Just been contacted by friend abroad in dire straits

[WhatdoIdo2020]

Have name changed.

Several years ago I went on a tour of a country I've always wanted to visit. A very beautiful yet poor country with amazing wildlife. I had an amazing time and the guide was very friendly and knowledgeable. We stayed friends on Facebook and have spoken a few times since then.

Anyway he's just contacted me on Messenger and said that all the tours have been cancelled because of Covid and he's starving. He had a child who he'd saved up for to study abroad and the child recently died in an accident over there and now he's got no money and wasn't able to bring him home for the funeral.

I'm not sure what to do. Just giving? There's another one of the people on the tour who I'm still friends with on FB so I might ask if she's heard from him too.

I feel awful 😥

Not sure if this is related or not - My cousin works in tourism (was high up, well paid, living the life etc) in Indonesia and I can confirm that those without family & savings are really struggling.

They don’t “do” benefits like we do. No income is no income.

He has no job now. He’s in an awful mess!

I can imagine it being similar in Madagascar

OTOH my MIL recently sent us a message on Facebook grovelling for cash.....

We laughed and she had to change her password.

In my own home country too, MrsSnowWoman. It's a disaster for them all. My friends there are middle class and somehow know how to get through -- they probably all have close friends and relatives in richer countries, if push comes to shove. It's my Indian friends who break my heart.

MrsSnowWoman, I'm sorry for your cousin. That must be so frightening and I don't at all mean the following to sound as though I'm being flippant about his situation; I'm not.

Is he dealing with it by sending badly written messages to people he did a tour for quite some time ago saying he's starving and asking for money? I'd guess not.

I still say scam.

Look, I am not some naive tourist who is trying to feel good about herself. I have actually worked with a genuine charity in India since the late 80's. I know the country, the people; and I would know if I am being scammed or not. I also know lots of Westerners who help. We are not idiots; we can tell the difference. There is such a thing as experience.

People have been scammed by people pretending to be members of their own family, colleagues or friends.

On the contrary, it is she who used the term "friend".

In another post from OP.

I called the guy in Madagascar friend in my post here, was going to put acquaintance but it seemed a bit cold. True I only knew him through this tour.

I think I'd ask him to tell you something so that you know it's him you'r talking to and not a scam.

Almost certainly a scam.

@ALLIS0N

I work in a small company (25 people ) and our work email got hacked.

I got a very convincing looking email from a work colleague ( to my work email ) asking me to pay an invoice and attaching details. The only way I knew it was a scam was because the email used very formal English which isn’t her style.

Eg it said “ Dear Virginia, Please find attached invoice no. 12234 from Smith and Sons which is now overdue by 21 days and requires immediate payment “. Yours sincerely, Mrs Matilda Morrison.

Whereas Actual colleague would have written “ Hi Ginny , can you check what’s happening with invoice 12234 ? It’s showing a code 2 . Thanks, Tilly “

Of course I emailed back asking lots of questions which the scammer answered most convincingly. They only gave up when they asked for the receipts for the payments and I directed them to part of our accounts system. That way I was able to check that they hadn’t hacked into that too.

I have no idea why anyone would target such a small business but it was totally convincing apart from the writing style, which you wouldn’t spot in a larger company where you don’t know people in other departments.

So there’s no way I could be sure that an email from someone I met once several years ago is genuine.

Yes I received something like this. It was an invoice, from a company, with a logo and from a specific person. I hadn't heard about the company, so before I sent it to our finance department to pay I googled it to see what it was about. The specific person was there on their website as the manager, and the information looked correct for their business. Only thing was it was a restaurant 500+ miles away. We don't travel with work.

I emailed them to query-and they replied, horrified because it was clear someone was imitating them. There was only one detail in the email format that looked different-the fake one also had their hygiene rating in.
I reported it to the fraud office as did they. It was a tad interesting doing it as they kept referring to me as "the victim" which I wasn't-more the restaurant as a victim.

Things have moved a long way in scams since the one I received from "Loydds Bank manerger".

If this is genuinely him, then I would try and send him some money, so it is a question of how you establish whether it is him or not. I hope that you get a clearer idea when you get a response from the tour operator.

 I would want to help someone I had met and liked, if I could, but as this is such a common scam you need to proceed cautiously.

@slashlover

Look, I am not some naive tourist who is trying to feel good about herself. I have actually worked with a genuine charity in India since the late 80's. I know the country, the people; and I would know if I am being scammed or not. I also know lots of Westerners who help. We are not idiots; we can tell the difference. There is such a thing as experience.

People have been scammed by people pretending to be members of their own family, colleagues or friends.

And so it goes. Because of this we must live in fear that we will be scammed, and never help anybody.

I am so glad I am not like this.

I found some correspondence between my mother, who died a few years ago, and an Indian man I knew well back in the 70's he had a large family, about 8 children, I believe, and ran a small tea shop, which enabled him to live hand-to-mouth. When my mother returned home, they began to write letters to each other -- proper mail letters. He often told her of his needs; she sent him some money (150 rupees or so) for his daughter's wedding, they sent her Christmas cards (though they are Hindus), she sent books, and so on. It was lovely, reading their correspondence, and I'm glad she was not afraid that he might be exploiting her. Yes, this was before the Internet, when things were a lot simpler and more honest.
Of course we need to be careful now. But I'm pretty sure I could spot a scam a mile away.

Just like not all Nigerians who say they are millionaires (and you have won a few million of that!) are fakes out to scam you. My son's best friend in school was actually the son of a multi-millionaire Nigerian! (He won't give my son a few million, though, unfortunately!)

