facebook friends on a regular basis with the same story? It’s not like you know the others and can warn/be warned.

Is there a way you can check about the child? Local news stories etc? I’m a bit soft sometimes but this has scam written all over it and once you do it once he will ask again.

dollypartonscoat · 12/09/2020 10:48

Jesus wept 😂

It's a scam. Don't be such a mug

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