When do you stop showing people your upstairs?

[Scrunchcake]

We moved house in January and when family and friends first popped round to visit we "gave them the tour" - pretty normal ime to show people round your new house, including the bedrooms.

Anyway, with lockdown and whatnot we have a few friends who hadn't yet visited us at the new place. One of them is calling in later this week and I've realised I feel a bit weird about showing her round, and I definitely think it would be strange to show her upstairs.

Is that just me? Is there a statute of limitations on "the tour"??

Obviously this is completely lighthearted and I'm relaxed about visitors, just amused that I've realised I have some strict rules in my head about it!

I think this must be an English lower-middle-class thing Katie Fox of watching the English certainly thinks so. I think it's weird to show people who aren't staying the night your bedroom.
Londoner here.

I think this must be an English lower-middle-class thing
Quite clearly not given the responses on thread

...often it's not even when you've recently moved but the first time someone comes to your house.

My close friends ask to look up stairs every time they come round, I never thought of it as weird before now

Scottish here and my parents spent what seemed like years doing the tour after they did the old farmhouse up. When DH and I moved to this house we did get asked for a tour by pretty much everyone we know. The worst was a relative who said after we'd been in the house two years 'I need another tour to see what you've done upstairs', we hadn't done anything .

I csn see that it fits into the idea of the middling sort of people being obsessed with things but it's still excellent fun. Who doesn't like a nosy round a house, that's why zoopla and rightmove exist.

If I was a close friend or family member, I'd expect the tour even if you'd lived there for a year or two and the place was well lived in (so I could then maybe gently laugh with SIL No 3 at 'those god-awful curtains' in the main bedroom, mainly, or maybe I'd admiringly steal your colour-scheme ideas for when I again redecorate 'bedroom 2'). I wouldn't expect it as a stranger, though: that would be wrong.

If we are family, or close friends, I'd feel miffed if you didn't give me the tour, actually. I'd hope you'd be proud to show me around, tell me about that light-fitting in the hall that you found in a quirky second hand shop in Leeds, etc, or share with me the secrets of your seemingly bottomless storage in bedroom 3, or ask for my opinion on the brown wallpaper in the kitchen that you're still not sure about.

I would hope you love your home, as I love mine, and be proud to show it off to me. A warm, proud sharing.

Just in case it matters: working class, over here. Lower middle class? Haha. Maybe one day I'll aspire to such lofty heights. Don't 'posh' people show each other 'round? (Although, tbh, am not surprised. They're not that big on dusting, are they?)

There's nothing I love more than looking round someone's house. I actually feel quite unnerved sitting downstairs and having no idea what the rest of the house is like!

@Crispsareafoodgroup

This reminds me of Larry David in Curb. Geoff’s wife Suzy getting offended that Larry didn’t want the tour.

Oh god I love Suzy. 'Get the fuck outta my house Larry.'

I was reminded of Janice, Henry Hill's girlfriend (Goodfellas) taking her girlfriends around her shag pad including the bedroom: 'This is wheah we spend most of ouh time.'

The (soon-to-be-ex) wife of an American friend in London showed us her bedroom with massive shoe cupboard but we might have asked, we were all quite pissed. I was celebrating NYE with two divorcing couples plus the boyfriend of one of the husbands, plus a bloke I was secretly in love with, some light relief was required.

When anyone comes to my house for the first time they are offered 'the tour'. I grew up in a very 'middle class' household and was taught that this was part of how you made your guests feel comfortable/welcome so they knew where everything was, where they could put their stuff, could make themselves at home. The cynic in me also thinks it was a way for my parents to show off their very large house in one go.

I'd give a tour to anyone who visited for the first time if they were popping in for anything more than a cup of tea. If they're staying over night especially if give them a tour around to show where each room is, stops that awful experience of trying doors to find the bathroom!
I think I've also been given tours in most houses I've been into. I'm from the Midlands, living SW now. It's why when we we have guests the entire house has to be perfect, not just the main rooms!

You don’t just say ‘Here’s the spare room, bathroom’s next door — let me know if you need anything’ if you have someone staying the night?

I think it’s lower-middle-class too — no other sector of society would have, or imagine other people to have, that level of consuming interest in other people’s grouting or sliderobes.

Scottish and normal for me, not only that but a Kiwi friend has given me the tour, she only moved here a few years ago as an adult do presumably it's a thing on the other side of the Earth.

I don’t care what class you think I am, and whether it’s ‘lower class’ to give/enjoy a house tour. The number of people staring into our house as they walk by, and the number of questions from other parents I only kind of know at the school gates, and also from our lovely neighbours, shows that people are interested in other people’s homes. For ages I was looking at everyone else’s decor, working out what I wanted for us.

Ours is a big/landmark house in a nice area. It was a wreck when we bought it, and there was a lot of interest in it. We were just the first people who could get into a proceedable position/were mad enough to take it on.

