Just been contacted by friend abroad in dire straits

[WhatdoIdo2020]

Have name changed.

Several years ago I went on a tour of a country I've always wanted to visit. A very beautiful yet poor country with amazing wildlife. I had an amazing time and the guide was very friendly and knowledgeable. We stayed friends on Facebook and have spoken a few times since then.

Anyway he's just contacted me on Messenger and said that all the tours have been cancelled because of Covid and he's starving. He had a child who he'd saved up for to study abroad and the child recently died in an accident over there and now he's got no money and wasn't able to bring him home for the funeral.

I'm not sure what to do. Just giving? There's another one of the people on the tour who I'm still friends with on FB so I might ask if she's heard from him too.

I feel awful 😥

All the people saying 'it's a scam' are heartless. What does that even mean? I would be prepared to give a certain amount but make clear it's a one off. I hope he is OK.

All the people saying 'it's a scam' are heartless. What does that even mean? I would be prepared to give a certain amount but make clear it's a one off. I hope he is OK.

Of course it's a scam. Rtft. It would be heartless for us countless internet strangers to encourage the op to donate her hard earned money to a criminal without at least ascertaining the truth first.

[quote [AUTO]d3jqakcn9qlt2]All the people saying 'it's a scam' are heartless. What does that even mean? I would be prepared to give a certain amount but make clear it's a one off. I hope he is OK. [/quote]
Nah. Heartless is encouraging people to give money to scammers.

I would say that definitely is not your Facebook friend. A real person would normally reply to your question especially a question that you "must miss him very much". They wouldn't just launch into starving etc etc. Block the scammer and as others have said send some money to charity to make you feel better.

I am amazed this is still going on.
It is an old, very well known scam.

@Sparticuscaticus

OP you are going about this all the wrong way.

Please contact your local Trading standards dept they will discuss with you and very likely advise how this is a known SCAM

If his account has been hacked or not you've also landed him in trouble with his employer. I'd stop that right away, if employer replies s-to info damage- apologise and say you believe his account was hacked - don't mess with someone's employment again

If you send even a nominal amount. Far more will be asked for , it'll ramp up and your details will be shared. if they get your bank details in anyway, you'll find £2000 or more has been taken not £20 . Your phone number and email will be passed round , you might end up having to change them. Make sure all your passwords attached to your email and phone number for other accounts are very secure and different to each other.

Just block

It is very unlikely it is your friend, given info you've shared. The "kind human heart" stuff is typical scammer bullshit. They might as well say you're an 'easy mark"

This. I agree.

I knew it would be this scam based on thread title alone.

Something is very 'wrong' here - not just with the messages from your 'friend' and the fact that it is an obvious, blatant attempt by a confidence trickster to con you. I am not being unkind OP, really I am not, but you sound very childlike and easily manipulated - your over investment in, and almost adoration of, a casual aquaintance, whose job it is to be 'nice' to you, from years ago is not normal. You are almost willing and wanting it to be him for some reason which I cannot fathom.

If you cannot be dissuaded from sending money, to whoever is behind the messages, despite the overwhelming sage advice from the many on this thread, be prepared for the fallout, not least from your relationship with your husband, if you willingly give money away to a trickster.

This wasn't a colleague in another country or even a person you actually formed a relationship with.

I urge you to think about all those men in tourist resorts who befriend women of a certain age and start relationships with them and even "marry" them.
These are men who work for hotels, etc.

This was a guide in a tourist place. You don't know him or how he lives. For all you know he was sacked the year after for stealing money from his employer.

You do not know him.

His account could have been hacked as easily as he could be scamming you himself.

I can't believe that some people on here actually think you should send him money.
Absolutely no way. As others have said, if you do, you'll be marked down as a soft touch forever.

All the people saying 'it's a scam' are heartless. What does that even mean? I would be prepared to give a certain amount but make clear it's a one off. I hope he is OK. no. The people who are heartless are the people who defend these lowlife and give them money, and therefore make victims of the elderly, the vulnerable, people who are led to believe it must be genuine by people like you. And the victims of the drugs deals, the human trafficking that is funded by the money given to them by the elderly and the vulnerable.

Honestly the way in which some people on this thread are defending this technique I can’t help wondering if they know and support someone who earns their living this way.

The scam defenders are as despicable as the scammers.

It’s one thing to inadvertently fall for a scam. It’s quite another to defend scammers and abuse those who are not stupid enough to give to them, and therefore guilt them into giving...

The scam defenders need to take a long, hard look at themselves and ask themselves just what it is they’re defending here.

There are plenty of legitimate charities to give money to if you want to help people in impoverished countries. Your £10 will do a lot more good that way than if you give it to one stranger who is masquerading as someone you knew for five minutes several years ago.

But I still think that the OP and this bloke had something more than a friendship. Holiday romance maybe? But doesn’t want to admit it because he was married at the time....? Otherwise this level of obsession just isn’t healthy.

