Just been contacted by friend abroad in dire straits

[WhatdoIdo2020]

Have name changed.

Several years ago I went on a tour of a country I've always wanted to visit. A very beautiful yet poor country with amazing wildlife. I had an amazing time and the guide was very friendly and knowledgeable. We stayed friends on Facebook and have spoken a few times since then.

Anyway he's just contacted me on Messenger and said that all the tours have been cancelled because of Covid and he's starving. He had a child who he'd saved up for to study abroad and the child recently died in an accident over there and now he's got no money and wasn't able to bring him home for the funeral.

I'm not sure what to do. Just giving? There's another one of the people on the tour who I'm still friends with on FB so I might ask if she's heard from him too.

I feel awful 😥

Malahaha you seem to be taking this thread very personally. How much money have you given?

To the OP I'd say this is a scam.

I remember a colleague being contacted at work on messenger by a friend who was a bit short of cash. It was very subtle and chatty, not a 'I'm starving' claim. My colleague totally believed it and fortunately phoned her friend directly to check she was ok. The friend didn't know what she was talking about.

Haven't heard anything more from him. The other woman from the trip has read my message but hasn't responded. Hopefully hear from the employer tomorrow.

If you can't go there yourself to check (and nobody can, these days) then do donate to a charity; but don't accuse those who do have contacts and donate directly of supporting scammers. We are not.

No one was saying 'don't donate to people who you know'. All through the thread people have been clear that the danger is when you don't know people.

The people who are saying they would be happy to donate to a stranger, even if it might be a scam, are not supporting vulnerable people, rather they are contributing to the exploitation of a different group of vulnerable people. But they don't care about all those vulnerable people, just as long as they can feel good about how generous they are. It's sickening.

I wouldn’t be so quick to assume it’s a scam. A lot of people in tourist destinations are in massive distress and lack our welfare system and furlough and all that. If it were me I would ask how I could help before assuming it’s fraudulent.

I'm not surprised the other woman from the trip hasnt responded. You should not have forwarded this on when you knew it was likely to be a scam. What on earth were you thinking.

Also completely baffled as to why you contacted his employer. In the unlikely event this is not a scam you've probably landed him in the shit. No employer in the tourist industry is likely to take kindly to an employee sending begging messages to clients

Why on earth didn't you just speak to him if you were concerned

I know you must be worried about your friend in dire straits but if you donate to him you will really be giving up your money for nothing. So why worry? Tell him , I'm just not going to fall for your latest trick. you hardly know him, you aren't exactly Romeo and Juliet. And you live so far away.

I've never experienced anything like this (if it is indeed a scam) before aside from the obvious "Prince from Nigeria" type emails you get and was not sure what to do. So I thought I'd ask here. I've not sent any money. I even spoke to my best friend (who grew up in another African country) and she said sometimes people there can try to find a soft hearted person to leech money from. I am quite naive, I'm empathetic and perhaps people can hone in on that. She's suggested that I point him in the direction of an aid organisation.

And no, I'm not a scammer for anyone thinking this. And I don't fancy the guy either, I'm happily married. He's very knowledgeable about wildlife, I love wildlife and travel and went over there to join the group tour. The other girl was also alone, this guy didn't chat us up or anything, there was none of that. He was very professional.

I don't like speaking on the phone but if he contacts me again on Messenger I could try calling him see what happens.

but don't accuse those who do have contacts and donate directly of supporting scammers. We are not.

Nobody has said you are. People are only saying that this is a well known scam and that OP should try to verify that the person contacting her is who he says he is. If it IS the person and OP wants to donate then that is entirely her decision.

Similar to if people want to pay a company for extra IT support then that's their choice, BUT if someone randomly phones you saying they are from Microsoft and need to access your computer because of viruses then it's a scam.

