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Original poster

Just been contacted by friend abroad in dire straits

465 replies

WhatdoIdo2020 · 12/09/2020 09:47

Have name changed.

Several years ago I went on a tour of a country I've always wanted to visit. A very beautiful yet poor country with amazing wildlife. I had an amazing time and the guide was very friendly and knowledgeable. We stayed friends on Facebook and have spoken a few times since then.

Anyway he's just contacted me on Messenger and said that all the tours have been cancelled because of Covid and he's starving. He had a child who he'd saved up for to study abroad and the child recently died in an accident over there and now he's got no money and wasn't able to bring him home for the funeral.

I'm not sure what to do. Just giving? There's another one of the people on the tour who I'm still friends with on FB so I might ask if she's heard from him too.

I feel awful 😥

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
GoatWardrobe · 15/09/2020 11:13

It is deluded to think that someone who met someone on a tour several years ago, who never spoke to that person again during all those years would think “I’m going through a hard time, maybe if I contact this person I haven’t spoken to since that holiday she will help out. After all, she had a kind heart.”

If the OP’s kindness was that memorable and had stayed with him that much he would have kept in touch over the years. She certainly wouldn’t have been the one person he thought to contact.

You're coming at this like a westerner. The OP was quite possibly in no way memorable to the guide, and it's possible he contacted any number of people he'd met on tours in the recent past and for whom he had contact details, not on account of their 'kind heart' or out of any sense of friendship, but purely because they were comparatively rich foreigners who had enough money to travel long distances to his home country for leisure, and he was desperate.

caughtalightsneeze · 15/09/2020 11:20

He specifically says in his messages 'I only contacted you'.

Which means that 1) OP is indeed so memorable that the tour guide remembered her as he claimed and he didn't contact anyone else 2) he contacted everyone he could think of or 3) he has been hacked

He has proven it's not 1, because he got the dates wrong. If it's 2, he's a liar, as he claimed she was the only person he contact.

So 1 has been ruled out and 2 and 3 point to dishonesty, either from him or someone else. And all 3 scream 'don't give him money'.

Lweji · 15/09/2020 11:41

@ChocoLatte20

I have an overseas friend/acquaintance in Africa who I lived/worked with for a short while. I have wired him money that I have raised before for his business. Never once has he asked me for money.
They don't have to. Wink
Original poster
WhatdoIdo2020 · 15/09/2020 14:41

I was the only person with a western name on his friends list, along with a couple of English blokes. The other 700 odd were Malagasy. So that's maybe why I stood out.

OP posts:
Lweji · 15/09/2020 15:22

Because you were the only one to accept his friend request then.
Most sensible people won't. Or will have defriended him upon receiving a similar message.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/09/2020 16:33

got a response back from the employer ... they said that their local agent has spoken to him and he is doing ok but life is challenging there because of the lack of tourism

I don't doubt for a second that it IS challenging for him, but the mention of him "doing okay" and "being supported by the local agent" hardly matches his remarks about being very hungry does it?
Well done for sensibly donating to a local cause, and maybe this would be a good time to reflect on how easily he was able to rope you in and how you might avoid it in future?

Original poster
WhatdoIdo2020 · 15/09/2020 20:57

Hmm the other younger ones on the tour were friends with him on FB too, for a while anyway. My roomie and the honeymooners on the tour.

Yes, his words didn't correlate with the employer's.

Bizarrely he's just posted a random public FB post about decluttering! Not the sort of thing you'd expect a starving person to do. Hmm

OP posts:
malaguena · 15/09/2020 21:22

I don't know if this particular one is a scam, but the reality is that things are getting very very desperate in most third world countries where there are no benefits nor help available to deal with the situation. Many people had to be confined at home with no income. It is possible that he contacted loads of people and said whatever he thought would help his cause, because he is that desperate.
My husband was recently contacted on facebook in a very similar way by someone he barely knew (son of a neighbour's in his home country he hadn't seen for decades). He was able to ask around and it turns out the poor man really couldn't afford food for his family due to lockdown, and he was very embarrassed to have to contact randoms online. We (in the West) are extremely privileged to have a form of safety net and not to have to go through this kind of humiliation.

Sparticuscaticus · 15/09/2020 22:57

[quote [AUTO]d3jqakcn9qlt2]All the people saying 'it's a scam' are heartless. What does that even mean? I would be prepared to give a certain amount but make clear it's a one off. I hope he is OK. [/quote]
Idiot

ItsNotNormalLove · 15/09/2020 23:13

@WhatdoIdo2020

Hmm the other younger ones on the tour were friends with him on FB too, for a while anyway. My roomie and the honeymooners on the tour.

Yes, his words didn't correlate with the employer's.

Bizarrely he's just posted a random public FB post about decluttering! Not the sort of thing you'd expect a starving person to do. Hmm

There's your answer!
BadLad · 15/09/2020 23:35

Bizarrely he's just posted a random public FB post about decluttering!

Gotta move these refrigerators.
Gotta move these colour TVs.

Butterer · 15/09/2020 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ancientgran · 17/09/2020 12:17

Maybe he's selling stuff, not unusual if you are short of money. How often do you hear it on here when people are broke, "anything you can put on gumtree/ebay."

Original poster
WhatdoIdo2020 · 17/09/2020 13:33

Hmm it was a random copied article about why you should declutter, benefits to health and wellbeing etc.

OP posts:
forrestgreen · 17/09/2020 13:51

I think I'd draw a line under it, his work will keep an eye on him, you could donate to a charity and mention his name. Then I'd block tbh

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