Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Just been contacted by friend abroad in dire straits

465 replies

WhatdoIdo2020 · 12/09/2020 09:47

Have name changed.

Several years ago I went on a tour of a country I've always wanted to visit. A very beautiful yet poor country with amazing wildlife. I had an amazing time and the guide was very friendly and knowledgeable. We stayed friends on Facebook and have spoken a few times since then.

Anyway he's just contacted me on Messenger and said that all the tours have been cancelled because of Covid and he's starving. He had a child who he'd saved up for to study abroad and the child recently died in an accident over there and now he's got no money and wasn't able to bring him home for the funeral.

I'm not sure what to do. Just giving? There's another one of the people on the tour who I'm still friends with on FB so I might ask if she's heard from him too.

I feel awful 😥

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Ullupullu · 14/09/2020 10:44

It's easy to pull my strings

Yes and stop letting him! It's not rude or impolite or unkind or wrong to just stop talking to him. You don't owe him your time or any help. Do you struggle with that concept in other areas of your life? Just block/stop before you do something stupid.

Kettlingur · 14/09/2020 11:17

I asked him to name the other younger people on the tour but he said he'd had back to back tours and was asking for clues. When was the tour etc

It's not him.

SockYarn · 14/09/2020 11:33

@endofthelinefinally

I am amazed this is still going on. It is an old, very well known scam.
I'm not amazed at all.

You just have to read the thread to see how many people would bung them anything between £20 and £100. Multiply that over hundreds of hacked accounts and you've got a lucrative business.

Shinyhappylucky · 14/09/2020 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Frownette · 14/09/2020 11:50

Speak to someone you know in real life OP. Husband or friend or family.

Seems like you're getting tangled up in knots and it's a shame it's tainted a really enjoyable experience for you with travel. Keep the memory and block him.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/09/2020 12:00

Loving the bit about he "didn't try with others" ... as if he'd focus on only you from all that time ago and neglect all his other potential contacts 🙄
Hopefully you mean it about recommending several aid agencies and then blocking him, because otherwise this isn't going to turn out well

SunshineOnATrainToday · 14/09/2020 12:24

If he can't even remember which tour you were on and who with, ask yourself why he remembers you have a kind heart and all that other rubbish the scammer is spouting. It's concerning that some people can't see right through this.

You may well be very kind hearted, it's tiume to be kind to YOU and put this to the back of your mind and block.

Original poster
WhatdoIdo2020 · 14/09/2020 12:47

He took a guess but the date was after I was home.

I've sent him charity links/FB page, wished him well and blocked him. Have just got more crap to deal with in life too. Will be more careful who I add in future.

Thanks to everyone who commented, I may donate a small amount to one of the charities I linked.

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 14/09/2020 12:56

Well done OP .. you have done the right thing 🌺

FelicityPike · 14/09/2020 12:59

Well done @WhatdoIdo2020 you’ve done the right thing.

Butterer · 14/09/2020 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wildcherries · 14/09/2020 13:01

Good for you, OP. Hope life gets easier soon.

AsanteSana · 14/09/2020 13:34

Congratulations, wise move, a donation to one of the Aid Agencies would be preferable. I don't know Madagascar or the Malagasy, but do know Tanzania, broadly the same in terms of how people have to live in grinding poverty and, yes, it is heartbreaking

LikeGlitterandGold · 14/09/2020 16:18

Good move, Op. I think giving to a reputable charity in the country would do far more than giving money to an individual.

sammylady37 · 14/09/2020 18:06

I cannot believe how many people here think this is genuine. Just goes to show that you cannot underestimate how stupid people are. Fools and their money...

FishPalace · 14/09/2020 21:45

It’s perfectly possible it’s genuine — there’s no particular reason why a tour guide would remember one western tourist on a tour several years ago, even if they were connected on SM, let alone any of the other tourists on the tour, or exact dates if he did tours regularly. Which is not the same as advocating for the OP to send him money. I think she made the right call in the circumstances, but it’s not necessarily a scam. I was contacted in not dissimilar circumstances years ago, and it was definitely the woman I had known, very briefly, years earlier. It would also be fair to say that I figured in her mind primarily as an unimaginably rich European and a lifeline in a troubled period. I think that acknowledging that makes some westerners very uncomfortable.

VeryLittleOwl · 15/09/2020 08:16

Good move, OP. I went and checked the Mauritian newspapers as I was reading through the thread, and this is the only likely candidate for his 'son' but he's got the date wrong by nearly a week.

www.lexpress.mu/article/379032/delit-fuite-un-jeune-19-ans-meurt-percute-un-autobus

LUZON · 15/09/2020 08:25

It’s perfectly possible it’s genuine — there’s no particular reason why a tour guide would remember one western tourist on a tour several years ago, even if they were connected on SM, let alone any of the other tourists on the tour, or exact dates if he did tours regularly. Which is not the same as advocating for the OP to send him money. I think she made the right call in the circumstances, but it’s not necessarily a scam

I agree. I don't think it's definitely a scam. You can't tell. I'd still have blocked him though.

caughtalightsneeze · 15/09/2020 09:44

He remembered one Western visitor enough to contact her and ask her for money and flatter her about her kind heart.

ChocoLatte20 · 15/09/2020 09:45

I have an overseas friend/acquaintance in Africa who I lived/worked with for a short while. I have wired him money that I have raised before for his business. Never once has he asked me for money.

ALLIS0N · 15/09/2020 09:53

@caughtalightsneeze

He remembered one Western visitor enough to contact her and ask her for money and flatter her about her kind heart.
We have no idea if he in fact contacted HUNDREDS of visitors who have been on his tours ! I’m sure there are others like the OP who gave him their contact details and asked to stay in touch.

There are lots of women on these tours who like to think that they have made a special bond with the guide and have become friends. Much like the Op who says this in the the thread Title then later admits that their “friendship” has in fact been one “ happy new year “ in years and then nothing until these recent messages.

caughtalightsneeze · 15/09/2020 10:25

We have no idea if he in fact contacted HUNDREDS of visitors who have been on his tours ! I’m sure there are others like the OP who gave him their contact details and asked to stay in touch.

Exactly. But he implied to her that he specifically contacted her due to her kind heart. Or whoever hacked his account pretended to specifically contact her.

AlternativePerspective · 15/09/2020 10:49

It’s perfectly possible it’s genuine no, it really isn’t. It is deluded to think that someone who met someone on a tour several years ago, who never spoke to that person again during all those years would think “I’m going through a hard time, maybe if I contact this person I haven’t spoken to since that holiday she will help out. After all, she had a kind heart.”

If the OP’s kindness was that memorable and had stayed with him that much he would have kept in touch over the years. She certainly wouldn’t have been the one person he thought to contact.

Original poster
WhatdoIdo2020 · 15/09/2020 11:01

I didn't think that I had a special connection with him or anything. He's interesting because he's very knowledgeable about the wildlife there. He sent me a friend request and I thought why not? I have many friends overseas (and I do refer to people on FB as friends even if some of them are just passing acquaintances).

I got a response back from the employer (they'd contacted me yesterday saying that they were making enquiries). So they said that their local agent has spoken to him and he is doing ok but life is challenging there because of the lack of tourism. The guides are being supported by the local agent. And that I should maybe take his messages to be informative rather than asking for money.

So I'm glad he's ok but his messages were pretty desperate sounding, going on about being very hungry and begging for help. Confused Although he didn't specifically ask for money.

OP posts:
ALLIS0N · 15/09/2020 11:05

That’s good you’ve had a reply back from the local agent and that they are supporting their staff.

I hope you are now able to put the matter to rest and enjoy your wedding anniversary with your husband.