OP, you do sound very innocent, naive and kind hearted - I do not mean this pejoritively - but you are exactly the kind of person who scammers have an uncanny ability to home in on and exploit! I do understand, I come from a long line of human beings myself and am frequently moved by the plight of those who are in distress, desperate or have fallen on hard times, provided it is not self inflicted. However, I never help financially, once you do the snowball affect begins and even the most genuine of people will start asking for more and more - it is human nature! Once you have started it is incredibly difficult to back pedal and stop.

Have you discussed this with your husband? If so, what are his thoughts? After all, it is potentially 'family money' which you are contemplating giving away to someone who, let's be honest, is just a random person you met whilst on holiday and with whom you have only had very, very, limited contact since. As others have said, as a tour guide, his livlihood depends on forming a bond with his clients - it is telling that you say he was especially friendly to you and the other 'single girl' on the trip. Of course he was! Easy targets! I don't mean that nastily, but it is a classic tactic, no matter how genuine, knowledgeable or erudite he was.

For what it is worth, my partner is from Tanzania, another poverty stricken, but beautiful, East African country where the average per capita income equates to not much more than £1/day. For the most part, Westerners are perceived as being hugely wealthy and, by East African standards, they are - even me, on not much more than National Living Wage! My partner is an economist, her specialism being the leisure and tourism sector. She has frequently advised me never ever to be swayed by the heart string tugging sob stories - giving money to individuals really does not help and can lead to larger problems for the recipient. Sage advice, from one who knows, which I abide by.

I sympathise with the moral dilemma you seem to be caught up in, but, please, tread very, very carefully

Malahaha you seem to be taking this thread very personally. How much money have you given?

No, but I do feel I need to defend those in poor countries who are desperately struggling (now in times of Covid), and have no choice but to contact acquaintances they might have in the West to let them know... and yes, they don't have to be "friends".

Defend them against the accusation that they are all probably scammers/out to exploit. You don't even have to be friends with them to give. I have given money to people I hardly know, but whom I know need help. A group of Western friends pooled together a few years back to pay school feels and maintenance for a girl in India who wanted to be a nurse, and who was accepted into a college but couldn't afford it. The daughter of a friend's gardener; a stranger to me. I sponsored another girl's education for several years (15 Euros a month), until she turned 18 and left school; I met her a few times, she was a half-orphan, I knew her, and that was through a charity (I can give the web link to anyone who wants it, It's a small charity run by a friend of mine, a German gynecologist). I once gave several thousand towards the construction of a maternity hospital -- I still have the photos to show for it, built through another charity I volunteered with at the time. I am not particularly rich, but I have definitely given several thousand in the last 45 years or so.

I say this not to virtue signal, but because you asked specifically. And it's not about being kind-hearted or naive. I have a very strong connection to a certain place in India and I feel if I go there, I should not just take and enjoy myself and profit from my stay, I should give as well, what I can. It's actually very rewarding! Money is not everything, and can do a lot to make people's lives better. You just have to be know that the help is genuinely needed.

Obviously, you avoid scams!

Your situation is different, you have a connection to one area and have given regular sums of money to maintain people over several years.

Should OP do that? Does she give once or regularly? How much is the right amount?

@Thelnebriati

Your situation is different, you have a connection to one area and have given regular sums of money to maintain people over several years.

Should OP do that? Does she give once or regularly? How much is the right amount?

This what the OP said a few posts back, and this is how she should proceed: I even spoke to my best friend (who grew up in another African country) and she said sometimes people there can try to find a soft hearted person to leech money from. I am quite naive, I'm empathetic and perhaps people can hone in on that. She's suggested that I point him in the direction of an aid organisation.

Ok things have gotten a bit weird. I've been out and just had a number from a mobile I don't recognise and a voicemail message. Haven't listened to it yet. I put my phone in flight mode and "he" has messaged again saying "Any news yet (my name spelled the other way) TOO TOUGGH" and I've also been sent a video on Whatsapp by some number that isn't in my contacts list.

