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Original poster

Just been contacted by friend abroad in dire straits

465 replies

WhatdoIdo2020 · 12/09/2020 09:47

Have name changed.

Several years ago I went on a tour of a country I've always wanted to visit. A very beautiful yet poor country with amazing wildlife. I had an amazing time and the guide was very friendly and knowledgeable. We stayed friends on Facebook and have spoken a few times since then.

Anyway he's just contacted me on Messenger and said that all the tours have been cancelled because of Covid and he's starving. He had a child who he'd saved up for to study abroad and the child recently died in an accident over there and now he's got no money and wasn't able to bring him home for the funeral.

I'm not sure what to do. Just giving? There's another one of the people on the tour who I'm still friends with on FB so I might ask if she's heard from him too.

I feel awful 😥

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Penners99 · 12/09/2020 11:24

Scam

Undies1990 · 12/09/2020 11:24

I wouldn't respond OP. It could be a scam as so many have already said, and even if it is genuine, how will it ever stop if you offered help now? You could be drawn into helping for a very very long time.

Just remember, this isn't a friend it's and acquaintance who has suddenly made contact out of the blue. If he's employed by a tour operator, surely there will be some sort of help from that side.

I see your other friend is no longer his Facebook friend - that must tell you something?

Leave we'll alone.delete and further contact and move on.

Thecobwebsarewinning · 12/09/2020 11:25

The lack of humanity in this thread is depressing. This isn’t a stranger sending out a mass email, this is a long term friend of the OP who is going through a very hard time in a country that doesn’t offer paid furlough or Unemployment benefit or even charity food banks.

It’s up to you OP. If you can afford to send something and want to, then do it. Obviously don’t send so much that you get into difficulties yourself, but even a little might make a difference.

Repatriating a body is very expensive, even people in the developed world can’t alway afford it but the fact that the man says his son’s funeral has already taken place indicates he isn’t hoping to do that. The fact he says he is starving is much more serious. I would reply commiserating with his loss and with a small sum of money to help,him out until things improve n

I quite agree with @SummerHouse - I’d rather be ripped off for £50 or £100 than leave a friend or even an acquaintance hungry.

oakleaffy · 12/09/2020 11:25

@GaraMedouar

Sounds like a scam. My elderly mum (ha - she’d hate me to use the term elderly but she is in her seventies) received an email from her friend saying she was stuck abroad and had lost her money and passport or something and could my mum urgently send money . Which my mum did - and then discovered her friend’s email had been hacked and it was all a scam. She took ages to tell me as she was very embarrassed.
Same! I had a message saying my friend had been robbed and all his money and passport was stolen...and ''could I send a soft loan of £800.

I knew friend wasn't abroad, as had seen him a few hours beforehand, but his Facebook account had been hacked...and he was locked out of it.

Words like soft loan aren't even British..Plus strange grammar often gives them away.

Sure enough, all his FB friends had the same importuning messages.
None gave, thank goodness.

StrawberryFizz26 · 12/09/2020 11:26

Check with your friend directly. This sounds like a scam

justanotherneighinparadise · 12/09/2020 11:27

Very difficult OP. I’ve been in a somewhat similar situation where I befriended someone on a trip to a developing country. I did end up buying them a new phone while I was out there. But on my return they were really trying to get me to sponsor a visa for them to come to the UK but I had to draw the line at what. I felt as though I was waking into a load of trouble if I’d continues the communication.

stoppingstones · 12/09/2020 11:27

Also I would be wary about setting up a just giving page for a crowd funder. If this eventually is proved to be a scam, you may find yourself complicit to it, and inadvertently on the wrong side of the law.

MintyMabel · 12/09/2020 11:29

It doesn't sound like he has been hacked. I don't know why everyone is in denial about what it must be like to work in a third world country in the tourist industry during covid. Not everywhere does comfy furlough schemes you know.

People aren’t in denial about poverty, they are sceptical that a request for help would go to a passing acquaintance on FB.

AfterSchoolWorry · 12/09/2020 11:30

He's not a friend. He was a tour guide paid to be friendly to you years ago!

Just because he was nice and educated doesn't mean he's not scamming you now.

Don't be so gullible op.

Sunshineandsparkle · 12/09/2020 11:30

Even though my initial thought is it’s a scam, if you have known him for many years, have spoken a few times but he’s never asked you for anything in all of that time, then maybe he is genuine? If he’s desperate then he’s probably asking as he doesn’t know what else to do as there is nobody around him. I don’t know how you could even verify if it’s genuine. I would go with your gut.

Zaphodsotherhead · 12/09/2020 11:32

And if it's not a scam he will have contacted EVERYONE in his Facebook friend lists. I'm sure there are a lot of monied people on that list, and many of them he will have met more recently than OP. They would be in a better position to judge whether or not to send money, and either do so or not.

He won't ONLY have contacted you, OP, especially since you met so long ago.