We’ve unearthed some lovely period features, lovingly restored some others. People like to see, and I like to show them - it’s taken all of our time and money for a whole year.

But I don’t expect a tour in every house I go into.

@Feagle

You don’t just say ‘Here’s the spare room, bathroom’s next door — let me know if you need anything’ if you have someone staying the night?

I think it’s lower-middle-class too — no other sector of society would have, or imagine other people to have, that level of consuming interest in other people’s grouting or sliderobes.

Perhaps it is class based - I'm middle middle class, - but I have very well to do friends from 'old money' who would also give the tour. I don't think it's as blatant and crass as people are imagining - the wave of the hand is very much part of it, and people just stick their heads through the door if they fancy it! Maybe it's more to do with people who have an interest in property?

I love a tour. I’d want it even if you’d been there ages.

We've always done this with close friends and family but my brother has taken it to the next level😂 we've had the tour but he now whatsapps me pictures whenever he's had some new work done!

I'm still not clear on what the tour enthusiasts want or expect to see, though. If it's a standard 3-bed semi, rather than a medieval castle or a converted dovecote, and the owners haven't decided to decorate in leopardskin throughout, or convert the attic into a sex dungeon (sex attic?), then what exactly is it that you are interested in seeing? Wallpaper choices? Free-standing baths?

I like seeing other people's houses partly for insight into their tastes and personality (as I am vv nosey) but also for ideas and recommendations (who did their tiling, where did they find their taps).

If you don't want the tour, you can always deflect the offer - ask about the garden or something.

I like seeing other people's houses partly for insight into their tastes and personality

I get that, but aren't you going to see far more of that downstairs in the rooms visitors would naturally be in, like the kitchen and living room?

I mean, I'm not sure our bathroom reveals anything about DH's or my personalities.

I'm still not clear on what the tour enthusiasts want or expect to see, though.

Generally these people are your friends. Friends share things about their lives with each other. They are interested in what is going on in each others lives. They have conversations with each other about their jobs families homes holidays new clothes make up they like art they like activities they like their news. A new home is very big news. We don't get new homes every other week. The process can be stressful but usually moving into and decorating a new home is a positive thing. There are usually lots of decisions to be made. The ins and outs will have been talked about when socialising before and during. People are often happy with their happy news and their shiny new home. Why would they not want to include a tour in the sharing with their friends and why wouldn't you want to see what carpet they went with in the end?

And it's just interesting to see how others arrange their home lives. How it's similar. How it's different. If they have good ideas you can use yourself.

@wafflyversatile

I'm still not clear on what the tour enthusiasts want or expect to see, though.

Generally these people are your friends. Friends share things about their lives with each other. They are interested in what is going on in each others lives. They have conversations with each other about their jobs families homes holidays new clothes make up they like art they like activities they like their news. A new home is very big news. We don't get new homes every other week. The process can be stressful but usually moving into and decorating a new home is a positive thing. There are usually lots of decisions to be made. The ins and outs will have been talked about when socialising before and during. People are often happy with their happy news and their shiny new home. Why would they not want to include a tour in the sharing with their friends and why wouldn't you want to see what carpet they went with in the end?

And it's just interesting to see how others arrange their home lives. How it's similar. How it's different. If they have good ideas you can use yourself.

I would find conversation about the ‘ins and outs’ of a friend’s house purchase or renovation Incredibly tedious. Fortunately, my friends agree, as despite being people who’ve moved around a fair bit and bought and sold houses, I don’t think anyone’s ever said much more than ‘I’ve just given my builder my last penny’ or ‘If I look at another sample paint pot, I will cut my head off’ before moving on to something more interesting. Other people’s renovations are like other people’s hernias.

My hobby would be going to estate agents and asking to see houses for sale - if I had the nerve. I don't, but I'd like to. Many are actually time wasters apparently.

I'm interested in what interests my friends. I'm excited for them if they are excited about renovations. Of course we do tours.

I moved in a year ago and just gave one yesterday...
I dont really mind and will oblige but i don't offer.
The only annoying bit i found is, as it was unexpected, that i had left a pile of dirty clothes in the middle of my room the place wasnt "tour ready"

"I would find conversation about the ‘ins and outs’ of a friend’s house purchase or renovation Incredibly tedious. Fortunately, my friends agree, as despite being people who’ve moved around a fair bit and bought and sold houses, I don’t think anyone’s ever said much more than ‘I’ve just given my builder my last penny’ or ‘If I look at another sample paint pot, I will cut my head off’ before moving on to something more interesting. Other people’s renovations are like other people’s hernias."

I'm sure many people find it dull. Fair enough. And many people find what you find interesting dull. But surely people have the imagination to understand that many people are willing and even interested to share their friends house related trials and tribulations. Again, for most people moving home is a major event.

And for most people supporting friends through the frustrations and celebrating the end results is part of friendship.

I prefer the upstairs to be a private space. Where else do you fling random stuff when visitors come round?