@AlternativePerspective
I'm with you on this... 👍

I'm not quite sure I get this thread.

You haven't spoken to him directly? Why don't you just call him? But you're under no obligation to send him money.

I apologise for not reading the full thread. Could you pass his details onto a charity for them to investigate his circumstances? I have no doubt that people in other countries are suffering more than we are; our government have handled Covid terribly, but have given financial help.

You haven't spoken to him directly? Why don't you just call him?

Because she barely knows him, had had zero meaningful interaction with him for years, and has no means of contacting him beyond Messenger. They’re not ‘friends’ in any sense beyond his dormant Facebook account.
Which makes this entire debacle even more baffling, not least the the fact that the distress affected her enjoyment of her wedding anniversary

Have had this- email contact (not a friend) in distress abroad.
Needed cash 'desperately'
I know it wasn't him; so obvious that he'd been hacked.
Don't fall for it; I really don't get those saying ''ooh send money anyway, it might be genuine" Why oh why would you do that????????

Block
Delete

Honestly the way in which some people on this thread are defending this technique I can’t help wondering if they know and support someone who earns their living this way.

I was thinking exactly the same. All the posts urging people to give money just makes me think that these are people who think scamming is fine because anyone daft enough to fall for it is fair game.

This really needs to stop OP. Are you enjoying the drama of it because I cant understand the life of me what you are doing. You have forwarded this scam on to someone else. You must realise how wrong this is. Furthermore you have contacted his employer. WTAF. If this mans account has been hacked you've probably now landed him in the shit with his employer. You could actually lose him his job. Why havent you just blocked. Unbelievable.

There was no holiday romance. I didn't hang out with him or anything, I usually had dinner with the other younger people in the group (like I said before it consisted of mainly older people) or all of us together. We were never alone. I spoke to him about the wildlife but that's because I already had a bit of knowledge and was asking if we could try to find a certain reptile (which we did) etc and others would be interested too and asking questions, also chatting about the different customs/taboos etc. It's a fascinating country, one of the best trips I've been on but the poverty and environmental crisis there is very sad.

I've been asking him questions. I asked what his email address is and he gave me one but also gave the old email that he'd used when he responded on a group email after the tour when people were reminiscing.

I asked him to name the other younger people on the tour but he said he'd had back to back tours and was asking for clues. When was the tour etc.

I did ask where he was living and he hasn't answered apart from saying the capital city, where he'd been stranded after going to join a tour in March.

I guess I'm quite an obsessive person I get sucked into things, and I hate to think of anyone suffering. It's easy to pull my strings. If someone had hacked him they would perhaps have seen the message I left on his page years ago. A charity would be a good idea, see if they can help. I'm surprised that he was just left to his own devices when the tour was cancelled or whatever. I couldn't send money over there anyway as they have a closed currency so can't exchange £ and I'm certainly not doing a bank transfer. I do have a souvenir 20 ariary note but I gather that's not worth much.

@WhatdoIdo2020 you need to give your head a wobble you are wasting way too much time and headspace thinking about this .

This obsession isn’t healthy though OP. The instant this bloke you haven’t heard from for years sent you a message alarm bells should have been ringing.

These messages are always scams. They almost always come from someone you know, close friend or family even that’s how they’re so convincing. Except that it’s widely known that they’re scams.

And he’s given you enough clues now that it’s a scam. The phone call from a number you don’t know? Asking if there’s any news after you said you’d give him money?

In absolute honesty if you block him you’ve lost nothing. He was a tour guide years and years ago. You really need to block and move on at this point because it’s got to the stage where it’s affecting your marriage if you’re so obsessed with it that even your wedding anniversary wasn’t celebrated.

This is not healthy for you. If I were your husband, I'd be worried, especially since you say you get obsessive about things. Disengage from this situation. It's a scam.

We did celebrate, we went out for dinner later on. It just upset me when I read those messages. I've had PMT though and got several difficult/stressful things going on in my life so probably not thinking straight. I'll give him some charity contacts and block.

Come on OP, it's total nonsense, and even if it wasn't, this person is clearly trying everyone in the contacts list because they want money, you were probably at the bottom of the pile, as a person he barely even knows but can see always probably replies. It really was his job to make you like him, and if I were you I would be querying why, so many years later I really needed something like this to matter, to make me feel like a good person or to feel liked, or why you feel the need to be responsible for this.

can you imagine suffering a personal tragedy and your primary port of call being trawling any online contacts you have, including people you met once or barely spoke to but know of to write to them and tell them it in a grandiose fashion and ask for financial help? There is no rationale for it that isn't financial.

For your own sake I would simply move on from it and have a think about why it makes you feel the way it does, other than that it is a product of being a 'good' or 'sensitive' person.

I think i would be honest, and say I am not sure you are who you are saying you are.

In case you really need help, contact this charity.

And then block him.

The "son had a motorbike accident" line is a common one. Either he dies/died/or needs expensive treatment. It's a scam. They're only still messaging you because they think you're going to end up sending money.