PremierInn · 12/09/2020 11:32

@Zaphodsotherhead

And people are starving in this country too. If you need to feel you are helping someone, donate to a foodbank.
Oh yes it's exactly the same
AfterSchoolWorry · 12/09/2020 11:32

@SummerHouse

I would rather give money to a scammer than not give money to someone who is destitute.
You're an easy mark.
oakleaffy · 12/09/2020 11:33

@Thecobwebsarewinning

The lack of humanity in this thread is depressing. This isn’t a stranger sending out a mass email, this is a long term friend of the OP who is going through a very hard time in a country that doesn’t offer paid furlough or Unemployment benefit or even charity food banks.

It’s up to you OP. If you can afford to send something and want to, then do it. Obviously don’t send so much that you get into difficulties yourself, but even a little might make a difference.

Repatriating a body is very expensive, even people in the developed world can’t alway afford it but the fact that the man says his son’s funeral has already taken place indicates he isn’t hoping to do that. The fact he says he is starving is much more serious. I would reply commiserating with his loss and with a small sum of money to help,him out until things improve n

I quite agree with @SummerHouse - I’d rather be ripped off for £50 or £100 than leave a friend or even an acquaintance hungry.

That is even if there Is a body.

I had a FB 'Friend' from Afghanistan, and he thought I was a man. {I didn't have photos of me as profile}

I had an irate message from DS who said the Afghan man was messaging his GF , and he also got a friend here {woman} believing various tales of woe...
If someone was really in trouble, they'd go to a local charity, not go begging from overseas people.

Plus, once tapped for £$ once, it won't stop. The messages will continue.

Be very very wary.

I donate to genuine 'Just giving' causes, they can raise large amounts very fast...so of course are a target for the less 'honest'.

BlueJava · 12/09/2020 11:33

Sorry to hear of that OP, I'm sure that's really distressing. I'm 99% certain that is a scam. If you really feel you have the means to help (and be really careful about assessing that) and you want to look into it could you contact the company he worked for by another means (phone, email). That may help you verify the details but I would absolutely not send money based on a facebook post or messenger - they are well known scams.

Littleheart5 · 12/09/2020 11:35

To give a totally different perspective- I think this is an entirely plausible situation, and likely not a scam. Having been on tours like yours abroad, we all know this is the guides only income, and it is logical that if there are no tours, he has no income. There is often no social welfare in very poor countries. By your description of him, he sounds like a lovely man, and it seems out of character to have to beg- for food of all things. Personally, I would send £30-50

BabyLlamaZen · 12/09/2020 11:36

Op how did you not know about his wife? Hmm

Maybe you can get a box together and send food parcel to his address. And yes someone else in his country could have scammed him.

SummerHouse · 12/09/2020 11:36

I am @AfterSchoolWorry

I once gave £20 to a man who was bleeding from the head who had his money stolen. Total scam. I felt like an idiot. In hindsight I take back my previous comment. I am not a good person to listen to op.

BabyLlamaZen · 12/09/2020 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BabyLlamaZen · 12/09/2020 11:38

@AfterSchoolWorry

He's not a friend. He was a tour guide paid to be friendly to you years ago!

Just because he was nice and educated doesn't mean he's not scamming you now.

Don't be so gullible op.

this! And op knows so little about him
Malahaha · 12/09/2020 11:39

Not everybody in so-called third world countries is a scammer just because they ask for money when in dire straits. This could very well be true. I've known someone in India for years, in real life. His income has dwindled to nothing since covid. The Indian government is giving him 1000 rupees per month to live on, which is ten pounds. I sent him some money. Over many years, it's the first time he's ever asked.
The OP says he's known this person for years. If the person has never asked for money before it would appear s/he's a genuine friend. I've helped others to pay for their child's education, for medical help, etc.

NameChange1966 · 12/09/2020 11:39

I'm one of the first to shout scam, but, DD went on a trip to Tanzania a couple of years ago on a student elective placement and kept in touch with some of the staff of the secure house they lived in. Obviously with Covid all the electives to that place were stopped and the staff laid off with no money. She was never asked for money but she found out that one of the staff who she though highly of had been sacked for asking for small donations from other more recent students to help feed her kids.

The mortality rate in Tanzania is exceptionally high so I do suspect there may be some truth in the desperation of this person.

bonnielassie1 · 12/09/2020 11:39

I’m actually disgusted with the amount of people saying this is a scam- someone foreign from a poor country and everyone thinks it’s a scam?

Op you have met this person, you found them genuine and kind, you have known them for a period of time and they didn’t immediately ask you for money. I believe this could be very genuine. I would send some money however I would be mindful that there could be need again in the future in which he may reach out.

Sunnydayhere · 12/09/2020 11:41

Googling the first few words ofthe message will tell you if its a simple scam or not.

My Dad ‘sent’ me a message that he was abroad, had been mugged, was destitute and needed money. He wasn’t abroad or destitute he was sitting next to me.( he was careless with passwords though)

Perhaps write back and see if you get a message that relates directly to you?

Then you can decide.

vodkaredbullgirl · 12/09/2020 11:41

For posters who say donate, why don't you donate too??????

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