Whatsapp and FB/Messenger are linked, aren't they? I'm wondering if someone is sending me something dodgy on Whatsapp I haven't opened the message.

@WhatdoIdo2020

Ok things have gotten a bit weird. I've been out and just had a number from a mobile I don't recognise and a voicemail message. Haven't listened to it yet. I put my phone in flight mode and "he" has messaged again saying "Any news yet (my name spelled the other way) TOO TOUGGH" and I've also been sent a video on Whatsapp by some number that isn't in my contacts list.

Whatsapp and FB/Messenger are linked, aren't they? I'm wondering if someone is sending me something dodgy on Whatsapp I haven't opened the message.

Your number can be on your FB profile if you haven't hidden it.

I'd save myself the drama. Just block everything and forget about it. If you have any feelings of guilt make a donation to a local charity.

I don't think it's worth the headspace.

Block him.

*WhatdoIdo2020

Ok things have gotten a bit weird. I've been out and just had a number from a mobile I don't recognise and a voicemail message. Haven't listened to it yet. I put my phone in flight mode and "he" has messaged again saying "Any news yet (my name spelled the other way) TOO TOUGGH" and I've also been sent a video on Whatsapp by some number that isn't in my contacts list.

Whatsapp and FB/Messenger are linked, aren't they? I'm wondering if someone is sending me something dodgy on Whatsapp confused I haven't opened the message.*
So he's got no money and he's starving, but he can afford a mobile phone?

Why has "he" asked you if there's any news yet? About what? Have you had a further conversation since those photos of the message exchange where he's asked for money? What news is he expecting from you?

The WhatsApp messages etc were unrelated, all is well.

I hadn't posted all the messages from yesterday. I'd said then that I'd help him. I've had a lot going on recently and have been in a difficult and emotional place. I really felt bad reading the messages. But I wanted to verify things.

He's playing you.
"right human heart" - manipulative.

Block on everything and block any numbers sending other messages

OP you are far too over invested in someone you don't know.

Block. Delete.

Send some cash to the Red Cross or whoever.

@Malahaha

Malahaha you seem to be taking this thread very personally. How much money have you given?

No, but I do feel I need to defend those in poor countries who are desperately struggling (now in times of Covid), and have no choice but to contact acquaintances they might have in the West to let them know... and yes, they don't have to be "friends".

Defend them against the accusation that they are all probably scammers/out to exploit. You don't even have to be friends with them to give. I have given money to people I hardly know, but whom I know need help. A group of Western friends pooled together a few years back to pay school feels and maintenance for a girl in India who wanted to be a nurse, and who was accepted into a college but couldn't afford it. The daughter of a friend's gardener; a stranger to me. I sponsored another girl's education for several years (15 Euros a month), until she turned 18 and left school; I met her a few times, she was a half-orphan, I knew her, and that was through a charity (I can give the web link to anyone who wants it, It's a small charity run by a friend of mine, a German gynecologist). I once gave several thousand towards the construction of a maternity hospital -- I still have the photos to show for it, built through another charity I volunteered with at the time. I am not particularly rich, but I have definitely given several thousand in the last 45 years or so.

I say this not to virtue signal, but because you asked specifically. And it's not about being kind-hearted or naive. I have a very strong connection to a certain place in India and I feel if I go there, I should not just take and enjoy myself and profit from my stay, I should give as well, what I can. It's actually very rewarding! Money is not everything, and can do a lot to make people's lives better. You just have to be know that the help is genuinely needed.

Obviously, you avoid scams!

Why are you so keen to convince strangers on the internet that they should be giving away money to other strangers on the internet?

For gods sake this is so obviously a scam! His latest message is very very blatant, it ticks all the boxes. Whether it is him or someone else, you would be a fool to give away your hard earned money.

Does your husband know about the messages, out of interest? What is his view?

I'd block OP. I don't think it's genuine.

My husband hasn't said much about it, thought it was a bit weird. Perhaps I could tell him my husband said that I can't help?