And so it goes. Because of this we must live in fear that we will be scammed, and never help anybody.

When it is a fairly common scam which can be found all over the internet then that warrants some extra research. If it IS a scam and OP sends money then she's not helping anyone but possible human traffickers, gun runners, causing others to be scammed. etc.

It was lovely, reading their correspondence, and I'm glad she was not afraid that he might be exploiting her.

Just like not all Nigerians who say they are millionaires (and you have won a few million of that!) are fakes out to scam you.

Most people are NOT saying that OPs friend is trying to scam her. They are trying to say that SOMEONE ELSE is by hacking his account. The hacker could have compromised accounts from all over the world. It has nothing to do with where OPs acquaintance is from.

I certainly wouldn't be relying on the tour operator. They generally treat their local in-country guides like shit. In fact, they'll probably sack him for sending the message.

I'd maybe reply saying 'can I help at all?' I'd imagine the response will tell you a lot.

@CandyLeBonBon

I thought this was a thread about Dire straits on tour!

Me too!! 😂😂

A good idea to approach his employer on the face of it, but best hope they're reputable
If so they could well help to clarify things, but if not you could end up with someone prepared to back his story in return for a cut

A bit surprised, too, that he insisted there's no-one to help when PPs have listed agencies active in the country. Nobody pretends it's easy, but I wonder why he's approached you instead of them?

And so it goes. Because of this we must live in fear that we will be scammed, and never help anybody.

I am so glad I am not like this.

You don't really get it though. Because people think "it doesn't matter, I can spare £20 , and it's better if someone gets away with scamming me than someone else starves, that means it is worth trying it.
But the scammers won't stop with you. The next person could be the nice 90yo down the road. The scammers pick up fairly quickly that they're alone and vulnerable. So they don't just need a little bit. They start small. Then they need medication paying for, then a bit more... the bills run into the £1000s.
Yes, they will do that. If they think they're onto a good thing they're relentless.

If you feel in such circumstances you need to give then far better to look for a reputable charity that deals with that sort of need. That way you're not feeding the scammers and encouraging them.

If he's sent you a message on Facebook, you can ring him through messenger and hear his voice to make sure its him.

@ Witchend I think a lot of it is pure virtue signalling. These people who say that those of us who aren’t that gullible clearly don’t give a shit about who is being scammed. Being able to say “I would give them money, you’re all horrible for not giving to these poor poor people,” are actually doing the same, because they’re feeding the scammers and therefore turning others (the elderly, the vulnerable, the lonely) into victims. They are in fact as guilty as the scammers themselves.

Anyone who actually believes that someone they hadn’t spoken to for years and years would think to contact them out of the blue asking for help is a deluded idiot and deserves to be ripped off. But they are then still part of the problem because once a scammer knows they have one person on the hook they will ask for more, and does that person then approach their friends and family and accuse them of not caring if they don’t give?

Most people don’t want to admit they’ve been scammed when they do give because admitting it means they have to admit they were stupid to be taken in. So they stick with the line that “no, they were genuinely in need, I’m sure of it....”.

The family member of someone I know was taken in by a romance scammer. She paid him tens and tens of thousands. And even though he’s now disappeared as the money has gone, she still maintains that he loved her. It’s caused a massive rift in her family because she re-mortgaged the house to give this bloke money, and has put the family business into debt.

And as much as people say “only give what you can afford,” we all know it doesn’t work like that. If you can be taken in once, then you are hooked, and you will continue to give...

There was a TV prog. about similar scams not long ago. It is an actual organised industry in some places - IIRC Lagos (Nigeria) was one. The researcher went there to investigate - there was a big office like a call centre with all the scammers busily working away on their phones/computers.

Even for me, who’s long been wary of scams (especially after an elderly neighbour was scammed out of over £100k) that was an eye-opener.

I’m sure our neighbour was targeted because she had been very fond of wordsearch ‘competitions’ in newspapers/magazines - where you so conveniently phone in all your details at £££ per minute. I read a lot about such scams after her case. There are ‘suckers’ lists’ which are compiled from such sources and passed/sold on.

Neighbour had never used email/internet so it hadn’t come from that.

You don't really get it though. Because people think "it doesn't matter, I can spare £20 , and it's better if someone gets away with scamming me than someone else starves, that means it is worth trying it.

I am not talking about scammers. I know they exist. I am assuming we have managed to identify them and NOT give them a penny. That much is obvious, and I've never said a word to the contrary.

I am ONLY referring to the many, many genuu9ine people in need and how they can be best helped. There ARE ways and means of helping, but only if we stop assuming they are out to get us, that THEY are the scammers. They aren't.

There are ways to separate the lambs from the wolves.

@Sugarplumfairy65

If he's sent you a message on Facebook, you can ring him through messenger and hear his voice to make sure its him.

This. It's quite simple, really. I usually do ring anyone I've helped. It's not that hard to check someone is genuine.

If you feel in such circumstances you need to give then far better to look for a reputable charity that deals with that sort of need. That way you're not feeding the scammers and encouraging them.

Many "reputable charities" are run as businesses. I don't donate to businesses.
I prefer to feed a family directly, rather than have them go begging to a charity, which probably won't even bother with them.

But I just want to say, again and again: I do NOT approve of scammers, nor do I donate to them. They are deplorable.

They are not to be conflated with people in genuine need in poor countries. If you can't go there yourself to check (and nobody can, these days) then do donate to a charity; but don't accuse those who do have contacts and donate directly of supporting scammers. We are not.